I looked at the two armored guards with their green hauberks and crested shields. Each of them carried what my medieval armor geek friends would call an arming sword but everyone else just called a longsword. They wore green hauberks with what I presumed was the baron’s crest, a golden lion with an arrow in its mouth. Their armor consisted of a hard leather chest piece and soft leather leggings and wrist guards. They wore no helmets or cloaks.

“Listen,” I said, holding up my hands and smiling. “We don’t want any trouble—”

“Then stand aside, peasant, and offer no resistance.”

I really hated them calling me that. I'm an American, dammit. I had to bite my tongue to retort something truly awful that would have made their stomachs catch in their throat. No one, and I mean no one does insults like a US Army soldier. We’ve refined it into an art form unto itself. However, I was two years out of uniform and trying really hard to be a good man. Instead, I took a deep breath, let it out slowly to subdue my anger, and plastered on a fake smile.

“You’re mistaken, sir,” I said. “She’s not an orc.”

The two guards had already taken a step toward her and then froze at my stunning declaration.

“What do ya mean she’s not an orc? Are you blind? Look at her ears. Her skin's green for Laurena’s sake.”

He said that name like it should mean something. I was a warrior in the game. The pantheon of gods never really interested me, now I wished I had paid better attention.

I put a hand on Alissa’s arm to steady her. I knew she would run, rather than fight, or at least I hoped that’s what she would do. She could cut these two humans in half if she wanted.

“Well, first of all, have you ever seen an orc woman before?” I asked. There were a lot of races in the land of Mystaria. Along with the standard fantasy races of orcs, elves, and dwarves, there were halflings, gnomes, dark elves, avians—a humanoid race with wings, dragon kin, beastials. The list went on. What were the odds these two Gomer Pyles knew exactly what an orc woman looked like?

They looked at each other for a second. “Well, have you?” I asked again.

“Uh, no, but—” he said pointing at her. “She’s big, green, and has orc tribal clothes, what do you say to that?”

That was a fair point. I looked at Alissa and struggled for a second, remembering every episode of Star Trek where Kirk tried to convince someone that Spock wasn’t a devil... they usually didn’t end well for them.

“There is a perfectly good reason for that...”

“There is?” Alissa asked. I elbowed her rock hard side and winced. I wasn’t even sure if she felt it.

“We were in the forest... bathing, and then an imp came and stole her clothes. Then,” I said, pointing at Alissa. “Orcs came and attacked. When it was all over it was either she walked around naked—” I gestured at her chest, drawing the guard's attention the generous swell of her breasts and cleavage visible through her armor — “Or wear Orc tribal garb.”

The guard's suspicion wasn’t eased, but their confidence in arresting her had diminished considerably.

“Okay, smart guy, if she’s not an orc, what is she?” Him and his buddy smiled wide like they got me, instead of playing right into my hand.

“Why, how dare you? What kind of scum are you questioning her race? I mean, seriously,” I said as loud as I could without yelling. “Do you walk around Griffondale demanding to know the parentage of every human you see? What, you don’t like green skinned people, is that it?”

I grabbed Alissa’s hand, even though she tried to jerk it a way, I squeezed, looked at her pleadingly, and then pulled us toward the inn. “Why I never,” I muttered as I pushed past the confused guards. I turned, pushed her toward the inn, and then looked right at the guards. “Your mothers would be ashamed of you!” I didn’t wait to see them respond. I just ducked into the inn, hoping to sow confusion with them long enough to escape.

The Mighty Griffon Inn didn’t have a front door so much as a L-shaped entryway that led through a curtain, then a door. I imagined it was designed that way to keep the heat in during the cold winters the area endured.

The door was the heavy oak kind with iron bindings with a painted griffin's head. One large eye stared right at whoever entered. Underneath the head were words painted in flaking red: Don’t start ‘nuthin, won’t be ’nuthin.

Truer words were never, uh, painted. Alissa pushed the door open with ease and I’m glad she did, the damn thing was six inches thick and looked like it weighed a hundred pounds. I wouldn’t want to look like more of a weakling than I already did.

