They walked for nearly the entire driev as lof after lof ticked by. Ahraan slowly sank toward the horizon again and with it the light dimmed to a darker more oppressive purple as it blanketed the landscape. Mezalie was again thankful for the thick sweater she wore as the meager heat of the day waned as well. She found it odd that she didn’t feel as cold as she expected to. She was still in just what was left of her bedclothes. There was a small tear in the pant leg of her pants and she hadn’t even inspected her shirt beneath the sweater. The chill of cold on land was different from the chill at sea though and she attributed it to that.
Finally, as the moon was just about to touch the horizon they crested a small grassy hill and there, running along it, was a road. It was clearly a farm road, recognizable by the track left behind by a tevvy passing over it regularly. Mez stood in the center of the path and looked as far into the distance and the dark as she could on either side, looking for any indication of which way they should try.
“Oh! There!” LoVelly pointed toward the darkened, red horizon. There, just barely visible over the red light was a twinkling white light.
“There’s no guarantee we’ll be welcome but we should try right?” She looked to LoVelly and he shrugged back at her.
“I think so?” He offered. They seemed to agree as they both set off down the road in that direction without another word. The light was waning but they were able to mostly follow along the path in the lowlight. They were hopeful that whatever settlement the light belonged to had water as the canteen LoVelly had had on him was only half full and they were almost out. Neither of them had eaten in who knows how long and they’d laughed when LoVelly’s stomach had started to complain about it.
As they got closer Mezalie was able to make out several small buildings in the distance. One of them was definitely a small barn or shed, bigger than the rest. Nestled beside it was a house as far as she could tell and the light in the distance became two smaller more distinct lights, one on a tall pole, illuminating the area around the barn and house and another mounted at the peak of the barn roof.
Finally they were close enough she saw the tevvy parked near the barn, a trailer near it to be hitched to the back. There were lights on in the windows of the house. She paused just before they reached the edges of the lit yard.
“I hadn’t thought about what we’re actually going to tell anyone.” She turned to ask LoVelly his thoughts and he strode past her as she did, unconcerned with this problem. “Hey where are you going?” She hissed after him.
“I’m gonna tell them we’re lost?” LoVelly answered like it was obvious and he walked right up to the door and knocked. Mez followed after him despite her hesitation. It was a moment before there was movement from inside and the door opened to a middle aged man. He looked rightfully surprised to see visitors, eyebrows high on his face.
“Can I help you young man?” The man asked. LoVelly managed to not miss a beat.
“Hello, We seem to have gotten ourselves very turned around. Can you point us back toward town?” He even had the sweetest smile to go with it. The man peered out past LoVelly and then around past Mezalie, at the fact they clearly had no vehicle.
“Lost? Out here? You must’ve been walking an awful long time.” He eyed them skeptically, took in the way they were dressed and likely how exhausted Mezalie looked, dark circles under her eyes and hair unkempt in its updo, her ragged pants. She didn’t even have shoes on.
“Look. I don’t want any trouble. I don’t know what really brought you two out here but it looks like you’ve had a day. You promise nobody’s coming looking for you and you can stay the nente. I’ll drop you off in town on my way in tomorrow.”
“Oh we couldn’t-” Mezalie began to protest but the man cut her off.
“It’s several lof by tevvy. If you wanna walk be my guest.” The man offered again, pointing out to where the road wound further into the field and into the dark.
“No no.” LoVelly interjected. “We appreciate it. We’d love a place to stay for the nente.” He sighed. “Really, thank you.” He added.
The man pointed out toward the barn.
“There’s running water, a cot and a halfway decent hammock out there in the barn. I’ll send the wife out in the drievet to get you to wash up and we’ll go. I like an early start.” The man seemed happy enough to not ask any further questions and LoVelly saw a woman's face peek around a corner down the hall for just a moment, curious of them perhaps.
Mezalie was already stepping back to walk to the barn as LoVelly was waving good night and the man closed the door on them.
“It worked!” LoVelly chirped as he caught up to her.
“I don’t think it counts as ‘working’ if he saw through it immediately.” She countered. “However it could have gone worse so, you know, good job.” She reached out and pulled the handle hard on the heavy door to slide one door open enough to fit through.
The barn smelled musty. It wasn’t horrible or anything but it was a heavy smell that you could almost taste. It smelled of dust and wood and oil, of disuse and time. There were no doubt dust fae packed into every crevice of the structure. Mezalie could smell the mildew and decay that sets into an old building with them.
She felt along the wall near the door and found the switch that illuminated the dark barn. It wasn’t much for light but it was enough to see by and not run into the various things stored. There was of course several large pieces of farming equipment; a tractor sitting centered in the room surrounded by various tools and a few things that looked like covered furniture.
