Sheeva crouched to pick the lock of the communal bath. Thanks to muscle memory, she succeeded within a few seconds, and smiled. She slid open the door, held it for Cassie, then stepped in and slid the door shut to lock it behind them. The hard case she carried her tools in clicked as she returned the pieces and snapped the case closed.

They did not bother stripping here. Instead, Cassie had already picked up some folded towels and washcloths from the stack, crossed the tiled floor to the sliding wicker-weave door, and left it open as she headed into the steam-filled room. Sheeva followed and supported herself with a hand on the rugged stone wall as she untied her boots. One gave her trouble, and when she finally wrestled her foot out of it, her sock slipped off her foot as it flew from her boot.

The water splashed behind her as Cassie hopped into it. Sheeva gently let herself down, finding her leg was giving her trouble. She was grateful Ivan had not pointed it out during his examination, unwilling to belabor the fact. The piping hot water stung her feet and legs, then eventually her waist, and as she carefully sat down, she sighed in bliss as it covered her chest and shoulders. She took a moment to bask in the comfort as she felt her muscles release their tension, eyes closed and enjoying a few deep, meditative breaths.

“It’s good to have you back, Sheeva. Sneaking in here makes me feel like a kid again!” Cassie grinned, hair pulled up and wrapped in a towel to keep it dry. Sheeva chuckled and tipped her head back to wet her hair, massaging her scalp with the pads of her fingers. She was sure her skin was already turning rose-red.

“Yeah, it feels that way.” She agreed. “So, five years? A lot must have changed. What is new?” She asked.

“Well, I’m the librarian, obviously, though I think we both saw that happening a long time ago. Instead of traveling like I had thought of, I decided to stick around. I think I’d like to just stay here and teach and read.” She shrugged and stared at her knees that poked out above the water. Truth be told, Cassie didn’t feel like doing anything else.

“Sorry about what I said at dinner,” Cassie admitted, referring to the fact that she almost revealed some of the pranks they pulled as kids. “Did you really tell Tazaro about the goat? What about the shoes?” She pressed. Her face twisted into abject horror, and she groaned. “Oh, gods, what about the hogweed?” Cassie asked, holding her hand to her face in embarrassment. Sheeva shook her head and scrubbed her face with a washcloth to hide her own grimace.

“The goat? No, not exactly. Shoes, no. As for the hogweed, I, uh, I even hate to think about it.” She answered, dipping the washcloth in the water. It turned a mix of sea green and milky white as she lathered it up with a soap bar. She scrubbed her face and behind her ears, relieved at real soap and hot water.

“Yeah...as far as pranks go, that one backfired the most.”

Sheeva laughed, rinsed the washcloth, and wrapped it around her neck, sighing content. The heat soothed and helped work out more tension from carrying around her backpack for most of the trip. She insisted that Tazaro use the time to acclimate himself to moving on uneven terrain with his wings bared.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Rose and, uh, the boss so pissed. Ugh, we even got ourselves.” She admitted with a rueful smile. When her skin began to crawl, she scrubbed at it with a soapy loofah. She sighed sadly at the scar on her thigh and trailed her now wrinkly fingers down the straight, cruel blemish. She wondered how long it would be until the thing became glossy and white and shared the same smooth texture as the rest of her skin.

“What happened? Noticed you have one on your chest, too. And...did you get a tattoo?” Cassie asked, tilting her head towards the features in question. Sheeva unfolded the towel and draped it over her chest to cover it in her growing self-effacement, then traced the sigils in her arm with her forefinger.

"It's not a tattoo. These are from a barrier spell I placed on some people's homes in Roussel for protection. It appears that if something happens to the foundations of the place, they carry over into the sigils on my skin. Mildred's house was burned to the ground while my spell was still active." Sheeva explained bluntly, prodding a finger at the rugged burn scar.

“As for the others, it was a fight. I found Llyud. He is dead, but not by my hands as I had wanted. Someone else intervened. Killed him. Kicked my ass, hence the scars, and while I was...incapacitated, killed Tazaro’s mom."

Sheeva jerked her head to look as Cassie gasped and blurted out a shocked tok za vilg?

