Andy slowly returned to her duties.

She slept heavily at night and woke up, often drenched from a midnight fever, with the sun almost completely over the horizon. Every morning Syan would already be sitting up and staring at her. It had been almost unsettling at first, but then Andy began to appreciate it. She had never had someone wait for her to wake up before.

In her youth, she had been woken up by her mother loudly listing all of the morning chores that needed to be done. On ships, she had been violently woken up by crewmates getting ready for the day. As captain, she rose when she wanted to, but it was always to emptiness. Syan wasn’t watching Andy with the intention of being unnerving. She was being patient.

They left Andy’s cabin together and took meals together. Andy taught Syan how to hold a fork between her thumb and fingers, though Syan usually abandoned her cutlery for her hands. She claimed it was a waste of utensils. Why would she need a vessel to bring food to her mouth when she had perfectly useful hands? Andy couldn’t argue. Her logic was sound. And it wasn’t as though any of the men cared.

Between meals, Andy let Syan follow her around. She showed her the ship but barely introduced her to the rest of the crew. Syan showed some interest in the workings of the ship. She liked watching the men throw their swords around in practice duels. She liked learning how pirates lived. But often Andy found her staring out in the water, not listening. And when Andy caught her staring off, she had to stop herself from doing the same.

Andy wondered if one day she would be looking out into the ocean and a dozen sirens would swim up and wave to Syan who would jump in the water to join them. Andy held her breath sometimes when peering out into the open waters. But Andy remembered what Syan had said to her. She probably couldn’t swim in her condition. For the time being, Syan was going to stay.

And if she was going to stay, she really needed some ability to defend herself. There was no guarantee they were going to have an easy journey back to the port, and Andy didn’t know how willing the crew would be to help her.

“How are you out of the water?” Andy asked one morning. “I mean, how well do you think you can defend yourself if you were stuck on this ship?”

Syan had tried looking dignified. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had any trouble with anyone outside of water.”

Andy hummed. She thought in the absolute worst case, if something were to happen, Syan would be nearly defenseless.

“What about singing?” Andy asked. “What does that do?”

“A siren’s song will distract and attract.” Syan said it as she was reading from a book. “A song won’t be useful if I don’t have anything else at my disposal.”

“It would buy you time,” Pinkey said, butting in. Andy clenched her jaw. “If you could sing when you’re in trouble, you could make a run for it.”

“But if I’m on a ship in the middle of the ocean without anywhere to run to, I would just be delaying the inevitable,” Syan said.

“Couldn’t it give you time to run some men through with swords? If you’re surrounded, and you have all these men under your spell, you could just stab them all up before you stopped singing.”

Syan tilted her head. She stared down at her porridge in deep thought. It was the most ridiculous thing Andy had ever heard. If Syan had unlimited killing power, she would know.

“I hadn’t thought about something like that before,” Syan said. “I suppose it could work as long as a siren could keep their concentration. It is exhausting having to sing, after all. And to put so many people under a song while attacking all of them at the same time—a siren would have to be very disciplined. But even then, sirens aren’t cold-blooded killers. I don’t know what stories you’re all told, but sirens don’t mindlessly kill humans.”

“I’ve heard that it’s a siren’s beauty that really lures men to their death.”

“Then it must not be an unpleasant death for you humans.”

Andy sighed loud enough to interrupt them. If not, the hypotheticals would go on forever.

“You should learn how to defend yourself with a sword. That’s what I’m getting at,” Andy said. “If you can’t drown a man, you should know how to stab one.”

“How do I learn?”

“I’m going to teach you. Today.”

Syan spooned another three-fingerful of porridge in her mouth. She didn’t protest, so Andy pulled out two swords after they finished eating and took Syan to the main deck. Pinkey followed them and watched Syan hold her sword. She tested the weight of it, lifting it up and down.

“It’s a cutlass,” Andy said. “The blade is short and curved. The hilt will protect your hand.” Andy gripped the handle of Syan’s sword, showing her how solid the guard was. “It’s for close combat.”