As promised there was a hammock hanging between two beams on the far side of the barn. Mezalie wandered over to inspect their potential beddings and discovered that there were several old and tattered but usable quilts folded into the hammock. Behind it was a cot, folded up and zipped away to protect the mattress and she was relieved that their accommodations weren’t quite as dire as she’d feared they might be.
“Do you want the- LoVelly?” She turned around and he had disappeared. She stepped back and traced back toward the door, peering around the large stored items that dotted the inside of the barn. She almost jumped when a door to the side suddenly opened, producing a bright light in the otherwise dim barn.
“I found the bathroom.” LoVelly announced as he clicked the light off behind him, the light humming as it dimmed down until it died completely. He had his pack slung over one shoulder and his big puffy jacket stuffed through the other strap. His hair was damp around the edges of his hairline. He made to move out of her way.
“Can I borrow your comb?” She asked before he wandered away. He was quick to sling the bag forward and dig the comb out for her. She closed the door behind her and flicked the switch back on, the light humming and sizzling briefly as it illuminated, the liquid nol heating up quickly. There was no mirror in the tiny room, just the toilet and the sink. She ran the water and tried to be thankful there was water at all when it only ran cold. She cupped her hands and brought it to her face, splashing the water over and over herself. Trying somehow to feel clean but her skin just felt tight and strange to her.
She set to work detangling her curls as best she could. She didn’t want to wait until the morning for the worst of it. The elastic came out surprisingly easy considering the state it felt in. She took her time detangling the knots one at a time, sometimes picking them apart with her fingers where she needed to.
What felt like an eternity later she stepped out of the tiny, rudimentary bathroom and back into the barn. She wandered back to where she’d been earlier to see that LoVelly had gone ahead and unpacked and set up the cot, spreading the quilts over the relatively decent looking bed. The comforters were so big on the tiny, squat bed that they nearly touched the ground on either side. LoVelly saw her round the corner.
“Hope you don’t mind sharing?” He asked. It sounded joking but she sensed the tension in the set of his shoulders. She hated that it didn’t even sound bad. She didn’t know LoVelly and she felt so instantly comfortable with him and that made her hesitate. Everything about their situation rang alarm bells that her mind simply wanted to ignore.
“You’re the little spoon.” Was what she ended up saying with a look that dared him to challenge her but he didn’t. He just started to kick off his boots. He pointed off to the side, getting her attention. There on an upturned bucket was a sandwich and a pile of biscuits. A kettle was steaming on a hot pad next to it.
It was the best spread she could even imagine at the moment. She didn’t hesitate to start in on it, seeing an empty plate already stacked neatly beneath hers. She poured herself a small mug of herbal tea of some kind, it smelled dark and warm. It was a small comfort that felt like the whole world to her right then.
“Ruvona, the wife, she came and dropped off some food. She seems really nice.” LoVelly remarked as he pulled his feet up to sit criss cross on the tiny bed. Mezalie said nothing as she chewed through a biscuit. She watched him as he watched her back and she thought. She thought about the last driev and how it had come to this.
“I don’t trust you.” She finally said, looking him in the eye. “I know I said I think you saved me…and I still think that but after everything I just…I can’t.” She finally dropped her gaze to the side. She saw him nodding in the corner of her peripheral.
“I don’t blame you.” He said and it was the most serious she’d heard him. He seemed to have such an upbeat quality to him that she looked back at him when she heard the lack of mirth in his voice. He was looking down at the quilt, picking at the loose threads there. “I can’t even give you a reason to.” He shrugged. “I just know there was a reason I came to find you and I can almost remember. It’s… just not there though.” He huffed, laying back on the cot, stretching his arms and legs.
She rounded the little bed and took a seat doing her best to brush off her feet of the grass and dirt stained to the bottoms. She would need to hope the man and his wife had a pair of shoes she could relieve them of. She slotted herself onto her ‘side’ of the shared cot and LoVelly followed suit, his back to her. She was prepared this time for the onslaught of external thoughts and feelings that came. She hated how instantly comforting the touch was. How suddenly tired she felt and how perfectly LoVelly’s head slotted beneath her chin. She took several deep breaths, the tension she’d felt building behind her eyes finally easing just the slightest bit.
It was so comforting that it put her on edge.
If he’d wanted to hurt her, he could have. They walked for lof after lof alone and while he was smaller than her she didn’t know what kind of fen he had. Something that was able to transport them from the beach to wherever they’d ended up. He’d also mentioned that he’d woken up before her so there had been time then too.
He seemed so genuine. Every emotion and thought he had was plainly displayed on his face as well. It seemed unlikely he was harboring a dark ulterior motive under soft smiles and sad eyes. Still, she wasn’t ready to trust quite so easily.
Something was wrong with him, memory loss notwithstanding. She felt it when their fens mingled together both the first time and every time since. She didn’t know what it was but there was a strangeness in the blank places where his memories should be, the way that there was a disorienting hum that got her so turned around it made her dizzy if she tried to pick at those blank spaces. She didn't even know why she could feel his fen at all, that in itself was weird.
