> ……………
> ……………
> Subject found.
> Beginning observation.
Astrid splashed cold water in her face. Beads of liquid ran in rivulets down her chin as she looked up at the mirror. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. No, not the square jaw or the subtle beard shadow that marred her pale skin, left over from the morning's shave. Not the wide shoulders. Nor the way the ill-fitting sports bra she wore to conceal the shape of her small breasts against her shirt constricted her movements and breathing. Such painful reminders of her birth sex were ever-present in the tempest of her mind. To the point that even now, her brain laser-focused on these features rather than the more pressing issue at hand: The woman floating in the air behind her.
Astrid had hoped a bit of cold water might have dispelled the hallucination, but unfortunately the impossible flying woman was still there, lounging on her back in mid-air as casually as if she were lying on a bed. The woman's golden hair-- and Astrid had to gawk a little, because this woman's hair looked as if it was literally spun from gold -- hung down in thick locks, dangling as if they and her clothes were the only parts of her that remembered gravity was a thing. The shine of her hair created a nice contrast with the dark color of her skin. Enticingly sensual curves were hidden just beneath the thin fabric of the pure white dress she wore. The woman stared up at the ceiling and tossed a gold-colored apple high in the air before catching it and repeating, as though she were boredly playing catch with a ball.
“This can’t be happening,” Astrid mumbled to herself, the more-deep-than-she’d-like pitch of her voice reverberating in the men’s bathroom.
“Keep working through it,” the floating woman droned. “It’s not like I’ve got anything better to do.”
Astrid tore a paper towel free from the dispenser and wiped her face as she turned to face the floating apparition. “I’m hallucinating.”
“No, no. I’m very real, dear.”
“That’s exactly what a hallucination would say.”
The woman caught her apple and mused for a moment. She turned to Astrid and shrugged. “Well how am I supposed to respond to that?”
Astrid rubbed her face and paced back and forth in front of the mirror. “I’m having a psychotic break. That’s what this is. You’re some kind of schizophrenic hallucination.”
The woman rolled over, “lying” now on her stomach. Her legs kicked idly in the air, as she rested her cheek on her arms. “Before you continue your downward spiral, sweetie, can I ask you a question?”
“What?” Astrid asked, exasperated. Maybe she shouldn’t talk to the delusion. Would that make it worse?
“Who’s ‘Ethan’?” the woman pointed to the little name tag pinned to Astrid’s chest.
The question nearly broke Astrid. She had to look down at herself, pull the nametag up and regard it for a lot longer than she had any real reason to, just to properly process the question that had been posed to her.
“I…” she stammered for a moment. “I’m Ethan.”
“Well, yes, obviously,” the woman rolled her eyes. “But who is Ethan?”
“Okay, no,” Astrid pinched the bridge of her nose. “My own hallucination is not going to misgender me.”
“Again,” the woman chided, “not a hallucination. And what am I supposed to call you if not Ethan?”
“Astrid,” she said, exasperated. After a moment, she added a, “please,” in a quiet little tone.
“There we go,” the woman said, as she lowered herself down from her aerial perch, her bare feet touching the floor of the bathroom with the subtle pap of flesh-on-tile. The apple gently orbited around her, no longer interacting with her palm or gravity. “Finally we’re making progress. It’s good to meet you, Astrid.” She gently rubbed Astrid’s shoulders, a motion that was somehow soothing and distressingly physical. “My name is Eris, Goddess of Chaos, Discord, and Strife.”
“Why,” said Astrid, “Am I hallucinating a Greek goddess?”
Eris rolled her eyes again. “For the second time, dear, not a hallucination. It’s me, the goddess, in the flesh.” She looked at the front and back of her hand and scrunched her face up in thought for a moment. “Well, no, it’s not really flesh. It’s more like a simulacrum of flesh constructed from magic particles in the air that I’ve given shape in order to be properly seen and understood by your lesser mortal senses, but… let’s. Not get bogged down in the specifics.”
“Gods aren’t real,” Astrid said more as a reminder to keep herself grounded than to inform Eris of her realism. “And neither is magic.”
“Well if you want to get semantic I guess you could call me a Faerie, but I think ‘goddess’ has a much more grandiose ring to it, don’t you?”
Astrid stared at Eris for a long moment before sighing. “I need to get back to work. My break’s over.”
“I really don’t have anything better to do!” Eris followed Astrid out of the bathroom and onto the floor of the McDonald’s. “I’ll just wait ‘til this ‘work’ thing you humans love so much is over.”
Astrid rolled her eyes as she fixed the short ponytail she kept her hair in, grabbed her McDonald’s brand cap from her pocket, and slung it over her head, stringing the ponytail through it. She typed the code into the keypad on the door to the kitchen quickly and with practiced motions, trying to ignore Eris’ head as it floated just over her shoulder. She’s not really there, Astrid reminded herself as she stepped behind a register to key in yet another code to clock back in. Don’t acknowledge her. The register printed out a little slip of paper which she immediately crumpled up and dropped in the trash. She didn’t need it to tell her she was three minutes late from break, and especially didn’t need her manager to notice and give her another reaming. Thankfully, the next couple hours passed relatively without incident and much as they normally would – save for Eris’ constant presence. The ‘goddess’ was constantly by Astrid’s side. She sat cross-legged in the air while Astrid covered for the kid who was flipping burgers. She hung upside down and munched on the golden apple while Astrid took drive-thru orders. She lounged on the counter while Astrid took orders in the front. Asked her questions that Astrid refused to answer all the while.
“Mortals eat this?”
“This man does not need anymore food. Don’t sell him anything.”