The common room looked more like I expected. A large fire pit with a spit roaster across it turned slowly. A massive boar was speared right through the center. While I’m sure the twenty or so people crowded into the room smelled bad, all I could smell was the flame cooked pig. My mouth instantly watered and oh man, was I hungry.

There were ten park benches in the room, and five smaller, square tables, and then there was the bar. It had seven stools and was on the other side of the common room from the entrance. To the right of the bar was a large doorway with a swinging half door. It was either the kitchen, pantry, or both. To the right of that were the stairs leading up to the second floor.

I followed Alissa in and she immediately stepped back behind me in some kind of submissive display. Maybe she thought people would leave her alone if she looked like she belonged to me?

The crowd died down like a bad western when the outlaw walked in. Judging by the dirt on their clothes, I guessed several of them were farmers, two drunks, and a group of traveling merchants. The only person who looked as out of pace as we did, was a thin, cloak clad figure with her hood pulled up. All I saw was a wavy lock of golden hair fall out of her hood as she bent over to eat. Her fingerless gloved hand quickly pushed the hair under her cloak, and for a second, I caught a glimpse of a delicately pointed ear and big, amethyst-colored eyes. Then it was gone as she pulled the hood back down. I also noticed how she had an unstrung bow next to the table and tied to a quiver full of arm-length sized arrows.

I glanced back at Alissa to point the elf out, but quickly thought better of it. My half-orc companion looked about as ready to socialize as a cat at a dog show.

Instead, I led the way across the room as if I’d walked into a bar with a half-orc babe every day of the week, and twice on Sunday.

The bartender, and presumably the proprietor, stood behind the bar wiping it down with a clean cloth. He scrubbed in circles, stopping occasionally to poor a thick oil on the counter.

He didn’t even bother to look up as we approached. “She can’t stay,” he said. There was no need for him to say who “she” was.

“I just want a room for the night and some food. Is that too much to ask? Or is business so good you can afford to turn down a paying customer?”

That hit him right where he lived. He harrumphed, pretended to scrub the bar top for a second and cleared his throat. “Well, a man’s got to fee his wife and kids,” he said loud enough for the common room to hear. I got the feeling he was trying to excuse himself to the locals.

“You don’t have a wife and kids. You fat slob,” someone muttered from behind me.

“I might, one day,” he quickly replied. “Regardless, I only just have the one room, it will be a silver for the night and it comes with a hot bath and breakfast...” He looked over at Alissa, his eyes taking in her broad shoulders and muscular limbs “Breakfast, for one,” he said pointedly. “One human.”

“I get it. Small portions,” I grumbled. I fished out the silver piece and slapped it on the bar. “It better be the best damn breakfast I ever had,” I said when he reached for the silver piece. I held onto it a second longer, looking him dead in the eyes, so he knew I meant business.

“Awful tough sounding for a city slicker,” a man said behind me.

I let the silver go and nodded to Alissa, ignoring the man for now. “Do you have someone who can show her the room?” I asked. It was better to get her out of sight soonest. As much as it galled me how they were treating her, I didn’t want to push it into violence.

The innkeeper nodded and turned his head over his shoulder, taking in a breath to yell. “Camilla, get your big butt out here,” he said.

And boy, did she come. Camilla was as wide as the doorway and half as tall. She waddled while she walked out wearing a peasants dress and large white apron that didn’t even come close to covering her front. Her hands were covered in flour and she had a rolling pin in one of them that could easily pass as a war-hammer.

“You talk to me that way again, Porter Walters, and you won’t ever have to worry about children. I will flatten your balls and bake them into bread.”

Chuckling from the room told me this was a common exchange. I grinned. I liked this woman.

“Now, come with me, my dear. Don’t let these old fools bother you. Nuthin gonna hurt you while Camilla is here.” She walked right over, took Alissa’s hand and led her to the stairs.

The half-orc glanced back at me with a helpless expression. It occurred to me that Adora should have just had Camilla run the war.

Speaking of the war, everyone around here was acting awful tense, but not about the incoming invasion. Did they even know about it?

