Chapter 13

Frankie waited on Faith outside the youth room door at their church. “You get to see the light of day!” Faith flung her arm over her head in a dramatic arc. “How does it feel to be temporarily on the outside?” she giggled as she wrapped Frankie in a bear hug. “Tasteful Beans just wasn’t the same without you.”

“I’m sorry,” Frankie lamented, “Believe me, I wish I was there. My day sucked!”

“Ladies,” Pastor Chris cleared her throat to get their attention, “Come in, and we will get started.” Her smile was genuine and warm. Frankie liked Pastor Chris and found her teaching engaging. Pastor Chris wasn’t much older than her students in the youth group and technically was a pastor-in-training. She was fresh out of college doing an internship for Seminary as their youth pastor and was relatable due to the proximity in age. Pastor Chris always seemed to teach on a topic that Frankie needed to hear. She hoped today wouldn’t be any different.

The youth room was set up with a coffee bar on the far wall, with loveseats dispersed throughout the brightly painted room. The students had arranged cafe tables and chairs in the middle of the room for those who wanted to take notes in front of a small raised platform for Pastor Chris to teach. Frankie and Faith settled into their usual loveseat and opened their bibles and notebooks as Pastor Chris stepped to the podium.

“Turn in your bibles to Ephesians 4:32,” she announced, “Today, we are going to talk about forgiveness.” Frankie’s heart sank. She knew this teaching was straight from God – aimed directly at her. She also knew that she didn’t want to forgive her mom. She was hoping for a sermon about righteous anger and when it is ok to hold a grudge or how being in the right gave her license to be hateful. However, she knew full well that none of those principles stood up to Scripture.

“Frankie,” Pastor Chris zeroed in on her, “Would you please read the scripture for us?”

Frankie sighed deeply before she began. She knew beforehand what the verse said, having memorized it several years ago. “Ephesians 4:32," she recited from memory, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” She folded her hands in her lap and closed her eyes. I hear you, God. Frankie thought to herself.

“Thank you, Frankie,” Pastor Chris turned to address the class, “Today, we are going to talk about forgiving others. One of the hardest things to do is to be kind to others, especially when we feel we have a right to be angry with someone. The easy response is to get even, lash out or do something mean back to the person who did you wrong. However, as Christians, we are called to love others," she paused, letting the words sink into the hearts of those in her class. "This verse challenges us to be kind and forgive others regardless of how they treat us.” Frankie knew that God was speaking to her through Pastor Chris’ words. However, she wasn’t ready to forgive her mom for all the lies she had told, which led her to believe her father was dead. To Frankie, that was unforgivable.

Frankie tuned out Pastor Chris as she continued her lesson on forgiveness and scribbled a note to Faith.

“I still don’t believe Winters is my dad.”

“Well, it isn’t like you can ask him. He doesn’t know anything about your mom being pregnant.”

“I know. Too bad we can’t get Jerry Springer to do a paternity test and have us on his show!”

Faith grabbed her phone from her purse and began frantically tapping away.

“What are you doing?” Frankie whispered to Faith. “You shouldn’t be texting Hunter during church!” Pastor Chris frowned at Frankie, so she sat up straighter and started paying attention while Faith continued on her phone.

“You can’t change how you have been wronged, but you can choose to respond to them with kindness.” Frankie caught the tail end of what Pastor Chris was saying, and her words penetrated Frankie’s heart, a little.

“Discreet Paternity Testing!” Faith scratched on the note they had been passing.

“What the heck is that??”

“I found it on Google. You get a DNA sample, like a hair sample or something, send it to this company along with a DNA sample from you, and then you can find out if he is your dad!

“Really?? How are we going to get a hair sample from him?”

“I don’t know. Chickadee. One step at a time.”

“I’ll be right back,” Frankie informed Faith as they headed toward the EXIT sign when Youth Group was over. “I need to talk to Pastor Chris for a second. I’ll meet you outside.” Faith nodded and left the room to give them some privacy.

“Pastor Chris?” Frankie approached her, clutching her bible to her chest with one arm, twirling a strand of silver-blonde hair between the fingers of her right hand.

“Hi, Frankie,” Pastor Chris leaned over and enveloped her in a warm embrace, “How are you?”

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“Uhm, I’m ok,” she stammered. Did Pastor Chris somehow know what was going on in her life, or was she just passing a pleasantry? Frankie was being paranoid. “I just wanted to tell you that your lesson today really hit home. I needed the reminder of being called to forgive.” She didn’t know how much information she should divulge. So, for now, her statement would suffice.

“That makes me so happy,” Chris smiled lovingly. Frankie was a part of her flock, and Pastor Chris took the role of shepherding the youth in her group very seriously. “The Holy Spirit always speaks to us when we need to hear what he has to say, even if it’s through a song on the radio, a bible passage, or a pastor.” she winked at Frankie, which made her relax and feel safe and comfortable in Pastor Chris’ presence.

“Yeah, he does,” Frankie chewed on her bottom lip, deciding if she should go on. “I am struggling with forgiving someone that I love very much. This person lied to me my entire life, and I just don’t know if I can.” tears began to form behind Frankie’s eyelids.

