Fate Deals The Cards
Fifty-two Pickup part 1: The Lovers
Ch: 7 Aces And Eights
My sweet-ass dungeon world powered up, as I carefully brought all of my sea gates and dungeon portals online, silent and still, they waited for the intrepid and bold to enter.
The word had been slowly circulating among the loose network of Dwarfholds scattered around the local dimensions, which had naturally percolated through to the Adventurers’, Hunters’ and Explorer’s guilds quickly.
Klevin had issued firm orders that my dungeon world must remain a deep secret of the clan; and when Kelvin became the clan’s liaison with the mysterious dungeon lord’s odd crab minion, he reinforced that edict. The old coot had kept my dark and terrifying secret even from his kin…
As opening day approached, Kelvin picked up on my growing excitement and took me aside for a private, mostly one sided convo.
“Uncle Klevin, he said that when it were time, I should ease the rules of secrecy and start spreading the word…” He mumbled, still awkward about talking to a spiky, carapaced horror as though it were a person.
“I think that perhaps, Your master is getting ready for the big day, yes?”
My excited clickity clackity dance got the message across, and brought a smile to his craggy face. “Uncle told me, that when yer ready to open, we should start rumor mongering among the Crafts and Adventure guilds of our acquaintance. We are well connected in the region and many have been eager to find the source of our splendid, Primal Iron ingots.”
I nodded my whole carapace, Klevin had gone on and on about the superlative quality of the local iron deposits…
I didn’t have the bandwidth to listen to another explanation of the magical uptake and dispersal properties that made the ore so special. Kelvin seemed to understand my deal, so he carried on without a lecture on my ferrous metals and their properties…
“Rather than just blurting out the truth, I’ve primed the pump with a few juicy rumors and deeply tempting suggestions that allude to the truth. With strict vows of secrecy from the merchants and crafters I spilt the beans to…” He grinned and laughed, much the way his uncle always had.
“Those chattering ninnies and gum-flapping gossip hawks will be at the back end of the line, when we spill the actual truth into the trembling and eager ears of the Adventure and Explorer’s guilds.”
His smile of pride and satisfaction reminded me so much of old Klevin, even though they couldn’t be blood kin… which warmed my soul. “Couched in rumor and whispered gossip of course. Nothing spreads faster nor wider than a secret shared in confidence!” He did a surprisingly graceful spin and leap of giddy happiness that warmed my soul all the way through...
I was pretty confident that little Kitka Mittensocks had weaseled her way into the Akashic Record of the clan and family he’d loved and led for so long.
Which made me fondly wonder if my fleeting contact with the octos had left a mark on their mysterious racial memory as well. I doubted it, but that’s the difference between the truly living and the almost entirely alive, like me and my buddy Klevin… It can be a little lonely, if I’m honest. Though, of course, we have each other… If only for a little while longer.
When the gates opened, a trickle of brave souls crept through, stepping onto the empty, echoing central plaza of Port city for the first time…
A tall homey building of the local lava stone stood across the plaza, waiting to welcome guests with open doors beneath a sign that proclaimed: The Iron Wolf Inn.
Fritz, the short bearded and smiling dwarven innkeeper waved from the wide front porch calling to the nervous Adventure band who were staring about in surprise and delight.
Kelvin’s wife ran the armorer’s shop, just down the way, while uncle Alouicious stood behind a shop front that bristled with deadly weapons and dangerous things eagerly, calling to the group of eight men and women lingering near the gate with a very bored looking packhorse.
“Welcome!” Kelvin stood on the porch of the tall stone built city hall, draped in an ostentatious purple sash that proudly announced; ‘Mayor’ embroidered in silver dwarven runes.
“The Iron Wolf Trading association welcomes you all to… The Swarm!” He shouted, while the plaza slowly filled with parties of armed and armored folks of every class, race and sort, pouring in from the gateways scattered around the plaza.
Oh, wow… Where did that come from? Was that coming from you? I suppose you can’t answer… Oh well.
My baby dungeon world took off from there… The Iron Wolf Clan was more than eager to get an early foothold in commerce and trade on my little paradise. A few company sponsored warbands trooped out to challenge my starter dungeon within a day or two as well, their shields and packs emblazoned with the black outline of a wolf howling at the moon.
They marched along proudly, following in the footsteps of the intrepid Explorers and Delvers who had wasted no time in locating and slipping through the portal to the Jungle of Clouds™; my first dungeon level for parties of Iron rank and above.
Mmm, I’m bogging down a little; It’s been a lot of talking for me. I’m starting to get a little indigestion too…
“A bronze mark for six curative potions? That’s daylight robbery!” Someone shouted in front of the apothecary's stall.
