Now that I think about it, I now know why I didn't notice him.

On the first year, I was still straight. So of course my attention was still on girls. When I realized that maybe I was actually wrong about my sexuality, it was the third month of my freshman year. Let me give you a little background.

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I was in the classroom sitting on the floor with my friends. We were joking and judging our classmates when I heard loud laughter in the classroom. I looked around for that noise and saw Sam hanging with his own group of friends.

I hate this fucking guy. Do I? Yes I absolutely hate him. I've known him for a couple of years now. Sure we have the same taste in music, same humor and many more, but I fucking hate his personality. He wasn't mean or anything like that... he was actually sweet, friendly, and smart. Okay maybe I don't hate him but I don't love him either, I just like him no I just think he's neat. Not his personality though, even though he's a great guy. I just like his face that's it. His very good looking face.....okay snap the fuck out of it Taylor! YOU ARE NOT GAY

That's when Sam looked at me and I quickly diverted my gaze away from his.

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Shit shit shit

While I was being flustered, I wasn't able to hear what my friends were laughing about.

They didn't know I was gay, nobody did, not even myself.

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That was a few months ago before I saw Jules. I had a denial crush on this guy named Sam. He was a handsome straight guy. He and I were classmates, so everytime he would look at me I would just erupt into an awkward blob. Or you might also know this as gay panic. He was the reason why I got so confused by my sexuality.

Those few months made me so insecure about everything. I hated myself and I forced myself to hate Sam so I had a reason to bury those feelings.

But this time it was different, I was likes truck (not love struck cause that would've been too much since it was only a crush) over Jules.

It had been a few weeks and my class were by the basketball court along with the seniors. I did not why we or they were there, but I didn't complain since I was able to see him.

They were at the court while my class was just sitting on the bleachers. I sat next to my friend and just laughed about different topics we could talk about. I saw Sam on my peripheral vision looking at us. When I actually looked at him, he was in fact looking at us.

If it were a few months ago my heart would flutter for you like crazy, but I like another guy now.

I looked back to the court and saw him being hella lazy, while still looking cute, at whatever game they were playing.

I smiled at this