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

“Uh, Mr. Walters?” I asked the innkeeper.

“What is it, boy? Haven’t you caused enough trouble for the day?” Leaning on the counter as he spoke to stare me square in the face.

“It wasn’t my intent, sir. Would it be possible to get some food right now?”

He scratched his beard for a second, then reached under the counter and pulled out a plate with a scrap of cheese and stale bread. He slid it in front of me, along with an old cup he then filled with yellow water that I hoped was alcoholic.

“There you go. Now if there’s nothing else, I got other people to help,” he said without waiting for me to answer. He walked out from behind the bar and went into the kitchen, ending our conversation.

I gulped, looking at the food in front of me. I sighed and threw the cheese in my mouth and followed it with the bread. The cheese wasn’t terrible, but the bread was thick and stale. I found that if I dipped it in the—let’s call it ‘ale’—then it made it a lot easier to eat.

Lexi burst into the room, going full speed around the place until she landed in front of me, huffing with exertion. “You got some food! Oh, good. I was worried you were going to starve to death before we could even get to the Haunted Halls,” Lexi said.

Her voice, despite her size, sounded loud and clear and at the mention of the Halls the room went deathly silent. Even she noticed it.

After a few seconds, the ambient conversation returned.

“I hate this place,” I muttered. “Did you enjoy your talk with Daisy?” I asked her as I stuck the last of the bread in the ale to let it soak up the yellow liquid.

“Oh yes, she’s amazing. She has so much knowledge about herbs and healing, not just from her magic, but in every way...” she trailed off.

“What?”

“Nothing I...”

“Lexi,” I whispered. She stood on the bar in front of me, her arms crossed over her belly. “I trust your intuition. Tell me what you’re thinking?” I leaned down close to her so she would get the message not to shout it across the inn.

“Well... she’s a lot smarter than the hedge healers that the apothecary’s guild usually assigns to a town this small, it makes me wonder what she did wrong to get sent here?”

I shrugged. “Does it matter? Will we cross anyone to gather herbs for her?” I asked.

“Gathering herbs? Oh right, no, not at all...” she let the words trail off as she walked down the bar to admire the shine the innkeeper had put into it.

Why did I get the feeling she was hiding something? “Lexi... what did you do?”

She turned around to face me, a big smile on her face. She launched into the air to hover right in front of me, one hand on her hip and the other pointed at me. “What does that mean? Why do you think I did something?”

I looked her right back in the eye. “Because you’re suddenly acting like you did. Now, if I’m wrong, I apologize. But I don’t think I’m wrong.”

“Just so you know, Mister Earth Man, I did do something. I invited her to come along with us.”

She braced herself for attack, waiting to pounce on me... but there was nothing to attack.

“Lexi, that’s great. Well done, hon,” I said happily. “With a healer along, we’re forming a real party.”

I drained the last of my ale with a smile on my face.

“Did I hear you say you’re going to the Haunted Halls?” a soft voice, almost a whisper in my ear, asked.

I nearly jumped out of the barstool, and if not for the mug of ale I was holding, I would’ve. I turned slowly to the woman in the dark cloak speaking to me. All I could see were her green tinted lips and pointed chin. Her cloak was clasped in front, hiding her.

If this were a movie, I’d play it all tough and yell something like, “Who’s asking,” but this wasn’t a movie, and to be honest, we could use all the help we could get. After all, the only reason we were even going was to help me level and get the ball rolling on defeating Kojiman.

“Yes,” I said matter-of-factual. “We are. Would you like to come with us?” I turned myself toward her. I wanted her to know she had my full attention.

“Y-yes,” she stammered. “Uh, I didn’t think it would be quite that easy.”

“I’m Nick,” I said, holding out my hand.

Her grip was firm but gentle. Despite years with a bow (at least I hoped so) her fingers were smooth and soft.

“Brianna Bosque, but you may call me Brie,” she said with a twitch of a smile on her lips. She still hadn’t let me see her full face, and I wondered why.

“Are you going to pull back your hood?” I asked, leaning in close.

