Hector sat in a dim corner of their hideout, his once strong shoulders now slumped. He stared at the air where his left hand used to be, and the empty space haunted him. He was in a state of fugue, his dreams and reality blended together. He dreamt that everything was fine and then he woke up and tried to scratch his face and had to deal with the pain of loss all over again.
It looked like he was currently awake but he wasn’t sure. The room was silent, and the occasional movement of his friends barely registered. His friends had tried to console him, Mia's heartfelt apologies, Frank's attempts to cheer him up. But no words could mend the emotional wounds that ran even deeper than the physical one.
He was no longer who he used to be, he was struggling with more than a disability. His thoughts spiraled in a dark descent, as he contemplated the challenges ahead with a growing sense of despair.
He saw Mia could see his pain and she definitely felt guilty, knowing that it was her choices that had led to his injury. Hector disagreed with her, it was his role and his choice to sacrifice himself. She’d made a bad choice but Hector blamed himself for that too. If only he talked to her more. If only he had seen the signs sooner. If only he understood her better.
If only.
His world orbited those two words. His mind kept going in circles about what he could have done differently. Maybe if he placed the magical demolition charges differently and the building would collapse on the first try. Maybe if he used Brace more before he wouldn’t get so wounded.
What ifs and if onlys. Hector was so full of doubt he couldn’t even find any words to say to Mia.
She tried approaching him a couple of times, maybe he dreamt some of those, but when she did he couldn’t decide what to say to her. When the silence became unbearable he stood up and left. He knew she said things to him but they didn’t really register in his mind.
What did register and what he kept coming back to was a message he received right after Diana healed his hand.
YOU HAVE UNLOCKED THE ASPECT OF THE JUST HERO. IN TIME YOU WILL UNLOCK NEW ABILITIES CONNECTED TO THIS ASPECT AS YOU PERFORM ACTION THE JUST HERO APPROVES OF. CURRENT POWER OF THE ASPECT: 1/100.
As he stared at the stump that used to be his left hand, he felt like a shadow of a hero. Doubts crept into his thoughts like a poison, whispering cruel questions. Was he still capable of being a protector? Would his friends look at him differently now, as someone weaker, less worthy of their trust?
In the darkness of the hideout, Hector wrestled with these insecurities. He remembered the moment when he had sacrificed his hand to save Mia, and how he had hesitated for a mere heartbeat, fearful of the pain and the loss. He questioned whether a true hero would have made that sacrifice without hesitation, or if a true hero would have found a way to protect Mia without such a devastating cost.
As he gazed at the bandaged stump, Hector's heart ached with a sense of inadequacy. He didn’t feel like a hero, he felt like a coward. He knew deep inside that if it was the Hector of today that was in that situation he would not only hesitate, he would shy away from that sacrifice. It was a battle of identity raging within him: the hero he once aspired to be and the self-doubting coward that had emerged from the recent ordeal.
The room remained silent, Hector's inner turmoil concealed from his friends. They saw the physical pain he endured but couldn't fathom the emotional struggle that tormented him. Hector knew that he would have to come to terms with his new reality, but the path to reconciling his heroism with his cowardice was unclear. He yearned to find a way to regain his sense of self, to be the strong dependable he had once been, to rise from the ashes of doubt and prove himself once more.
However he knew it might not be possible. Right now he was too afraid to talk to Mia even if it could ease her burden significantly. In moments like this he thought about what Frank and Diana were doing. They were killing dozens of monsters every day and he was just sitting here doing nothing. A part of him thought that was fine, he’d just leave it to them to get strong and protect him. He was safe in the hideout and the thought of fighting another centipede sent a shiver down his spine. He remembered the pain of losing his hand and the idea of something similar happening again was just too much to bear.
So what if others took a part of the burden from him. They could find the way home without his help while he healed in the hideout. In a couple of weeks Mia would get better and join them, she was even making a bow for herself now and would be even more useful than before. So that was another reason for him to stay where he was. It’s not like he could contribute in any meaningful way in the state he was in right now. It would be unfair of them to expect him to do anything.
YOU HAVE UNLOCKED THE ASPECT OF THE COWARD. IN TIME YOU WILL UNLOCK NEW ABILITIES CONNECTED TO THIS ASPECT AS YOU PERFORM ACTION THE COWARD APPROVES OF. CURRENT POWER OF THE ASPECT: 1/100.
Hector's confusion was overwhelming, shock swirling within him as he grappled with gaining the Aspect of the Coward. He always thought of himself as a fighter even before he got here. Yet, some unknown power that was apparently reading his fucking mind decided he was a coward.
He was a defender, a warrior, but now the title of 'Coward' was thrust upon him, and it sent ripples of unease through his soul. He felt a strange, unsettling sensation, like a sudden shift in gravity. The Aspect had altered his perception of himself, leaving him questioning his very core.
A self-doubt enveloped Hector. He couldn't understand why he had received this Aspect. Especially so short after receiving the Just Hero. Was it a cruel jest of fate, or did the mysterious forces governing their world see something in him that he was blind to?