"Well, I–I'm still alive, obviously, aren't I? It's–it is fine. Everything…sucks, but it's fine." She insisted, lifting the washcloth off her chest to do it in the water and promptly slap it on her face. “If that makes any sense at all,” She added without any earnesty.

"You say that, but are you–

–I'm certain." Sheeva grunted stubbornly, holding the washcloth to mask her frown of worry.

"So, that is why Tazaro is here." Sheeva derailed, eager to divert the subject off of herself. "I brought him here to train him. I may–ah, well, no. I will need his help in pursuing the man.” She answered.

“It is funny; now that I have gotten my revenge, I feel at a loss. Perhaps revenge does not get you anything. I have avenged Rose, and I-I do not feel better about it like I thought I would.” She explained, suddenly realizing what Tyler had truly meant by “those yeh fight for might not like what yer doin’.”

She sat with her humility for a few moments before speaking up again.

“Everyone keeps telling me to let it go. It’s only been about three months, so it’s hard to; I mean, I chased him for years." She grunted through gritted teeth.

Realizing her tension, she forced a deep breath and sighed.

"But, I’m trying. I am. It's… Difficult. So incredibly foreign.”

As Aglis’s words resurfaced, she tried to remind herself that she had every right and privilege to let go and that this was not something she would come to terms with overnight.

"That only means I must not be doing it right." She decided with a light chuckle at her sarcastic dismissal, hoping her lips didn't curl too much as Sheeva recalled the awkwardness she felt the first time she had kissed Tazaro.

Following Cassie's continued silence, Sheeva folded the washcloth and placed it on her forehead, then lay her head back against the edge to stare up at the sky. As the stars twinkled down at them, she briefly wondered what Tazaro had learned about them. She had not followed up with him since their fifth day on the road, and she absently connected the dots of the now-clearer Hassogtha constellation Tazaro seemed to favor.

“Suppose I’ve got to give myself credit for trying, right?” Sheeva sighed, splashing some hot water up around her neck.

Cassie stopped washing her skin with a soapy washcloth and turned to stare at Sheeva in mild surprise, interested in the change of personality. It appeared that Sheeva had calmed down quite a bit, and didn’t seem to be quite as hard on herself.

“You’ve grown up.” Cassie pointed out. The meek smile careened over Sheeva’s face in an instant as Cassie’s compliment caught her off-guard, then fell to a frown. Sheeva sat up, wrapped her arms around her knees, and tucked them to her chest.

“I had to hole up in Roussell while I recovered for a couple of weeks. Not much to do but think about things. And think. And, think some more.” She admitted.

“Wow...it was really that bad, huh? I thought you could just heal yourself?” Cassie asked, wrapping her arms around her middle as her stomach twisted in nerves.

Sheeva began to twirl her hair, then forced a stop to the comforting act. She wanted to break the habit, though it would likely be a habit she would have for the rest of her life. Instead, Sheeva fidgeted with the rock tumbler that siphoned fresh water to the large tub, making a stack of the flattest rocks she could find.

“I was too weak to.”

Cassie shivered, and her eyes widened. Her stomach dropped, wondering what could have transgressed to leave her in such a weakened state.

“Did Tazaro heal you?”

“A little, but he's not skilled enough yet. It wasn’t just him that helped me. His friend helped, too. I lucked out. Man’s a doctor.”

Cassie picked at her fingernails with a brush. There was undoubtedly more to this story than Sheeva let on, but she was not going to press, she decided. Perhaps later, when and if Sheeva wanted to.

“Good. I’m glad you’re still here, Sheeva. I don’t know what I’d do if you were...gone gone.” Cassie admitted, taking a deep breath and sinking further into the water. “Having you gone for five years was rough enough. We missed you,” She murmured.

Sheeva gave a sigh as she remembered that Zakaraia had only allowed her to live.

“Me too, Cass.” She muttered, returning her attention to the tumbler. While absent-mindedly recalling some of the late-night conversations she shared with Cassie and Kyle, she shifted the smooth rocks to build a neat little stream that redirected the water’s flow.

