Chapter 2

I'm sniffling into my pillow when mom walks in.  I ignore her, she's leaving again and I feel betrayed so ignoring her seems like the thing to do.  She doesn't say anything, but climbs into my bed and curls around me, then starts to hum.  It's something she does to try to soothe me when I get upset.

I lay in bed and listen to her for a long time.

Eventually she stops, and as the silence starts to drag on I can't help but ask, "Why?"

She sighs and hugs me tighter, "We owe the matriarch everything.  She saved your life you know?"

"But why do you have to leave?"

She pokes me in the side, just to get me to squirm, "Because she needs someone to do a job in Vrasta."

I roll over and glare at her, "But why you?"

She lets out a sigh, "Because she needs me to do a job in Vrasta."  She puts a finger on my lips before I can interrupt again, "She needs someone she can trust completely.  That happens to be me."

She considers me for a moment longer then continues, "Besides, as members of a clan, we must pay our debts."

At my confused look she rolls her eyes, "If someone does something nice for you, you have to remember it and do something nice back when you can."

I scowl, "But uncle Mikdar is always doing nice things for auntie Eslyn and she just glares and yells at him all the time."

Mom laughs, "That's because your uncle Mikdar is a troublemaker.  He's always causing auntie Eslyn problems, so he does nice things for her so she forgives him.  It's not the same thing."

We lay in silence for a while longer.  I notice she's wearing travel clothes, and she has a necklace I've never seen before.  It has a small blue gem, a little over an inch tall, with silver filigree wrapped around it.  The gem doesn't look like it was cut, it's rough, like a natural crystal.  I don't pester her about it.  She's told me before that I have no sense of fashion and not to question her on it.  I think necklaces are part of 'fashion'.

Eventually I speak up again, "So... you have to go to Vrasta?"

She nods and starts stroking my hair.

"Will you meet any monkey people?  Uncle Mikdar said they have tails and they howl like Saelmyra does if you pull them."

Mom snorts, "Gods, you can't call them monkey people.  That would be like them calling us snake people."

I just tilt my head in confusion, "But we are snake people."

I proceed to fold out my underdeveloped fangs and stick out my forked tongue.  Mom gives me no time to react before she hooks her fingers behind my fangs to hold them out.  I let out a muffled squawk and start flailing at her to try to get her to let go, but it's like trying to dislodge a mountain.  A mountain that has suddenly forced its hands into my mouth.

"Ooooh, they're so cute!  It looks like they're coming in well."

... I still haven't given up on fighting back, she's just ignoring me as she plays with my fangs.  Eventually she notices my pitiful look and seems a little embarrassed when she lets me go.  I immediately start rubbing at the base of my fangs now that they're folded back in while watching her warily.

"Ah!... I got carried away..."

I grumble, but curl up against her.

"When do you have to go?"

She squeezes me again, "The carriage is leaving first thing in the morning.  We have to meet up with a caravan heading out from Tihyrst."

"You have to bring something good back for me."

I yawn, but try to stay awake as long as possible.  I want to spend as much time with mom as I can before she has to go, even if it's just in silence.  Sadly, between the warmth and it being so late, the world fades into dreams...

...When I wake the next day mom had already left.  I'm upset that I fell asleep, but I have a spark of determination inside me.  If mom had to leave all the time because she owes a debt, then I just have to find a way to pay it back!  Simple.  I huff and nod to myself.

I didn't have to think long about how to get the money for it.  Uncle Mikdar had read and told both Saelmyra and I lots of stories, and all the stories where the heroine got rich had one thing in common; they discovered an ancient artifact in the Ice Lands.

Well, except for the ones where she sought out the bandit king, beat him and all his lackeys then stole all of his treasure.  I don't know where to find a bandit king though and I don't think I could fight an army of lackeys.  Maybe a few of them, but not an army.

"First, I need a weapon.  Every hero and heroine has a weapon in case they're attacked by beasts or bandits."

I slowly slip out the door and into the dungeon-like hallway.  When I pass the edge of the mana-void array I feel the sudden presence of mana around me along with a slight ache in my chest.  Over the previous year I had learned a trick to help and once I showed the doctors, on one of their monthly visits, they agreed I could go outside now.  Though they wanted me to still sleep in my room to be safe.

I close my eyes and focus for a couple of minutes, tracing backwards from where I feel the pressure in my chest until I find the part of me that's... I don't know how to describe it other than breathing mana.  It's sort of constantly pulling mana in.  I start to take conscious control of it, but it still tries to stay active.  This was the hard part, I couldn't just shut it off.  I manage to change how it's moving the mana it grabs, moving it into a circle around me instead of pulling it in.

