My eyes were screwed shut, I was hugging my legs in fetal position, braced for impact. I waited, wondering how big the orb must be if I hadn’t ran into it yet, maybe I would just fall right through it. It seemed like an eternity yet I could still tell that I was in the middle of the brightness through my closed eyes, It was about this time when I noticed that my stomach was no longer knotted up like it had been, had I stopped falling? I slowly carefully cracked my eyes open squinting hard at my surroundings; Whiteness, in every direction a seemingly endless blanket of blank white space, even the discolored patch was gone. Un-balling myself I began to look around a bit less tenuously, I seemed to be laying on a solid surface now that I was not preoccupied with imminent re-death I noticed a very light pressure on my back, the ground seemed to be perfectly level and completely without texture, as for how light the pressure was, I chalked that up to me probably weighing almost nothing, you know, being dead and all. The entire world was uniformly white, I wouldn’t have any concept of which way was up and which way was down if it hadn’t been for the slight pressure. Sighing I stood up and decided to take stock of my situation. I looked down, taking advantage of the light to see what my after-death body looked like. My body was virtually unchanged from when I had been alive, and no that does not mean that I was an amorphous splatter of gore that was somehow still conscious, my body looked just how it had the night of the jump, the only difference being my lack of weight. After briefly looking over my body I concluded that it was just as average as ever and to my relief I still had my light button up and shorts on.
I felt it wasn’t terribly productive to muse on how I kept my clothes after dying so I stood up. I spent a brief moment wondering how long I had been sitting there with my eyes closed looking like an idiot. Though it’s not like there is anyone around to see it. I wanted to explore, honestly the emptiness of this place was kind of creeping me out. Slowly I stood and began walking forward, or at least the way I was facing, and looked for… well really anything. At first I moved extremely slowly, I wanted to make sure that death and my whole being extra light deal hadn’t screwed up my sense of balance. After a couple dozen steps I was satisfied that my motor skills were fine and I sped up a little. I moved at a slow and steady pace since if there was a step or wall in this endless whiteness there was no way that I would see it coming and even if there was nobody around I had no desire to sprint into a wall or trip over an invisible step. I kept moving at my measured pace looking around at the endless blank space around me. Step after step one foot in front of another… I considered myself a patient person but in a perfectly blank white unchanging space I could feel my nerves wearing thin. I continued walking in what I could only assume was a straight line for step upon step, after all the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, or five thousand two hundred and thirty seven steps which is the number I got to before getting bored of counting my steps. I had taken to closing my eyes while walking as the even reddish black of my eyelids was a nice change from the maddening whiteness. For better or worse I didn’t seem to get hungry, thirsty nor tired as I walked though at one point I did lay down on the texture-less ground to see if I could fall asleep… nope, no luck, sighing I returned to my feet and set off again in what was probably the same direction, not that I cared at this point, I was missing the void already, at last the white dots broke up the monotony there.
A sound tickled my senses, it almost sounded like sobbing… I was probably hallucinating though, I had no clue how long I had been walking in this whiteness, my second round of footstep counting had been abandoned at seven-thousand and hearing my inner self crying bitterly about the lack of anything wouldn’t surprise me at this point… or so I was thinking until I heard it again. Even if I was hallucinating I was sure that chasing phantoms would be more entertaining than what I had been doing for the last god knows how much time. I looked around with a newfound alertness, squinting my eyes, looking for any hint of another person in this confounded emptiness, I moved even, more slowly, looking from side to side with each step. I heard it again, a small, fragile thing it seemed to come from no direction in particular, but it was more pronounced this time. Taking this as a sign I was getting closer I kept moving in the same direction, my eyes carefully swept from side to side feverishly seeking even the smallest break in this confounded blank world. Nothing caught my attention though, time stretched on and my vigilance faded bit by bit. Was there really nothing? I was let out my heaviest sigh since I had died, maybe once I had lost my mind I wouldn’t notice the boredom as much. I decided to give my surroundings one last look, straining my eyes harder than I had ever before, in the distance, a bit off to my left, a dot? My steps turned towards the perceived dot, the only break in the impenetrable whiteness.
