After Shizhe left, Yushi couldn’t help but feel worried about Xueye when the possible resolution was not in his presence. Shizhe seemed confident and at ease as she finally gathered her thoughts. He was certain she would have been more concerned about it considering he’d seen her upset moments ago. He wondered what she saw that brought her to tears and had Xueye in such a dismal mood, which seemed to quickly return.
“Xueye, please tell me what weighs so heavily on you?” Yushi asked as he sat next to the young man.
“Sorry to worry you,” Xueye sighed. “I’ve always had a lot of trepidation about unveiling too much of my past to someone. Whatever Shizhe saw brought her to tears. It reminds me how broken I am. It’s a dreary topic.”
Yushi grabbed Xueye’s hand and pulled the young man into his lap. He wrapped his arms around him, one hand on the back of his head. Xueye was stiff for a moment, startled by the suddenness of the gesture. The warmth that surrounded Xueye was just so comforting, the tension quickly vanished.
“You aren’t broken,” Yushi mumbled softly into Xueye’s hair. “Your past may be heavy but there are those that are willing to help you carry it, like Shizhe, like me, it will get easier if you allow us. Keeping it all to yourself is what will make you crumble.”
“Shujing…” Xueye clenched his fists in Yushi’s robes. Those reassuring words were overwhelming. They were chipping away at the walls he’d so painstakingly built.
“I know you may not want to talk about it but I’m always willing to listen,” Yushi started gently rubbing his back. “You couldn’t scare me away if you tried.”
“How can you say that when you don’t even know?” Xueye was trembling, trying to keep tears from falling.
“Right now, the only thing that scares me is losing you,” Yushi guided Xueye to look up at him. He gently wiped the tears from Xueye’s cheeks. “Share your burdens with me and ease your heart. You aren’t alone anymore.”
“Heavens,” Xueye pressed his forehead against Yushi’s chest to hide his face. “Maybe all that pain was worth it so I could meet someone as good as you.”
“You endured a great deal,” Yushi voiced softly. “Even without knowing the full extent of it all, I think it’s past due for you to receive the kindness you deserve.”
“I think I started believing my father’s claims that I’m cursed considering all the trouble in my life. I never expected to find someone as sweet as you. For the longest time, I didn’t think kindness came without conditions. There were only three other people before you, outside my better family members, who extended their kindness to me without any conditions attached. I’m terrified.” Xueye squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m constantly afraid I’ll wake up and it’s all been a dream.”
“I assure you I don’t expect anything in return,” Yushi stated. “I know we started with the concept of fair trade but it doesn’t mean I expect repayment.”
“The thing is, I feel kindness such as this deserves the same kindness in return. That’s why I’ve wanted to take care of you today since you’ve been unwell.” Xueye looked up at him with a pout. “You should still be resting by the way.”
“I am, I’m quite comfortable with you here in my arms,” Yushi chuckled. When Xueye’s expression deepened to a scowl despite the flush on his cheeks Yushi couldn’t hide the fond smile. “I already feel much better between the medicine and your attentive care.”
Xueye reached up and pressed his hand to Yushi’s forehead. It indeed felt more normal. “That’s a relief.” The tension quickly left Xueye once more.
“So I’m guessing one is the doctor,” Yushi was curious who else treated Xueye as they should. “What about the others?”
“One is my dance teacher in Vual, such a lovely woman.” Xueye smiled happily at the memories of her kind and attentive teachings, even calling him her favorite student. “She took such great care of me while I was there, even sent me off with a gift when I left. The other is Jinse. He’d always been sweet to me since we met. He’d come to visit me in Vual and saved me from death when someone I loved and trusted betrayed me and let me fall into the crumbling ruins we were exploring. I was bleeding and freezing when eventually Jinse found me in time and carried me back to town. He remained with me as I recovered. Unfortunately, that was also when news of my mother’s passing came to me. He refused to leave me alone.”
While Yushi wasn’t sure about Jinse, given the suspicious activity that surrounded the man, the fact that Jinse was so keen on protecting and helping Xueye was more than enough to garner a sense of appreciation from Yushi. After all, if it weren’t for Jinse, Yushi likely would never have met Xueye.
