Ever since I was little, I was always told that the goal of life is to become one with spirit. As a kid I thought that was lame, as most kids in my sect do, but I was told I’d grow out of that mentality. I haven’t, but I have learned to say that I have, better lie than listen to a lecture about spirit from the elder. I just don’t get it, why become one with spirit when there is a whole world to see. I mean I’ve barely seen a fraction of the Divine Land’s and none of the empires and smaller countries outside of that, so why should I limit myself? Too late now I guess. The elder has finished carving the totem, meaning that once I received it, I would be officially an adult and receive our tribe's blessing.

“Sam, do you accept this totem and the blessing of the Buddha, to live for and become one with spirit?” There was a hint of inquisition in his voice.

“I humbly accept this totem and the blessing of the Buddha, to strive to become one with spirit” I know I didn’t mean it as I said it, but what was I going to do, say no? Abandon my tribe and go where? To become a slave of an empire? To get brutally dismembered by a wandering ogre? Not many options for me outside of here. 

“The Buddha blesses you Sam, receive this totem and see the spirit around you,”

As I took the totem into my hands I instantly saw spirit. Strings of light blue energy no bigger than a hair all around. There must have been millions of strings just in my sight creating paths and waves that echoed throughout the forest. I reached out to one in front of me and felt a strange tingle on my hand.

“Quite a sight to behold for the first time, Isn’t it Sam?” The elder seemed to be lost in nostalgia.

“You see this all the time?”

“ Yes, how lucky am I to constantly see this beauty,”

“It’s just so much, I can see it all around me, it's an ocean of blue” 

“Now open yourself up to it, let the spirit flow through and around you”

I sat upright and started the technique I had been practicing for years, only this time it was real. I create a hollowness in myself, A small pit within me. Then expand it more and more until the barrier between it and the outside world is shrinking, the hollow expanding towards my skin. Then push further, the hollow expands and the barrier gets thinner and thinner, eventually it's just against my skin, smaller than anything I can imagine. I push it a little further and the barrier is gone. The feeling of barely being there sticks with you, the paradox of being empty yet full, nothing yet everything, having to clear my mind yet also having razor sharp focus. The strands of spirit start to warp in shape as they now pass through my body, slightly curving along its contours. I stopped after a couple of seconds, suddenly feeling more exhausted than ever, yet not a single muscle was sore.

“While other blessings give the receiver the ability to wield spirit the same way the god does, ours is different,” He spoke with pride “We can see and feel raw spirit, something that anyone and everyone can do, yet only we strive to learn this. The Buddha says that anyone can achieve this state through meditation, however, his blessing transforms us into a permanent state of spirit meditation,”

He seemed genuinely delighted to tell me this, so I let him have his moment. Although it did seem unfair that the blessing of our tribe was something anyone could achieve while the stronger blessings reinforced empires. I mean what is the point of being able to see spirit when an avatar of Zeus could just zap me away. If anything this blessing seemed like a hassle, constantly being bombarded with sensory overload, not to mention the inner exhaustion. My body was on fire, completely destroyed from a brief ten seconds of meditation

I just realized I was basically panting in front of the elder from the exertion I used to meditate, embarrassing for me, hilarious for him.

“I hope you now know why we make you practice for years?” he chuckled as he said it, affirmed in his belief.

“I see now elder,” I could barely get the words out between breathes “I will return to deliver the good news to my mother,”

“Be proud boy, for you are now blessed, " he said in an uncharacteristically stoic manner.

“Yes elder,”

A little dizzy from all the strands of spirit in my vision, I start the trek home. Only a fifteen minute walk, but how tired I was, it was going to be horrid.

“Congrats Sam,”

My mom looked like me, olive skin, deep brown eyes, and a smile as wide as the whole forest. The biggest difference between us was her straight black hair– although it was matted from life in the forest– contrasting with my wavy deep brown hair, covered in oil and overlapping into a tangled mess.

I don’t get why my mom made a big deal out of it. Everyone in the tribe receives the blessing. Unlike other gods, the Buddha blesses all who wish for it, all you need is to ask the elder and he will do so. Even in our tribe it wasn’t a big deal. There was no massive festival, or crazy ceremony, just a couple of questions between me and the elder and it was wrapped up. My mom on the other hand made it seem like I had just met the Buddha. 

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Our little hut was decorated with all colors of leaves, she made my favorite food and was wearing a fancy dress. Ecstatic with joy as she skittered towards me to assault me with a hug.

“My little boy is all grown up, with his own blessing now, I am so proud,” I didn’t know her voice could go that high when she spoke. “I mean it feels like just yesterday when you were born,”

She got on her tippy-toes and reached up to pinch my cheeks like I was a two year old, her eyes filled with pride.