“God gave up his only Son so that we might be forgiven,” Pastor Chris reminded her, “He calls us, as Christians, to do the same. God didn’t have to forgive us, but through Christ, he has," she paused momentarily, "Pray about it. He will help you find forgiveness for the person who wronged you,” she placed an arm around Frankie’s shoulder and whispered, “I’m always here if you need to talk. You have my cell number. Use it day or night. Okay?”

“I will,” Frankie promised. “Thank you.” She hugged her youth pastor and left the building in search of Faith.

☙☙☙

Frankie hadn’t said a word since they left the church. The silence was palpable in the car as Rachel drove them home. Frankie twirled a strand of hair through her fingers. “Penny for your thoughts,” Rachel broke the silence.

“You can’t buy anything for a penny,” came Frankie’s snarky response. She stared out the side window, thinking about the paternity test – and what Pastor Chris had taught about forgiveness. Her mind was a tornado of thoughts, each conflicting and bumping into the other. She should forgive her mom, but she was angry. She longed to disprove that Mr. Winters was her father so all the mess would go away, but why would her mother make up such a story? How would she get the money to pay for a paternity test anyway? How would she get Mr. Winter’s DNA sample? What if he turned out to be her dad, then what? She leaned her head against the glass and sighed. Back to the chicken and the egg…no answers.

“Sweetheart, I know this is hard for you,” Rachel spoke gently, interrupting Frankie’s thoughts, “I have wanted to tell you for so long, I just couldn’t.”

Frankie remained silent.

“I have no excuse. I can only tell you I made a mistake, and I am sorry.” Rachel reached across the console to squeeze Frankie’s hand, but she jerked it away. She didn’t want her mom to be nice to her. It made it harder to stay angry. “Do you want coffee at Tasteful Beans before heading home? My treat.”

Frankie shook her head no without looking in her mother’s direction. Rachel pursed her lips, muttered a soft “Okay,” and quietly drove to the apartment complex.

☙☙☙

Frankie lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Her head throbbed with a migraine. She wanted to nap but couldn’t calm her mind enough to close her eyes. Her phone buzzed on the nightstand. She groaned and rolled over to grab it. Steve was texting her. She smiled for the first time that day.

Steve: Hey Babe, how was church?

Frankie: It was ok. I was glad to be out of the apartment for a while. I missed seeing you.

Steve: I’ll bet. Yeah, I’m sorry. My truck wouldn’t start. I can’t wait to see you at school tomorrow.

Frankie: Me too! <3 Hey, I have something to run by you.

Steve: Okay, shoot.

Frankie: What do you think of secretly having a paternity test done? I mean, what if Mom’s wrong? You know, just to make sure Winter Wonderland is really my dad.

Steve: Are you serious?

Frankie: Yeah, kind of.

Steve: How would you do that? I mean, you can’t just ask him to take a test.

Frankie: Well, no. But Faith looked it up. There is something called a discreet paternity test. We just need his signature and a sample, like a strand of hair or cigarette butt, but I don't think he smokes.

Steve: And how are you going to get those?

Frankie: I have no idea.

Steve: I don’t know, Babe. It seems extreme to me, but if you want to do this, I know you will find a way to make it happen. I will help if you need me.

Frankie: You are the best! And yes, I really need to find out.

Steve: I have to work on my truck. I will see you in the morning, Babe.

Frankie: Okay =)

Frankie padded to the kitchen in her bunny slippers for some aspirin. After taking the medicine, she grabbed a Diet Coke from the fridge and went to the living room, where her mom was reading a manual from her job at the hospital. Frankie realized she hadn’t even asked how the new position was going. A pang of guilt shot through her. This wasn’t the relationship she and her mom had always shared. Anger was eating her up inside, and she didn’t know how to squelch it.

Frankie stood across the room from her mom and waited until Rachel looked up from the paper she was studying, “I am sorry I haven’t asked about your new job,” Frankie stated, “but I am furious at you, and I need time to figure out how to deal with my feelings.”

“I understand, Kiddo.” Rachel smiled sadly at her daughter.

“I do have a question, though,” she began without looking at her mother, “Why were you at Jitter Bean with Mr. Winters if you weren’t telling him about me?” The question had been bugging her.

“I wanted to know what he was doing here in Holly Springs,” Rachel said flatly. “I wanted to know if, somehow, he knew you are his daughter and came to try and take you from me.” Frankie saw the Momma bear start to rise in her mother. “I was preparing for the fight of my life. Nobody takes you from me. You are my daughter.”

“And?”

“It is purely coincidental. He wanted to be far away from his life in Oklahoma and his ex-wife. North Carolina is as far as he could go. Holly Springs High School posted a job opening for an English teacher, and he applied,” she pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows, “End of story.”

“And you believed him?”

“I do. He didn’t give any indication to the contrary,” she shrugged her shoulders. “He is very nice, Frankie. You should try to get to know him. He is your father.”

‘Oh, hell no!” Frankie spat. “It’s bad enough that he is my teacher, but that is as close as it’s going to get!” Frankie turned on her heel, left the room without uttering another word, and remained in her bedroom for the rest of the night.