Twist them round. Make a loop-de-loop. Bring the other side around. Put it through the gap. Pull. Double knot them too, just in case.

   Now the other one. Twist them round. Make a loop-de-loop. Bring the other side around. Put it through the gap. Pull. Double knot them too… just in case.

   Otto’s bowl sat on the table in the hall where it overlooked Tommy as he tied his shoes. It was show-and-tell day at school and Tommy executed his routine with the same level of outward enthusiasm and diligence as always. However, today there was an excited onlooker to his routine. Tommy moved his face around the bowl and played with the magnifying effect of the globe at which Otto was at the centre. He watched out of round blue eyes how Otto would remain unchanged as the world around him morphed and shifted.

   “Tommy? Tomm-”, a flustered voice led the stocky, red-faced woman around the corner of the doorframe. “Oh! Well, look at you. Are you all ready?” Her sanguine voice betrayed a feigned surprise at seeing her son ready for school before her, as he was every morning.

   A swift and sharp nod from the generally anxious little boy surprised the woman and brought her focus to the bowl he was hugging into his chest. Flustered energy, half-spent getting ready to leave the house, was transformed into an apprehension for her son.

   “Oh, honey. Don’t you think Otto should stay at home? You don’t want anything to happen to him at school.” Tommy did not feel the pitying look from his mother; shielded by anticipation of bringing his friend to school, he was already telepathically telling Otto of everything they were going to do today.

   She watched as he stared into the bowl and sighed, “okay. Well, I’ll be ready in a minute.”

   I think you’ll like Mr. Henessey, he’s my English teacher. He sits with me at break sometimes and we talk about video games. He’s really funny too. I’m so excited to show you everything at school, Otto. I can give you the grand tour! It’ll be better than showing you the holiday photos from when me and mum went away because you’ll actually be there with me!

Buckled up in the back seat of the car Tommy cradled the bowl in his lap. He made sure the lid was still on tight after every speedbump. The novelty of bringing Otto out of the house excited Tommy beyond limit and he revelled in showing him every part of the journey that he knew so well. On smoother stretches of road, he would hold the bowl up to the car window so Otto could see for himself what lay on the other side of the glass, and he would imagine Otto’s astonishment of a world infinite times more vast than his bedroom.

   The school’s just around the corner. You’ll probably notice the fields first, that’s where all the kids go out to play football at lunch. Or maybe you’ll see the portacabins first. The actual building isn’t that big because it’s not really a big school. There it is. Did you see it? Just behind the hill. You’ll see in a second. The buildings make a big U-shape and all the classrooms look out into the playground in the middle. I don’t really like how the school looks; the walls are covered in loads of rough little pebbles and they really hurt. There it is Otto, do you see it now?

   The hill was drawn back slowly to reveal the school to Otto. An austere building: a throw-back to a discontinued brand of teaching sat squat and drab in the middle of the concrete grounds. Tommy’s mum drove through the gates and along the drive towards the drop-off area. The drive felt longer than normal to Tommy. His palms and pads of his fingers turned a shade lighter as his grip tightened around the bowl. He thought he felt a little sick from the journey but put it down to looking out the window too much. The car stopped outside the front door of the school.

   “Okay honey, are you sure you still want to take Otto? I can take him home if he’d like?”

   Tommy looked into the bowl and imagined Otto expectant and excited to be out of his bedroom, experiencing the world. Some doubt that he didn’t understand had crept into Tommy’s mind, but he felt guilty bringing Otto all this way just to send him back with his mum; plus, he wouldn’t have anything else to take in for show and tell. Last year, Dan didn’t bring in anything and Caelan Sharkey went round telling everyone in the year that he was poor and that his mum was a bin lady. Tommy’s resolve mimicked his grip on the fishbowl. He shook his head without lifting it.

   “Well, you just get Mrs. Archer to call me if you want me to come get him,” her words seeped uneasiness and the feeling diffused through the car and into the subconscious of the boy and his fish.

   Tommy unbuckled his seat belt and set the bowl on the seat beside him, nudging it slightly in every direction to ensure it wouldn’t somehow fall without him. His shoes crunched on the gravel of the car park as he hopped out of the car and tried his best not to slam the heavy car door. His mum watched the top of his head bob around the bonnet of the car and to the rear door on her side of the car. He opened the door wide and shifted the bowl closer to the door before planting both feet on the ground and lifting it from the car. His mum felt a pang of pride watching her son take responsibility for the thing she knew he loved most in his world, though it was a flower amongst the tall grass. A part of her hoped that taking Otto to school would bring Tommy out of his shell and give the other kids a reason to involve him. She checked her smile. She didn’t want to set herself up for another heartbreak read in his face over another silent dinner. Maybe Otto will help, she thought.