“These are the last I have; until I get more herbs.” The cranky dwarven alchemist grumbled, holding the small crate of glass bottles behind the counter.
“I’d be gouging you on the price viciously were it nae a violation ‘o the law, here in town.” The artisan pointed a thumb at the wall, where a plaque listed the set prices for curatives, antidotes and healing potions.
“An ye do the herb gathering quest frae city hall, I’ll sell ye them at the quest reward price, a single iron mark fer the six…” His audience of pale, sweaty and shaky Adventurers groaned in chorus at the oft repeated demand for herb gatherers.
“Rise and grind, me darling little ducklings!”
“A bronze mark? Sold!” A tired and sweaty looking man in battered leather and chain armor grunted, brandishing his coin before anyone else could swoop in. There were plenty of eager, would-be buyers who moaned piteously with their fingers in their own pouches.
The alchemist cackled madly as he took the coin and passed over the little crate. “That’s it, all I have left are palliative draughts… They are just an iron half mark, an they’ll suppress the symptoms of Skeeter Fever fer a single day… long enough tae finish the Herbalist's Plea, three times!” He cackled at the gathered, feverish crowd, as he collected the coins from their trembling hands.
Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
“Return the six bottles an the crate when they’re empty, fer an iron bit!” He shouted at the departing, unwilling herb gatherers.
Ugh, that’s a little jarring. Where were we?
I wanted a stable, safe and exciting dungeon world, where new Adventurers could start off slow and grow long term, rather than just popping in for a raid and then dipping out to find something new.
I wanted a way for the newbs to make a bit of coin, gather the gear and resources they would need and learn the ropes even if they stumbled in by accident, or got isekaied in, like I had. I wanted a full dungeon world experience that would keep them coming back, or better yet, becoming permanent residents.
Unfortunately, I was suffering a desperate shortage of newbies, which was throwing some wrenches into my well laid plans.
The flat, verdure draped Jungle of Clouds™ was a perfect beginners stage for exploration and monster hunting, but the initial starter quests all happened on the island of Tortuga, in the ‘wilderness’ around Port city.
Whether it was the herb gathering quest, the foraging missions from the innkeeper and chef, the mayor’s inevitable giant sewer rat quest or any of the others, they all took place in the safe and relatively open forests and plains around the city.
The veteran Adventurers just refused to do the work outright, until shortages became a problem, then they had to be coerced into taking the jobs. Frankly, I was sick of it… and the constant complaints were wearing on Kelvin too.
Adventurers burned through a ridiculous number of healing potions and were deeply offended by any suggestion that they gather the needed supplies, import or craft their own potions.
I tried letting the market set the price, but that devolved into chaos, with merchants and peddlers flooding in to sell substandard or even bogus healing and curative supplies just outside the city gates or in dark alleys where the gullible could be relieved of their excess coin in privacy...
I couldn’t perceive the Adventurers and other visitors directly, now that my dungeon was open for business; though my dwarves remained blessedly solid and real, as long term residents. They had organized themselves and quickly gained citizenship through the Townsman Questlines.
Likewise, the visitors couldn’t perceive or interact with me either, unless they were willing to follow the Townsman quests through. Few did, since the quest was long and boring, the rewards were aimed at traders and crafters, rather than Adventurers, so it was pretty deeply unpopular, by design.
I won’t go into detail about that, because you already know all about how to gain citizenship, that’s how we are having this little ‘talk’....
I keep getting distracted, comes from being quiet for so damn long… Now I have a captive audience, so to speak. You’ll just have to indulge me for a little longer, pal.
I knew it wouldn’t be long until things got unpleasant… and I was right on the money. Four weeks after the big opening day and two weeks after the beginning of the potion shortage, it happened one peaceful night.
*Ding* A violent assault and robbery has occurred in Port city. Thieves’ Guild quest has been initiated. *ding*
I’d set the needed parameters and dialed the difficulty and set the rewards with care, knowing that a thriving underground economy was going to develop, no matter what I did… So naturally, the ‘hidden’ quest had a failure condition, built in right at the start and a tempting reward offered to those who could complete the questline without…
Before I could even finish congratulating myself for my cleverness, both my hearts sank into my ink sack.
*Ding* Murder has been committed in Port city, Bloody Hand quest has been initiated.
“Yeah, I have cures… a bronze half each.” She whispered from inside her hood. The bright stars combined with softly shimmering magical waterfall rainbows made the streets of Port city dim at night, but not exactly dark, even with partial cloud cover like tonight… He suspected that the peddler lass was a real cutie, judging from her voice and the way her cloak swayed when she walked.
Alfie followed the halfling girl into a shadowy alley with a confident swagger and a much more positive outlook on tomorrow. His five teammates were all back in the Adventurer’s camp, outside town waiting for him, but he’d had a long day.
