I can’t quite remember when I stopped counting the days.

Used to be that it was the only thought on my mind when I woke. How long has it been since Dad left? A question I asked so many times in my smaller years, now one with no answer. Counting was my way of remembering him. Even though the memories started slipping through my fingers, his details becoming blurs half-remembered, I clutched onto that number with all I had, because it was all I had.

Then… Cal came. And she stayed. Back in the range, hidden from the sun, time started losing its significance. No longer trapped with nothing but my own thoughts for company, I forgot to keep obsessing over what was lost. I had Cal and her quips and her smirks, and she had a knife to my neck and my life in her hand.

I think of her as we lay in bed together, half-woken from stirring, trying to pretend I’m still asleep until my brain believes it and sends me back to the dreamlands. I remember the smell of her cologne. The desperation in her golden eyes, the want. The surprised blush as I kissed my way down her body and peeled off her clothes. That faded fast- the nervous part, at least. But finally being the one to make her blush was its own reward. She was pretty quick to figure out the rest. Skin to skin, sliding and entwining. Then the giggles afterwards when the cold caught up to us and we realized how stupid we were, the awkward smiles as we slipped our clothes back on. The walk back to the bike. The ride to the Orange. That moment in the entryway, head to the wall, fingers knotted in my hair, knees aching. I shiver.

Hours after the party, it’s somewhere close to midnight, according to my circadian rhythm. Our staterooms slumber in a quietness made of simmering fireplaces and extinguished candles. Yuki and Nabuna are long gone, the door to Jolie’s room shut for an early bedtime. No one was awake to hoot or whistle or raise eyebrows when Cal and I slunk in way after night hours began.

We curl together beneath the heavy blankets of my bed now. Cal’s sleeping breaths brush against my ear, her chest expanding and contracting against mine. Slight limbs and warm skin coil possessively around my lanky frame. Our hair is a tangled mesh of black and white as we lay there in the dark.

Deep in my head, there’s a voice that wonders if I’m making the same mistake I did with Thane. Even now he lurks in my thoughts. The darkest shadow of my life, trailing me at every step. I know him too well to believe that I’ll just be able to walk away from the fate that’s coming for us both. We’ve always been binary stars; equal yet opposite. His vision of the future is one he would sacrifice anything for, even his own happiness. I will stop at nothing to preserve what’s in front of me now.

I’ve lost so much, I didn’t think I had it in me to feel again what I do as I watch Cal sleep now. Body and heart, I owe her mine, even if she doesn’t know it yet.

Even if she never does, that’s all love is. A choice to give a piece of your heart to another. Unreciprocated and unrequited. What they do with it is up to them.

Cal has already decided that on her own; chosen me in the way I chose her. My guardian angel. Even now her arm covers me like a wing. I nestle closer.

Her left hand is tucked near my heart. No current of ki gets past the ever-running Relic there to cycle through the rest of my body. My skin is dormant of light, the internal glow suppressed. I lay there in the dark, mulling over melancholic thoughts with every strand of black hair that falls across my nose. My mind turns to the past, this familiar closeness.

I wonder who he’s with now. Where he sleeps, the view his window holds. Maybe he’s already up by now, training in some empty battle hall in the depths of the Metro Blockhouse. As sleepless as I am now.

It’s strange, thinking about Thane without that hate I’ve carried for so long. Some part of my heart still wants to believe he never meant for any of this. A limitless capacity for necessary evils runs in his blood, just as it does Cal’s. The only difference is the purpose they’ve put it to. Cal has drenched her arms to the elbow in blood to protect me. Thane putting the future over morality doesn’t make him evil. It makes him wrong. Someone who made a mistake that’s cascaded into a thousand choices between the lesser of evils, each just as logical as the last, carrying him further and further away from the person he wanted to be. But he’s gone so far down that path that he’s forgotten the reason he set down it in the first place.