Andy loved a good cutlass. They were short, sturdy things just like herself. It felt right to have one in her hand. She had mastered holding them. They always felt like an extension of her arm—something she would have to tell Syan to try to replicate once she learned the absolute basics.

Andy had had many good times with a sword. They were more satisfying and more useful than guns. To drive a blade through a man trying to kill her was a feeling like no other.

“The great thing about a cutlass,” Andy said, “is that you can hit from any angle. You can slash someone. You can stab through them. You can also beat them with the guard.”

Andy demonstrated, gently punching Syan in the shoulder. Syan frowned at her and punched back. The metal made contact with her arm at a snail’s pace. It shouldn’t have hurt, but the metal digging into her made the dull ache in her joints flare up for a moment.

“Hold out your sword,” Andy said. “I’ll teach you how to disarm. If you learn how to disarm someone, you stand a chance at buying yourself time to attack.”

Syan held the sword out vertically. Andy raised the blade so that she was in a proper fighting position. At least, the sword was. Syan’s empty arm hung limply at her side, and her legs were close together. She looked like an awkward baby animal trying to take its first steps.

Andy pressed her sword against Syan’s. Then, she quickly slid the blade down until it was hooked right above Syan’s hand. She twisted, and Syan gave in to the pressure. There was a satisfying clatter of a sword hitting the deck.

“The closer you are to your opponent’s hand, the easier it’ll be to push their sword away,” Andy said.

“How do I stop someone from disarming me, then?”

“You have to act first. You have to be quick.”

Syan had gumption. She held her sword back up. Andy met her blade. Again, she went low until she could twist Syan’s sword. But Syan put up a fight this time. She kept her blade steady and tried twisting her body to give herself more leverage. Every move she made was on instinct, trying to use all of her brute force to overpower Andy’s skills.

Andy laid her hand against her blade and twisted further until Syan couldn’t keep her hold or her stance. She gave in to Andy’s weight, allowing herself defeat, and then stumbled back. Her feet couldn’t keep up with her. She fell to the deck and looked up at Andy, her hair hanging in her face and almost snarling. At least, her anger would drive her to keep trying.

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Andy offered her a hand. She hadn’t meant to throw Syan to the ground, and she wasn’t particularly fond of looking down at Syan who was still injured, still weak.

“Captain,” Pinkey said, “it’s not fair. You haven’t taught her a good stance yet.”

He offered her a hand as well, but Syan ignored both of them. She pushed herself to her feet by herself, taking a second to get her footing.

“Show me how to stand,” she said.

Pinkey took her gently by the wrist and guided her arm out. Her elbow was at a good angle. Her sword wasn’t too high or too low. Pinkey had Syan mimic his stance, knees bent, legs apart. Pinkey was a good fighter and a better teacher. Andy had to admit it. And he made Syan look like a good fighter. She looked good like she was ready to take on Andy.

They readied their swords. Their blades felt one another, running up and down against each other. Andy pulled away and swung harder than she probably should have. Her sword hit Syan’s with a loud clang. It was a nostalgic sound. It reminded Andy of being in battle again, throwing her sword around and looking enemies in the eyes before driving the sword home into their bodies.

But she wasn’t looking at an enemy, she was looking at Syan’s wincing face. Andy was ready to take it easy. There was no point in abusing Syan or exhausting her until she couldn’t practice for another three days. Andy should have taught her the basics, taught her how to give herself a chance in a fight, and built from there. Smashing swords wasn’t going to protect Syan at all.

Something was triggered in Syan, though, and she swung her sword back. When their swords clashed, Andy keeping hers firmly in place, Syan slid her blade down until it reached Andy’s guard. She tried pushing it away, but Andy held it steady. The muscles in Andy’s arms flexed and throbbed. They were underused and had shrunk, leaving Andy feeling weaker than she had in a long time.