The Inn was full up, as were the hostels and flophouses, so his team huddled in their bedrolls shivering and sweating while he was out pounding the cobblestones looking for potions.
“I’ll take ten.” He whispered, holding up a gold half mark.
“Nice doing business with you, tallboy…” She muttered, as she passed over a satchel that clicked dully; the sound of cloth wrapped glass bottles rattling together.
“You… in a hurry?” She whispered with a little more intensity than Alfie expected. “Got, someplace to be… in a hurry?” Slowly she faded back into the alley, crooking her finger at him with a sweet and soft giggle.
He smiled, feeling more confident and self assured than he had, since his team all got the Skeeter Fever in the Cloud Jungle, and followed her into the deeper darkness...
He never knew who knocked him cold and started rifling through his things, though he heard a rough, male voice gasp out:
“Oh, wow! A hidden quest, the thieves’ guild! It says we fail if we kill anybody though…”
“Shut up and do it, Curt.” The halfling girl snapped, sounding far less sweet, as cold steel glinted in the night.
That’s how I imagine it went down, anyway; We’ll never really know.
I do know that a halfling woman named Sophie and Curt, a duergar dwarf robbed… and then cold bloodedly murdered a young coyote man named Alfie Knudsen that night. My dungeon stats report didn’t give any details, though.
Kelvin’s old friend the lich lord came by a few years after the old guy passed. He turned out to be a nice guy, calls himself the Chariot… Really chatty when he comes by, he runs the Eternal Halls, the undead dungeon down the void, a few openings.
He and his brothers, The Tarots are all connoisseurs of death and murder; he’s really going to be excited, next time we hang out… I can’t wait to ask him why they all claim to be Gary Ward…
Sorry, I’m digressing again.
Poor, unfortunate Sophie and Curt were found, both with their throats slit and their quest reward rings stolen, two nights later, in the Eternal Halls dungeon. My new friend, the Chariot, he followed those rings for a while, followed them by the trail of murdered murderers they left behind. He’s a specialist in such things.
Those cursed rings from the Bloody Hand quest really do come from a monkey’s paw, you know.
I put a very special, hidden curse on those; the shadow of murder will stalk any who gain that ring by quest, theft, robbery or murder. That’s why the only ways to acquire one safely is by looting it after a case of self defense, or by purchasing it from a public auction from someone who won it through self defense. Rich idiots still buy them though… I never claimed I was a nice person, bub.
I do ramble on, don’t I?
So, it took some time to get my dungeon stable and my buddy, Kelvin was there, helping and working with me; even though he had no clue what we were really doing together. We worked side by side for years, slowly and steadily building a future for a race of cute little people who still have no clue what is going on, bless their hearts.
That’s what really made me step in, you know. When the light cult sent you here to become a citizen and assassinate Kelvin, you were already as good as dead, buddy.
I crept in through an attic vent I’d broken into during the day and replaced carefully… after scouting my path and clearing away anything that might have alerted anyone in the bedrooms, below my crawlspace. I dusted and swept away the cobwebs, oiled the squeaky louvers and jimmied the transom window, just in case.
Preparation is everything when taking down a dungeon lord. The townsman questline had been arduous and beyond dull, but after digging a new well for old Amos the orchardist, and helping Adelaide the poulterer with her foxbat problem in the west side…
*ding* You have completed Townsman’s Duty and gained citizenship in the Swarm! Congratulations. You are now eligible for the Public Office and/or Coup D'etat questlines.
After fifteen years with the cult of light, cutting throat and slipping poison into things, he’d gotten good at those social fetch-quests and nuisance pest eradication jobs. They were almost always required, in order to get close enough to the target.
I’m pretty sick of burping up weird memories and I don’t want to witness my friend’s murder, even after the fact.
He was a good friend, the man you murdered believing he was the dungeon lord. You killed his crab familiar and cut his throat while he slept, his poor wife too, but you know that...
Too bad you didn’t notice the little blue and yellow octopus, climbing out of that crab’s corpse.
Remember when I told you how awfully, terribly venomous I am? Good times.
I think our time together is just about done… I’m about to start snacking on your higher brain functions. In your next life, please try to avoid joining any weird ass demon cults… and assassin is not a career path I can recommend.
Toodles, Ace… I might just keep your name, just to remember our brief time together, while I’m walking around in your corpse.
I really need to find out about these Tarot Guys… And why they all call me ‘the Lovers’...
I’ve never eaten a sentient being’s brain before; I had no idea the experience would be so… intimate, or so prolonged, I wonder if that’s it?
We are kind of a couple, now.
#
The End of part 1: The Lovers
Check back to see what other cards I draw from the deck.