Michael hoped that sleep would recharge him in more ways than one. He expected the dangerous thoughts to go back to whatever hell they came from by the time he woke up, but was disappointed. They were more stubborn this time, not fleeting like the brief ideas he’d had before. This time he had a plan, and what he considered to be valid reasons for ending it all. This time sleep couldn’t shake the temptation. Luckily Meemaw began knocking on his door.
She asked, “Mikey? You up?”
Michael croaked, “Up enough.”
The door cracked open and Meemaw cautiously looked inside. She put on a sad, lopsided smile as she approached the foot of Michael’s bed. “You gotta get dressed.”
Michael dragged himself to sit upright and asked, “Why?”
“Well, I’m thinkin’ we need to try somethin’ a little dif’rent.”
“Like what?”
“You’ll see.”
Michael rolled his eyes and collapsed back on his bed. He didn’t care much for surprises, and Meemaw’s secrecy only annoyed him. But he got dressed nevertheless and rode with Meemaw forty miles to their destination.
They pulled up next to a small building across the street from the hospital with the word Psychiatry on the side. Meemaw led him inside, helped him fill out the paperwork, and waited with him until the doctor called him in.
The psychiatrist led Michael into the private office with soothing, neutral-colored walls. Michael sat in an armchair and looked behind the desk at the degrees and certificates adorning the wall. He heard a quiet, steady buzz and looked to the top of a bookshelf next to the door with a white noise generator.
The doctor asked as he crossed behind his desk, “How are you doing, Michael?”
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Michael said, “Good.”
The doctor smiled and nodded, unconvinced but patient. “Okay, why are we meeting today?”
“Meemaw said we have to try something different.”
“Something different to achieve what outcome?”
“I guess to make me different.”
“What’s the issue with you now?”
“I’m failing,” Michael said and the doctor nodded before starting to take some notes. “I don’t listen much. It’s hard to stay focused.”
“Have you had issues with passing classes for awhile, or is this new?”
“Since I can remember.” The doctor kept writing and Michael continued, “Sometimes it makes me feel crazy. I don’t like sitting still. A little distraction will take me away, or I space out and don’t remember what I was supposed to be doing.”
“Well that definitely sounds like something that’d impact your grades. The good news is we can tackle this. I’m fairly confident with a diagnosis of ADHD. I’m suggesting a prescription for a stimulant that’ll help you keep your focus. You can take them twice a day as needed. It might affect your appetite so remember to eat. And don’t tell your friends about the meds.”
“Why not?”
“Some people might try to steal them. I want to meet with you again in a month to see how it’s going.”
“That’s it?”
“Yes, unless there was anything else you wanted to talk about.”
Michael shook his head, deciding against bringing up the harmful thoughts.
“Alright, we’ll see eachother in a month. Nice to meet you, Michael.” The doctor shook his hand and led him back to the waiting room.
Meemaw stood and hopefully asked him, “How’d it go?”
Michael began walking out to their car and said, “I have a prescription to fill.”
“What’s it for?”
“I don’t know. Something to help me focus.”
Meemaw unlocked the car and said, “Focus in a bottle, huh?” She scoffed. “The things these doctors come up with. Whatever, as long as it helps.”
“Can we go to the pharmacy now? It’ll be ready by the time we get there.”
“We have one more stop to go. Far more important than this.”
Michael looked to Meemaw with his heart warming. He realized now how much thought she put into helping him today. “You really planned this all out, didn’t you?”
She smiled. “Of course. You’re my grandson. Your happiness is my happiness.”