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Femme Fatale - An Element On the Run
Chapter 4: I Can't Decide What Hurts More

Chapter 4: I Can't Decide What Hurts More

I’ve been training for marriage with Mama and Aunt for three years now and I have absolutely no hope. A wave of dirt splashes up around me as I dig for a new outhouse. My strength has grown a lot, more than twice since I was twelve. Mama does well teaching me graceful movements to help me get some control but sometimes I get distracted and things end up broken. Eleanor and Miranda were married off within a year of the Maiden Festival and I can’t help but feel bad for giving my parents any kind of hope.The shovel handle splinters in half and I realize that I dug the shovel head into a large stone. This was the second to last shovel in the barn; at this rate I might have to use a spoon from the kitchen. I haven’t been around the house except to sleep or receive lessons on lady-like behaviors so the kids think I’m mean since I don’t play with them anymore. In reality, I don’t stay around my little cousins and siblings because I’m afraid of hurting them. This increase in strength has had me stressed out for a while now and Papa worries; this frustrates me even more since I do as much work as I can to let him relax.

“How’s it going, Feline?” He comes out of nowhere using that soft tone he adopted from Mama. The downward inflection at the end means he wants to comfort me but I’ve identified that long ago. I do admit, knowing that someone wants to comfort me is comforting enough.

“I broke it,” I toss the two lengths of wood through the opening of the hole. Annoyingly, they fly upwards quite the distance before plummeting toward the ground and out of my sight. Mama tells me to focus on breathing when I get upset but this constant underestimation of my own strength is leaving me with more exasperated sighs than deep breathing exercises.

“I can see that,” is what I hear with my eyes closed. Suddenly there’s a voice in the distance. I look to Papa for an explanation. “We have visitors,” he tells me with a glare focused outward. “Stay here for a while; you’re in no state to welcome strangers.” I nod and sit myself at the bottom of the pit. Even if I was standing I wouldn’t be seen, but this might take a while. There is one voice that stands out through all the others. It’s mildly uplifted like a friend of the family over for a visit. It doesn’t sound like the neighbor that comes over every so often; it’s male so it can’t be Eleanor or Miranda; I don’t know who else it may be except for someone from their families, newly befriended. He’s quite loud, though, like he wants the whole mountain to hear even though I can’t understand what he’s saying from this distance. The tone turns cold in an instant and I get suspicious. Not long after the voice turns harsh I hear Papa yelling. Although he’s nowhere near as loud as the other voice I can tell that Papa is enraged. I’ve only heard it once before and it was directed at a representative of the Royal Army, who I later learned wanted more rations than dictated by official law.

I keep my hearing trained on their voices with eyes closed so I can try to figure out what’s going on. Things aren’t getting better and I get the sense they’re around the front of the house. Still, Papa told me to stay here. I’m sure he and Uncle can handle anything too troublesome so I’ll wait for now.

There are a few grunts and yells from several people. Aunt is yelling too and it’s getting harder to hold myself back. Rising to my feet I lean against the cold earth wall, trying to get any sort of indication as to what’s going on with strained ears. Some of the shouts stop and Aunt screams.

There’s a click from somewhere in my head and at that point nothing else matters. I need to protect them. I jump out from the pit and the ground trembles as I land. Every bit of my strength is used to run to them but I’m not fast enough for myself. In a split second I incorporate Mama’s lessons to dance. Each step bends down and I flick myself forward on my toes. I emerge from behind the house and stomp down to a stop. Dirt and dust clouds my vision but I know exactly where everyone is. The problem is that I can’t completely tell who everyone is. There is this feeling of an unknown entity, a vibration in the air, and I leap that way. My arms are outstretched to catch the intruder only to drill through the ground like a comet.

I’m unharmed and quickly rise to my feet. There’s plenty of dust in the air again so I slowly follow my path of destruction. It would be dumb to rush in again when they already know I’m here; I should plan something out but I can’t even see where I’m going. The dug-out path leads me to a group of soldiers coughing wildly. I rush past them so I can find out where my family went. Not long into my search the soldiers calm down and many are silently making way for me. I like this much better than an outright attack, especially since there’s more of them than I can count. Soon I see Papa’s body sprawled out on the ground and I run to him, as gently as I can. I use as little strength as possible and turn him over to look at him. He opens his eyes and tries to talk but his jaw is limp. After his effort the pain shows in his eyes and I lay him on his back with great care.