Right now all she had was a head full of questions and absolutely no answers. But a head full of LoVelly’s mysteries kept it clear of her own.
***
LoVelly dreamt in bits and pieces. Swirling torrents of confusion. Faces slipped by that he recognized on instinct but couldn’t name if he tried. He knew he should know them.
A bright beam of sol light warmed his face. There was laughter. Someone was laughing. He was laughing too. He turned to say something to whomever he was with but when he turned there was nothing. Just a blank empty space instead. He turned around again and suddenly everything was blank.
He was in a field full of fog and he was lost. Lost and looking for someone he’d forgotten.
He felt panic set in. How would he find someone he couldn’t remember? How would he be sure if he found them? Before he could take more than a handful of steps in any direction he was falling.
Down.
Down.
Down.
It was odd to say he was falling because there were no landmarks to dictate that he was falling. Only the sensation of weightlessness and the swoop of his stomach that told him he was tumbling.
He woke with a start, heart hammering in his chest and a bit breathless. He sat up, clapping a hand over his beating heart. He looked to see if he’d woken Mezalie but the space beside him was empty and when he placed a hand down it was cold too. The barn was quiet as he listened for movement elsewhere. He thought to himself she was probably just using the bathroom.
He rolled onto his back, taking up a bit more room while he could. His internal clock told him it must still be sometime in the wee lof of the drievette.
He waited for some time but Mezalie did not return nor was there any indication that she was still in the barn. The stillness of the quiet set him slightly on edge. He didn’t think she’d leave without him but it also wasn’t out of the question. She had told him point blank that she didn’t trust him and he didn’t blame her. He knew she was curious though, about him and his missing mind.
Still, he sat up and stuck his feet back into his boots, lacing them haphazardly, just enough to be functional. He wandered across the dark barn managing to pick his way through the detritus in the dark, and sure enough the bathroom door was cracked still and the lights were off. He made his way to the barn doors instead and slid one open to slip out into the darkness.
It wasn’t early enough for Ahraan to begin making its way across the sky just yet but it wasn’t far off. The tall overhead light near the barn illuminated the wide circle of the yard but any further was oppressively dark. The red glow of the far horizon wasn’t quite enough to reach this far inland yet. The Tevvy was still parked between the house and the barn so he at least knew she hadn’t left with the old man without him.
He picked his way across the yard to the house. There was a single light that he could see shining through a window as he rounded the house to the front door. A chill ran down his spine when he spied the front door just slightly ajar. A tiny bit of light spilled out through the space between.
He approached hesitantly, his heart beating a bit faster as a fear crept into him. He didn’t know how but he knew something was wrong.
“Hello?” He called out into the darkness. It sounded so so loud in the silence. He waited but there was no response. Slowly he approached the door and he pushed it gently, so gently, trying not to make a noise but the hinges squeaked just so anyway. They sounded like an alarm blaring in the quiet.
“…Mezalie?” He tried again. There was nobody to be seen in the entryway. He pushed the rest of the way into the house. The wrongness he felt was certainly not just from wandering into someone’s house uninvited.
He followed the entryway down until he came to the room with the light on. He saw it was a kitchen, a small table tucked into the corner. There was a mug sat on it and he saw a kettle still on the stove. He stayed there in the doorway, unwilling to disturb the scene as it was.
There was a noise, he heard, from the room across from the kitchen. It was small but it made him jump. He swung around, facing the room, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He stood, frozen for several seconds, waiting to see if the sound came again.
A moment passed.
And then another.
When no further noise came, he mustered up his courage to cross to the threshold. Slowly he reached a hand around the wall to the side of the door looking for a light switch. When he finally found it he flipped it but no lights came on. He took one step into the room and looked.
It was a living room, he thought, though it was hard to tell. As his eyes adjusted he saw a couch and a broadcast box against the far wall. He made to take another step but when he did he could feel something wet beneath his boot. He looked down but all he saw was darkness on the floor. He bent to inspect whatever it was when the wet, slurping noise came again, closer this time.
From above him.
LoVelly stumbled back, tripping over his own feet as blood froze to ice in his veins. He felt himself hit the floor behind him, landing hard on his hands and wrists, but the pain barely even registered in his mind as the monstrous…thing…dripped down from the ceiling toward him. His heart hammered in his chest, blood rushing so loud in his ears that it took several moments to recognize that the ringing he could hear was his own screaming. He scrambled back, boots slipping in the awful wetness as he pushed himself away as it came closer and closer to him until his back hit something solid and he could no longer retreat.
