As Ethan left the palace, the excitement and energy that had come from the encounter with the Prince slowly faded, and his thoughts darkened. The truth was that he hadn’t been allowing himself to think about the previous day.

Another battle, more killing, and a new mystery. He’d jumped on the chance to go to the Guild Hall with Cara and Selina, wanting to normalize it, and–if he was being honest–wanting to drink as well.

He was aware of the dangers of that path, though it wasn’t one he’d walked personally. He knew that the healthy thing to do was to make himself process what had happened. Maybe find someone to speak to who could understand what he was going through. Instead he found himself consumed only by his quest to bring down the Church.

Ethan knew he was distracting himself, latching onto anything that would keep his mind on the future. On moving forward. On momentum. He decided to head to the Guild Hall for that very purpose, wanting the sounds of the common room to drown out his thoughts.

It was warm inside, from a fire in the stone hearth. The climate was oddly constant in this world as he’d been warned, but it was still growing a little colder at night. Ethan realized he wasn’t even certain about the month anymore, given that Viridus followed a calendar based solely on harvests.

He looked around, seeing that the place wasn’t particularly full this early in the day. He saw some familiar faces, but no one he knew personally, and finally went to speak with Charlie at the bar.

“Afternoon, Charlie,” Ethan said, pulling up a seat with a clear view of the Grand Tournament scores.

“Good day, Mr. Bishop,” he said in his typical friendly tone. “Can I get you something?”

There was a slight tone to the question, likely coming from the fact that Ethan had only been gone from the bar for about twelve hours. “Just some juice,” he answered. He’d given up keeping track of the best ones. There were dozens of types of fruit in the farming kingdom, and most shops just mixed whatever they had on hand that day.

Charlie nodded and reached into the cooling chest, which was essentially a rune-powered fridge. He was about to start pouring when he stopped. “Oh, apologies Mr. Bishop, I have something for you.” The barrel chested man pulled a small envelope from under the bar, and slid it to Ethan before returning to the drink.

“Thanks?” Ethan said curiously, then unfolded the letter.

‘Ethan! Cara is taking me Hunting! Isn’t she the best? I think we’re going to be great friends. I can tell she thinks so too. She just hides it better.

I’ve told the Runic Guild that I’ll be taking an extended leave so I can focus on Hunting, but I’m sure we’ll be back in a few days anyway.

I think I can convince her to join the team! Give me some time, trust me, and stay out of trouble!’

Oh! Don’t worry about us being attacked. I put the Brightsouls badge on a few dozen Notices, because I am very smart. Cara agrees. We are very smart.’

-Selina

Ethan grunted a small laugh, then folded the paper up. She probably would manage to convince Cara. Selina was patient, tireless, and far more determined than she seemed to realize. He looked back up as Charlie put his drink in front of him.

“Those girls were here the whole night,” he said, shaking his head. “The big one wouldn’t stop talking, and I think the little one made a drinking game out of it. Still, they seemed to be enjoying themselves. Only left a few hours ago, laughing about some Hunt…I’ve worked here nearly my whole life, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone that drunk. The elf should be dead.” He shook his head in amusement, then went back to cleaning.

Ethan let himself smile slightly at the mental image, then looked up at the board. The Brightsouls were still in eleventh place at 4410 points, Ethan having turned in their notices the previous day, but the other teams were catching up. They had a few months left, but it was clear they needed to get serious if they were going to make it to the Forgotten City.

The thought sobered him further. He hated how few leads he had as to what the Church was doing. He resolved to find a way to question Savilar further on what they might in the City, though he’d need to be subtle enough not to draw suspicion.

With his mind on the team, he brought out his notepad, and began to make notes. His to-do list was back to being almost unmanageably long, but if the Brightsouls could become a functioning group of Hunters, it would go a long way toward getting him to his goals. He ended up sitting at the bar for a long time, his mind always on the future.

***

Ethan sat on the roof of Valanor’s house as the sun set behind him. He’d found that from up here he could see a fair portion of the city, and it was quickly becoming a ritual to climb up and collect his thoughts before going to sleep. Those thoughts often centered on the Church, the steeple of which he could just barely make out in the distance.

He rubbed the destroyed rune on the back of his right hand, feeling his hatred and fury bubbling up. He wanted justice so badly. Revenge too, if he was being honest with himself. They’d taken so much from him, and his mind went back to those awful moments in the throne room any time he thought of healing, or Glenn, or…Maggie.

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“Are these lies, Ethan Bishop?” a small voice whispered. Ethan turned to see Tomo sitting next to him on the edge of the red-tiled roof. Once again his hat and kimono were gone, leaving his demonic form plain and unhidden. Ethan wondered what the significance of that could be.

“What do you mean?” he asked. For all their closeness, the Familiar couldn’t hear his thoughts…could he?

“We feel what you feel,” Tomo said. “We feel your rage and your grief. I know those to be truths.” The draconic face turned and those black eyes stared into his own. “But you only ever speak of the Church. At night, you stare at the Church. You blame them for your pain.”

“Of course I do,” Ethan said, trying to keep the anger from his tone. “They took…they took a piece of who I am.”

“Truth,” Tomo said simply. “But a truth to hide the lie.”

Ethan was quiet for a moment, considering what the Familiar had said. The little demon had spoken so rarely lately that he didn’t want to dismiss anything that broke the silence. “What lie, Tomo?” He asked the question, but knew the answer before the demon replied.

