When I pictured the world beyond the city walls, I had imagined endless sand dunes. However, what I found was a semi-arid landscape adorned with sparse greens and layers of grainy gold, bathed in the fiery touch of crimson above. The scarcity of sand made it more convenient to build roads, making travel easier. Meanwhile, the people in the east relied on desert animals to traverse regions where dunes were moved and stirred about by the gusts of wind.
To the west of the semi-arid plains lay the fertile flatlands and the city of Ambar, which molded me into a canvas meant to be shaped by vices and virtues.
Samira and I both settled on soft cushions placed on top of the seats. We stowed our musical instruments in a compartment reserved for passengers to keep their belongings.
"So, Indrasena Sahib, are you traveling to that town to give a performance?"
"Yes."
"Do you mind if I ask you some personal questions?"
"Go on"
"Where are you from, exactly? From whom did you learn your craft." She asked, leaning forward with feigned interest, clearly enjoying playing this new role.
"Someone whom you probably wouldn't recognize—a person of no reputation but skilled in teaching. Their students often turn remarkable, surpassing them."
"Oh?" she said, raising her eyebrows. "Remarkable, you say? I would like to see, Saheb, that remarkable talent of yours. It's rare to come across prodigies such as you. Will you fulfill my wish and prove me your talent?"
With a self-assured smile, I grabbed the sarod with my dominant hand and positioned it on my lap, resting the gourd on my left thigh and its neck on my left shoulder.
"My heart desired something so forbidden," I sang, my voice laced with deep sorrow, and the notes of my sarod expressed the depth of the yearning.
"On the days, on the nights, dreaming of you," I let my voice tremble, blending vulnerability and hopefulness.
My fingers moved across the string and sarod's resonant tones filled the carriage, complementing my voice in perfect harmony.
"Are you a witch, my love? Who has cast a spell?" I mused, letting the question hang in the air. I made the sarod slightly rise in intensity to capture the allure of the lover, allowing each note to hold a hint of magic.
"The scent of your breath and the nectar of your voice," I let admiration lace my voice and with my sarod, captured the intoxication of lyrics with delicate melodies.
My voice continued to utter every word with passion, while my fingers moved with perfect grace, building the intensity.
"Oh tender love, you leave me breathless," My voice soared, pouring forth the universal feeling. The union of my voice and the instrument created a captivating harmony, filling my surroundings with raw emotion.
"You leave me wonder if It is the heaven I reside?"
The song reached its peak, expressing the delight of a person who wasn't me.
And with a heartfelt note, I concluded the song and took a moment before I beheld her countenance, which was aglow with a beaming smile.
"Not bad! Whoever taught you to play so well did a fine job?"
"That person is the most beautiful person I've ever met," I said, expressing my genuine admiration. My eyes reflected sincerity, and my heart raced like an untamed horse. It took her surprise for me to be taken aback by the intensity and truthfulness of my words.
"How long have you known this person?" She asked.
"A year." I whispered.
"A year." She mused. "A year is too short to fall in love, when words are not exchanged," There was sadness to her tone as she continued. "Most claim to know of true love, but only few have felt it."
"Will the words be exchanged then? Will the one who taught me to dream ever share a slice of their life?" I asked.
"The understanding of it varies depending on the man, and in my opinion, the man in question may struggle to comprehend it."
"The woman would need to explain before making assumptions."
She did not reply, and a silence followed. I filled the silence with music, all the while observing the humped beasts toiling for their master—a lone desert flower rebelling against the cruelty of the sun. A snake slowly slithering from shrub to shrub, mirroring the waves of sand guided by invisible sighs. This sight resonated with me, as I saw elements of myself reflected in all of those things.
"Let me tell you a story," she broke her silence, interrupting my attempt to fill the void.
"A story?"
"Yes."
"Go on," I said. She cleared her throat before beginning. "This is a tale of a man, a man unlike many you usually see. He was white of skin and golden of hair. He met a woman from the sky and fell in love with her. His is a tragic tale, for he chases after her, not knowing that her heart would never burn for him."
****
The tale took place long ago, in an era of victorious times where men were seen as equals, and sin was scarce. It was a period predating the downfall of kingdom of Kuntala caused by the betrayal of Vikramaditya.
During this era, there lived a young man who was born into a humble fisherman's family. This young man was named Veer. Veer while growing up nurtured a burning desire to serve the gods by upholding justice.
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Motivated by this noble purpose, he embarked on a grand adventure, searching for the moral cracks that marred the vast world. He journeyed to all corners of the world and met different types of people, both queer and brilliant. He helped them with wisdom more than the swing of his sword which earned him a lot of respect.
On a particular day, while riding in a labyrinthine city he took a sudden turn and without realizing startled a little girl. The oil can the girl was carrying fell on the ground, leaving the girl in tears.
Veer unwilling to travel forth without helping the girl took the soil and pressed it tightly letting the oil drip down into the can and after completed it he sent the girl on her way.
And then suddenly a lady materialized out of nowhere. Her face bruised, her clothes torn, and her hair in wild tangles. She glared at him with hatred that could rattle the mountains and drench the lands with tsunamis.
"In recompense for your transgressions, you have caused me harm," she uttered icily. "For this, forgiveness shall never be yours. When the pivotal moment of your life arrives, I shall be the force that restrains you."
Veer begged for forgiveness, vehemently claiming that he was innocent and did not have any intention to inflict harm. However, the divine embodiment of the earth remained adamant. She did not give in to his appeals and faded away with an ominous promise.
