I arrived at my apartment and my spirits got low only when I entered. It was a mess. A mountain of dirty dishes sitting in the sink and on top of the counter, clothes were strewn all over the floor, many empty bottles of alcohol and energy drinks that I forgot to throw on the table, and when was the last time I mopped the floor or wiped the dust?

I removed my shoes and threw my bag and my leather jacket on the floor. I walked to my room and let myself fall on the bed, laying on my stomach. I closed my eyes and sighed.

I'm finally going to die.

I smiled at the thought.

I've been dealing with depression for four years and every single day in these four years I wished for death to take me away from this life and disappear. I tried to cure myself, to pull myself from the darkness within me, I went to therapy, I read stupid, useless books about self-loving and how to love life and all this bullshit but nothing worked for me. I wanted to kill myself, my soul was turned off, I felt nothing but emptiness inside me. Like a hole was dug in my heart. I couldn't tolerate it, so I tried to kill myself many times but failed because I'm a fucking coward.

Every time I crossed the streets I wished a car would hit me; When I got into stores I wished a terrorist would break in and shoot me. I wished for someone or something, anything to kill me because I was too afraid to do it myself. And now my wish is coming true.

I sighed. I should cancel my plan for partying today, my head is hurting me so fucking much, and I'm feeling so tired. I just want to lay on my bed and sleep all day. When I was on the point of falling asleep I heard a knock on the door, I ignored it. Then another knock and the ring bell twice, I groaned and put the Pillow on my head to not hear the sound, I don't want to get up, I'm not going to get up, whoever this is, just fuck off. Then the ring belled a third time. Fuck.

I got up and walked to the door. I opened it and saw my cousin's black eyes that we inherited from our grandmother. She held two pizza boxes in her arms and had a wide grin on her face. "Hey!" she said joyfully. I said nothing and stared at her with a Straight face.

Her smile faded. "Well someone is in a bad mood today."

"Just shut up and get in." I left the door open for her and walked back to my room.

"Oh my god," she murmured when she stepped inside and saw the mess. "Well, your apartment isn't any better than you."

I laid on my bed again and brought the sheets to cover my head.

"Did you go to the doctor as I told you?"

I hummed in response.

"And what did he tell you? Why are you having these headaches?"

I heard bottles clinking, she is probably throwing the empty bottles in the trash.

I stayed silent. Then I heard her footsteps approach.

"Are you asleep?"

"No, I'm practicing being dead."

"Come on, what did the doctor say?"

"Nothing. He said that it's just a bad migraine, that's it." I didn't want to tell her the truth because she'll probably start crying, and I don't know how to deal with someone crying. The second reason why I don't want to tell her is that Diana is horrible at keeping secrets, therefore she surely will tell her aunt who is my mother about my sickness, and the last people I want them to hear about my sickness are my family. They'll act as they care but deep down I know that they would be counting the days when they'd finally get rid of the most annoying bitch that has no use in the family. My funeral wouldn't be a funeral, it would be a fucking party. I can picture it. My parents dancing, my sister drinking and making out with her husband, and my brother drawing a mustach on my face while my corpse is laying on the coffin and my soul is burning in hell. And they would not put me in a grave to mark that I once lived on this earth, no, they'd throw me in the ocean, so that a shark would come and eat me. Then they will forget about me like if I had never existed. Just like a fly.

"But it's not normal that a migraine makes you suffer for that long. There must be something wrong."

"God," I sighed before turning around to look at her, my chestnut hair covering my face. "Are you a doctor? No, you know nothing about medicine, he, on the contrary, is an expert, he has spent years studying about the human body so when he says that it's just a migraine, It. Is. Just. A. Migraine. Get it?" I buried my face back in the pillow.

"I'm not convinced, but I guess you're right, he's a doctor, and he knows better...come on now, I brought pizza. Get up, or do you want to eat on your bed?

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

I lifted my head off the pillow to catch air. "I'd rather sleep, but I do would like a bit of wine before. Can you please bring me some? There is a bottle in the fridge."

"No! do you know how many bottles of alcohol I have just thrown? One bag wasn't enough to put them in! That's why you have these migraines, you drink like a pirate."

"And there is no doubt that my mom is your aunt, you're just as bossy as her. You know what? I changed my mind, I don't want anything. Get out of my room and let me sleep, I'm tired."