   “Okay sweetie, remember I have some errands to run so if you want me to come get Otto it’ll be after lunch. Okay?” Tommy nodded without lifting his head, she could see Otto toing-and-froing in his eyes. “Alright, come here,” she kissed him on the cheek and pulled at his collar, “I hope you and Otto have a wonderful day. See you later Tom-Tom.”

   Tommy held Otto tightly as he waved his mum off down the long drive. He was excited to share his day with Otto, it was a novelty having his best friend with him at school and he had planned out their whole days events last night while Otto watched him play games. Otto always watched Tommy play games, sometimes he would even leave a controller beside his tank “just in case” while he told him every thought that was in his head. Otto always said the exact right thing and knew exactly what to do to make Tommy feel better. He would be comforting and understanding, but harsh when he knew Tommy needed to face a reality. Otto’s personality was everything that Tommy needed to not feel so alone; his best friend made his bedroom the most secure place in the world, and he couldn’t imagine anywhere feeling like home where Otto wasn’t.

   Lost in thought of home, he spun round towards the school, slowing himself mid turn as he remembered Otto is his arms. He paused and began taking careful steps to his first class. Never before had he realised just how unsure the gravel made his feet feel, or how quick the other kids ran past him to meet their friends. He turned his head around to where his mum would normally watch him walk into school, but she had already rushed off. Tommy felt an increase in the pressure of the air around him upon noticing her departure. With every step Tommy felt his vision close in as he retreated further back into himself, until it felt like he was at the back of his skull peering out. He put on a brave face for Otto, like he knew Otto would do for him.

   This is the front of the school. I think I’ve said that already though. We’ve got to go to our form room for the first period, then there’s a bit of a break. It’ll be show and tell first, I think. Unless they make us do some lessons first, I’m not sure actually. Do you still think you want me to show you to everyone? There’s going to be a lot of kids there and I don’t want you to get embarrassed or anything. If you want, we can say we don’t feel well and go sit in the office instead? We could wait for mum to pick us up.

   A wash of guilt swelled in Tommy’s stomach. He knew Otto had been looking forward to getting out of the room and seeing the other part of Tommy’s life - and he had been excited to show him – but Tommy started to feel like this was a bad idea. He began to question if he was being selfish. Was he putting his friend in danger? His fragile friend.

   “Did you brought in a fish for show and tell? Can I see?”

   “Can I hold him?”

   “Does he do any tricks? He looks kinda stupid.”

   Tommy shielded Otto with his coat and tried to walk through the pack of boys that had darted in front of him. The bell rang for the start of class.

   “Come on let us see him!” Tommy knew the voice of Caelan, it made him wince. Caelan’s voice would be heard repeatedly in the throats of stepfathers, tormenting bosses, teenagers passed in the park on dark evenings – anywhere he felt picked on and afraid. Caelan grabbed inside Tommy’s coat and got his hands on the bowl. Tommy didn’t have the strength to hold on and had to watch as the bowl was lifted high above his head. Sunlight set fire to the water, turning it into a radiant orb – a divine item that through its sacredness had become untouchable. He could no longer see Otto.

   Otto I’m sorry. It’ll be okay Otto, I’ll get you back. Please be okay. Please Otto, it’s okay. Don’t worry, I’ll get you back.

   The other boys jostled around the bowl like moths, trying to get a look and tapping on the glass, shouting at Otto. Tommy could only watch through tear-soaked eyes.

   “Give him back!” Tommy wailed. “GIVE HIM BACK!” He knew he couldn’t take him back without risking the bowl getting broken. He stood on the periphery of the mess of boys as they jeered and taunted him and his fish, hoping the second bell would ring soon.

   “MISTER FARROW!” The shout echoed across the grounds and silence fell, “Mister Farrow, give Tommy back his fish.” Mr Henessey’s voice sounded tired and almost pleading, “Now, Mister Farrow."