Long, grotesque imitations of human limbs stretched out of the writhing mass and gently touched down on the wet, sticky floor. Even in the darkness of the room, he could see the dark stains, could feel it soaking the bottom hems of his pant legs where he’d drug them through the mess in his retreat. In the dim light the shape of the creature and the color were somewhat impossible to comprehend as it simply looked like a dark, writhing thing.
He saw the twisting, crawling movement of dark hands come down to bracket either of his legs, boxing him in. His head tipped back of its own accord, looking up as if commanded to do so. Slowly, a long pillar of dark mass reached down and at the end of it appeared a large, glassy orb. Despite the lack of any kind of pupil, LoVelly could feel it looking at him, through him.
Another smaller hand abruptly shot out of the mass and sealed itself over his mouth, effectively cutting off his shouting. The room fell quiet at last, so quiet, despite his muffled protests. All he could hear was the wet, mucky sounds of the monster's movements and his own desperate heaving breaths through his nose. All he could think, despite everything, is that he hadn’t expected the touch to be warm.
Quiet.
A voice that was surprisingly soft, seemed to speak all around him. It made his once-frozen blood curdle in his veins instead. It sounded like Mezalie.
QUIET.
It spoke again, this time commanding rather than asking. This time, he could hear the distorted second voice wrapped around Mezalie’s, masquerading itself as her. Neither of them moved for several moments, that great orb of an eye simply swaying softly before him, watching him. Slowly it peeled back its formless, inconsistent hand shape from his mouth and he instantly let out a ragged breath but was careful to make no other sound, terror still creeping down his spine as the monster shifted side to side, still looking at him closely. Far too close for comfort.
need… to eat.
The voice was so clear despite sounding like it was coming from the other end of a tunnel- so far away and so distorted. There didn't appear to be a mouth that he could see to speak. It felt like it was projecting straight into his brain but he was sure he was hearing it with his ears. It was almost melodic, the sound of its voice, like a song rising and falling. He felt like it should sound more sinister despite it still raising every hair on his body.
The creature ever so slowly began to withdraw, first with the great eye retreating back towards the hulking body and then one slithering arm beginning to pull away. It shocked LoVelly most when he heard his own voice call out after it.
"What did you do to Mezalie?" His voice was quiet and wavered but in the otherwise silence of the night it rang out loud and clear. The monster froze, one hand raised in the air and make-shift head turning away. It twisted back around in a way that made LoVelly's stomach turn. Slowly it came back to face him, its uncomfortable piercing eye coming ever closer to him this time. More of the body slithered down to trap him against the floor as it appraised him.
She is…still here.
It said in its grossly soft voice. It waited several moments before beginning to back away once more. Before it could pull away though, despite every survival sense telling him to keep his mouth shut, LoVelly blurted out the only other thing on his mind.
"You murdered them…." He felt numb as he said it. Like it was someone else saying it. His mind was attempting to make sense of the horror before him but didn't want to accept it.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
This time when he spoke the monster whipped back down to face him. It was so fast he barely even registered it but suddenly the grotesque mass was surrounding him and he felt like he might pass out from the enormous burst of negative energy exuding from the creature.
I eat. She eat.
I starve. She starves.
There was an anger present in the voice that made him want to simultaneously cry and throw up. The pressure from the fen was like nothing he'd ever felt. It felt wrong as it washed over him, like sand whipping across this body, leaving him feeling raw and painful to the touch.
Understand.
It wasn't asking, it was simply telling- leaving no room for comment. This time when the creature turned back to its…meal, LoVelly said nothing. He could no longer find any words worth saying. He tried to move, he desperately wanted to leave but his body was rooted to the spot. His limbs would not heed the call to pick him up and carry him away. So as the creature leaned down to drag up whatever was left of the person it was devouring, LoVelly simply closed his eyes as tightly as he could to block out the image of the thing. Despite that, tears still slipped past now and again. His hands clamped over his ears wasn’t quite enough to block out all of the gut wrenching noises that came from several feet over but it was better than nothing.
Sometime later, after what felt like an eternity, after all his tears had run dry and all that he was left with was a vague feeling of fragility, he realized the noises had stopped.
He tried to peel one eye open but realized that his eyes were so swollen from crying that he could barely do so. They stung fiercely as he tried to blink several times to work through the crusted feeling. Finally after several blurry attempts he managed to peel them open enough to see the dark writhing mass folding in on itself in a way that didn’t really make any sense visually. It made his brain feel weird to watch it but he couldn’t tear his eyes away now. As it did so he saw the form of a person- a normal person and not the grotesque approximation of one- began to take form until finally all that was left was the girl.
He didn’t dare move yet and neither did she at first. For a moment she simply stayed there, on hands and knees, breathing harshly. He watched carefully as her expression moved through vague confusion to horrific realization.
She turned her head slowly, as if in slow motion, taking in first her sticky hands beneath her. She raised one slowly to her face before turning her head to look directly at LoVelly. Her mouth dropped open and a hoarse sound was coughed out. She tried again, violently huffing out a ragged sound that was supposed to be a scream but barely anything managed to escape her throat.