“You said earlier that Kyle left. You sounded sad about it. Did you two have a falling out? You always were arguing about something.”

Cassie scoffed at the reminder.

“What, like you and Hasch weren’t getting into fights over every little thing, too?” She pointed out. “I’m still surprised you two didn’t end up getting together.”

Sheeva’s immediate “Feh!” of dismissal couldn’t have been harsher.

“Please. Me, with that brute?” She disagreed. “Besides, he started most of them by continually calling me ‘Drools!” She denied, crossing her arms over her chest as her skin crawled and left her chilly. She sunk into the water to warm herself.

Cassie pursed her lips, feeling sorry on Hasch’s behalf, and busied herself by picking at her fingernails again.

“It’s not completely impossible, you know,” Cassie murmured in suggestion. “Kyle and I were together for a little while before he left,” Cassie admitted, fidgeting with the pendant wrapped around her neck. Sheeva blinked, suddenly remembering where she knew it from. It had been Kyle’s, many years ago. Sheeva swallowed, feeling an awkward pit in her stomach as she realized the two had become lovers in her absence.

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

“Oh,” She mumbled. “Together, as in, uh, lovers?”

Sheeva felt the disappointed airs grow, and found Cassie to be tight-lipped and leering at her hands.

“I thought we were in love, but… he didn’t feel that way. I was...I think we were just trying to fill a void.” She put, folding the towel and resting it on her chest while she leaned back to look at the night sky. Her toned arms puffed as she pillowed them beneath her head, and her foot splashed on the surface of the water as she crossed one leg over the other.

“We drank a lot one night, one thing led to another, and…we tried to make a relationship out of it.” She shrugged, sitting back up and crossing her arms, leaning forward to rest on her legs. She untied the pendant from around her neck and stared at it, a pained expression on her face.

“He gave this to me, you know. When we first started dating after that. At first, it was cute. A promise that we’d make it work. Now, it’s...” Cassie did not finish her sentence but harbored a nauseated expression. The damn face on the thing sneered back at her. “Well, I don’t know. Looking back on it now, there’s a lot that he asked of me to change that he wasn’t willing to work on for himself.”

Cassie heaved a heavy sigh and pouted at her fingernails, then began to pick at a particularly uneven one.

“I, I can’t believe I was considering it, but I was making him a bracelet. Green and teal, for his favorite colors, and it was gonna show–well, it was supposed to show the outline of his necklace, but it looked so bad.” She chuckled at herself in memory. “I was super ready to scrap it all and start over–and even had my doubts of doing it at all–but I persisted. He started being really nice, and seemed cheerful. I thought, maybe, all my efforts in being ‘better’ were working.”

Sheeva’s eyes raised in surprise to find that her best friend was considering proposal to the other, especially since she couldn’t grasp the fact that they were together at all, having witnessed and broken up many of their fights.

“I hurried to finish it, and proposed on the first day of Winter. We took a hike outside of the veil and had ourselves a picnic–I even grabbed some cake from the kitchens. He was acting real nervous and odd, and I thought he was gonna propose, too.” Cassie explained, feeling her face heat.

“He denied me. Called things off. Refused to tell me why.” She managed through teeth clenched in shame.

“We fought after that for a long time because he just wouldn’t tell me what was so bad that he couldn’t stand me anymore. Honestly, before he called it off, I thought we were on the up-and-up, because, like I said, he was happy, and doting on me.” Cassie sighed, then scoffed.

“Finally, I cornered him, knocked him to the ground, and read him,” She admitted, now seeming to seethe. She tucked her head between her knees and sniffled.

“All his ‘frustrations’ had turned to ‘resentment.” She cried, chest aching. “He hated me, and I, I don’t think I’ll have ever been enough.”

“Enough?” Sheeva repeated, insulted on Cassie’s behalf. She huffed, realizing that, perhaps, Cassie and Tazaro had a similar, twisted sense of self.

“You’re enough, Cassie. You’re more than enough! You’re-you’re enough for you, aren’t you?”

The statement seemed to smack Cassie across the face as she stared back at Sheeva.

“Enough for me?”

Sheeva stood, still furious.

