7._Finding Peace

----------------------------------------

I’m surprised you didn’t resist a bit more, to be honest. Only took one good slap to make you stand up and shut up. You know, I wonder if that’s because you could sense the sincerity in my voice when I said I wouldn’t kill you if you came with me. Like, if auras and energy-field shit were real, then you’d’ve definitely sensed my energy and known I didn’t want to shoot your pathetic ass sitting there in your own piss.

How many times did you beg me not to shoot you? I wonder if you really thought I was going to leave you alone after I got the money, as if I had even known the money was there before you said anything. I wonder if you had even the slightest inkling at all why I was there.

I guess you were just trying to choose the best of 2 options, huh? Either come with me or get a bullet to the head. Pretty obvious choice, at least it must’ve been to you, ‘cause you trotted along mighty fine, I didn’t even have to push you along. You were so nice and quiet too! I was worried you’d start yelling and make a commotion and try to run away. I guess you figured I’d’ve shot you. And I would’ve, I mean, I didn’t want to, but I would’ve if I had to.

But yeah, I guess you thought that was the best of the 2 shitty options. I wonder how long it took you to realize you picked wrong…

Was it when we got to the van and I made you get in the back and cuffed your hands and feet to the hard-points where the back seats usually lock in? Was it when I sloshed the gas can in front of your face and told you that if you made a single fucking noise I’d set the van on fire with you in it? Was it when I gagged and earmuffed you and put the bag over your head?

Or was it later than all that? My guess is it was.

You know I had actually almost forgotten to swap my plates back? I was gonna do it a few blocks away, but I was almost out of that whole rundown industrial sector by the time I remembered. I pulled over real quick—but, like, casually quick though—hopped out as nonchalantly as I could, and snatched the plates off. They were Wisconsin plates, velcroed over my actual ones, I’d just ganked them from a random car in a Walmart parking lot a few days before. I felt bad about that, but, whatever.

Honestly it was probably overkill, but on the off-chance that some junkie or random passerby reported a silver minivan to the cops while they were investigating the homicides of a bunch of scum that the world was better off without, at least they’d be looking in the wrong state. Would be especially beneficial if the plates got caught on camera. Thinking about it now though, if I am on camera, I don’t think it’ll be too hard for the authorities to figure out who I am. The plate swaps, wiping prints off casings, all the precautions I’ve taken, none of it guarantees I won’t eventually get caught.

Honestly, I think I probably will get caught. All I’ve done is bought myself time. That’s all I need though, time. And not even a lot of it, just enough to finish here. Whatever happens after this is fine, I’ll sleep soundly at night.

I gave myself quite the scare after switching the plates. It was, like, 2 blocks later and I was pulling up to a 4-way stop—there hadn’t been any other cars or people out since I’d started driving—and I saw headlights coming up in the opposite direction. And it was dark so I couldn’t see well but I saw it was the boxy shape of one of those police Interceptor SUVs and my stomach fucking dropped. I knew I couldn’t do anything but just keep driving up to the stop sign without looking suspicious, but I saw the SUV get to the intersection and just sit there as I came up. Like, there were no other cars, no reason they couldn’t just go, but they were just chilling at the stop sign. I remember thinking thank god I’d taken off the Wisconsin plates in case they ran them and saw that it wasn’t my van, but also in those few seconds it took me to get to the sign I had all these intrusive thoughts in my head of you screaming in the back and police searching my van and police chases and getting arrested and having gotten all this way just to get stopped now. And then when I got to the sign they went through the intersection and they passed me and it was just some old fucking truck with a camper on top, didn’t look anything like an Interceptor, I was just so fucking wired up and paranoid in that moment, everything looked like a fucking cop.

Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

Honestly, even if I had gotten pulled over, I think there’s, like, a 50/50 chance I’d’ve been fine. I’d’ve just pulled the curtain and told the cop I camp in my van sometimes and no i don’t feel comfortable showing my set-up in the back. I’m pretty sure I’d be within my rights to say that. Really, as long as you didn’t make any noise I think I’d be okay. And you didn’t scream or fuss or anything when I had stopped and pulled the plates, so maybe you’d’ve stayed quiet for a whole traffic stop too. I think you were pretty overwhelmed at that point. Your brain was probably in too much denial and confusion to do much of anything. Really, the whole 16 hour drive back I think you were so panicked and scared, but also glowing with so much relief that you weren’t dead, that you just weren’t capable of processing anything.

I wonder how much the mind games influenced that too? Honestly, I was just kinda winging that part. I had almost decided to stop along the side of the road and pretend that I was getting pulled over, just to see how you would react, but I figured A: that increased the chances of an actual cop stopping to see why I was stopped there, B: taking your earmuffs off just so you could hear me talking to you and then pretending to talk to a cop and then pretending to be a cop would probably be kind of obvious, and C: I knew instead of riling you up I should probably try to calm you down.

You needed to hydrate anyways, so I figured I’d just say random shit about needing to “get you out of there” and “keep you safe” yadda yadda. I tried to exude warm and friendly vibes when I stopped to make you drink Gatorade and told you just to piss your pants because that’s what the plastic liner is there for.

I figured unconscious was better than confused was better than panicked. But I didn’t want to accidentally OD you on fucking sleeping pills of all things, so I kinda had to let you be awake some of the time, and I figured letting your mind grab onto some convoluted rescue narrative—as confusing and incoherent as it might’ve been—was better than you freaking out the whole time.

Half way through the drive I decided to see how many movie tropes I could go through while talking to you. If you believed even 10% of what I was saying then you’d’ve thought that I was some time traveling cyborg wizard protecting you from vampire zombie aliens because you were the future savior of humanity and we were all in a simulation of your dream within a dream.

I wish I could feel—just for a moment—how fucking insane everything felt to you. I was tempted to ungag you so I could actually talk to you, but that seemed like a risk not worth taking. I was in awe that I had even made it that far, last thing I needed was a cop to pull me over and hear you crying in the back to ruin the whole thing.

It was nerve-wracking to be completely honest—the drive I mean. The adrenaline crash hit me 2 or 3 hours in. I’d started pounding coffee but it had me feeling really strung out, but I really really didn’t want to stop anywhere until we were back at the trailer. Realistically, forcing myself to grind through the fatigue was the easiest thing I’d done in almost 4 fucking years.

I was pleased that it was early evening by the time I got to the trailer in Kansarado, that meant I wouldn’t have to wait long til nightfall. I mean, I’d left it in a pretty fucking secluded place, but it would be just my luck that some rancher would spot me guiding a hooded figure into the trailer.

And the waiting was good actually. It was good to have a little bit of time to sweet talk you and tell you all that bullshit about needing to get you to the safe room. I don’t know if you’re just plain fucking dumb or if you were still in too much shock to think straight, but you didn’t, like, question anything. All that shit I’d been telling you, I swear every sentence contradicted every other, but you just nodded every time I patted you on the back and asked if you understood.

----------------------------------------

7.

目录