He is wrong. But he’ll never understand that in the way he needs to if the blinders aren’t ripped off. He may have abandoned me, cast me away, and tried to use me as a weapon, yet I can’t do the same. I can’t keep hating him. Not anymore. Even after all he’s done to me, there is a piece of my heart that he carries too, and it still wants to believe there is something left of the boy I loved. Not to give him absolution, but a chance to tell me if he’s really, truly lost his way. One chance.

I nurse the secret, guilty thought in silence. Doubt runs circles through my head in the dark. My internal glow returns when I eventually shift away from Cal, still unable to fall back asleep. I stare at the ceiling for a good minute before finally sliding my legs off the bed.

Plush carpet fills the space between my toes as I pad across the room and grab a blanket off the floor. Arms of soft fabric wrap around my shoulders. I glance to the side table where my prosthetic arm lies dormant, almost step towards it, but turn instead and leave it for the moment. Bleary eyed and guided by the light I shed, I wander out into the hall, quietly shutting the door behind. Lips wrinkled, freckles bunching, the future on my mind, a worried headache taking root. I snatch up a roll of griptape from a table in the hall as I wander out to the fireplace. A quick key with my JOY ignites the flames within. Grabbing a pillow off the couch, I sling it onto the floor and slump down cross-legged, front and center of the fireplace.

Flames swell to fill my vision, crackling hungrily. Twigs pop. Logs shift, releasing a small cloud of embers. The roll of tape tumbles back and forth inside my hand as I sit there. Eventually, my eyes close. Not in slumber, but in concentration. Given only its senses of hearing and touch, my mind roams, drawn back to home. If I think hard enough, I can still remember the hush of the palm trees. The shaaa of rain over the fields. The cleanliness of the air as it curled through the thatched roof and darkened rafters. We used to sit by the fire just like this, he and I.

I tear off a length of tape with my teeth, trap my left wrist against my chest, and slowly wind the tape around the fresh-grown skin of my left hand; the movement mnemonic and instinctual. While my fingers work, my kinetic sense stretches out beyond the common room, beyond the suite, spreading thinner and more immaterial as it reaches the edge of the Orange and pushes out even further beyond, like a telescope pawing blindly at the furthest reaches of space. Hunting for some faint echo of familiarity. Why, I’m not even sure. Maybe just the loneliness of a comet amongst those stars, thinking of the one it orbited most.

I shouldn’t even be out here. Brooding and insomniac while the girl I’ve just made good on my feelings with is sleeping a room away. God. If she knew why I left the bedroom, she’d never let me live it down.

Perhaps that’s why she comes out to join me, minutes later. Or maybe it’s just her perpetual knack for showing up at the exact moment you don’t want her to.

I feel the moment Cal stirs; a smooth, invisible patch in my kinetic sense. An oiled silence that drifts through the apartment without a sound. It’d be shiveringly insidious if I weren’t already relying on said silence to get a good night’s sleep. There’s few things more comforting than the protective streak of a professional assassin.

Cal goes first to the kitchen, fetching something from the cooler unit and grabbing a cup of Jolie’s caf from the brewer. Then to the space behind and left of my shoulder. Close enough that my glow flickers and fades, my kinetic sense drawing inwards till it can feel nothing at all. She stands behind me. Toes kneading the carpet while she sips at the simmering cup.

“Glad I’m not the only one who couldn’t sleep,” she quietly says, giving me the courtesy of knowing that she’s actually standing to my right, not my left. A cold canned energy drink drops into my lap. “My sense of time is going stir crazy down here.”

“I miss the sun. Miss waking up with it. Feeling its warmth throughout the day. Watching it fade from the roof at sunset.”

“I’d love to see your home sometime. Once, y’know,” she waves a small motion at the roof, the overcity. “It must be beautiful out there, to get you talking about it so romantically. You’re not usually one for words.”