Yushi tightened his embrace around Xueye. The young man had it so hard. He didn’t want to leave him alone. He wanted to protect him and keep him safe.
“Shujing, it’s okay,” Xueye soothed. “It’s all in the past.”
“It doesn’t make it okay,” Yushi grumbled. “Please tell me that foul person that betrayed you was taken care of.”
“I don’t know what happened to her. I never heard from her again,” Xueye’s voice was a little listless. “We left Vual once I recovered enough to travel. Since then I became the heir of the company. Even during my brief visit there to set up a new location I never saw her.”
Yushi growled under his breath in disappointment. He wanted to know if the person who would dare to leave Xueye for dead was either dead or rotting away in a prison somewhere. It was irritating to know that she was likely still out there. If she was, he wanted to rip out her throat himself.
“Shujing…” Xueye placed his hands on Yushi’s cheeks and forced him to look into his eyes. “I’m fine now. You don’t need to worry about it.”
“I can’t help it. You mean the world to me,” Yushi placed one of his hands over Xueye’s. “When I hear of someone who’s wronged you it makes me angry.”
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“You and Jinse are alike in a lot of ways, you know?” Xueye giggled. “He gets that way too.”
“It feels weird being compared to someone like him,” Yushi pouted.
“I’m sure if you meet him you would see,” Xueye smiled softly.
“Maybe I should,” Yushi huffed. He wanted to see for himself if those intentions of protecting Xueye were genuine or if it was a really long game to the gambling den owner.
“Well, once the shipment arrives I’ll be accompanying the delivery to The Fox’s Den. If you are still my guard then, you’ll get your chance. If not then I’m sure we can share a meal together.” Xueye was rather delighted by the idea. It had been some time since he’d seen Jinse. He had been looking forward to meeting with him again, even if it was just for business. “I’ve been rather busy. I haven't seen him in a while. It’ll be nice to see him again.”
“Do you meet with him often?” Yushi asked. There was a part of him that was hoping the answer was no.
“On occasion,” Xueye stated. “Outside of business, we sometimes have tea together or share a drink. It isn’t very often but it’s nice to catch up.”
Yushi hummed contemplatively. There was a bitter feeling bubbling up just beneath the surface. Perhaps it was being compared to Jinse, or maybe it was the close bond they seemed to share amidst one of the most tragic moments of Xueye’s life. Yushi wished he’d been able to meet Xueye sooner to have been able to comfort him just like this. He wanted to be the one instead of Jinse. Yushi’s arms tightened around Xueye.
“Shujing? What’s wrong?” Xueye noticed the distant look and the tension in Yushi’s body.
“Nothing,” Yushi shook his head with a sigh, disappointed in himself for getting worked up over something so trivial. Perhaps the remedy was no longer strong enough to keep his emotions from getting a little out of hand. “I just find myself wishing I was able to be there for you back then.”
“I wonder what life would be like if I met you sooner,” Xueye thought aloud. “Then again, I doubt we would have if it weren’t for my father. At least that’s one good thing he’s done.”
“Don’t give him that credit, he doesn’t deserve it,” Yushi growled.
“You’re right, we should thank the ones who held him up that day instead,” Xueye giggled.
“Much better,” Yushi grumbled childishly as he buried his face in Xueye’s shoulder. He felt Xueye tense in his arms but he’d been wanting to do this for a while. Breathing in his soft, gentle scent was easing all the bitter tension he felt in his chest.
“S-Shujing?!” Xueye stammered. He was praying Yushi couldn’t hear how rapidly his heart was pounding at the gesture. Yushi could in fact hear the rapid pulse as a result of the close proximity and his sensitive hearing. Yushi couldn’t help but smile that he was having such an effect on the young man. It helped ease that bitterness even further.
“Just a little longer,” Yushi mumbled softly.
Xueye felt Yushi’s breath brush over his skin and felt like he was overheating. However, Xueye didn’t have the heart to deny him, especially since he was enjoying being in Yushi’s arms more than he should.