Every muscle in my body is tense as I cannot afford to slip up and lose control of my strength. Papa breathes shallowly while on his back and I panic while glancing over his body, broken ribs. If he’s not treated then it’ll puncture his lung and he’ll die. I do my best to follow instructions from a book he brought me a couple of years ago. His face shows the intense pain, it hurts me to continue but I do what I can. His jaw is set and I took care of making sure his ribs won’t move.

“Feline.” Mama’s voice slips through my worry for Papa. Following the direction it came from I see Mama looking through the front door, gesturing for me to go inside. Uncle is wheezing nearby, though, and I need to take him and Papa inside too. I nod to Mama when, behind me, I feel that vibration in the air like before.

“Turn around, slowly,” the previously unknown voice appears with that strange presence. I push off with one foot and spin on my other to spring at him. Within half a moment he’s gone and I fall into water. The odd thing is that there’s no source of water around except for the well several yards away. Through the water is a distorted scene of where I was just a second ago. My pulse beats through my limbs and it’s the first time I’ve felt fear for myself since I was nine. I hold my breath tight in my chest and try to get some footing. The water begins to sting and I have to close my eyes. The pain is light at first but progressively grows more intense.

“Feline!” Through the liquid I hear Mama screaming for me. I can’t keep my eyes open long enough to see what’s happening and my chest burns; the pain in my chest is not only a yearning for air but also to get to Mama. Whoever beat up Papa and Uncle is still out there.

“Adelaide, no!” Aunt screams at Mama and I also want to tell her to get back, to find safety. Mama’s shouts come closer and soon followed by a scream. I open my eyes and my body becomes tense through the sudden bolt of pain. Through the burning blindness growing in my vision I see Mama on the ground; I can hear her crying and calling out my name. With everything I have I struggle from within the acidic liquid to get to her. Every muscle in me lashes out to reach her somehow. My vision is gone and the blurred image of her feeble hand reaching out to help me is the last thing in my mind. I release my breath, not in exhaustion but in anger and pain.

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The fizzing sensation in my skin intensifies and my eyes burn like flaming coals were shoved in. My throat is torn apart through my screams and I can feel everything inside of me explode and break. There is nothing in my mind but pain, Mama’s voice of pain, Mama’s body in pain, Mama is in pain because of me. I have to protect her. I don’t even think of breathing, just moving. Tiny bursts and spasms envelop every inch of my body. Inside of me deep heat rumbles around with what feels like large stones. Everything swirls and throws me about like a vortex within that strange liquid until I’m thrown out. Even though I’m crawling to my arms and knees on the ground the throbbing doesn’t stop. My head has such pressure in it I think it might burst out of my skull at any moment. Instead, the pressure spreads throughout my body and collects at my chest. The whole time I’m seizing every muscle, pounding my fists into the ground with every pulse. Mama, I need to help Mama, save Mama, she’s hurt.

In mere seconds the pain in my body subsides and I gasp for air. No sooner than I realize that I’m in a giant glistening hole I’m surrounded by the burning water again. I tense up reactively and not long after the sizzling is gone. My sight is still clear even though I closed my eyes. When I try to open them a searing cold burns them so I close my eyelids again. I stand within the water and look up to find the stranger watching me from outside the crater. Mama isn’t here so I leap above the edge and fall past him. The ground doesn’t resist me and cracks open as I land. Mama is a little far away and I dash with as much grace as I can muster, hoping I don’t disturb her with my weight.

As I reach out to lift her I catch sight of something bright red at the edge of my vision. Shifting my attention to it I realize that it’s my hand. I fall back with a deep rumble and see that my whole body is made up of it. Trembling limbs reveal a red and black mixture of shifting light beneath smooth, hard, and transparent skin. All of me is the same as this fearsome image. I can’t breathe but I don’t even feel the need to. Forcing my eyes to leave the terrifying sight, I look at Mama's figure crawling away from the corner of my eye.

“Mama,” I whisper with a broken voice. She doesn’t say a word. It’s impossible to speak when your breath stutters in fear like that. “Mama, it’s me,” I can hardly believe it myself. I’m scared too.

“Feline,” she barely gets out.

“Yes, Mama,” something warm like tears fall from my eyes. When I go to wipe them away I see that it’s the same mixture as what’s within me. I think I’ve read of something like this before, maybe in my atlas. Some of the surrounding islands have volcanoes and are filled with magma which can explode from the mountain-like volcano. It’s called lava as it spreads to the outside world and burns everything it touches.

“Feline,” Mama repeats and I look to her again. She seems to have calmed down a bit but is still very hesitant to get up. I’m not sure if I should move and so I sit still while brushing the long white hair out of my face. The way I am right now I don’t want to get too close to anyone, especially Mama. She seems unharmed, only startled; I feel much better after seeing her move without visible pain. The sense I get from the stranger shifts my attention away.