“You only speak of the Church. You revile them–and you should–but your ability to heal was not all that was taken from you that day.”

Ethan let his head fall, knowing the Familiar was right. “It’s easier to hate them, than to think about what I did. I’m a killer now, Tomo,” he said quietly.

“You are,” the little demon said, nodding. “As am I. We have killed, and will kill again if we live long enough. This is a truth we both know, even if you are not ready to accept it.” Ethan didn’t answer, and Tomo looked at him curiously for a long moment.

“Do I need to use your tricks against you, Ethan Bishop? Your hidden weapons? Do I need to make you doubt this man you’ve become?”

Ethan looked back at Tomo. He let his mind touch on the devastation he’d caused at the village. The brutality he’d experience in the throne room. The weeks of darkness in the Deep Cell. Ever since he’d gotten out he’d felt like he wasn’t certain who he was. Who was Ethan Bishop after he’d gone from healer to killer? He didn’t know.

This version of myself feels lost and broken, do I want to believe this is who I am? Or do I want Tomo…do I want a friend to make me question it?

“Yes,” he said at last, and the little demon nodded. His image seemed to blur for a moment, and suddenly he was back in his customary attire. He began to pace in front of Ethan, as if building up steam.

“You have lost your ability to heal,” he said. “You have killed those weaker than yourself. You have been left to rot, and even faced the Throne.” The Throne, the Throne, Ethan heard echoing through his mind.

He shook his head, ignoring the litany and the light he saw in the distance. “This isn’t helping, Tomo.”

Surprisingly, the little demon turned to him and grinned. It was actually a little disturbing on his draconic, predator’s face, but Ethan had to appreciate the effort. The Familiar continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “You have already faced horrors, and they might have broken you. They would have broken many. And yet now you refuse to face them again, looking only forward.”

Ethan shrugged, but let the little demon continue his speech. “You killed. Have your brothers killed?”

“What?” Ethan asked, surprised by the question. “Yes, they have. It’s not really something we talk about, but they’ve seen action…”

“Are they killers?”

Ethan glared. “They’re soldiers,” he said, surprised at his anger at hearing them described that way.

“Is there a difference?” Tomo prompted.

“They fight–” Ethan stopped, letting out a sigh. “They fight to protect. They…they only kill in defense of themselves or others.”

The demon nodded. “My former master was a soldier, of a kind. He spoke often of what that meant to him. The duty, and responsibility of it. He remarked that it was far more complex in his homeland, with loyalties pulled in different directions, and his life never truly his own.”

Tomo grew more quiet as he continued. “He liked this land, for all that he eventually grew weary of it. He spoke of its simplicity. Of monster slaying and good versus evil. He was his own master, and traveled the lands protecting those in need. He did what he needed to do, to live up to his own principles, and he allowed those principles to evolve as he did.”

Abruptly Tomo turned back to him. “Why do you heal? Why did you ever want to heal?” the demon asked, rapidly shifting the subject again.

“I wanted to help people,” Ethan answered simply, again surprised by the question. There was so much more to it, but everything else was window dressing. Even if being a doctor had never felt quite right to him, it didn’t change that helping people did.

“Did you help those villagers?” Tomo asked in a quiet voice. Ethan didn’t answer, and the demon continued. “Did you help Cara?”

“This isn’t supposed to be who I am!” Ethan growled. “This isn’t how I help.”

“Do you regret what you did in the village, then? If you could, would you go back and let them die to keep your hands clean?”

Ethan lowered his head. “No,” he whispered.

“And what of those with the strange weapons? Should you have allowed them to succeed? Should Cara have died that day?”

“No,” he said again.

“Then you must ask yourself: are your beliefs worth more than the lives you save?”

Tomo came closer, making sure to look him in the eyes, as Ethan had done in the tower. “You have power now, more than most will ever experience, and that power will only grow. What will you do with it? We will follow you, Ethan Bishop, on whatever path you choose to walk. But you must choose it. You cannot allow yourself to be led…you cannot allow yourself to run.”

He pulled back. “You were the only one in a position to help those people, and we don’t always get to choose how we help. Yes, you paid a price for what you did. You pay it still. But that means there is only one question you need to answer.”

Ethan looked up, hearing his own words being used against him. Tomo grinned once more. “Tell me, Ethan Bishop, is it a price worth paying?”

Ethan smiled then, a rare, real smile. “You did it to me,” he said.

“I told you I would,” the demon responded with satisfaction.

Ethan shook his head. “Every time I smile now, Tomo, it doesn’t feel quite real. It feels like…it feels like a lie.”

“It always was,” Tomo whispered, then surprised Ethan again. “‘Life is either a comedy or a tragedy. The same shit happens either way, the only difference is whether you laugh or cry.’” He nodded. “Wise words.”

Ethan laughed, surprised the little demon even remembered that line. “You really think I’m wise?” he asked.

Tomo let out his growly laugh. “Do not be absurd. It was your father who said that.”

Ethan laughed harder, feeling…different. Not healed, but better. Clearer. Maybe a little more like the man he was, than the man he’d become. He made himself turn around, away from the Church and toward the sunset.

“I still want to take them down,” he said after a long moment of silence.

Tomo came and sat next to him once again. “And so we will, but I hope you do it as the Ethan Bishop I know. Grinning at them with joy in your heart…as their miserable empire falls down around you.”