She instinctively reached a hand to her throat but repelled when she felt the wetness against her skin, she turned to the side retching. Her breathing was coming in ragged pants.
For the first time since hitting the floor LoVelly pushed himself up. He was sore and a bit stiff as he made to crawl across the space between them. His hand felt something wet and he recoiled, shaking it out before pushing on.
“Mez- Mezalie.” He tried. He sat up and wiped his hands on his pants as best he could before reaching out to her. It was too late for both of their clothes at this point. He saw her breathing too fast, too high and raspy. He kneeled in front of her and placed his hands on either shoulder, hoping to ground her.
What he got felt like being sucker punched. It was an emotional overload that felt a lot like someone screaming into his ear. It was very possible that Mezalie was screaming in his ear, he wouldn’t know. His mind was being bombarded with dizzying images so vivid it was impossible to discern where they ended and reality began.
He tried to take a deep breath but it was then that he felt it, a thrumming in his veins. He felt dizzy and his fingers tingled like sparks but under the panic he felt a pull, something calling out to him. As he squeezed his eyes shut the chaos around him fell away and instead gave way to a whole new kind of chaos.
He saw a churning, swirling sea of dark water. The waves thrashed violently into and against each other. In the sounds of the crashing water he heard a desperate voice screaming for help. Again and again Mezalie cried out and then without a thought on his part suddenly LoVelly was there. Mezalie was fighting to keep her head above the peaks of the water that fought to drown her but LoVelly didn’t know what he could do. He wasn’t even sure what was happening but in a brief moment she opened her eyes and he was sure they made eye contact in the dark swirling tides.
And then her head dipped beneath the waves and she was gone.
LoVelly gasped in a lungful of air.
“Mez!” He yelled over the roaring in his own ears. He was thrown back to reality and when he did he startled and threw both himself and Mezalie to the floor, both of them breathing hard. He rolled to his back on the floor, feeling the sticky wet feeling beneath him as he did. He tried not to think too hard about it. He turned his head to face Mezalie to find her already facing him. Despite the dim light he could tell there was more recognition, more lucidity in her eyes. There was also exhaustion there in the droop of her eyes. LoVelly sat up slowly, keeping his eyes on her.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.” He said, reaching down to help her sit up. Surprisingly when his hand found her arm there wasn’t much, just a soft buzzing feeling in the back of his mind. It seemed strange but it wasn’t an unwelcome change, he just hoped it would last.
They both managed to get to their feet and LoVelly steered them out of the grisly scene of the living room. They stumbled further into the home, past the kitchen and sure enough one of the open doors in the hall was a washroom with a tub. He reached for the light but Mezalie caught his arm before he got to it. She didn’t say anything but the message was received. He left the light off.
He sat her on the little step stool huddled up next to the tub and he set to work fiddling with the tap. He managed to get the water running warm and was thankful they even had hot water. As the tub filled he stepped back and turned the tap in the sink too, setting to work washing up his own hands and arms. He was thankful Mezalie had opted to keep the lights off. He didn’t particularly want to see all that blood swirling in the bowl in the starkness of the light either. It was the fine line of denial that was allowing him to avoid a breakdown.
“Do you want me to go?” he asked. She still hadn’t moved from where he’d left her. He heard her take a deep breath and release it, shaky. She started to say something but her voice came out as a croak. She cleared her throat and tried again.
“Will you give me a tes?” She rasped out. “I don’t want to be alone but I just…I need a tes to myself.” She let out a scratchy cough at the end. LoVelly finished and turned off the tap, drying his hands on the small towel beside the sink.
“Of course. I’ll go get you a glass of water.” He stepped out into the hall, pulling the door part way closed behind himself. “I’ll leave this open. Call if you need me.”
Mezalie stared at the half closed door for a few moments more before she slowly uncurled herself from the huddled position she’d been in, the smallest she could manage to make herself. The water was still filling in the tub but she could start to feel the heat rising up off the water.
She peeled the sweater, LoVelly’s sweater, off first and she was briefly sad that she would be losing it but the feeling of drying blood made her drop it to the floor and kick it away all the same followed by the rest of her clothes. Like LoVelly she ran the sink and washed what she could from her hands and arms. She kept her eyes resolutely away from the mirror, looking down into the sink as the water ran in dark swirls against the bowl.
She could hear LoVelly tinkering around in the kitchen as she lowered herself into the tub and twisted the handle to shut off the faucet. The water wasn’t quite hot but it still felt incredible against her skin. She sank down low in the water, far enough to submerge her throat, even if that meant her knees stuck out, and scrubbed profusely with her hands, wiping away the dark stain there.
