The wind carves waves into the water, dark and glittering like obsidian. I push myself along with the paddle, floating along the lake a few yards from shore. A gust of air at my back breaks the silence, whipping around my sides and blowing my hair in my face. I relinquish control, letting it wash over me and guide me forward. As it fades I look to my left, staring up at the tall cliff faces beside me. They tower over me like monuments of ancient pharaohs, the sons and daughters of gods from times long past. I feel vulnerable, small. I surrender to the sensation.
The lake water is fresh, clear, filtered by the reeds lining the shores. An outcropping of stone banks catches my eye, and I paddle towards it, gripped by a desire to explore. I round the corner into a small cove, surrounded by boulders of sedimentary rock and tall bunches of reeds. My small vessel slows to a halt just on the edge of a small beach, catching on the rough surface of the stone with a short scraping noise. I disembark and drag it to shore, lying back on the hot stone surface and taking in the sun. The wind washes over me again, dusting the heat off my skin and blowing my hair back. Sunlight stings my eyes, and I remove my overshirt, using it to cover my eyes. I inhale. I exhale. My anxiety goes away with the wind.
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Life has not always been kind to me. When I’m at my worst, I ruminate on it for far too long. Too many of my nights are sleepless, tainted by the pain in my body, the endless machinations of my mind. My thoughts are so loud that sometimes it feels like I’m hearing them aloud. They steal my rest, rob me of sleep. At times there doesn’t seem to be an end, and that’s why I’m here.
This place is my escape, a refuge from misery. The sounds and sights center me, bring me back to the present. I am grounded in a world I rarely see. For a while, I can abandon the drudgery of the mundane, relinquish my suffering, bring myself to the present. The nightmare does end, and I have the power to end it. Once again, the wind blows the cover away from my eyes, and the sunlight warms my face. I wake up at last, and I remember that I am alive, in a world that wants me in it.