The dot seemed to remain unchanging, giving no sign that I was even getting any closer, it made me again wonder if I was hallucinating. Another sob, louder this time, the light airy voice echoing from every direction. My eyes focused in on the dot with renewed fervor, there was definitely something there, someone, my first human interaction since dying, well hopefully human, I stopped what was I going to do if it wasn’t a human. I shook my head and banished the thought, I was already dead and I would probably go mad in this blank space eventually so I should just hope for the best. I hadn’t admitted it to myself yet, but the two successive endless voids had left me feeling hollow, though the hollowness probably was born then… The dot finally had grown, it was definitely a human form, one that was on its knees crying. The figure seemed small, but that could easily be an illusion because of how far away I was, it’s not like I had any reference points in here, hell for all I knew I was three feet tall and that ‘little’ form was as large as a small skyscraper; if watching that little ball of light turn into this had taught me anything it was that it’s impossible to judge size without some kind of reference.
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As I slowly made my way closer I could make out the figure’s golden-brown hair which stood out in the whiteness. Closer, closer, step after step the figure became more and more defined. I was approaching the figure from behind, at this point I was completely sure that it was a small person, well compared to me, I decided it was a definitely female. Her hair cascaded half way down her back, its wavy texture undulating in the stark light as she shook with each sob. I was close enough at this point to judge that she was a particularly small girl, one who barely looked old enough to maybe pass for a freshman in high-school. My mind was confused, what do I say? Asking her “how are you” seemed a bit dumb seeing as she was clearly crying, “hey”, “what’s up”, “are you OK” were all similarly rejected before I decided what I would say.
“What’s wrong” I asked… uncertainty filled my thoughts, what if she didn’t want to talk? What if she can’t speak English? These and many other questions raced through my head as I said my first two words since dying, she jumped, obviously extremely startled at my presence.
Her surprise seemed to have jarred her out of her hysterics but now she seemed to have frozen stiff from fear. She started to try to subtly inch away from me, while wildly muttering to herself. I considered that maybe she had died and somehow ended up here like me but had gone mad from being here too long. If that was the case I certainly was not looking forward to it. As I lost myself in thought I vaguely noticed her mechanically turn her head to glance at me through the corner of her eye, a tear stilly glistening on her cheek. She had stopped muttering to herself but the silence was stretching uncomfortably wrong so I tried again, “What’s wrong?”
She jumped again before she took a shuttering breath and in a shaking voice asked “w-why are y-y-y-you h-here”
“Hell if I know” I said before I could even think.
She flinched at my sharp reply but seemed to relax a bit after a moment, and finally turned around to face me.
She was gorgeous, even her flushed cheeks and swollen pink eyes couldn’t hide her delicate features. A small nose perched between her two large green eyes. The more I looked the more uncanny her beauty seemed for someone who appeared so young. Her mouth was still trembling, small red lips tightly pressed together as she tried to put herself back together. For some reason I felt a sort of protectiveness for this strange girl, couple it be because she was in the same predicament as me?
I realized I was staring at her which, understandably, made her uncomfortable. I shifted my gaze and asked for a third time “so whats wrong?”
This time she finally told me “I’m lost”
I got this weird feeling that she wasn’t speaking English, but it didn’t seem to hinder my understanding her. I put the feeling aside though, better not look a gift horse in the mouth.
“I think anyone would get lost in this place” I gestured around at the uniform whiteness that stretched endlessly in every direction.
She shook her head and looked at the floor saying softly, “home isn’t in here”
I wondered if she even know she was dead, explaining to someone they were dead wasn’t something that I particularly wanted to, but just in case I asked “where is home then?”
She looked up before shaking her head mournfully, “it’s nowhere I can get now”
I decided she already knew she was dead and tried to comfort her with a hearty “come now, death isn’t all that bad!”
She looked at me like I was crazy, maybe I was wrong about her already knowing she was dead. After a half second of staring at me with her head cocked to one side, mouth half open, she pulled herself roused herself saying “I’m not dead..? well not yet anyway… but that’s beside the point, why would you assume I died… unless…”
She got quiet for a moment before asking “did you just die recently?”
It was my turn to be confused “of course I died how did you get here if you didn’t die?”
The little girl looked like she had just been struck by lightning before crying out, “So you don’t have a world?”
This question completely baffled me, my mind fumbled around with what her words could mean; is she asking me if I have a world I’m from? Or could she be asking if I own a world? No that’s impossible, you can’t own a world… Did I even hear her right? She looked at me expectantly, her large green eyes positively overflowing with curiosity. I on the other hand had absolutely no idea how to answer her question, so I did the sensible thing, completely ignored her question and ask on of my own “What’s your name?”
Rather than calling me out on my obvious, and poorly executed, attempt at dodging the question she seemed surprised, blinked and answered “I’m Meril”