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Remember what eSmoke the Boson Bear says:

Only you can prevent the Heat Death of the Universe!

It’s true! You are the answer to conserving energy and staving off the dissolution of all matter in the cosmos. Help your local galaxy by following three simple steps:

1. Don’t fall for Fermi’s Paradox.

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2. Don’t feed Schrödinger’s cat.

3. Replace E = mc² with E = mk².

The first two steps are self evident, but the third requires some definition. C has been replaced with K to reflect the latest theories in quantum kindness.

Particle physicists and political pundits have now definitively proven that being kind is light years more efficient than being mean. Kindness requires far less energy and creates much less heat waste.

Where kindness is kinetically calmer, meanness is energetically frenetic. If you take the mean of mean, you get anger. And anger produces ridiculous thermal waste—which in turn contributes exponentially faster to the heat death of the universe.

All the relevant documentation can be found in Dr. Jeff-clone Goldblum’s seminal dissertation “Of Quarks and Kindness.” Read it. Live it. It’s elemental.

And being kind is much more fun-damental. So, slow down, ditch the living at light speed fallacy, embrace quantum kindness, and save your universe! And all of ours!

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