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

“Raised alone, the capital’s most wanted fugitive, sleeping back to back with the same assassin who’s got orders to bring me in… being reserved comes with the territory.” I roll my eyes when she starts smirking. Playfully, because I know she’s watching. I glance over my shoulder as she sinks down behind me, then down at the drink. Yellow can. Of course it’s my favorite flavor, despite the fact that neither of us have been out of the Orange long enough to stop by a corner mart in weeks. I know better by now than to ask how she got her hands on it. I’m about to set it to the side when she waves for me to crack it open.

“You’re going to want that,” she says.

“Am I?”

“You didn’t come out here because you’re an insomniac.”

Firelight plays across Cal’s face, glimmering in her dour golden eyes. Her hair is down. A rare show of just how lowered her guard is. Jet black, it reminds me of a wolf’s pelt; heavy bangs and an unruly cascade that pools over her hunched shoulders. Sweatpants, black strapless wrap around her chest, left arm sheathed in layers of self-applied medical tape. Casual, comfortable confidence exudes from her as she slouches back.

I look down at my calluses. “I shouldn’t be thinking about it,” I admit. “Shouldn’t be thinking about him. You. Us. What we’re going to do. But I am. I can’t stop. Hard to sleep with all that rolling around in my head.”

“Your type usually has that problem.”

“And your type?” I ask.

“We just do something about it.”

Setting her caf to the side, Cal pulls my blanket down past my shoulders, exposing my bare back in silhouette. Ragged scars wrap the skin like desert sands along the morning edge of a planet. She doesn’t say anything more for a moment; just stares at the devastation the Mobiak left me. Then she brushes my hair to fall down one side of my chest with surprising gentility, waiting to see if I bristle at her touch before continuing. I don’t.

Cupping one hand over my left shoulder, Cal presses a thumb firmly into the nape of my neck. Her other hand kneads into the proud tension of my back until I relent with a sigh. Biting my lip. Unwinding into her grip.

I turn my head to the side and murmur, “What would you do, if you were me?”

“That’s a cheap shot, making me be the one who answers first.”

“I had a great teacher in the art of cheap shots. Blame her.”

“Sadly, I can’t blame myself for every good thing that happens to you, Tay. You’re a pretty fast learner on your own.” She gives a playful tug at the base of my hair. The massaging slows as she takes a moment to think, putting more thought into her words than her fingers. “The way I see it, Jolie needs to be moved from the capital, and you need to go with her. But that doesn’t mean I have to. I’m not important like you two are. And there’s something I still have to do here.”

Her hands stop working.

“I can’t leave the capital and keep my promise with Thane. As much as I like you… I can’t turn my back on my brother either. I have to confront him. Hopefully it’ll buy you and Jolie a chance to get out of the city too.” Cal leans back, eyes flickering downward; inward. “I know you won’t like it, and you’re probably going to try and stop me from leaving. Do us both a favor and don’t even try. I already know it’s selfish. But it’s what I have to do.” She breathes out through her nose. “Someone has to.”

My mouth works for a moment. “I get it. More than you think, I get it.”

She looks back up with a sad, faltering smile. “You’re not allowed to get yourself killed while I’m gone.”

“That won’t be a problem. I’m coming with you.”

She sits up. “No, you’re-”

“-even if I could leave the capital tonight, I wouldn’t,” I say. “I can’t go yet. Thane is still out there, and he was as important to me as he is to you, Cal. We made a promise to each other too. Even if he broke it, I can’t do it back.”

Her head shakes in discomprehension. “He’s done so much wrong to you. How can you say that so honestly? Why do you keep going back to him? You’re not going to change him.”

“But I have to try,” I stress. “If I don’t face him before we leave, it’s going to haunt me forever. Even if it only comes down to a fight. If Dad were here, he wouldn’t give up on Thane. I can’t either.”

A heavy breath leaves her. “I really hate that about you,” she mutters. “You’re so goddamn stubborn. I’m not going to change your mind by talking at you. Am I?”

I grimace.

“That’s what I thought.”

“Weren’t you just telling me you wanted to do the exact same thing?”

“I also like being the only one taking risks if it can be helped. You’ve taken enough of them. I don’t want you to take more if you don’t have to.”

