Twas a lonely night- scratch that.
long, long time ago- no that is not right, it wasn't that that long ago
how about I just tell you about how it all began.
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so, I grew up in a second world country. You're probably wondering what that means, well it means a country that is not the USA but is closely allied to it (like most of Europe used to be). Why didn't I just say Europe then?
Well, it's likely that you won't know what or where that is since it doesn't exist anymore, partly because of me.
So how did that happen? I'm getting to that but first a bit about me, or who I used to be.
See I grew up on a farm, with 3 brothers and my parents. There was always work to be done, so we had our chores and that was fine. At first.
then due to falling prices on produce, we had to expand, meaning more work.
then as we grew older, my brother's started to head out to start their own lives. but the amount of work stayed the same, just fewer people to do it.
At some point, even my mother left the farm, since she and dad never talked anymore.
all that was left, where me and my father. oh and did I mention the beatings, there were a lot of those. both with hands and tools alike.
Ever had a beating with a rubber pipe so hard you can hear it snap like a whip, yea that was one of the easy ones.
So you might be wondering, why I stayed there until I was 19. well, I told you how it was at home, but school life was way, way worse. you see at home the abuse was mostly physical, but at school. hah at school, it, was, Mental.
top dogs think they are hot shit and to prove it, they need someone to pick on. Enter my brothers and me, now I can't speak for how bad it was for my brothers, but they must really have stepped on some toes, for boy did I inherit a world of torture.
from both teachers and kids alike.
it started small like most things do. with the teacher arranging seats so that I had to sit next to a drafty window. which meant I always had a cold, next was never being picked for questions that I raised my hand for, and picking me for those that I didn't.
even if there were others, who had their hands raised. now kids ain't stupid, they pick up on such things and so I became a target. my grades dropped further, which gave the teachers even more reason to pick on me. the kids got nastier, so did the teachers.
evil circle, you get the point
so when I left the farm I was broken though I didn't quite know how badly since this was normal for me. I got a job and everything was nice.
but I was restless everything was different, I didn't know how to handle people being nice to me, I couldn't handle being yelled at or beaten for even the simplest mistakes, even worse for me was phrases like "now you know not to that in the future" or "better luck next time". it was hurting me because it was new, so one day I snapped when a co-worker came rushing to help me stop a fire I accidentally started.
I hit him, HARD.
like you see in a karate movie where they teach you to aim at a spot a foot behind your target, he went down like a ball of hey. from the loft. I saddle myself across his chest a wailed on his face like a pro boxer on his training bag, blood on the floor, my fists, my face and a now roaring fire to my right, people rushing in to fight the fire a now me too, it took 4 big guys to drag my sorry ass out of there and into a patch of grass where the sat on me so I couldn't move,
21 years old hadn't cried once since I was 8, but oh boy did the floodgates break. I had just beaten the everliving shit out of the first person to truly care about me
physically, im a big man standing at 6 ft 11" or 2,10 M muscles toned from years of hard labor, a bit of belly.
they could have put me in a can and there would have been room to spare, so small as I was. so the cops came and took me away, I didn't struggle one bit, I just sat there in that lonely holding cell looking at my hands, not saying a peep, when they questioned me I could only look at the table in shame, not a word spoken, I only looked up when they told me that the man I had beaten was fighting for his life. apparently, his lungs were punctured and they couldn't find a donor, "take mine" I implored, "I fucked up, please let me make it up to him", "please let me make it right again"
the smile on the copper's face when he told me "can't do that I'm afraid, see we cant take you out of here, you might try your hands at escaping", "and a big fella like you might just succeed, so you just sit tight and pray that he doesn't die, cuz then it'll be murder on your hands" he left the room then.
so I got sent to prison on the only trail worse than one for murder, that man I beat up, he spoke up in my defense as he was in the stand, said something about recognizing that beast I had in me
something about an old Indian Wiseman and feeding two wolves inside and that someone had been sneaking snacks to the wrong one.
3years and 7 months
too short for what I did but the judge took pity on me I guess.