“Mama, he’s coming,” I warn her. “Please, go inside,” I ask without looking away from the man approaching. I intercept a stream of water as it’s half way between him and Mama. The liquid doesn’t burn at all and I can only feel the strength growing. The water stops when I hear the door close. After it stops there follows rumbling beneath the ground and the stagnant crowd of soldiers are blown into the air by giant spouts of water emerging from beneath their feet.

I dash towards Papa and gather him up before I lift Uncle over my shoulder and carry them to safety. When I sit them down I realize that I touched them without thinking and check for burns. The areas I touched are red but not burnt off like I was worried about. A sigh of relief passes through my mouth, causing the rest of me to loosen up a little. Papa watches me wordlessly and I wonder what he’s thinking. Some of the magma from my body drips through the solid coating around myself and I tense up to contain it.

“You’ll come with me,” the stranger’s voice replaces my relief with alert anxiety twice over. I rise to my feet and steady myself for anything he might do.

“Please, leave us alone,” the words don’t fit my strong tone and he laughs at me.

“If you don't, these people will be in danger. I see you care about them but you can’t stay here. Look at them, you tried to save them and damaged them in the process,” he holds back a grin. “That woman was scared shitless of you too; if that’s how your mother acts how do you think the others will?” He has a point about how I burned them but I don’t blame Mama for being scared.

“It’s not her fault, I’m scared too. But she calmed down when she realized it was me.” I can only defend Mama. The rest of the family might not be so understanding as Mama and Papa will be; they’ll always love me.

“She ran to safety and left you here when I came.”

“I told her to.”

“Should the child really be protecting the parent?”

“If I can then I will.” The door clicked open and Mama stepped out. Her back was straight but her face revealed worry. I want to tell her to go back in but I don’t get the chance.

“Calm down, Feline,” with her few, simple words my heart tears to pieces. Mama’s gaze shows that it was an order. She approaches me and I can now see how small she is; rather, how much I had grown since a few minutes ago. I’m now much taller than her and probably almost 2m in height. Mama looks up at me and takes my hand. I can see her skin turning red and slip my hand back immediately. “See?” she whispers. “He’s right. It should be me protecting you. For a long time I thought I was protecting you by teaching you to pretend to be normal. Now I realize that it’s impossible and it would have been better if I had never tried.”

Shifting from the ground nearby, Papa tries to sit. Mama goes to him and holds his hand, whispering to him that it’ll be okay. She lets him look at me and I worry about what he’s thinking. His eyes are steady and regardless of his unhealed jaw he smiles at me.

“Fredrick, you know it’s going to be hard for her here, don’t you.” He nods at Mama’s words with downcast eyes and tries to speak but I can’t let him.

“Stop Papa!” I shout at him and bend down to his body, “Your jaw isn’t healed and you have some broken ribs.” He raises a hand and touches some of the white hair that has fallen in front of my face. I pull it back behind my ear and he lets his hand down again. “You need a doctor or the ribs may puncture a lung.” Papa smiles again.

“He’s so proud of you, Feline,” Mama tells me. “You’re smart, kind, and you love us more than anything.” Mama stands and watches the stranger. “What kind of place will you take her? Will she be safe and happy?”

“Mama! How can you be serious about sending me off with some crazy stranger?! He killed all those soldiers without a thought and you trust him?!”

“I can’t promise happiness,” he ignores me and speaks to Mama with an amused grin, “but I can tell you that it’s a safe place for our kind,”

“You are like her?” Mama asks, suspicious.

In a split moment his body changes into water beneath his clothes, standing just as before. “Satisfied? Now, can you finish this up? I do enjoy a good drama but it’s better not to let this go on for too long. I was thinking of leaving you alive since I don’t suppose you’d spread anything. However, if you ask any more questions I may change my mind.” I hate his voice, he’s enjoying himself in this situation, playing the bad guy like it’s a game.

“If you want me gone so badly then I’ll go,” I can’t stand to look at them and bolt off in the other direction. If he wants me then he’ll have to catch me. I slip away from the lot of them in an instant. Within a few seconds I’m already past the second plot of crops and heading straight for the mountains. I think I’m clear of the stranger when I get into the forest. Only a few steps in and I’m suddenly wrapped in soil swirling around me without pause. I try to break through but the way it moves is like water. Attempting to find solid ground is impossible and forcing my way out won’t work so I calm myself down and wait to see what happens. I have to be prepared.