I was trying to not cry.

But every time I tried my best to not cry-

I cried.

I always prided myself in not being overly emotional. Not being too swayed by emotions. But I suppose it all went out the drain now that mom was gone.

If she was gone, then who was I doing shit for? Yeah, I wanted to change the world because I wanted to live a normal peaceful life… but with mom. Not alone! I wanted her to be proud of me, not because I was pressured to but because I genuinely loved her and she loved me.

But she was gone.

And I was all alone now.

“Why are you still here?” I said.

I was crying by the window, looking out at the world.

Shia was relaxing on the bed, often staring, often doing nothing.

“I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

“You don’t owe me anything. I dragged you all-”

“I came here on my own volition. Don’t think everything is about you. I mean, this is about you but you’re not the center of everyone’s world. Everyone has their reasons to be doing things. Me too. I didn’t come here to help you or your family. I came here because of my own selfishness.”

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“Right…”

She was right. The world didn’t revolve around me.

Then let’s make it.

***

This continent was nothing like what I imagined it to be.

Some of the things I’d heard about it, were true. The shallow waters, man eating sirens, ship not being able to get to shore or leave… true. However, it was still the very same world.

There were magical things here.

People here.

Death there.

Conflict everywhere.

The same world.

Nothing was truly different. Maybe it was a bit isolated but it was still the same damn world.

So, what the fuck was the point of all that drama and all that worrying and all that journeying? After all, mom was dead. Shouldn’t I have just accepted that crap from the beginning and moved on?

I probably should have. I should have stayed. I should have done what they expected of me.

But I didn’t. I came here. I came on this adventure. I came to have fun and feel good about rescuing my parents. Ahh… what stupidity.

I snorted. Feet dangling by the cliff. The others were strangely faithful in me. They thought of me something I wasn’t. Capable? Intelligent? Mature?

I was a fake. A pretender.

I wanted to start a cult in this world. I wanted to change the world. I wanted to make it a better place so I could rest easy.

For me.

But I couldn’t do anything at all. I was a fake.

A pretender.

And my cult was just as fake as me.

But what does it matter? People would follow anything as long as it aligned with their world view. As long as something gave them courage or hope, people would believe in it. Heck, sometimes they’d believe in spite of evidence not to.

Church of Askavan? Askavan the god? Gods?

Fuck them.

Fuck them all.

You know what. “I’ll become one myself,” I said.

“A what?” Shia said. She’d been trekking up.

“A cultist.”

“Aren’t you already one?” She said, tilting her head a bit. “You even started that little cult of yours.”

“No, no, you don’t understand. I’m going to start a cult that doesn’t exist. I’m going to rob Askavan of their business. I’m going to be a cultist.” I leaned back, letting myself almost fall but not really. Pebbles fell, a pleasant sound. “A fake cultist.”

Shia stared, sighed once, and rolled her eyes with a shrug. “The sheer amount of shit I have to deal with… Alright.”