"Fine, screw you," she spat before walking away. "I'm gonna eat the pizza by myself, don't get upset when you won't find anything left for you to eat after."

I ignored her. I hugged my pillow and rested my head on it. Finally some peace.

"And I'm going to throw away all the alcohol," She shouted.

"No you won't," I said before closing my eyes, I was so comfortable in my bed and so tired. And when I was ready for the slumber to take me. I heard the clinking of glasses and my eyes opened wide.

That bitch.

I jumped out of my warm bed and ran to the kitchen to stop her.

***

After fighting and breaking my only precious bottle of wine. I laid on the couch with Diana sitting beside my feet, and eating the Margherita that she brought while watching a TV show casually, as if I didn't try to kill her thirty minutes ago. "Your mom called me today. She invited the whole family this evening for dinner."

I frowned. "She called you? I thought her phone was broken." I brought the slice of pizza to my mouth. "Did she call you with her number?"

"Yes, why?"

A rough laugh escaped my lips at the realization. "Dad called me this morning. I asked him why you aunt hadn't called me instead, and he said that she broke her phone. Guess it's a lie to not talk to me."

Diana looked at me and tucked her light-ash blond hair behind her ear. "No, maybe she broke it after calling me. Wait, at what time did he call you?"

"eleven ten past."

"I'll see what time it was when she called". She picked up her phone from the coffee table and went to her recent calls. Diana frowned and put the phone gently back on the table. "She called at eleven half past..."

"See? I told you. "

"That's weird, there must be an explanation for this."

"The explanation is clear Diana, they hate me. I told him that I am sick and that I was at the hospital, and he didn't give a fuck about it, I'm his daughter, at least pretend to worry and ask me if I'm good." I lost my appetite. I threw the unfinished slice of pizza on the box and clapped my hands together to remove the crumbs.

Diana stayed silent for a moment before asking. "So you aren't going?"

I shook my head.

Now we both said nothing, only the sound of the TV filled the silence in the room.

"I think that you should go and pay them a visit, they're your family after all you know."

"Oh shut up." I shifted in my place to change my posture, I closed my eyes and put a hand on my forehead, my headache is worsening because of this conversation. I like my cousin and I enjoy her company, she's the only person that I can get along with, but sometimes she annoys me so much that I want to defenestrate her. "I don't go to a house where I'm unwanted."

"But if they have invited you it means that you are wanted you're ju_"

"There is a difference between being wanted and needed," I interupted her. "They need me, not because they want my company. He said that on the phone, he told me that I should stop being useless and come help them."

She put her forearm on top of the back pillow and rested her head on her palm.

"Maybe he didn't mean it like that."

"Oh stop defending him, will you? He's my dad, I know how he is. " I crossed my arms and watched the TV. "This show is so boring." I picked the remote to change the channel.

"I don't want to go by myself there," said Diana softly.

"Then don't go, why do you have to go?"

"It'll be kinda rude if I don't," she took her hair and started picking apart her split ends. "And aunt Kristen seemed very excited on the phone. Matter of fact, she invited the whole family. It means that your uncles and your cousins are going to be there, and you know that I get anxious and awkward around people I barely know."

"You mean around Steve." I smirked.

"No." she blushed, and I giggled. Diana had a crush on my other cousin since a long time ago when they met in a family gathering. She never wanted to admit that she likes him, but I found out when I noticed how her eyes glow and smiles when hearing his name and asks me insider info on him. They meet only at family gatherings, that is why she wants to go to dinner this evening.

"Come on, please come with me Cassie, I don't want to be alone there."

"You won't be alone. Jack and Zoe will be there and of course, Steve." I moved my brows up and down.

"stop it!" She blushed again and slapped my leg. I let out a silent laugh.

"You're a jerk...but also my favorite cousin. Come on, stop being so stubborn and come, only this night please, we won't take long, please." She she brought her hand together and showed me her puppy eyes. She always used to show them whenever she wanted something when we were kids, and she's an adult now, and she's still doing it thinking that it still works. Maybe it works on someone else but not on me.

"Push me and beg me how many times you want Diana, you can't change my mind, I won't go even if you get on your knees and kiss my feet. Even God can't make leave. Whatever happens. I. Won't. Go."