   Caelan took a step towards Tommy and dropped the bowl into his hands. Rage grew in Tommy, bolstered by the arrival of a new protector and reinforced by Otto at his side. He had never felt something so intense towards another person as he had now, and his reaction was now to him also, “I’ll get you Caelan.” He spat the words. Tommy didn’t speak with confidence, but his words were barbed. Caelan called Tommy’s bluff and lent into the attack, a sneered “let’s fucking see” slapped Tommy in the face. He didn’t need to have heard this word before to feel completely shaken, it was the harshness of it alone. Mr Henessey finally stood beside Tommy as his foe had walked off, scowling at the boy for a moment, until his face softened, and he shook his head thoughtfully.

   “Maybe later on you can introduce me to your friend?”

   Tommy kept his head down, lifting the bowl up to his face to wipe his tears with his sleeve.

   Mr Henessey hovered his hand over Tommy’s back, gently guiding him towards the school. “Well, I’ll see you later, Tommy,” he offered reassuringly. Tommy didn’t look up, instead continuing to mop up tears with his near saturated coat sleeve. “You know, if you want, I could keep your fish safe for you until the end of the day?”

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   Tommy clutched the bowl tighter into his chest.

   “I have to go to class now. Dian- Miss. Archer will take care of you and your friend, I promise.” He hesitated, “you know where to find me Tommy.”

   His reassuring smile went unnoticed and the two parted ways, with Tommy dejectedly walking in the direction of Miss Archer’s room. He turned from the entry hall onto one of the long corridors that flanked the school. The dim light from the row of windows that lined the left wall made Tommy feel prey-like: alone, yet observed; vulnerable. Through wetted eyes Tommy followed the lines in the beige linoleum floors, and made his way now briskly to his class. He was crestfallen and addressed Otto with chagrin.

   Otto, I don’t feel good and I feel like I’m going to be sick. I’m so sorry I brought you here. Anything can happen to you and there’s nothing that I can do to stop it. What am I meant to do now? I don’t want you to get hurt or scared but there’s nothing I can do. I can’t take you to class, I can’t do that to you; what if someone takes you again? What if I show you to the class and you like them better and don’t want to come home or stop talking to me or someone tries to take you away from me? I’ve never been allowed friends at school. I really don’t feel good… We could go to the bathroom? We could just hide out. Miss Archer doesn’t know we’re here yet so it would be okay.

   Echoes of footsteps from pointed heels pushed Tommy into a run towards the bathroom. He laboured against the heavy door with his back and shoulder. No matter how many times he had come in here for solitude during break, the cold air – the feeling like all the windows had been left open - made him retreat further into himself for some kind of warmth. This time, he took Otto with him. He slid the drawbar of his fortress at the far end of the bathroom. The gate was barred. He sat on the cracked toilet seat, propped his feet against the cubicle door, and cradled Otto in his lap. He began to sigh but before it had left his mouth before he began to cry. The cold tile walls bounced his sobs around the bathroom, every cubicle sounded like it housed a boy trying his best to cry silently, but it was just Tommy. Did every boy have a fish? A silent friend? A ricocheted sniff followed by a desperate gasp for air, and the room fell silent.

   No Otto, I’m okay. It should be me asking if you’re okay. How are you so calm after everything I’ve put you through? Why aren’t you mad at me? I’m mad at me.

   He stared forward at the peeling veneer of the stall door and let the egg-speckled patterns dance just beyond his focus, trying to spot familiar shapes. He would play imagination games here at lunchtime, watching as the specks of colour jostle and mingle, imagining a birds eye view far above the playground outside the window behind him; but today he didn’t play, he just stared at the out of focus door.

   I’m sorry I brought you, Otto.

   Otto said nothing back. Tommy felt like he had insulted his friend.

   I thought it would be different than this. I thought I’d get to show you to people and that I could take you round the school and show you everything and tell you stories. I thought you’d be happy getting out of the house and seeing what my school was like. You’re in my room all day and I come home and tell you what outside is like every day and it’s not fair, you should be able to come outside with me too but instead everyone wants to take you away. Everything always gets taken away from me. I don’t you to get taken away from me.

   He looked into Otto’s bowl and watched as he hovered in the centre. Otto had one black scale, only one, and he had had it as long as Tommy had known him. When his mum took him to the pet shop and he saw that scale he knew he needed to take Otto home. He said that Otto was hurt and that he had to look after him.

   No, we can’t call mum yet, she said to wait until after lunch. She’s been so busy lately because of everything. We can’t go wait in the office either, they’ll take you and tell me to go back to class. I’m not leaving you. They’ll take you and who knows what will happen. No, we can just stay here. It’ll be okay. It’s a little cold but it’ll be fine. Are you cold? Are you okay?