Veer repented in the most sincere manner he could by aiding more and more people. And when a deadly predicament, an earthquake, almost took his life, he was miraculously saved. He was convinced that the earth goddess had pardoned him. However, little did he know that the curse meant something crueler than mere death.
He continued his journey, traversing vast distances. His reputation reached many ears of several who donated to his cause and provided him shelter in light and dark. One day, he chanced upon a feeble and emaciated young boy, seeking refuge under a tree. Veer extended his help by giving him water, food and some medicine to alleviate his burning fever.
"Child, what has happened to you? Why are you here all alone? Where are your parents?"
"They abandoned me in the forest, sire. They were starving, and they could not afford to raise me."
"Do you know where they might have gone?"
"I do not know, sire. I do not know."
"Do not worry, boy. There are still good people who are in need of children. I shall take you to them."
"Do you have a name boy?"
"Ravi. I was named ravi,"
Veer journeyed with the boy in tow, and they found respite in a serene clearing. As the sun sought its berth, surrendering to the approaching darkness, it cast a hazy veil over human minds, manipulating them to believe in the unknown secrets hidden in the black.
Veer lit a small campfire, which offered solace from the icy caress of the night. They both rested, awaiting the blushing dawn and cooing cuckoos.
Between the night and dawn, a time believed to be a blessing for ghosts, a voice awakened Veer and enticed him to follow. And so, he did, eventually arriving in the presence of a woman swaying to the rhythm of a flowing river that held the gentle light of the moon.
She bore a profound sadness that seeming to have moved the trees, causing them to shed tears of their own.
Her skin was ebony of night, and her silver tresses gleamed with the faint glow of starlight. Her body was draped in a saree of sapphire and gold and her hair decorated with jasmine flowers.
Noticing him, she let out an “Oh.” and said, “I didn’t know you could hear me. I’m truly sorry. Were you sleeping?” Her voice was soft as a lover's kiss, and his reply matched it in gentleness.
"I was, but I am not angry. Pray tell, why are you shedding tears? Has someone inflicted upon you a grievous wound?" Her orbs, that held all the radiance of sunlit leaf, gazed at the heavens.
"No, I have. I was the one who hurt him. I betrayed my king, Tejas, by succumbing to deceit and sharing a bed with his brother Alok."
Veer had heard of Alok, the perverted god who often deceived mortals and apsaras by assuming the appearance of their lovers.
"If it is who you say it is, then you are innocent."
The clouds lingered in the sky, obscured them from stars and moon.
The beauty in melancholy stared at veiled sky. "I have come to the mortal world to witness its wonders, and I arrogantly believed that my king would come for me, abandoning his throne in the heavens. I now realize how foolish I was to have held such expectations and be deceived by that rake. I am punished for a reason and so I dance and sing under the full moon's light, hoping that when he sees me, he may find it in his heart to forgive me,"
She turned to regard veer and spoke softly, "I have heard of you, thought of you, but never sought you. Yet, here you are. You came to me on your own accord to fulfil my request."
"If it is in my power, I will."
"Can you give me warmth?" She bluntly asked and the adventurer was take aback. " I have been without a touch for centuries, and you, who help people selflessly can be the only one to ease this dreadful pain that resides within me."
"I can't do that for you,"
"The birds whisper to me of your pain, of your cries when no eyes find you. I will help you with that."
Veer had never revealed his hidden side to anyone but he decided to trust her. He poured his heart out and told her about the people he couldn't help, the sense of hopelessness in preventing sins from happening.
She listened to him attentively, offering solace, and within the depths of his heart, a profound feeling welled up, bringing him peace and joy he had never felt before. She held his vulnerable self, and he reciprocated, prioritizing her pleasure above his own. He didn't care for his own needs; his heart desired something more than physical pleasure. It wanted to be devoted to her, to do anything for her, for she did not judge a man for his vulnerability.
In the morning, she faded into the mist, leaving him alone with a lingering sense that everything that had taken place was nothing more than a dream. Few months passed and veer helped the boy by leaving him with a priest who was not blessed with children and carried on with his journey.
He continued helping people and chased after the one who held his heart, refusing to believe that it was all just a dream. He found her many times, only to be held back by the rocky hands that gripped and silenced him before his voice could reach her.
Inexhaustible was his love for her, akin to a poison, and he stubbornly rejected any remedy. For years, he pursued relentlessly, only to have his heart suffer greater wounds. It was not solely his incapacity to reach her that tormented him, but also the ever-growing sorrow stemming from humanity's inability to resist their sinful nature.
Soon, age, too, held him back, but his unshakable conviction did not waver even in moments of weakness. When he found her at the river, where he and her had first met, he felt a ran after her. However, she was already climbing the stairways to moon.
The earth goddess, seeing Veer's desperation and knowing he was too weak to stop her, lifted the curse, and then mocked his relentless fight against the destiny.
"She will never be yours." She taunted him, but he refused to give up.
With all his strength, Veer called out her name, and the apsara turned back, regarding him with pity as she ascended to the sky.
In the days that followed, Veer lost all his strength, completely broken by mankind and his unrequited love - took his own life.
****
I refrained from asking her about the intent behind telling this tale. Instead, I made assumptions that the story mirrors her life and that there was a secret paramour, whom she still ardently desires.
I believed that if I love this woman I will meet a tragic fate. I was wrong but that realization came too late. If only I realized my folly sooner. Maybe one day, in a land free from the shackles of caste and the hypocrisy of men, we may cross paths once more. When we do, I hope she will find it in her heart to grant me forgiveness for my transgressions.