“Mom, I’m eighteen now you can’t do that anymore,” I tried to escape but her hands were like crabs ' claws.

“You aren’t too old for me to love you Sam,”

“Mom I never said that, I am too old for you to be pinching my cheeks like that,”

She let go, my cheeks were now red as if I was blushing. I looked over and saw what she made, steamed veggies surrounded by leaves and soaked in sauce.

“Can I eat now?”

“Yes we can eat now,”

The second we sat down I started to stuff my mouth. For some reason this was the best tasting food I have ever had in my life, I didn’t even taste any flavor but something about the food itself was amazing and made my body feel like I just woke up.

“This is really good mom,” I try to get it out while my mouth is stuffed.

“You earned it,”

Did I? Have I really earned anything? I mean all I did was follow the life that was set out for me, from the beginning this was all I had. Practice meditation for 18 years until I received my blessing then practice it until I become one with spirit or die. I don’t think I earned anything. I mean I skipped a ton of meditation as a kid, I would say I was going off to meditate then I would just read all day. I don’t think I have earned anything.

“Did I?” I was surprised the words came out of my mouth.

“Of course you did,” she was warm and tender like always.

“I mean all I did was go through the motions for years, I don’t even want this anyway,”

Oh shit, I said that out loud, one of the only things that would get her mad.

“Excuse me?” Her brows furrowed “The whole tribe supports you for all these years and you don’t even want this? I swear you take after your dad. He thought he was too good for this tribe and left. Is that what you want to do, leave? Promise you will return to see us and lie about it. You want to leave me Sam and never come back, you too?”

I could see the tears start to form in her eyes. She was thinking of dad again. Her dark brown eyes glistened more and more.

“Mom I’m s-”

“I knew I shouldn't have given you his books, but what was I supposed to do Sam, he left them for you, I couldn’t deny you your father, but those books filled your head with the world, make you want to leave like him,”

“Mom I am not going to leave you,” I didn’t know if I meant it.

She hugged me, and instinctively I hugged her back.

“I’m sorry,” this I did mean.

After 20 minutes of hugging and crying I finally went to my room and got to read. Our tribe doesn't own any books other than a couple of copies of the writings of the Buddha so whenever I got to read I felt special. My father left a couple of his journals and books documenting his travels around the world and his research into spirit. 

I opened up my favorite entry of his Entry #321 which was all about the empire of Ennea. I have read this chapter countless times but I am still blown away by what my father wrote.

There is light coming from everywhere, not only the sun. little canisters connected like a grid throughout the city. I am told they run on spirit, but in all my travels I have not yet seen anything like this. Mundane objects with the abilities of blessings, it's wondrous. They have water traveling upwards, like a reverse waterfall all around the city. This place is so bea-

I smelled the smoke before I heard anything. I walked outside to chaos. The whole village was in flames. Imps were swarming the place. My skin was on fire, my gut was churning, and my head felt light. I watch in horror as I see my village being burned to the ground. My neighbors dismembered on the ground, the heat distorting the view around me. I am paralyzed.

“SAM!” 

I snap out of it, my mom grabbing my hand, pulling me back to reality. I realized that we have to get out of here. I turned around and started to run, but I felt a tug from my hand.

“Where are you going? We have to help,” She was breathing heavily because of the smoke.

I knew she was right, but I still wanted to leave. Why would I give away my life for the small chance to save someone. Either I could have a chance to save someone else’s life and maybe lose my own, or I could run away and for sure save my life. I looked to my mom, her deep brown eyes understanding what I am thinking, but begging me to not run. I couldn’t leave her.

I resolved to help.

“What should we do?” I said, my voice saying I was sure in myself, but my heart wasn’t so sure.

“Let’s go to the elder,”

My mother started to lead the way and I take a step to follow her, resolving myself to he-

Then it was over. The Archdemon wings spread like a silhouette behind her body. If my body was paralyzed before, now it was like a wet noodle trying to stand up. Her head, it- it- wasn't there… no-this couldn- but mo-

The Archdemon turned around, its horns long and slender, the crimson red skin shimmering from the blood splattered on it. His eyes were a fiery orange, as if I was staring into hellfire itself. A twisted smile broke across his face, his fangs stained and filled with tendons and bits of flesh. His eyes met mine and he let out a corrupt chuckle, as if laughing a vision of my twisted fate. 

In a deep booming voice, a distorted and warped sound came out.

“Interesting,” 

He started to laugh and he turned back around, he flared his wings out, his wings creating a flickering shadow from the fire around him. He launched himself up as his wings boomed into the night, leaving me all alone in a burning village, the life I used to reject reduced to ash around me.