Could there be anything more embarrassing for a teenage girl than having to sit through ‘the talk’ with her dad? Only if the talk included really horribly accurate – yet also somehow bad – renderings of internal organs. Oh, yes. And there were family security personnel present too. So, that was traumatizing.
The part that really got her, like, she could not understand at all, was how he got all the parts and pieces correct but was just so bad at drawing that they were weird and blocky. Like, how? How? How did she and her sister become teenagers without realizing that dad was the worst artist of all time? But also, secretly a fucking hobby biologist? Or something?
She sat there, her face flushed crimson from embarrassment. Both for the topic and for the art skills. No one else seemed to mind listening to her dad as he droned on in the charismatic lecture-mode he used when he gave talks. Something he did a lot of as the consort of the Allura… queen? Matriarch? Leader? All-powerful Goddess incarnate?
Naw…
That was too far even in sarcasm.
Yet, it was a sign of the pervasive systemic sexism and underlying anti-alien sentiment the world over that even progressives who wanted to embrace he Alluran presence on Earth chose to invite the human consort to their events rather than the Alien queen. Or maybe, people had just finally figured out that The Allura, didn’t have the time for pomp, circumstance, etiquette, or bullshit? There was a story about how The Allura was once invited to a ball and she was told the dress code was whatever her culture’s formal wear was. So, Haka’s mom had shown up in traditional Alluran formal clothing, skin-tight body armor.
Haka smiled as that memory crossed her thoughts and decided that she didn’t mind her dad’s lecture so much. It was still embarrassing, but her dad was alright. And he id just want what was best for her and for her to live a log and healthy life regardless of her DNA.
“Okay,” Brent pushed back from the table and the circle of heads gathered around his truly awful anatomy drawing, “I think that about covers the basics.”
“Well, this totally sucks.” One female guard commented. “If I ever end up pregnant I won’t necessarily know who the father of my child is because it could be fathered by any one of the men I may or may not have had unprotected intercourse with?”
“Uhuhm,” Brent coughed a sound of surprise. “Uh. Yeah. That’s correct.” Then he had the good graces to blush and turn away from her because he really didn’t need to know anything about her private life. But that still didn’t settle the whole reason this entire discussion had started.
“Wait. None of this explains why I can’t have a boyfriend.” It burst out of Haka unbidden, erupting from the suppressed pressure of holding back her indignation for so long. “As long as I’m not having sex with him – which eww gross – why can’t I go to a movie or an arcade or get lunch?”
“I…uh…” Scratching his head nervously, Brent searched for a good answer to that. “Because… Because…” turning his head to the female guard beside him he whispered, “Help me out here. Why can’t she have a boyfriend?”
This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.
“Because boys that age don’t generally think sex is gross.” She provided smoothly and Brent leapt on that explanation with all the fanaticism of a protective father.
“Yes. Like she said.” He put one arm around the guard and pointed at her with his other hand. “Because boys that age don’t generally think sex is gross. And if he got pushy, then you’d have to break up with him anyways.” With a sigh and a grateful glance to the heavens, Brent took back his arm from around the guard as he gave him a raised eyebrow. Instead he crossed his arms and stood there expectantly as he waited for Haka to see the error of her ways and come to the light of singledom and back into being his innocent precious baby girl.
“Ethan would never do that. He’s sweet and respectful.” The protest was accompanied by his daughter crossing her own arms defiantly back at him in indignation. Brent glanced at the female lead of the security team who he had just had his arm around.
“Did you get that? He has a name.” She raised her eyebrow again and raised the communication device strapped to her wrist to her lips.
“I got that. Get me everything you can on anyone named Ethan who has been in contact with The Allura’s younger daughter. He’s managed to breech communication security and has been in contact with Haka without The Allura or the Consort knowing about it.” Then she snapped the link off with a smirk and a quick tap on the device. “The ‘boyfriend’ problem should be solved momentarily.” She smiled placidly at Haka who was only now beginning to understand the trouble she was in.
“No. Dad. What are you doing?” Haka’s eyes widened in horror.
“She’s been using my chat account at the public library to make friends with and game and with some human kids. Online accounts for minors can’t connect to personal chats for people off base so she couldn’t play some of the games she was interested in.” Angel knew the jig was up and wanted to fess up to her part so that she didn’t get in trouble for it. “I told her to tell you guys and make sure it was okay.” Her words got a little pointed as she glared at her younger sister for dragging her into this terrible breach of security.
“Please don’t embarrass me.” She implored her father with the sad eyes that always got her what she wanted…usually. “Or him. He’ll stop talking to me if you bother him too much.”
“Don’t worry, Sweetheart.” He walked over and hugged his daughter. “It’s just a basic background check to make sure, he really is who you think he is. I’m assuming you met him online because if you’d gotten dating-close to any of your classmates here on base, your mother, the security staff, and I would have been notified of it.”
“You aren’t going to embarrass me?” Tears had started leaking out of her eyes.
“Pshaw!” Her father waved a hand dismissively. “No. Would I really do something like that to you?” Haka thought about it for a minute. Thought about all the times he’d been deliberately silly and embarrassing.
“Yeah. You would.” She confirmed and lowered her head dejectedly and her father laughed, his nose crinkling as he smiled at her.
“I totally would.” He confirmed unapologetically. “And don’t tempt me, because him dumping you and running away so I have to comfort you with ice cream and gaming is kind of a win-win scenario for me as a protective dad who doesn’t get enough time with his kid. Sighing, Haka rolled her eyes and gave her father a flat look of annoyance.
“Okay. I get the message. Note to self; Spend more time with dad.” She held up one hand and pretended to be writing a note on it with the other.
“That’s all I’m asking for.” He grinned and hugged her tighter. “Also, for you to never grow up and…foryoutodumpyourboyfriend.” He stage whispered the second half of the sentence quickly before diverting everyone’s attention to something else. “And who wants pancakes?”
“Hey you.” Haka swatted at her father playfully as he danced out of the way and back towards the stove laughing with maniacal glee. Angel rolled her eyes, too old and too cool to participate in the father-daughter playfulness, but she snorted in amusement with the security guards who were retreating unobtrusively.