In Vual, people who were close, regardless of their relationship, tended to be close physically as well. The frigid climate was a big part of it but it was something Xueye really liked during the time he lived there. After his return to Meihua, he found he missed it since it wasn’t so common here. Yushi’s slowly increasing appetite for their close proximity was a welcome surprise that soothed his heart, even if it flustered him on occasion.
“Are you sure you’re feeling better?” Xueye wondered if Yushi was growing a little weary with how long they’d remained like that.
“I am much better,” Yushi reluctantly leaned back but he didn’t want to make the young man fret. He smiled softly at Xueye to ease his worries. “It’s almost like you made me feel better rather than the other way around.”
“Don’t say that,” Xueye shook his head. “I always feel much better talking to you.”
“Even with such heavy subjects?” Yushi was a little concerned he’d pushed a little much.
“Especially so,” Xueye smiled. “You really are so easy to talk to.”
“I ought to be in order to get all the information I need,” Yushi smirked.
“You better not trade this one,” Xueye feigned a pout. He knew Yushi wouldn’t but he still wanted to hear him say it.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Yushi started idly playing with a long strand of his white hair that came loose from the braid, curling it around his finger. Yushi’s voice dropped lower, “Your information belongs to me. I refuse to let anyone else have it.”
Xueye put a hand over his mouth, glancing away to hide his flush. The richness in Yushi’s voice whenever he spoke in that hushed tone always seemed to cause such a bubbly euphoric feeling in Xueye’s chest. “Must you put it like that?”
“Only when it comes to what I covet most,” Yushi chuckled softly at his reaction.
His words brought to mind what Yushi said as he drifted off earlier. Xueye wanted so desperately to know what he was referring to but at the same time the thought of the possibilities made him so nervous and he wasn’t sure why. The question just died in his throat.
“Xueye?” Yushi could see something was turning over in the young man’s mind. “I apologize if my teasing bothered you.”
“Teasing… right…” Xueye snapped out of his thoughts, almost sounding a bit disappointed. He shook his head and smiled before Yushi could say anything else, “No, it's fine. My mind is just wandering again.”
“If it ever does bother you I will stop,” Yushi smiled softly. “Just say the word.”
“If it’s you, I don’t mind,” Xueye shook his head and shrugged. “I know you don’t mean anything by it.”
“Then why does it seem like it’s bothering you?” Yushi’s fingers trailed along his soft jawline.
“I’m just overthinking something else entirely,” Xueye closed his eyes trying to calm his mind. He wasn’t ready to sort out these thoughts yet. “I don’t want you to change a thing.”
“Alright, I just want to be sure,” Yushi let out a breath. “If I ever make you uncomfortable, please tell me. I know this position isn’t the most conventional either.” Yushi cleared his throat, removing his hands from Xueye in case he wanted to get up.
“I would have gotten up already if it bothered me,” Xueye giggled, burrowing his face in Yushi’s chest. If Yushi was going to tease him affectionately then he was more than ready to dish it back at him. He’d had a bit of practice with Jinse already since he flirted with just about everyone. “I enjoy being this close to you.”
Yushi tensed for a moment, surprised at Xueye’s clinginess. He ended up wrapping his arms around the young man again with a delighted smile, “Is it strange that I enjoy holding you like this?”
“I don’t think so,” Xueye looked up at him, resting his chin on Yushi’s chest. “Thank my mother and my time in Vual but I like being this close to those I care about.”
Yushi felt such a warmth fill him upon hearing Xueye say that while looking up at him with the softest and sweetest eyes. Oh, how Yushi wanted to just smother this young man in attention and spoil him.
“If that’s the case then I hope you’ll indulge me a little more.” Yushi gathered Xueye in his arms and carried the young man over to the seating area. Xueye figured Yushi wasn’t bluffing about being able to carry him before, but it was still a surprise to experience it. It was almost like Xueye weighed nothing to Yushi which the young man found oddly thrilling as he clung to the older man.
Yushi sat on the divan, laying down and pulling Xueye’s back against his chest in a tight embrace.
“Much better,” Yushi sighed contentedly.
“If you were still tired you should have told me sooner,” Xueye huffed in a pout.
“Will you sing for me again?” Yushi voiced softly.
“Of course,” Xueye giggled sweetly, resigning to this new position.