I really, reeeaaally did not want to remain on this plane of existence any longer. Not because of the latest politcal shenigans, or the constantly degrading climate situation. No, the immediate and truly calamitous problem I was having with this tragic, abysmal pit of a reality was the unambiguous fact that my beloved dog had just sauntered through a mystery portal into a dimension? Place? Pocket of air? that was now inherently superior to my own Floopster lacking world.

Deliberations on the exact whereabouts and minutiae of just what sort of place that goob had waggled off into was definitely not the main focus here. The important issue, of course, was that I. WAS. NOT. WITH. MY. FLOOPSTER.

Level of concern rising on the verge of absolute hysteria, I decided to take a closer look at what just happened, which, of course, meant flopping on the ground and zeroing in on the dog door that was definitely NOT leading to the backyard just a moment ago. It looked remarkably normal. Sure the plastic flappy door thing was aging out into a moderately nasty brownish yellow, and the rug she was now crawling over definitely could use a good shaking out....but there was no sign of any otherworldly residue or evidence of an alien abduction.

I made a big pouty face at the door and squinted my eyes suspiciously, but that didn't seem to yield any immediate results.

Scooting closer to the door, I clasped her hands together. “Umm, can I have Floopster back?” I pleaded. “He is kind of my best pal and I would like to keep fostering the super great friendship that he and I share.”

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I waited, tears beginning to well piteously in my eyes. Unfortunately, the display of sadness was not enough to please the portal gods.

I eventually sat up and wiped at my eyes a bit.

“Oh man”

I had definitely just transferred some of the dirt from the rug into my eyes, which was causing them to feel really itchy. I, of course, rubbed them some more because they were itchy and one can’t simply NOT itch something that is itchy!

A good round of destroying my vision completed, I was starting to calm down a little bit about Floopers. I mean, he's the Floopster. One does not simply floop around and NOT be inherently prepared to persevere through anything!!

Ya know what? The Floopster wouldn’t freak out in this situation. If anything, he would just keep calm and floop on.

Brimming with flooped up resolve, I got up on all fours, and locked my eyes on the dog door. I haven't heard of floop activated portals, but I definitely wouldn't put it past my best friend to be the one who figured them out!

Emulating my best floop-like saunter, I charged forward...and ran into the door. After a few seconds of processing the pain, I un-piled myself, face flushing in embarrassment. “Lets, uh, try that again.”

I got back into position and started a more controlled floop-like saunter, but this time, right before reaching the door, I twisted my shoulders and dove....straight into another world.