I let out a small breath as the ache in my chest fades.  It's hard to keep the mana circling, it's like trying to keep control of my eyes, but I still need to blink, so only allowing myself to blink when I consciously decide to.  I've had a lot of practice, but if I get startled I can lose control of it and it goes back to pulling mana in.  Saelmyra thinks it's funny and is always picking on me and trying to mess up my concentration, which is why I have so much practice.

Now that my chest no longer hurts, I continue on my journey!  My room is under the estate, and the stone hallway is always a little eerie, particularly before the servants set the light spells.  I try to make as little noise as possible as I make my way to the kitchen.  I really doubt auntie Eslyn or uncle Mikdar would approve of my plan.  They've never even let me go to town with them and I can see it from the gate, so they probably wouldn't agree to letting me travel to the Ice Lands on an adventure.  I'm almost six years old!  The heroines from the stories were only a little older than me when they started their adventures so it should be fine.

I manage to sneak upstairs and make it to the kitchen door without running into any servants, but I hear a lot of noise coming from inside.  I didn't realize the servants started working this early... 

*Click*

The latch of the door turns and my head snaps around as I try to find a place to hide, but there's very little in the hallways to hide behind, and, even if I could quickly take a painting off the wall, I don't think hiding behind it would work well.  I end up freezing in place under the gaze of a confused servant in an apron.  He's well muscled, like all the male servants, but his hands are occupied with a large covered plate and he's dressed a little odd with a white kerchief holding back his brown hair.  I think he's one of the cook's helpers.

While we are both staring at each other, my eyes land on my goal.  He has a cutting knife on his belt behind the apron!  I won't be able to pull off the sheath... I don't give myself any more time to think about it, he's still distracted so this is a perfect chance!  I grab the handle of the knife, yank it out of its' place on his belt, and immediately turn and sprint down the hall leading outside.

"Hey!  Little bastard, get back here!"

There's a bit of clattering and some yells from the kitchen as I slam open the front door and sprint around to the side of the house to my hiding place in the stables.

Once I'm inside the stables, I collapse against the wall, panting heavily and try to recover my breath.  I slip the knife through my belt.  It's a little awkward and I end up cutting my shirt a little, but when I tighten the belt more it holds.  Alright, now for the next part of the plan!

The map showed that I'd have to either take a ship for a short trip across the water and dock at the Ice Lands, or I'd have to travel by land through Sago, then Llany and finally by the small land bridge to Gudama, an outpost town in the Ice Lands.   I don't have a boat and I don't like the idea of locking myself in a barrel and sneaking aboard one so I'm going to borrow a raptor!  Besides, the stories where the heroine hides on a boat, she always gets caught.  Though by land she always gets attacked by bandits, but if that happens then I could follow them to the bandit king.

I stand up and dust myself off, then start looking over the raptors.  They're large lizards that run on two legs.  Their arms stay folded close to their bodies and have large red feathers, which they'll spread out if they get off balance or startled for some reason.  They also have long tails with feathers on the end, though the ones used for carriages just have stubs for tails.  They're docile creatures, but sometimes the males have a temper.

Once I decide on one of the smaller females I realize that when mom had me learn how to ride them, she had always helped me get on.  I have a small staring contest with the creature for a minute before an idea comes to mind.

"Sit!"

... It ignores my command and just leans over the pen to nudge me with her nose, nearly knocking me down.  I giggle and pet her nose, but I don't have any treats for her.

Suddenly the door to the stable slides open, and I turn to see a glaring Saelmyra standing there.  Her glare is focused on me and the knife at my side.

"What are you doing?  The servants are going crazy looking for you."

"How did you find me?"

"I was outside practicing and saw you run into the stable, dummy.  Now what are you doing?"

I debate it for a moment, but decide to tell her the truth.  I don't think she'd try to stop me, and somehow she always knows if I'm lying.  If I lied she'd just bully me until I told her the truth anyway.

I cross my arms and give her a determined look... which is partially ruined by the large pink tongue that just licked the side of my head and messed up my hair... stupid raptor.

"I'm going to the Ice Lands to find an artifact, then I'll pay mom's debt with it."

She doesn't even hesitate, "Okay.  I'm coming with you."

I glare at her, "No!  I can do it myself!"

She looks over me and raises an eyebrow, "You didn't even bring any food."

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"Ah... "

My cheeks start to heat in embarrassment.  How could I forget something so basic?

She grins, "Wait here.  They're looking for you, not me.  I'll bring some, but I'm definitely coming with you!"