“I can’t believe this.” She blurted, glaring daggers at something across the way. She turned back to Cassie, and the saddened expression infuriated her even more. “I’m going to fucking kill him!”

“Don’t, Sheeva. He’s not worth it. Really, he’s not.” Cassie muttered, like a mantra she seemed to tell herself to convince herself otherwise. As she turned the pendant over and over, her mood soured. Sheeva snatched the thing from Cassie’s wet, wrinkled hands, ignored Cassie’s outburst of “hey!” and chucked it over the wall with an angry, bellowed grunt from her effort. Cassie jerked her head as she followed the precious trinket with her eyes and listened, crestfallen, as the thing clinked and clattered somewhere over the mountainside. It eventually tumbled far enough that the sound no longer carried.

“What the fuck, Sheeva?” Cassie yelled, getting to her feet. The water sloshed and splashed over the side and soaked Cassie's pile of clothes. She strode up to Sheeva and shoved her shoulders in anger. Sheeva need not brace herself as much; Cassie did not train herself like the others but still carried her weight in other ways.

“That thing is just a-a power play. Just a way for him to manipulate you when he’s gone–so, he can fuck off, that’s what!” She spat, crossing her arms to cover her chest as the chilly night air sunk into her skin.

“But, but that was mine! He gave that to me!” Cassie countered desperately, tears pricking at her eyes.

"So? You deserve someone who cherishes you–someone way better than that, that ass–ugh!” She shuddered, still feeling the rankness of stomach-churning abhorrence that crawled its way into her throat and made her gag.

“But–

–no. No! You deserve someone who can treat you with respect and doesn’t ask you to change yourself in order to be enough–hell, Hasch could do better than that! Find someone that-that congratulates you on your successes–because I know he was always terrible at that! You deserve to smile, not wallow in misery over someone like that jerk!” She barked. "Who’s got one helluva death wish if he comes back here, by the way!” She added, finger raised for emphasis.

“Make you ‘enough!” She muttered, scoffing again. “Vilgek eteud!”

Her frown softened a little as she calmed, trying to find the qualities of someone Sheeva wanted for Cassie, inexperienced though she was. Though she’d said Hasch could do better, she snorted at herself for even throwing him in with the lot.

She thought back to how Tyler and Mildred’s relationship seemed to be, and smiled wistfully at the memory.

It seemed like a happy, healthy relationship; certainly, it was worth drawing examples from.

“You like to read–you should find someone you can read to. Tazaro’s mother and stepfather would do that, and…they seemed to really enjoy it.” She mentioned, though she realized that Tyler reading to Mildred was probably the only thing she knew of that she could give an example of.

“You should…find someone who makes you smile–and laugh.” She added, remembering a time the four of them sat around the dinner table and made jokes at Sheeva’s expense, in which she would run errands or gather animal materials for them from the fauna around Roussell, if she had the time. Tyler had requested a lock of Sleipnir mane, and Mildred, an escort to the hillside to “see the sights of the city.” A grin broke on her face as she recalled Tazaro’s jabbing request of a quadricorn horn, because they were good for the handles of tools.

Her panting slowed, though her heart retained its frantic pitter-patter pace. She gave Cassie a saddened, empathic smile as she thought of another thing.

“You should have someone who’s, uh, here for you, and not fucking off doing who knows what–or who.” She snorted.

As Cassie’s face bubbled with encouragement, she copied Sheeva’s snort and crossed her arms, feeling bashful.

"Whom." Cassie corrected.

"What?" Sheeva blurted.

"Whom–ah, never mind." Cassie dismissed. "Anyway, go on. You're very animated when you rant; it's great." She smiled.

Sheeva felt the blush form on her chest and cheeks and turned her back on Cassie.

“Pfft." She blew off the compliment, then cleared her throat to continue.

"Find someone that...teaches you something new about the world. Is caring. Persistent. That you’re, well, comfortable with.” She muttered, recalling the coziness and warmth of the loft in the workshop. She somewhat missed the smell of cedarwood and pine and the sounds of Tazaro sanding down a rough spot or shaving knots with a planer.

