After some meandering through the town — the bakery, a handkerchief shop, and another bakery — the jolly man took us to our ship.

“Isn’t much to look at, but it floats,” he had said. He didn’t stay to see us depart. Vite left us as pissy as I had found him.

On board the ship, Nessy barked orders at Roland and me, but the wind snatched them up, so Roland and I followed after her squinting with shrugged shoulders.

We watched for a time as she busied about, moving one thing or another to and fro, until after a while we found ourselves leaning against the side of the ship chatting. By dusk, we were on our way.

“Four days away,” Roland said.

“Four days!”

Roland nodded.

I took a deep breath. Blue glassy waves set against an amber dusking sky. Seagulls soared above us, curving, encircling. Far fewer of them now than an hour ago. My every breath was filled with salty sea mist. The crashing waves began as a comfort, but quickly became a noise, then eased into a near nuisance.

“You know, she's channeling over there,” said Roland, eyeing the ship’s helm.

“What's that?”

“She's channeling,” he nodded towards Nessy. “She calls it thinkin’, but,” he shook his head, “she’s preparin’ spells.”

“Magic spells?” I said with a skeptical squint.

Roland nodded slowly, then looked out into the sea.

“How’s that work?” I asked.

Roland looked back over then shrugged. “I use a sword.”

“You two know each other from before?”

“Aye,” he nodded. “Dated.”

“Oh? When was this?”

Roland laughed. “Back when we were the same age.”

I must have given him a confused look. He laughed again.

“Dark elves age differently than high men,” he added.

I nodded slowly. “What do you know about Edgar?”

Roland looked over at me and thought for a moment. His hair was wild with the wind, eyes squinted from the setting sun. “Tom tells me things he shouldn’t, given my big mouth.” Roland looked me over, then looked back out towards the sea. “I know you’re not from here.”

I looked out across the sea and remained quiet.

“Well,” said Roland, turning to lean his back against the side of the ship. He turned to me. “Edgar isn’t exactly from here either.” Roland nodded. “Should be an interesting trip.”

Neither of us had the energy to continue conversation over the increasingly wild wind. We agreed to take shifts. I couldn’t get comfortable, so Roland rested first. He fell asleep disturbingly easily.

I was tired, but I was too riled up to rest. I slouched in a corner away from the wind and gazed up at the stars. Was Earth up there? I leaped my gaze from star to star. The boat rocked gently, seemingly in four directions.

“Wake up!” Nessy yelled from somewhere.

I jumped and tripped over a pile of safety rope and gashed my head against some hideous marble statue piece of junk art.

I was bleeding. I stumbled up. It was morning. Then I saw it. Four pirate ships sailing parallel to us, one docked onto our side.

“How does this happen? Really. I’m curious,” said Nessy. She was standing at the deck entryway. Roland was still asleep.

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“Do we have cannons?” I asked.

“Are you out of your mind?”

“Okay. What’s the plan?”

“Diplomacy! Dammit!” She stormed off.

I kicked Roland gently. “Wake up, Roland!”

He didn’t wake up. Is he dead?

I tried to check his pulse. I couldn’t feel a beat. I wasn’t exactly sure where to press, so I just pressed harder. Then he moved. Phew. But it could have been one of those movements corpses do right after they passed. I tried pressing his other wrist.

“What are you doing?” yelled Nessy. She had miraculously changed clothes.

“Blah, I don't know! I'm checking on Roland!”

“Leave him alone. Follow me. Don't talk or make weird noises.”

I followed Nessy to a group of pirates standing on our deck. Oh Jesus Christ. They were halfling pirates.

“Welcome aboard,” said Nessy.

Among the five or six pirates, one parted and walked over to us. “What’s your business?” he asked sternly. He had grey hair, purple eyes, a roughed up face, and a hint of a mustache and beard. He seemed rather no-nonsense, despite, well, his looks.

“We’re headed to Edith to see a friend,” Nessy answered.

“A friend? In Edith?”

“I have friends everywhere,” Nessy nodded politely.

“Hm,” the halfling grunted. He then glanced at me. “I take it you’re one of her friends?”

“I am pleased to meet you,” I said. I tried to keep a straight face.

“What?” the halfling squinted, then glanced at Nessy.

Nessy slapped me across the face. She then turned back to face the halfling and smiled. “He is… a little stupid. My husband. Indentured husband, legally. But very much the master of this ship, bless him.”