“You’re getting awfully close to sounding protective.”

“What can I say? I’m a sucker for your rustic charm.”

“Nothing more, surely.”

“Oh, the abrasive personality is a part of the draw, too.”

“I’ll take it that means you see things my way?”

“Take it how you need to. Just know that if push comes to shove, I’m going to do whatever I need to to make sure that you don’t get yourself killed.” Leaning forward, Cal taps her index finger against my chin. Her eyes lid dangerously. “That’s a promise.”

“Cal…”

She cuts me off with a raised hand. “Don’t. I already know.”

“Do you?” I gently pry her finger from my jaw. “There is a future out there where we have as many nights like tonight as we want. Where you’re the last thing I see when I fall asleep and the first I see when I wake. Where we aren’t always looking over our shoulders and you can show me around every corner of the capital. Where we can actually go out on a first date,” I chuckle. “I want to try seeing what that future is like. No matter what it takes to get there.” I squeeze her fingers inside my real hand. “That’s my promise to you. If you’re okay with it.”

“You’re lucky I have such a hard time refusing you.” Rolling her eyes, Cal shifts back to her usual playful mood with a toss of her head. “Even after that rousing declaration of romantic interest, you’re still set on confronting Thane?”

“My life ended with a coup. As daunting as it sounds, the only way it’s going to start again is with another one. Somehow, some day, Gami must fall. And I have a feeling that I’m one of the few people who can do something about that.” I shrug, unsure of how to word the feelings in my gut. “I have a feeling that Thane is a part of it too. I don’t know why I think that. But I know that somehow, some way, he’s important to it all. Just as important as you and me.”

Cal cracks her knuckles with an extended stretch. “We’ll do it your way, then. Knowing how much you love improv, I assume you want to make this mistake tonight?”

“As soon as we can change.” I tug at the blanket that’s been steadily slipping off my shoulders.

“What’ll you tell Jolie?”

I shoot a guilty glance back at my aunt’s bedroom, JOY rolling through my fingers. “Nothing. She’ll… she’ll understand.”

Cal doesn’t question it, because Jolie will understand. She’s too pragmatic not to. I still almost feel sick as I tear my eyes away, thinking only of how my father must have said the same thing all the times that he left me. Before the guilt can stop me, I pull up a projector screen and scroll to the bottom of my contacts, firing up a call. Cal squeezes my hand and heads back to the bedroom, already tying her hair into its usual tail. Fuzzy audio kicks on a moment later.

“Sorry to call so late,” I say into my JOY. “I need a favor.”

Yuki’s voice crackles back in a tired chuckle. “Ghost, has anyone ever let you know that you have an exceedingly enviable brevity of etiquette?”

“…No?”

“It’s captivating, I assure you. But continue. The favor?”

“Where are you?”

“Your hustler wrangled me into one of the poker tables down at the Seven Heavens. I swear his bad luck is infectious; seems I’ve caught a case of it myself.”

“Nabuna is there? Put him on the line.”

“We’re already on speaker. Nabuna, goodman, you only have two cards. Quit pretending to read them and say something.”

“Go back to bed, chica.”

“Are you drunk?”

“He is,” both of them say simultaneously. “Not enough, I assure you,” Yuki adds.

“Then sober up and get over here. I need Jolie’s escape plan moved to tonight, and I need you two to see it through for me. Make sure she gets out of the city safely.” Someone curses on the other side of the call. Chairs scrape in a hurry. Shuffling interference takes over. I glance up as Cal comes back with skinsuits and our jackets, my prosthetic tucked beneath her arm. A tattered white scarf winds around her neck.

“Where will you be?” Yuki asks.

“Cal and I have another fight to finish.”

“Very well. It’s a little late to be entrusting me with the safety of the most powerful- and wanted- woman in the Section. But for a friend?” I can almost hear Yuki checking his clock. “Well, it isn’t midnight yet. And I do owe you a proper birthday gift.”