   He nestled the bowl a little more into his coat and pulled his arms into his sleeves to keep them warm.

   Yeah, it probably is a bit like camping, isn’t it? Have you ever been camping? Me neither. I don’t think mum would take me. Maybe she’d let us put a tent up in the living room and we could sleep in it. Maybe Mr Henessey would take us. Maybe not right away, though.

   Occasionally, Tommy would hear a faint tapping in the distance, a rhythmic walk of some passer-by gaining volume as it approached the bathroom door. Tommy would make his breathing quieter and adjust himself to make sure he could stay still and unnoticed, in-case anyone came into the bathroom. He would even hush Otto if he was talking, even if it felt rude. The footsteps reminded him of the ticking of his watch, which he only ever noticed when he was too upset to sleep at night. Between sighs and tears was the punctuation of his watch, smearing his feeling across time and giving him the painful awareness that his suffering was not an isolated incident between seconds but a prolonged state of sadness which clung vehemently to something inside of him.

   BRI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-NG.

   The surface water of Otto’s bowl rippled as the bell pierced the air. Tommy felt it like a jab in the side; his vision turned to static. He welcomed the new and more settled silence that came once the bell had stopped, until a slowly growing jumble of voices and footsteps began to emanate from the window behind Tommy’s head – the window to the playground.

   Otto, It’s already break! That went so fast… I think? Maybe we can actually make it through the day in here. We’ll be back in my room before we know it! I can play some Crash and you can watch from the shelf again and we’ll forget all this ever happened. I can’t wait to be home. It really won’t feel like long now at all! I really wish I could have shown you round the school. I drew a really good poster for the school play, and they put it up on the wall outside the assembly hall. And I could have shown you my classroom and where I sit. We could even have went into the playground and I could show you the pond – there’s other fish out there! But maybe you wouldn’t get on, with them being outdoor fish and all…

   The noise outside the window had plateaued as everyone had filtered out into the playground. The noise of the outdoor penetrating the bathroom mixed with the cold and hard surfaces made Tommy feel exposed, as if he was sitting outside and everyone could see him. He shuffled around on the seat of the toilet and put the hood of his coat over his head, though took it down after a few minutes out of solidarity for Otto, who had no such device.

   “NO! I HAD MY FINGERS CROSSED SO IT DOESN’T COU-“

   “YOU DIDN’T TOUCH ME THOUGH!”

   “YES I DID YOU’RE IT!”

   Fragments of conversations reached Tommy’s ears, they reminded him of ambulances passing by his house at home, and he wondered why they sounded differently when they were coming towards you than going away. He wondered if it was like the time he’s spent in the bathroom: sometimes it feels stretched out so that he is almost thinking between ticks of his watch; other times it feels like time is being compressed, where his mind takes an age to work while everything zooms past him. The constant pushing and pulling couldn’t be good for the siren, he thought.

   “I hear Caelan Farrow is looking for him. He says he wants a fish supper!”

   Tommy’s eyes opened wider, and his head twitched to the side. The jagged laughs made him wince.

   “He said he would get him and now Caelan’s really, really, mad.”

   “No way! Tommy wouldn’t say that to Caelan.”

   “He really did, I was there! I heard it all! He wants his fish!”

   “Stop lying. You’re always…” The voices trailed off into the distance, another siren passed.

   No, no, no. Otto he’s going to find us. He’s not going to let me go. He’s not going to let either of us go. Otto what’re we going to do? I don’t want him to do anything to you. He’s going to take you and do something awful I don’t even want to think about it what if he- no I’m not even going to think about it Otto. What are we going to do we need to go somewhere to hide he’s going to find us in here and then we’re going to be trapped and he’ll kick the door down or climb over the door and I’ll be too afraid of dropping you to do anything and he’ll take you and I’ll never get you back!

   Tears left cold streams down Tommy’s cheeks and rained onto Otto’s bowl as he hunched over his friend, hugging the bowl tightly and gasping for air between sobs.