There in the bathtub she sat motionless, soaking. She could wash as much as she wanted but she didn’t think she’d ever feel clean again. She stared at the tap as a small bead of water gathered until it dripped into the tub. She watched drip after drip and listened to LoVelly shuffling around. She heard him walk by the door at one point but he didn’t come in.
She didn’t think she had any more tears left to cry. The tragedy of the last day took everything she had. So when she thought about the awful thing that had taken over her mind and body she just shivered despite the warmth of the water.
She didn’t remember everything. She hadn’t seen everything. She remembered enough. Enough that it triggered a memory from before, on the beach. She remembered seeing through that strange distorted eyeball. She remembered blood.
And then she remembered LoVelly.
At least, the creature remembered him. She wasn’t sure how exactly the memories worked but she could feel the creature's memories like her own. She remembered the curiosity and then the fear. She saw LoVelly emerge from a burst of light but that was where the memory ended, slipping away like water through her fingers.
Flashes of the man and his wife, of the violence the monster inflicted, pushed their way to the surface again and with nothing else to do she bent her knees further to allow herself to slip beneath the water. She held herself there, trying to focus on the sound of the water sloshing against the side of the tub, the sound of LoVelly’s footsteps echoed in the floorboards. She heard the door creak as it opened again, the footsteps closer now. She waited another moment before coming up for a breath, feeling no urgency. She kept herself submerged up to her chin though, her knees sticking up at the other end.
She glanced up and saw LoVelly setting a stack of fabrics on the stepstool before he put his back to the wall, sinking down to sit there beside the tub.
“I found us some clean clothes.” He said but it sounded morose. She felt it too when she considered where the clothes had come from but at least now they’d be dressed for the cold. She peeked over the edge of the tub and saw that he’d already changed his long hair wound up in a knot atop his head. It looked damp and she wondered if he'd rinsed it in the sink. She sat up to reach for the soap and busied herself with more scrubbing.
There was a window above the bath, a small one, but it was facing the right way that she could see that Ahraan had begun rising, the early light of the drievette beginning to brighten the bathroom. She dunked herself again to rinse. She peeked over the edge of the tub and saw that a towel had been set atop everything else. She dragged herself from the warmth of the bath and unfolded the towel, wrapping it around herself as much as she could, LoVelly politely directing his view to the floor.
She didn’t understand him.
He’d seen what she’d done and instead of running he’d stayed and comforted her. Where had he even come from? There were so many questions surrounding the man and absolutely no answers. In fact she had more and more questions the longer he was around.
“Why are you doing this?” She blurted, the words slipping out without permission. His head turned as he went to say something before catching himself and turning back to the floor.
“What?” He asked, genuinely confused.
“Staying. Being nice. Helping me.” She draped the towel over her shoulders and up over her hair as she set to work pulling the clothes on. They were work clothes, clearly belonging to the man they’d met at the door.
The man that she’d murdered.
She shook her head. Trying to clear the thought before the guilt overcame her.
“You saw what I did,” she said in a hush. Even saying it aloud felt awful, felt like it made it more real to acknowledge it.
“You didn’t do that.” He said resolutely.
“That thing came out of me.” She said, a bit hysterical. He did turn to look at her then.
“You didn’t do that Mez.” He said again. “That thing did. They did something to you to put that thing in you and we need to get it out.” He insisted.
“How do you know we even can?” She nearly sobbed. She wrapped her arms around herself, the thermal shirt she now wore a comforting warmth as her hair dripped water down her back. “What if I hurt other people?”
LoVelly rose up from the floor, now. He took her discarded towel and used it to wipe down the sink before he reached over to finally flick the light on. Now that Ahraan had risen higher the overhead light wasn’t so harsh as it illuminated the room.
“We’ll figure it out as we go along I guess?” He finally said, ushering her to pass him and gently guiding her back toward the kitchen. As they approached she saw that LoVelly had put a coat rack in the doorway to the living room and with the various things hung from it it mostly obscured her vision into the room. It was such a small thing but she was exceedingly grateful for it. She was finding it harder and harder to find malintent in any of his actions.
The chair at the table was already pulled out and he directed her right into it. There was a glass of water sat alone on the table and as LoVelly busied himself with a kettle on the stove she reached for the glass and downed it faster than she expected. The empty glass settled with a hollow clink as she set it back down. She stared down at the tabletop, at the whorls in the surface of the wood while she listened to LoVelly shuffle around the small kitchen. His boots made a slight squeak every once in a while against the flooring as he moved about. She heard the refrigerator open and close several times. Dishes clinked as they were picked up and set back down.
She had no idea how long she sat there, staring, before LoVelly came and pulled out the chair next to her and quietly set a plate in front of her. She dragged her eyes up to see a plate of spiced riced vegetables, a thin puddle of green tinted cream escaping the edges of the pile, leftovers of some kind. She stared at it for a moment, still feeling a bit far away from herself and the food and the entire scene. She heard the clinking of a spoon on a dish as LoVelly ate his own food. Under the table the side of LoVelly’s boot found her own foot and stayed there, solid and grounding.