The halfling stared at us blankly.

I nodded supportively.

“You the captain?” he asked me.

Nessy looked at me, nodding.

“Yar,” I replied. I was really having a hard time taking this moment seriously.

The halfling glanced at Nessy, then me, then a fellow pirate.

“Why did you sail right into my fleet?” he asked. It took me a moment to realize he was waiting for me to answer.

“I confront.” I didn’t know why I started my sentence that way, and I certainly didn’t know how to finish it, so I concluded it right away.

Nessy and the halfling looked at me, then each other.

“Timeout,” I said, turning to Nessy. “I’m not good at this. Why can’t you be the captain?”

“They’re sexist.”

“Oh. Don’t you know magic? Can’t you, you know, use it?”

Nessy closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“A witch?” the halfling asked.

“Okay, listen,” Nessy pushed ahead of me. “Take the ship.”

“We are not pirates.”

“Oh, yes, my apologies,” Nessy raised her hands, “you’re lawful, good administrators of a kindly sea-wide ship redistribution program. Commendable. All I ask is you byway us to Edith. ”

The halfling shook his head. “We drop you off at Perch.”

“One moment,” I said, taking Nessy to the side.

“Halt!” the halfling called out, but Nessy, while visibly annoyed, didn’t seem worried, so I continued to usher her away from them.

“Return to our conversation at once!” he yelled behind us.

“Can we just, like, pick them up and throw them overboard?” I whispered.

“No you may not,” the halfling said.

“How’d he hear that?” I whispered.

“Look behind them, on their ships,” Nessy said.

I glanced over, squinting. Dozens of halflings lined the edge of all four ships, all holding back one arm.

“What are they doing?” I squinted. “They’re so tiny.”

“Slingers. They’ll pelt us with berries if we crap around too much.”

“Berries?”

“They explode. Look, halflings are crappy pirates. They’ll take the ship, but they’ll ferry us to a nearby port. I just need to convince them to take us to Edith.”

“Well where’s Perch? Can we get to Edith from there?”

She looked at me strangely. And she… smiled.

“Stop smiling,” I smiled back, in a worried sort of way. “I don’t like it.”

She turned and walked back over to the halfling pirate.

“Perch is far. There’s, what, two halfling stops here to there. You guys are really doing it aren’t you?”

The halfling didn’t react.

Nessy turned to me. “They’re gonna blockade.”

The halfling darted his eyes.

“Look,” Nessy turned to the halfling. “You can’t take us to Perch, because we know what you’re about to do. Word will, you know,” she shrugged, “get out. Edith isn’t far. Even Edith pigeons can’t fly over the Sorice sea.”

The halfling turned to one of his co-conspirators, a plump woman with patches over both eyes. “Betsy,” he called to her. She nodded and walked over to him and held his hand. “One of you show Betsy to the helm. She is your new captain.”

“Is she?” I said.

“Is she what?” Betsy said.

“How is she, are you, able to, you know, navigate, given the circumstances of your, her, upper head.”

“She’s not blind,” Betsy said.

“She has… a couple of eyepatches,” I said. “Also, this conversation is really starting to confuse me.”

Betsy sighed, or perhaps growled. She then tilted her head and smiled slightly. She slowly raised her hand and pointed up.

I followed her point, looking up into the sky, shielding the sun from my eyes. I saw something. It was far. What is that? It was getting bigger. Some sort of a… maybe a seagull. It was dive bombing. Towards me! Then it quickly curved up and turned away. I looked back over to Betsy.

“What was that?”

Suddenly bird poop landed on my head.

“Okay,” said Nessy. She turned and walked away.

I stood there and continued watching the bird. It curved around and began encircling our ship. I looked down at Betsy and the halfling pirate captain with a dumbfounded look.

“She can see,” the woman said, with a hearty humph. She wobbled and fumbled over towards the ship’s helm.

The halfling and I watched Betsy stumble around until she was out of sight. “Anyway,” he continued, “she’s blind, but the bird helps. Don’t try anything. We will be watching.” And with that, he and his posse returned to their ship.

I walked to the helm and found Betsy at the wheel. Roland was still asleep.

“I see it,” she said. “Edith.”

“How far out?” Nessy asked from the doorway behind us.

“A day. Get comfortable. Your job is easy now.”