She shook her head. “It’s better if I am not seen. Once we are in the woods, then yes.”

I shrugged; this was shaping out to be a decent party. “One more thing, Brie, I have to ask, why do you want to go to the Haunted Halls?”

“Is it not enough that I will go with you? You’re unlikely to find adventurers in these parts, and it isn’t as if you could survive without a good party. I should be asking you why you are going when clearly you are sick, or something. Is that why? For a cure?”

I closed my eyes and counted to five in my head. This was getting old. “I’m not sick. I’m considered in good shape for where I come from. No, that is not why we’re going,” I said sharper than I intended.

“He’s a little sensitive about his size, if you know what I mean,” Lexi said with a wink at the elf.

“I don’t,” she said, confused.

I gave her my best smile and said, “I’m trying to become... uh, better, and I need to go to places like the Haunted Halls to do so. I only ask what your interest is, because you volunteered, and I don’t know anything about you.”

She seemed to think it over for a moment. This close to her, I saw that, under the cloak, she was clad in a supple brown leather armor that wrapped around her in bands, leaving only three inches between her torso and the top of her leather pants, revealing her belly button and taught stomach. She caught me looking and closed her cloak around herself like a coat.

“I’m going to find a friend,” she said, then turned to leave. “Can I come?”

“We’re leaving as soon as the sun is up. Meet you down here?” I asked hopefully. I felt like a heel for checking her out. I hadn’t intended to, but the shape of her hips was like magnets for my eyeballs.

“No,” Brie said. “I’ll join you on the path to the Halls.”

I turned to look at Lexi then back to the elf, but all I saw was a swirl of black cloak disappearing out the door as it shut.

“Wow, she’s quiet,” I said.

“And fast,” Lexi added.

“This is turning out nice,” I said as I turned around and went back to what was left of my meal. “We have a cleric, a barbarian, and now—unless I miss my guess—a ranger!”

Lexi fluttered up to me and kissed my cheek. “You’re doing great Nick. See, you don’t need to be the big bad warrior to make things happen.”

“Thanks, Lexi. All things being equal, I sure would like to be.”

She patted my nose sympathetically. “I’m exhausted, Nick. Mind if I find Alissa and get some sleep?”

I shook my head and jerked it toward the stairs. “She’s up there somewhere.”

Lexi flew off, leaving me alone with my thoughts. It was too early for me to call it a night, and I was starving, and I had one silver left to spend.

It was settled then; I’d wait for Camile to come back downstairs and buy whatever I could afford. Yep, the night wasn’t turning out terrible—

A massive hand grabbed my shoulder, spun me a round, and a fist hit me in the jaw. I fell off the barstool, landed on my butt, and slammed my head against the wooden bar at the same time.

“Ow,” I said. It had hurt, but I’d tussled with Marines, and they knew how to hit. This guy put too much into his swing and not enough into aiming.

He reached down and lifted me by the front of my tunic. I could smell the stale ale and pipe-weed on him. Remarkably, he was larger than me by about four inches all around.

“I said you’re awful tough sounding for a city slicker. I’m thinking I should pound you into the dirt and make sure you leave.”

“You were thinking?” I asked incredulously. “Do you need a healer? It must have hurt...” the room caught on and laughed uproariously at my insult. The farmer turned beat red and narrowed his beady little eyes on me.

“I was just gonna thrash you, but now, when I’m done with you, I’ll go pay your orc whore a visit.”

Well, that pissed me off. “Her name—” I said as I knife struck him in the throat, causing him to drop me and stumble backward. His meaty hands clutching his throat. “—is Alissa.” I side-kicked his rear knee as he stepped back. With all his weight on the leg, it collapsed, and he howled in pain as he hit the ground, one hand on his ruined knee, the other on his throat.

I may not be as big and strong as these guys, but I’d put a clerk from the US Army over a farmer any day of the week, and I was no clerk.

Camilla came down wielding her rolling pin like a war-hammer.

“By Laurena, Joseph Krout, if you’re in my inn starting trouble again, I’ll wail you but good. I’ll hit you so hard your next son will be born with a broken nose!”