With all of her weight, Syan stepped forward and pushed again. Andy immediately saw the mistake. The top of her blade was only inches away from Syan’s neck. With one easy move, Andy could push it into the soft flesh on her throat, slicing through her arteries and veins. It would take only seconds for enough blood to kill her to spill out onto the deck.

“Stop.” She pushed her hand into Syan’s chest. “You’d be dead. Look.”

She tapped Syan’s throat with her blade, lightly. Syan, probably more frustrated in herself than with Andy, lowered her sword and her head. She pushed Andy’s sword away with the back of her hand.

“It’s okay,” Andy said. “You’ll learn. It’s all about technique.”

“Then show me the techniques.”

“I’m trying to. You’re not going to learn it all in one day.”

“It’s better if you make your mistakes with the captain instead of someone who wants you dead,” Pinkey said, helpful twice in one day. “Captain Andy knows all the ways to kill you, but she won’t do it.”

“He’s right,” Andy said. “You need to fuck up with me or else you’ll fuck up with someone else.”

Syan pulled her hair behind her shoulders. They would have to find something to tie it back with later. “Fine. Let’s try again.”

They laid their blades against each other. Syan slid her sword down. She twisted her arm. Andy twisted back and took a step to the side. Syan followed her. It was impressive. Syan was strong. She was determined. If Andy could keep that energy in her, Syan would have no problem learning.

Andy’s shoulder was starting to ache from Syan’s shoving. She stepped further back, trying to relieve the pressure. Eventually, Syan was running her backward, shoving her down the deck. Pinkey followed, skipping and bouncing all the way. He whooped and cheered on Syan.

Andy’s upper body screamed. It was on fire. She couldn’t compete with Syan’s strength. When she thought she wasn’t going to last much longer, Syan slowed down and stumbled, and fell to the deck floor. Her sword clattered next to her.

“Are you okay?” Andy asked.

Syan hung her head again. She grabbed her legs, digging her fingers into her flesh. Her face was twisted in pain. Andy sat down next to her. They should have started slower. She shouldn’t have let Syan get so worked up.

“Are you okay?” she repeated.

“I’m okay,” Syan said. She took a deep breath. “I just need a minute.”

“I think we’re done for today.”

Andy’s legs also felt weak. Her arms burned like when she was young and first learning to handle a sword. She wanted to be done just as much as she wanted Syan to be done. It was a good start, she told herself. For both her and Syan. She would need to keep up her own training if she ever wanted to rebuild her strength.

Pinkey looked down on them. His hands were on his hips, and he was laughing.

“That was a good show,” he said. “You almost had her, Sy.”

Andy cringed at the nickname. Pinkey was far too comfortable with Syan. And standing over them, towering over them, it was like he was leering. Andy wanted to crawl away. She felt like she had a year ago, sitting on the deck while the crew surrounded her. A hot gun still in her hand. Eli’s blood splashed on her clothes and face.

She felt like she was being watched. A dozen eyes were on her.

“You should ask the captain how to shoot a gun next,” Pinkey said. “It’s what she prefers, isn’t it?”

Andy looked up. There was a little light in Pinkey’s eyes. She remembered all the men looking down on her the night Eli died, staring at her with wide eyes and then smiles. She couldn’t remember who it was who had grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her up off the deck, declaring her captain. But she remembered that it hurt.

“Would you?” Syan asked, oblivious. Or at least, pretending to be oblivious.

“No,” Andy said. “If you can’t handle a sword, you can’t handle a gun.”

She pushed herself to her feet despite all the aches that shot through all of her joints. She held her hands for Syan and took her weight while she stood, slowly, her legs shaking. Without thinking about the intimacy of it, Andy wrapped her arm around Syan’s waist. She could feel Syan’s muscles twitching under her hand, straining to keep her upright. Andy tried not to think too much about the curve of her hip right below her fingers or the sticky warmth of her sweat clinging to her shirt.

