CHAPTER 8

Her Eyes

I paced back and forth in the waiting room in full makeup and costume sweating slightly after the warmup and holding a portable fan in front of my face until I heard the words I wanted to hear.

‘GXY is up.’

Upon hearing those words, the seven of us gathered around in a circle with our hands outstretched and a chill ran up my spine. What if this is the last time, we will do this? I couldn’t help but wonder. I had to fight hard to put that thought way to the back of my mind.

‘Let’s have fun guys, on three,’ I said confidently hiding my earlier feelings of doubt for the sake of my team. ‘1, 2, 3. GXY, Live for the thrill.’ We chanted. Feeling pumped, we walked out on to stage and immediately I heard the sounds of our fans and then something crazy happened, all my anxiety about the show melted away. We stood facing them while they waved, screamed, and called out our names. Right then I thought they are who I’m doing this for, not the CEO or OWE execs, for our Dear Astras. Some of them even travelled from far away to see us or had to wake up real early in the morning to be here. I knew it because I read their letters both from the fan café and the physical ones sent to us. Some I kept in a box so I could reread them when I was feeling down after not performing for so long. They kept on encouraging us through the long hiatus. I had to repay their support.

‘Live for the thrill,’ we chanted as one, ‘Hello, we are GXY!’

Saying our team greeting for the first time in months, I felt so much excitement. This was where I belonged, on the stage.

‘Thank you all so much for being here.’

I gazed out into the audience and after the momentary blindness from the lights wore off, I gasped. This was the largest audience we ever had for a pre-recording. I felt something inside me that was ready to explode with happiness. Our presence on the chart wasn’t a fluke. We are actually starting to get more popular in Korea and this was the proof.

‘Please enjoy Moonlight Eyes, said Tony patting me on the shoulder. The PD called to us, and we got in our places for the start of rehearsals before the actual recording.

The dry rehearsal was silent as the audience had to be quiet. They watched us perform the song in full twice and encouraged us as we monitored how we did on the play back screens. But when it was time for the real thing, our Dear Astras were so loud. Their screams, calls and fanchants were thunderous to me and I knew then that all my earlier anxiety was unwarranted.

Moonlight Eyes started up again and I lost myself in the music, enjoying the sound of the fanchants even through my inner earpiece. While Seungyoun was singing his part my eye was caught by a girl standing front row and off centre. She had the most beautiful hair, golden and curly, parted not so in the middle and as long as a lion’s mane and just as majestic. But what really drew me to her wasn’t just her striking appearance. It was her eyes. Her eyes glowed as she looked upon us, chanting along with the others and looking like she was having the time of her life. I knew most of the local Dear Astras after seeing them at numerous fan events but this girl I’d never seen before.

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I watched her even as I returned to the middle to deliver my pre chorus line. ‘When the moonlight hits your eyes, I am hypnotized. Its all I can do not to leap right into your arms.’

Then her eyes met mine and for a moment she stopped doing anything, just stared up at me blinking slowly or did time slow in my head? Then it sped up again and she was chanting and screaming along with everyone else. The song came to a close and I posed as the ending fairy camera zoomed in on me. I panted, my breath laboured as I held the pose for as long as I was told to then the PD finally called cut and I bowed and waved to the crowd, trying to look at everyone now. The girl from before looked up at me once more waving to me and the others in turn until we were off the stage.

Our staff immediately rushed to our side with towels, bottled water, and portable fans to dry us off and cool us down while we watched the play back. I monitored myself carefully making sure my earlier distraction hadn’t caused any slip ups on stage. But to my amazement and relief, I hadn’t a missed beat.

‘Hyung you were on fire today,’ JT commented after taking a gulp of water.

‘Yes, I didn’t make any mistakes.’ said Tony punching the air.

‘Your voice sounded a bit high during your part though,’ said Seungyoun

‘Did not.’

‘Guys stop it,’ I said stepping between them. We are a family but even brothers argue and throw the odd punch sometimes. ‘Tony you were fine. It’s the PD’s decision whether we have to redo it or not.’

So we waited with bated breaths as the PD monitored our performance too. If I was being honest with myself, I wanted to do it again, one to give the Dear Astras another performance and two because I just loved being on stage again. But the others were sleep deprived and we did have another schedule before the live showing later that day.

Then the PD gave us the all clear and we hurried back on stage to say goodbye to the fans for now. We could see the disappointment on their faces when we weren’t called to do it again. In the past we sometimes had to do it a 2nd or 3rd time. It was thanks to our trainers and our determination that we did not have to do the song again. I still wanted to do something special for our Dear Astras just in case our prerecording did end up short.

‘Thank you all so much for being here so early,’ I said to them.

‘Yeah we are so grateful,’ said Shou clapping and the rest of us joined in.

‘We have a surprise for you,’ said Minho practically dancing with glee at what we were about to tell them.

‘As a thank you for being here, right before the main show recording, you will be treated to ice cream at Tops Flavours downstairs and you all get a penlight to use at the main recording,’ said Seungyoun

‘Yep, so we know where to find you in the audience,’ I added with a wink.

Our Dear Astras jumped up and down and screamed with delight. The girl with the majestic hair and dazzling eyes hugged her friend. We promoted for two years with no official light stick. Light sticks were only designed for successful groups cause they were costly to make, and the company wouldn’t invest in them unless they knew they would all be bought. Pen lights were a cheaper alternative. Sure, they weren’t as big or flashy as Light Sticks, like the ones The Xtremes fans used that resembled a bomb hovering over a stick of dynamite. But they did have our team’s name on it and our colours.

In truth, our manager already had a Light Stick design made for us a year ago, but the CEO held off on having any made and when our previous release did not chart high, the design was scrapped.

‘We want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all the support you’ve given us,’ said JT. ‘We love you so much.’

‘We love you too!’ said one Dear Astra and many other echoed her.

I was grateful for Manager Cho signalling for us to go because I did not know how much longer I could keep in what I was feeling. I felt both proud and guilty in equal parts. Proud because my team was finally making things happen but guilt because I alone know what could happen if this does fail. Tony was right, the others must know eventually. Give it til next week, I told myself. Next week, we would know if our sales and digitals were high enough to give us the one thing that was sure to make this comeback successful, our First Win.