She quickly disappears out the door, leaving me to figure out how to get the raptor saddled and out of its pen.

Around ten minutes later, I've managed to get the creature out if it's pen and have gotten it to lay down, though with it on the ground I can't put the saddle on.  I know they can be ridden without one, so we'll just have to do without.  I get on the raptor and she stands obediently.  It's tough but I manage to keep my balance by holding on for all I'm worth.

Just as I turn the raptor to the main door, Saelmyra comes back with a small sack made out of a table cloth tied at the corners.  It's nearly overflowing and I see a honey cake fall out.  I grin, we're nearly ready!

"Hurry, open the door all the way, then jump on and we can go!"

She grins and starts pushing the door, sliding it further open so the raptor can make it out.  The creature obediently moves toward the door until I call for her to stop, then, with lots of effort and several mistakes, I manage to help Saelmyra up behind me.

A few moments later and the raptor is taking us at a leisurely pace toward the front gate... where a very stern looking woman I don't recognize is watching us.

I feel Saelmyra stiffen behind me and she whispers, "Oh no, it's Norna!"

The stern woman gives a sharp smile... which somehow feels like a scolding glare, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Sidel, though the circumstances have something to be desired.  I will be your tutor from today, until you begin your schooling.  You may call me teacher Norna."

She gives a slight bow of introduction and I'm at a slight loss as to what to do.  The gate is closed so we can't just run by her, and I have yet to manage to get the stupid raptor to do anything more than a brisk walk anyway.  Saelmyra is apparently ahead of me in the plan though.

A finger points from behind me toward Norna, "Mauru a-aun ocu shur-... shaurk esonj fircu sunk os f-firwaurk aus mel-... maulomem sphuuk!"

An ice ball slowly starts to take shape over Saelmyra's hand, but fractures to dust, which gently blows toward Norna.  Norna's expression turns vicious, "No lady Saelmyra.  You cannot stutter or mispronounce a word in an incantation.  The spell you were trying to use is 'mauru aun ocu shaurk esonj fircu sunk os firwaurk aus maulomem sphuuk!'"

Norna simply raises a hand, pointing in front of us.  Quickly a needle forms over her hand, then begins to grow as more and more ice layers over it, before flying forward and stabbing into the ground in front of the raptor, all in roughly a second.  The sudden violence startles the raptor, which immediately turns and sprints away, causing both Saelmyra and I to lose our balance.  Saelmyra grabs me and we both fall off the dumb beast and roll.

A few moments later, when I recover my bearings from the fall, I find a shadow over me.  Looking up I see teacher Norna standing over us.

"I do believe this practical lesson has gone rather well, though it is slightly advanced for your current level."  She seems to consider something for a moment, "I think it's time for a test.  We need to find out where you are academically, Sidel, and Saelmyra could use a refresher.  To pass... simply make it to the classroom without injuries."

I'm only confused for a moment before I see six needles of ice suddenly start to form around her and begin to grow.

"Begin."

...

The gardener spent the next couple of weeks filling in holes in the paths and gardens from where teacher Norna's ice lances had pierced the ground.  Saelmyra and I had learned not to be late for teacher Norna's classes.

The display of power had really had an effect on the both of us.  It had showed us that we were essentially powerless.  I thought I could handle some bad guys like in the stories, but teacher Norna had stopped us without even trying.

Saelmyra threw herself into training her magic, though I think it was just because she had been embarrassed by teacher Norna and needed payback.  It was just the kind of person she was.  Auntie Eslyn didn't seem to care the reason for her sudden desire for improvement, as long as she continued working hard.

I, however... I knew for a long time that there was something wrong with me.  Mom had even explained that my mana core had been removed to save my life, but I never really knew what that meant.  Teacher Norna had shown how powerful magic was.  Something like that just can't be beaten with a knife.

When I asked to learn spells like Saelmyra, teacher Norna had explained that it was impossible.  The spirit draws mana in, while the mana core stores it and forms any spell being cast.  Incantations can be used to command the mana core to cast a spell, and it's incredibly efficient, but they're limited and the mage must know the proper incantation.  On the other hand, mental casting requires a lot of effort and practice to guide the mana core by feel, and even then it's impossible to truly master a spell.  Both ways of casting require a mana core.