Finally, she reached out for her own spoon and took one bite and then another. She noticed that LoVelly had brought over the kettle, settling it on a hot pad. He had his own mug of tea in hand and she saw a second one sat next to the kettle. He must have followed her eyes because he quickly set his mug down and reached to pour the other.
“Thank you.” She said into the quiet kitchen and took a long, hot sip of the tea. It was the same tea as the first mug she’d had in the barn but it felt bitter in her mouth this time.
“So…” LoVelly started, sounding unsure. “I feel weird about this morally but I did find the keys to the Tevvy…and I don’t know about you but I don’t know that I want to walk to town when we have an alternative…” He placed his spoon down and took up his mug again for something to do with his hands.
She looked over at him. She didn’t get him. He didn’t look crazy or nefarious. If he had an angle in all this she wasn’t sure what it could be.
“What’s wrong with you?” She finally asked, hugging her arms to herself. She heard him inhale sharply but she pushed on before he could interject. “Why are you still here? You could have left. You should have left me here when you could.” She saw a sadness on his face as he put his cup down and really looked at her.
“I’m not going to leave you all alone Mez.” He said it was the simplest thing.
“I am alone!” Her voice came out higher and louder than she expected. “Everyone else is dead! I wish I was dead too!” She let out a hiccup and a sob but it was dry, out of tears.
“Hey don’t say that,” LoVelly pushed his dish away, turning in his chair to face her properly. “I promise that as long as you want me around you won’t be alone. I’m not going anywhere.” He assured her.
“Why?!” She snapped. “Why are you doing this? You don’t even know me!” She sounded hysterical to her own ears but she couldn’t help it. LoVelly threw his hands up, one tangling into his hair.
“I don’t know. I really wish I could just tell you but I can’t.” He insisted. “When I woke up in that field with you it was like someone had just wiped everything from my mind. I don’t even know, maybe I did it, I wouldn’t know and I have no idea why.” He placed his other hand to his head as well. “It’s all in here and I think maybe I need your help to figure out how to get to it. All I know right now is that I’m not going anywhere and so long as I’m around, you’re not alone.”
She watched him carefully, looking for any indication he was lying but again she found that he wore his emotions rather openly. His face and his words felt sincere. To be quite honest he seemed like he’d be a terrible liar. She turned away from his searching eyes, back to her own plate of food.
“Fine.” She relented.
“Fine?”
“Yeah. I guess we’re doing this together then.” She elaborated, stuffing a spoon into her mouth. LoVelly didn’t say anything to that. She saw him smiling at her out of her peripheral vision but she didn’t acknowledge it. Eventually he went back to his plate and they sat quietly as Mez picked at her own food. She knew she should be hungry after…well everything, but she had a hard time convincing herself to chew and swallow bite after bite. Finally she placed her spoon down and pushed the plate away. LoVelly had long since finished his own and sat sipping another mug of tea.
Ahraan was well on its way up now and it illuminated the kitchen in a soft lavender glow. She could see the dust motes in the air as they danced through the light streaming in through the window.
“We should go,” she said, pushing her chair out making a small scraping noise against the floor. She stood and almost immediately her vision darkened, her head spinning. She felt his hand land softly against her side, steadying her.
“You sure you’re okay?” He asked. She noticed that the touch did not elicit a huge tidal wave of feeling this time around, just comfort.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine…just need to get moving again.” She insisted. Her vision was clearing up and the head rush was dissipating already. She took a deep, steadying breath. “I need shoes.” She redirected. LoVelly perked up at that at least.
“Oh. I found some. I hope they’ll fit.” He grabbed her hand, pulling her gently back toward the front door of the house. Mezalie saw the smeared dark stains on the wooden floor and she saw that LoVelly had tried to wipe away their bloodied footprints at some point. It made her stomach turn to see the remnants anyway. As they reached the front door she saw that not only was LoVelly’s pack there but another, smaller pack was also there with it. Both seemed to be stuffed as full as they could be. Next to those were several pairs of shoes, all well worn.
She knew immediately the smaller pairs wouldn’t fit her but the larger ones likely would. LoVelly reached down and produced a pair of thick socks that he handed her as she got to work, stuffing her feet into the larger boots and lacing them up. Sure enough they fit with the socks on, at least well enough to work until they made it into town. She was used to hand-me-downs growing up so it wouldn’t bother her too much.
As she finished lacing the boots she heard the jingle as LoVelly pulled the keys to the Tevvy from his pocket and swung his pack over his shoulder.