   I think we need to go, Otto. We should go to the office and tell them we want to go home and that we’ll wait for mum to come and get us. I’ll tell them I’m not leaving you and that there’s no way they’re taking me from you and I’ll sit there with you the whole time and no one will touch you I promise Otto I won’t let anyone near you and if they try I’ll… I’ll hit them! I’ll hit them hard and they’ll stay away after that! Maybe we should wait until next period and then there’ll be no one in the halls and Caelan won’t find us. But what if he finds us before then? I don’t know if he’ll go back to class when the bell goes if he knows we’re in here though. We can just be really quiet. Maybe we should stop talking for a while in case he hears us.

   The cracks in the brown tiles of the floor caught Tommy’s attention and he followed paths with his eyes, imagining himself running through ravines and gaps in the rocks from something exotic from the TV, like a cannibalistic tribe. He imagined himself feinting and dummying to try to lose his chasers, who at every turn would appear at his back again. Soon, Tommy came to a dead end in the tiles and stopped playing before he was caught, deciding to stare at his shoelaces instead.

   BRI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-NG.

   That went fast. People are going to come into the bathroom now Otto, so don’t be scared. Normally I see everyone run in as I’m leaving to get to class on time. I guess they don’t want to go back to class but I don’t want to get shouted at so I go back on time. We’re just going to stay really quiet though and no one will know we’re in here so don’t make any sound okay?

   A draught tightened around Tommy as a group of boys barged their way into the bathroom. Hard rubber soles of shoes punctuated by tacks scraped along the tile floors of the bathroom. All of the taps were turned one after the other and was followed by screaming and splashing.

   “Look, Michael pissed himself!”

   “Get bent, I’ll get you back!”

   Water splashed up onto the ceiling. A drip dropped on Tommy and he startled; his feet slid from the door and crashed to the floor.

   “Who’s in there?”

   A barrage of fists battered at the cubicle door. With each one, Tommy’s limbs tightened closer into his body and around Otto, who now floated within a tumultuous sea. He could only watch as two hands gripped the top of the door and a head – from the eyes up – surfaced above the cubicle. The eyes bulged with surprise.

   “It’s Tommy!” The eyes called down to the others, “let’s go get Caelan!”

   The squeaking of shoes and clicking of tacks ran from the bathroom and quickly faded down the hall.

   Otto we really need to go. We really need to go now. Maybe we should just run to the office and even if we see Caelan we just keep on running and run right past him because when we get to the office he can’t do anything because there’ll be adults there and he can’t do anything then.

   The bathroom door boomed again. Before Tommy could react, a voice sang out playfully, “Tommy! Mrs Archer’s looking for you-u-u-u! Tommy-y-y-y-y?”

   “Tommy-y-y-y? They’re looking for you at reception!” Echoed a second voice.

   He heard footsteps run off again and the door swept closed. Another cold draught caught Tommy by the shoulders, and he shivered.

   Why would she be looking for us? Does she want to take you away? Or she’s working with Caelan because they’re jealous that I have you and they don’t. They’ve never let me have anything at this school Otto I’ve never been able to have anyone here they always end up leaving me for someone else and it’s not fair I just wanted to show you around the school and have a good time and show you what my life is like. It’s not fair Otto I didn’t mean for any of this to happen to you I just wanted to show you around and now they’re going to take you away from me and I’ll never get to see you again. I’m sorry Otto.

   Tommy’s vision blurred as he again experienced the cubicle through blotted tears.

   Please tell me you don’t want to go with them Otto I don’t want you to get taken from me too I’ll have no one else to talk to Otto so what do I do? There’s too many of them who want to take you and there’s nothing I can do to stop them if they all come for you, I can’t stop them all Otto. I don’t know what do do, I don’t want to do it Otto. I don’t want you to be taken away from me.

   He was standing up and with the bowl held up to his face tried to look at Otto but all he saw was a blur of gold with a dot of black. He lifted the lid of the toilet and began to wail.

   Otto you’re my best friend and I don’t want them to take you from me I won’t let it happen they always want to take everything from me and I didn’t get to say goodbye last time and I don’t want them to take you from me too Otto.

   Tommy’s sobs and gasps shook the bowl and water smashed like ice on the floor.

   I’m going to miss you so much Otto I’m sorry I let this happen it’s all my fault that you have to go I’m so sorry Otto but I can’t let them to take you from me and I know you don’t want to go either but there’s nothing that I can do.

   The bathroom door burst open.

   “TOMMY?”

   “Mu-mu-mum!” Tommy could barely get the words out. His mum felt a pang in her heart as the door opened to and empty bowl on the windowsill with her son, pale and red eyed cupping a fish in his hands.