Since I couldn't use magic I decided I'd try to learn swordsmanship.  When I asked uncle Mikdar he said I could do it, but I didn't fully trust his opinion, since just last year when I asked if I could be a bear when I grew up he said the same thing.  Besides, he wouldn't hire a teacher for me anyway, so I decided to ask auntie Eslyn.  She never really treated Saelmyra and I like we were kids.  She knew we were, but if we asked a question, she'd explain the answer in detail.  Even teacher Norna wouldn't explain some things to us and said we were 'too young' or would understand when we were older.  If we asked auntie Eslyn, she just sat us down and gave us all the facts, though sometimes that resulted in horrors and multiple hour explanations of simple questions.  We have to be careful what we ask.

I'm standing in front of auntie Eslyn's office door.  She takes care of a lot of the city management so the matriarch doesn't have to, but she always makes time for us.

I knock and call out, "Auntie Eslyn!"

A moment later the door is opened by her personal assistant.  A servant who is always there to take care of any important matters that may come up suddenly.

"Lis, I'm going to take a short break, please prepare a small snack."

Important matters like snacks.

The attendant smiles and bows low before leaving.  Auntie Eslyn shuffles a few papers around on her large desk.  Both sides of her office are filled with string-bound books of files and other paperwork, all labeled with numbers and letters.  Behind the large desk, and auntie Eslyn's chair, is a large window that lets warm daylight in.

I step in and take a seat on one of the three small chairs she keeps in the room in case she has company, though any official meetings are taken in another room.

She gives a small smirk, "What are you going to ask today, Sidel?"

At my slight frown she seems amused and answers my unasked question, "You and Saelmyra, both, only visit me in my office if you have a question no one else will answer for you."

After thinking about it for a moment I nod.  She's right.

"I want to learn swordsmanship."

She looks a little sad and shakes her head, "Sidel..."  She sighs, "Is this because Saelmyra has been practicing her spells so much?"  She almost seems to be hopeful that it's the case.

I frown and shake my head, "No... I want to be able to do something... I can't do magic so I thought you could get someone to teach me to use a sword..."

She rubs her temples and grumbles something about uncle Mikdar filling our heads with nonsense.  Her attendant returns at that moment with a rolling tray.  It has two pitchers, one with coffee and one with milk, a cup of sugar and several sweet cakes on a plate in the middle.  Auntie Eslyn thanks her and moves to one of the smaller chairs so we can eat directly off the tray.  I sneak a bite out of one of the sweet cakes while auntie Eslyn makes my milk coffee... mostly milk and sugar with very little coffee.  Her own is the opposite, black coffee with just a touch of milk, no sugar.

Once we've each had a couple of bites of our sweet cakes she finally speaks up, "Sidel, do you know what happens to a non-mage, physically, when they're around three or four years old?"

When I shake my head she continues, "You know that a mana core can't just store an infinite amount of mana.  Well, if a mana core is not accessed in any way for a few years after it forms, it changes and can never be used for magic.  It creates a sort of low grade augmentation magic to consume the excess mana.  This helps non-mages grow stronger much faster, heal quickly and it can also be used to temporarily boost their abilities greatly, but will exhaust their mana reserves."

She watches me for a moment to see if I understood yet, then finally sets the final nail in the coffin, "Even if you learned the sword... you'd never be a match for anyone.  A mage would use magic, while a non-mage would have twice the strength, speed and stamina, and still be able to boost it even further... If you were interested in the sword, just for the sake of learning the sword then I'd gladly pay for a tutor to train you.  But as a way to gain strength it's simply impossible."

My chest hurts a little and I feel a sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach.  I knew her answer might have been no, but I didn't expect that the answer would be 'impossible'.  She didn't have a reason to lie either.  Some clan children who happen to be non-mages, but are still part of the clan, learn the sword, so it's not a dishonorable path.

My eyes are stinging as I look up, "Then... What can I do...?"

She looks conflicted for a few moments, then sighs, "I'll see what I can do.  But if it's too difficult... you know, you don't have to have strength to do great things in the world, right?  In fact, many people who have strength never need to use it.  We haven't had a war in hundreds of years after all, and even if one did occur, you wouldn't be recruited anyway.  You could easily marry into a good family and, with your position, you could influence a lot of good changes."

I feel the weight in my stomach lessen.  Auntie Eslyn will try to find something for me... I know I don't really need strength, but I can't just not try.  We go through the rest of the sweet cakes in silence.

When we finish I hop out of my seat and move around to give auntie Eslyn a hug.  She stiffens for a moment, but awkwardly pats my shoulder.  Auntie Eslyn, uncle Mikdar and Saelmyra aren't really a 'hug' type of family.

"Thanks auntie Eslyn."

She gives me a small smile as I leave so she can get back to work.  I hear her give an order to her attendant.

"Bring my husband here."

...

That night, when I returned to my room, I found two books lying on my bed.