“Oh-” he just as quickly dropped his pack and she watched as he shuffled down the hallway to the coat rack he’d shoved in the doorway. He pulled two warm looking jackets off the hooks before hurrying back to her. He offered her the larger one and she quickly shoved it on as well before following out the door behind him. She closed the door behind her with a click that felt like it echoed both in the silence of the drievette and in the pit of her stomach.
The Tevvy sat parked right where it had been when they’d arrived, silent and cold in the early light. There was a slight dew coating the grass and the hull of the vehicle. As they approached it LoVelly held out a hand, keys dangling from his fingers.
“I don’t know how to drive.” He said simply.
“Oh. Okay.” She took the keys from him. She rounded the driver’s side of the old vehicle. It was definitely older judging from the faded paint and rusting edges around the bottom. The lifters that ran around the entire bottom of the vehicle were dinged up in a couple of places she could see from years of use.
She popped the door, unlocked, and swung it open to climb into the driver’s seat. LoVelly followed suit, tossing his backpack into the footwell. Once both doors were closed she slotted the key into the ignition in the center console and the machine whirred to life, a soft vibration humming as the lifters warmed up.
It was cold in the Tevvy, the metal clinging to the chill of the nente. The seats had haphazard covers on them, just some sheets of woven fabric, but it was enough to shield them from the worst of it. She waited for the sound of the lifters to become consistent and in tune with each other, an even hum. A light blinked on in the dash indicating that they were ready. She carefully disengaged the break and they felt the jerk as the machine jumped off the ground at first before leveling out. She turned to look at LoVelly.
“Here we go I guess?” She said with a shrug and she put the vehicle in gear and shifted the thrusters into forward motion and the machine gently hovered along just about knee height as she made her way back towards the road they’d followed to the farm in the first place.
They headed down the opposite direction than they’d come in from. She was fairly sure that the man had indicated that the town was down that direction. The engine hummed along, rising and falling in pitch as the engine rotated. Years of work on the TVE had trained her to hear the slight hiccup in the rhythm of it but it moved them along steadily, an older machine for sure.
LoVelly looked out the window but she couldn’t imagine he was really looking at anything. All there was around them were more rolling hills and marked fields full of sprouting grains. In fact his thinking was so loud she felt like she could hear the gears turning not only in the engine but in his head. Every once in a while he’d turn to her, like he was going to say something but in the end he turned back to the window.
“You can say it, whatever it is.” She finally said, breaking the tension building in the cab. She kept her eyes resolutely on the distance in front of them. He turned to look at her again, slumping back into his seat and sighing.
“I’m not even sure what to say.” He admitted with a huff. “Every once in a while something will float to the surface and I almost remember…” He squeezed his eyes closed tight, scrunching his brow. “And then all I get is bits and pieces.” He opened his eyes, mouth downturned in disappointment.
“Tell me what you do have.” She offered. “Maybe it’ll help you connect some things?” She quickly glanced in his direction, nodding to him. He closed his eyes again, tipping his head back and forth like he was trying to roll the information into place like marbles.
“I’ve got… Vell?” He said and her grip instantly tightened on the steering console.
“How do you know that?” She kept her eyes steady on the dark road ahead of them.
“I don’t know. I just keep hearing that echo in the back somewhere. Vell.” He brought his hands up to indicate that ‘somewhere’ meant his head. She felt the hot tears rise up but just as quickly the feeling was gone and she was left feeling empty instead.
How could he know? He wasn’t there. She knew she was missing bits and pieces of the memories but she knew he hadn’t been there. How could he possibly know?
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He said and she followed his eyes to her hands clenched tight around the steering column as she drove. Her knuckles stood out white against her skin. She tried to loosen her grip but her hands stayed firmly locked there they were around the edges of the steering column.
“It’s okay…” She tried to say but it came out high and breathy and she realized she was struggling to breathe; breathing too fast while also not getting enough air. Not only her hands but her arms shook as she tried to keep the tevvy on course.
“It’s okay if it’s not but maybe we should pull over for a deb.” LoVelly made to reach across the middle console but stopped himself, pulling back.
“Okay. Yeah…Okay.” She nodded, managing to unclench first one hand and then the other. She reached for the gear shift in the center console and set the craft down, almost gracefully, right there in the middle of the path. It wasn’t as if they were expecting any other traffic, anyway.
Mezalie crammed her shaking hands between her thighs and leaned down, trying to put her head as close to between her knees as she could get. There wasn’t quite enough room with the steering column though so all she really achieved was twisting herself up as she tried to calm down.
She took several long, deep breaths in before she unfolded herself. She sat back in the seat, pressing herself into it, trying to ground herself with the pressure.
“Maybe we should wait here a bit?” LoVelly suggested. She looked at her already re-clenched hands and tried to take a deep breath in through her nose, holding it for a moment. They could sit in silence for however long it took for her to work out her problems, or they could get through this. She blew out her breath and laid her forehead down on the steering column.
“Let’s teach you how to drive, I guess.”