He held up his hand to ward off the short but massive woman. Two of his buddies helped him up, and they headed for the door with him limping in between. He gave me one last evil glare as the door closed behind them.

Camilla waited a few more seconds, slapping her free hand with the rolling pin. When no one else wanted trouble she gave the room a knowing smirk, picked up the bar stool and gestured for me to sit in it.

I did. I wasn’t about to say no to anything this woman wanted.

“What can I get for you son?” she asked as she waddled around the bar. Surprisingly, as she went behind the bar, she grew taller. At first, I thought magic—’cause why not—then I realized there was a ramp built into it for her.

Clever.

“I’m starving,” I said simply. I collapsed a little against the bar, resting on my elbows. “All I’ve eaten today is some cheese and, uh, ale?” She nodded, letting me know I was right. “This morning I had some tough wolf meat, but what I wouldn’t give for some potatoes or something.”

“I’ve got just the thing, young man. Let me set you up,” she said with a big rosy smile.

“Wait,” I said, holding out my hand. I didn’t want to go through not having enough money again. I reached into my pouch and pulled out the remaining silver. “All I have is this. Is it enough?”

“A silver? Son, for that much I will cut you off a feast!”

And did she ever. A heaping plate of roasted pork, three potatoes, a mug of thick, dark, amber ale, and two carrots that were steamed to perfection. And that just my plate! I had the same thing sent up to Alissa and Lexi for them to enjoy. By the time the evening was on us, I was stuffed and ready for bed.

I profusely thanked Camilla, letting her know she was the best cook in a thousand miles.

“You hear that, Porter? That’s how you compliment a woman's cooking, you old slob,” she yelled over her shoulder.

I stumbled up the stairs, the heavy ale impairing my balance slightly... okay a lot. I had to use the wall as a guide. I was breathing hard by the time I got to the top. Camilla had said Alissa was in the third room on the right. I counted slowly, trying to keep my head clear. When I got to what I was sure was the right door, I pushed it open.

The rooms weren’t half as bad as, I expected. They were large, well lit, and furnished. A bed with a frame dominated one corner, the outer wall with a window overlooking the river had a desk and chamber pots, and the left side was dominated by a large, copper tub currently inhabited by a very naked Alissa.

I took a second to focus my eyes before I realized what I was looking at. She was half standing out of the water, facing away from me. Her strong shoulders led to wide hips and a toned dimpled ass. I caught a glimpse of her boobs and about died.

“Scheisser,” I used the German word for excrement out of habit, it was a way to swear at work without swearing. I averted my eyes so sharply that I lost my balance and hit the wall. The sudden crash alerted her to my presence.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly. The alto in her voice, along with how mildly she spoke, not to mention her generous curves, made her incredibly sexy. She wasn’t at all what I pictured when I thought of ‘orc’, not at all.

She stepped out of the bath and padded over to me, as naked as the day she was born. I regretted all the ale I’d drank.

“I’m fine, Alissa, uh you can stay there or get a towel,” I said to her as I regained my footing, not looking at her even though I really wanted too.

“I’m only naked,” she said with a hint of mirth. “It’s just skin, Nicholas.”

“Well, where I come from it isn’t right to see a woman without her clothes on,” I said as I marched for the bed. It was a big bed, four pillows and a big feather comforter, and oh boy did it look comfortable.

“Ever?” she asked.

“No, no, of course not. There are levels of commitment between the two that’s required. Uh, sometimes, I guess. For me, at least. I’m not the kind of guy who just barges in and watches women bathe. I want to know you—them, I meant them—before that... you know what? I’m just gonna lie down here.”

I hit the bed face first and didn’t move. I heard her slip back into the bath and I prayed silently she would put some clothes on before coming to bed... the one and only bed in the room.

A groan escaped my lips.

Damn code of honor...

I grabbed one of the pillows, rolled off the bed onto the floor with a grunt and collapsed.

“What are you doing?” Lexi asked from her position on the headboard.

“There’s only one bed,” I muttered, as if that explained everything. It would need to be because I lost my battle with wakefulness and passed out.