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Once he had gotten over his initial indignation he considered what even were those Aspects?
Obviously a part of the system, but the message suggested they could approve of stuff so could they be somewhat sentient? It would mean there were some kind of beings overseeing everything here. He needed to talk to Diana, she could probably figure it out.
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Diana came into the hideout tired after slaughtering another swarm of centipedes. She was looking forward to her meditation session and getting some sleep. The damn level couldn’t come soon enough for her tastes. At least it confirmed their earlier theory that danger provided faster growth. They were killing the Abominations en masse but it was easy so they weren’t getting their level ups. Fortunately their skills kept growing.
She sat near the fire and picked up some ribs they roasted yesterday and started chewing. God how she hated the taste, fucking centipede ribs for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Eating the same coppery meat and water for weeks was certainly wearing her patience thin. There was a paleo diet and there was this. It took a toll on their bodies. Once her pride, now her black hair was thinning and starting to fall off. Not to mention the state of her nails. She even noticed some weird skin discoloration, they needed to find an exit before they got scurvy like goddamn 15th century sailors.
She looked at Frank who was sitting on his own cot nearby, the effects of their diet were visible on him too. He was gaunt and his face showed much harder lines than before. The scar on his forehead he got when protecting Mia was certainly adding a rugged feel to his face. They were all basically skin and bone and muscle, with very little fat on any of them. The situation wasn’t improved by what they wore. All of their clothes were a patched up mess with more holes than cloth. They tried to do what they could with bone needles and the rags they found but it was a fight they would eventually lose.
While she was focused on her thoughts Hector approached her, she noticed him only when he sat next to her. She noted he was hiding his stump in the folds of his shirt as if it would disappear if no one could see it. Hector sitting next to her was a good sign maybe he was on his way to getting better. Mia was also on an upwards curve. Crafting that bow was evidently helping her get better, she even saw the other woman smile a couple of times.
“I need to talk to you,” Hector said hesitantly.
It was the most words in a row she heard him say for at least two weeks. It was encouraging.
“Sure, what is it?” She responded hoping she would not scare him away, she needed their frontliner back. If he was out with them she would be safer.
“It’s about these… Aspects” Hector said, playing with the cuff of his shirt like a little nervous child.
“What do you mean? Aspects of what?” Diana asked, it was weird it felt like he was saying Aspects with a capital ‘A’.
“It will be easier if i show you” He raised his fist and shared his screen with Diana.
She read his character sheet and her eyes grew wide when she got to the end of it. This could be another source of power, additional abilities she could always use.
“You see, I think something is watching us all the time.” Hector said looking around “I got … i got the Coward” He said the last word in a whisper” When I was just sitting and thinking about stuff” He finished lamely.
Diana's mind rushed with the possibilities. They apparently did something significant enough that some sort of a higher power started paying attention to them. She heard as Hector came to pretty much the same conclusions which kind of surprised her, she thought he would get stuck at being called a coward and couldn’t think past that.
However she only paid the man half a mind now, her true focus was on figuring out how to get an Aspect of her own. For the upmteenth time she was annoyed that the system had no help function. Were they watching them all the time? What were the possible Aspects? Could they be useful? Hector didn’t seem to have any benefits yet.
“Look, I will think about it and get back to you, ok?” She asked Hector.
“Sure” He was back to single words it seemed.
“How do you feel? Would you like to talk?” Diana asked knowing that the warrior would probably shrink from the offer of a talk and leave her alone to think.
“Im fine” he said in a gruff tone and left, just as planned.
Diana rolled her eyes at how easy it was. She was not free to focus and think about those Aspects. The first one Hector got required a truly heroic action, but afterwards he got the second one by just sitting around thinking. Did that mean he got the attention of the beings that used the system? Or was it because the system itself gave those out and they had different thresholds. Now that she knew those were possible she could strive to get one herself.
She hoped that she could get an Aspect of knowledge as that would be immensely helpful or even better an Aspect of power to increase the strength of her magic. After all you could never have enough of that.
Maybe if she Meditated and thought of power long enough she could also gain the attention of someone, or something.
Diana couldn't deny the thirst for power that had taken root within her. It was a hunger that surged through her veins, urging her to seek more knowledge, more abilities, and more control. Yet, she couldn't shake the caution that gnawed at the edges of her consciousness, warning her of the pitfalls that awaited those who pursued power blindly.
She scoffed mentally, she was not blind. Everyone else was. They all heard that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Diana saw right through that old quote. It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the abuse of power corrupts those who are subject to it. All she had to do was rid herself of that fear.
Regardless of warning to the weak, she knew that the real world was just like Darwin described it. Survival of the fittest. It was chaos where only power mattered. A shiver ran along her back as she resolved in that moment that this would be her path. There would be no stepping back, no hesitation. Only way is forward. And if she hit an immovable object, she would become the irresistible force and go right through. Never looking back, without a single regret.
She would re-create herself, so that she would be able to wield the power she so craved. She would change, learn and discard over and over again if necessary. She would master her words, her emotions and her very soul. She would cut the fat till only her steel core of logic and strength remained.