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so how does a big fella with a lot of anger fit into a prison, like honey and milk, the take one look at me and either one of two things happen, they turn away or they wanna fight, and if beating that lovely man taught me anything, it was that I could throw a punch hard, and it would hurt every time, on them for sure but it hurt me cuz all I saw was me being my dad beating my first friend, and I was good at it too, I never picked the fights but I ended it. gaining what I thought was respect but it wasn't.
one day someone picked a fight in the yard as usual the guards didn't knew that I ever only took the fights so far but this brat was new, a scrawny little shit with a lot to prove, so he picked a fight with the biggest guy around and won, cuz he pulled a shiv on me a stabbed me 28 times before the guards could stop him. they threw him in detention and I got rushed to the hospital to get patched up, how I wished I could have died right then and there.
now you might think that my family was a regular visitor of mine, but not one of them came to see me. not even as I was at the hospital recovering from being stabbed. I was of course in cuffs chained to the bed but I was also in a wing with other people, who were there for various reasons.
guess who else was there, that's right the man I beat was in the bed next to me cuz his new lung wasn't working right, I tried to make myself as small as possible but he saw me greeted me like we were two old friends meeting on a beach on a summer day
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"say its awfully dull in here want to play a game" he offered
"I don't think that will be possible since I'm cuffed to the bed"
"pah you don't need hands to play a game, just your mind, come on the worst that could happen is that you don't like it, you'd lose a few hours of boredom and the world will be the same as it was now"
"hhhhheh, so what do you want to play? I don't see any games in here".
"well I knew I was going to be here for a few days so I packed my laptop, so I could read some stories or play some games to pass the time, and it got a lot of games on it like chess and backgammon..."
so I thought to myself, if I can relieve just a tiny piece of his boredom, I will have at least repaid just a bit of my mountainous dept
"why don't we start with backgammon and we can shift games when you win much"
"waHAHAh hark hark cough cough cough"
note to self-don't make someone with lung problems laugh too hard
so after a nurse came and got the situation under control we got to play. and boy was he good he knew just what to do with what rolls, and beat me repeatedly, this guy was good.
and since we were the most interesting thing on the ward some of the other patients came over to watch and occasional play him, but he almost always won, it didn't matter what we play him in, he was a master at gaming.
but he looked happy so I didn't say a thing.
I even enjoyed just being there watching people play like a fly on the wall.
the best day of my life
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The next day he had visitors, some of the people were our former colleges and they were not happy to see me at all, at first the didn't see me at first one of them tried to jump me but the others held him back he just wouldn't have it so security had to have him removed.
the other's were more verbal, and I deserved it all
"how can you stand being in a room with him"
"don't you recognize him, he is the fucker who put you in here, to begin with"
"you're lucky you didn't get attempted murder you piece of shit"
on and on it went until the nurse had them removed as well
"I'm so sorry about that, they didn't mea-"
"its okay, they are right thou, I did put you in here, for fuck sake I almost killed you and you're still nice to me. but for the life of me, I cant see why"
"I'm just trying to feed your other wolf"
"what"...
"you know.... do you remember what I say at your trial about how Indian and the two wolves and how people have been feeding the wrong one?"
"yea so"
"so I've been trying to feed the right one"
"what"...
"sigh... you know when I first met you I recognized you not because of who you are, but I recognized that look in your eyes, you probably didn't get the same way I did but it was the same".
"what did my eyes look like"
"they looked starved, not for food but love"
"you don't know anything about me" I snapped back at him before cooling down just as fast as I angered
"sorry"
"don't be, I kno-"
"not just for yelling at you, I'm sorry I beat you up when you were just trying to help."
and that was the second time I cried since I was 8
but my one friend just got up from his bed pad me on the back
"must have been staved to lash out like that, what do you say we take it slow and if it gets too much just ask for a banana and ill know to take a step back"
"heh id like that, why a banana thou"
"cuz its yellow like a traffic light, now if you ask for a tomato id know to run for it, wouldn't want to get hit by that train again" he grins and pokes my giant hands
"deal"
the other patients (and one nurse) who have been watching the drama in awkward silence break out in applause
for the next 3 years until the day of my release he came to visit me in prison 2 sometime 3 times a week always he would have a game and some comic books or the like with him, he'ed be there when visiting hours opened until it closed, every time.
I got into less and less fights as my mood improved, it would still happen of course, but the other inmates just seemed to leave me alone, I even became somewhat friendly with a few of them as we got to play a few board games together
when I got released from prison my friend had set up an apartment for me and even helped me get a new job as a blacksmith, he introduced me to a group P&P RPG players and we hit it of fast as we ventured forth into fantastical lands and adventure, we laughed together and we cried together as we played together
best year and a half of my life