They walked back to Andy’s cabin and sat on the fainting couch together. Syan wiped her brow. Her hair was damp, and her cheeks were flushed.

“What did he mean?” Syan asked. “He said you prefer a gun.”

“He was referring to something that happened a long time ago.”

“I could tell. That’s why I’m asking.”

Andy wasn’t sure why she was unwilling to tell Syan about Eli’s murder—beyond not wanting to talk about it at all. It wasn’t that she was embarrassed, but thinking about how Eli behaved that night made her skin crawl. She didn’t even feel all that bad that he had died. Pirates died often. If he had wanted a long life, he wouldn’t have chosen a life where he fought hard and spent long stretches of time on the open sea where land was spotted so rarely that it was hard to remember what it looked like.

Eli got what he deserved in the end. No one seemed to mourn him. Martin had firmly told Andy she did what she had to do and that she should never feel shame. But there was so much left behind for Andy to think about. What could have happened, how far Eli would go, if it would continue until Andy found a way to escape.

“If it’s not important, you don’t need to say anything,” Syan said.

Andy could feel Eli’s hands on her shoulders again. He had rubbed her shoulders, commenting on how small they were for a man but how suitable they were for a woman.

“I.” Andy inhaled. She stiffened. “Killed our previous captain. And that’s how I became our current captain.”

“Oh. Did you shoot him?”

“Yes.”

Syan lowered her voice. “Why?”

“He—” Andy waved her hand. “Pirates kill each other. It’s what we do.”

Syan nodded and stayed silent. Andy was sure she didn’t believe it. But she was sure that Syan understood the unsaid because, regardless of species, domination and power seeped out of people in the same way.

While the crew had celebrated her promotion, none of them had understood the burden that came with it. And then there was Syan, offering an extension of compassion halfway to her.

“If I tell you something new about sirens,” Syan said, “will you keep it to yourself?”

“If you’d like me to.”

“You wouldn’t use it against me?”

“I think we’re past the point of ensuring one another we won’t kill the other.”

Syan must have been telling Andy as a way to sort of meet her halfway, to share the vulnerability.

“Our singing is important, but there’s nuance to We don’t have unlimited sway over humans. It takes concentration and skill and discipline. And when the moon goes dark every cycle, it’s difficult to have any of those. We weaken and strengthen with the moon.”

“You’re useless once a month? Is that what you’re saying.”

“Not useless. Just weaker. It’s like my head is foggy. If I had to defend myself, I probably wouldn’t be able to do much.”

“You’d be vulnerable?”

“More so than I am now.” Syan looked down at her legs. “We’re due for a dark moon soon, and I’m going to be especially weak this time.”

“I’ll just have to look after you then.”

Syan looked up with mild surprise playing on her face. She smiled, confused. “You would do that for me?”

“Of course. What else should I do? Lock you up somewhere so no one can find you?”

“No one’s offered to look after me before.”

Andy brushed it off. She felt a touch relieved. Lighter. And she felt closer to Syan. Organically so.

She didn’t move from her spot next to Syan, and Syan didn’t give any indication that she needed space. Pirates weren’t usually ones to have their stomachs do flips over something so minor. Andy put every pirate captain before her to shame. She could feel them shaking their heads at her. She was supposed to pillage and raid. She wasn’t supposed to know boundaries or respect or stomach flips. But she was starting to think about Syan more and more as a person she wanted to sit next to more often, and she couldn’t help being a bad pirate for it.

Eli had sat next to her only half a dozen times before he unraveled her secrets. Before he pieced together that under her father’s large jacket and her baggy trousers that she wasn’t a young man and rather a young woman. It only took those six sit-downs before Eli found her alone under the deck and tried to rape her.

It only took her and Bettridge to sit together once before he confronted her in a small inn bedroom with talk of laws on piracy and how he knew a pirate when he saw one.

How different Syan was. They could have easily destroyed one another, but there they sat, quiet, and okay.