She wondered, had she leaned into him for a kiss then, how it would have proceeded from there.

“Oh-ho! You’re gushing about someone.”

Sheeva felt her ears redden and the embarrassed squiggle of a smile form across her face.

“Bullshit!” She deflected.

“I can see you in the mirror, Sheevs.”

Sheeva looked up, having forgotten about the wall of mirrors that stood there.

“Ah, vilg.” She sighed and stared at herself for a moment, noting the minor changes that had occurred in her body over the years. She had indeed grown a little taller. Her waist had grown slightly wider, and her hip bones were less prominent than they used to be, not constantly walking or flying the last couple of months as she had been over the previous five years. In a moment of appreciation, she seemed healthier than she had been. She dropped her arm and examined how the scar curved around her breast and up along her sternum. She frowned, covered her chest with her arms, turned her back on the mirror, and sat down.

“Have you made love to a man?” Cassie asked. Sheeva blushed and shook her head.

“You know I wouldn’t.” She answered, trying not to imagine what to expect. Cassie rolled her eyes at herself. She should have expected such an answer.

“Have you at least kissed a man?”

Sheeva sputtered her lips and hid her face.

“Vivroa holds a ‘Festival of Lovers’. Tazaro kissed me. It was…” She paused, trying to find a word for it. She found it awkward to talk about him like that and changed her mind about what she wanted to say. “I kissed him first because I had never done it. I thought I had done it wrong.”

“Oh, just experimenting, were you?” She smirked. Sheeva squinted and turned her head away.

“I was...As I do. The first one was disappointing. The second was much better. Fantastic, actually. I, uh, I would like to experience it again.” She gave a long, harsh pfft, and draped the washcloth over her face. “But that’s not going to happen. We have too much work to do.”

“It’s so good to see some things haven’t changed!” Cassie stated, oozing sarcasm with an added eye-roll. “Too much work to do!' Feh!” She mocked, making a face at the stubborn woman.

“Sheeva," Cassie sighed, "if you want it, ask. I’d be willing to bet he’d like that.”

Sheeva lifted the washcloth off her face, surprised at the bold suggestion from her shy friend.

Sheeva’s gut tightened in nerves as she imagined herself asking Tazaro such a thing. Would he turn her away? Would he fulfill her request?

“You’re not going to do it, are you, Sheevs?” Cassie challenged.

Sheeva shot Cassie a mildly irritated look.

“Don’t take my silence as dismissal, Cass,” Sheeva mumbled with a smile.

When Bartholomew floated through the door, looking around, Sheeva was thankful that Cassie couldn’t see him. Upon seeing their naked selves, Bartholomew’s mouth dropped in surprise. He turned tail and floated back through the door, barely witnessing Sheeva sending him a death-glare and covering her chest with an arm. As they stepped out and dried off, Cassie lifted her sopping-wet dress off the floor and tutted. She began to wring it out, then paused to look at the wall the pendant had been launched over.

“I still can’t believe you did that.” She pouted, then a smile curled on her lips. “You really hurled that sucker.” She muttered, impressed.

“Yeah, I did. We can try to find it if you want a turn.”

Cassie chuckled and donned her wet clothes as well as she could.

“Maybe some other time. I’d rather not see the thing ever again.”

Sheeva cast her drying spell on Cassie’s wet clothes and led the way to the dorms, pausing at her own door. She glanced at Tazaro’s door, somewhat surprised to see his grass-green light shining from within. With all the traveling they had done, she expected him to be in a dead sleep...much like she wanted to be.

“Goodnight, Cassie. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She bid her friend goodbye with a hug. Cassie returned it, yawning, and headed down the hallway.

Sheeva slid her door open, stepped inside, and slowly slid the door shut. It locked with a click. She settled and found herself staring at the ceiling, contemplating everything that happened in the day, and allowed the apologetic smile to creep to her face for throwing Kyle’s pendant. It was not hers to throw, and she made a promise to find it anyway and allow Cassie to chuck it down the steps, off the rooftop, or whatever other location fit her fancy.

Eventually, she fell asleep, lulled by the sounds of the forest and the whispering wind as it flowed through the window.