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“So you do this all day? Just stand in this little corner and take cards from people?”
“That’s how you make those little fries?!”
“Oooh, ooh, touch the wrong button! Just give them the wrong order! It’ll be funny!”
And on and on until Astrid’s shift finally came to an end. The sun was going down, and it cast the parking lot in a dingey orange light that glared off the hood of a car, idling in the drive thru. Astrid sighed heavily and sat down on the curb just in front of the restaurant, pulling her hat off and resting her face in her hands. She was vaguely aware of Eris floating down to a rest next to her, but didn’t look over at her or acknowledge her immediately.
Eris looked at Astrid with an concerned expression. “Why do you let them treat you like that?”
Finally, for the first time in hours, Astrid looked back up at Eris. It wasn’t a question she’d expected after the hundreds of asinine questions that had been lobbied at her the rest of the day. “What?”
“Not one single person called you Astrid. You wear that other name as a badge. You’ve let them all call you ‘man’ and ‘dude.’ Every time I can see you practically flinch.”
Astrid sighed and looked back down at the asphalt. “I’m not out at work yet.”
“Out?”
Astrid really did not feel like explaining the intricacies of the transgender experience to a hallucination, especially not after a whole day of work. “Just… go away, Eris.”
It was Eris’ turn to sigh this time, but she decided not to press the subject. She didn’t quite understand what poor Astrid’s problem was, though she felt there’d be more than time enough to understand in the future. She decided, instead, to let Astrid wallow in silence.
After a while, Astrid stood herself up and started walking through the parking lot. It was a long walk home, she figured, so she might as well start it now. Feeling a little awkward with the silence, as well – something she told herself didn’t make sense since Eris wasn’t a real person and therefore Astrid didn’t need to feel a need to speak and entertain, and yet she still felt it – she decided to break it with a question.
“So if you’re a goddess, why are you here?”
“Because I was drawn to you. Like a moth to a flame, I’m drawn to discord and strife. And you are just full of discord. Practically overflowing with it! I’m honestly a little bit distressed I never noticed you sooner.”
Astrid looked over at the supposed goddess, who was walking alongside her. Eris had her hands behind her back and regarding the scenery of the cool fall day with a slight smile.
“I’m full of discord,” Astrid said, a little disbelievingly.
“Oh, just chock full of it. I mean, obviously a lot of people are – especially people in your situation – but there’s something about you specifically that called out to me. So I’d like to offer you a deal!”
Astrid nodded. “A deal, huh?”
“Did I stutter? Yes, a deal. That’s what I said.”
“And what kind of deal does a goddess want to make with a fast food worker?”
“I will grant you your deepest desire.”
“...Uh huh. In exchange for what?”
“You will act as my Avatar on Earth. Do things I need doing. Be an agent of my will. Run boring errands for me. Host a fancy dinner sometimes. That sort of thing.”
“...Uh huh,” Astrid said, without a hint of belief in her voice. At least her psychosis was imaginative.
“I mean it. It’s a simple contract.” Eris noticed Astrid’s dlisbelief and pouted and crossed her arms. “You still don’t believe me?”
“Nope,” Astrid shook her head and continued on her walk.
“Fine, I’ll prove it to you. What’s your deepest desire? Your one wish?”
Astrid figured there was no problem telling this to a figment of her own imagination, and so responded truthfully. “I wish I was born a cis woman.”
“Oh, psh, is that all? Easy.” Eris snapped her fingers.
Astrid stumbled and came to a stop. The world seemed as if it was spinning around her. The trees and sky itself seemed to retreat from her vision as she felt a dizzying sensation of vertigo, like she was being pulled into herself. A breeze caught at her legs as a sudden and new weight on her chest caught her attention, and upon looking down she was caught with the sight of much larger breasts than she’d had before, secured as they were in a low-cut and cleavage-baring top. Her breath hitched in her throat, and she looked at her surroundings, noting how things looked quite a bit larger than they had only a moment ago. Even Eris was now taller. She spun her head toward a car parked by the sidewalk, catching the reflection of a cute-looking girl who could have been Astrid’s sister. Wearing an adorable top, a matching skirt and cute leggings – the kinds of clothes Astrid had at home but was too terrified to wear in public. The girl who looked back at her from the reflection of the car’s window was wide-eyed with shock. That couldn’t be real? And yet when Astrid raised a hand, the reflection followed. When she cupped her breasts, the sensation was there. She twisted back around to Eris and looked up at the goddes. Up.
“Is this real?” Astrid squeaked out, only to gasp at the soft sound of her voice in her own ears.
“Yeah. I’ve been trying to tell you, I’m a goddess.”
Emotion swirled through Astrid. Her vision blurred somewhat as she felt warm tears welling at the corners of her eyes. She took a shuddery breath and looked back toward the window of the car. She ran a hand through her hair, softer and more full than it had ever been. It was like a dream come true. Unfortunately, like all dreams, it wasn’t destined to last. With a reversing of the sensations from earlier, Astrid felt herself growing once again. The trees and sky become just that much closer, her cute outfit once more returned to the stained work shirt and pants she’d dressed in this morning. Her breasts reduced once again to the small little mounds she painfully hid away.
That… Was not fair. She whirled on Eris, terrified now that what she had just experienced would never come to pass again.
“Turn me back,” she demanded, cringing at the once-more deeper tombre of her voice.
“It’s a contract, Astrid,” Eris chided. “Be my Earthly Avatar for one full year, and I’ll turn you back.”
Astrid stared at the woman before her. Once again taller than her, she had to look down at the goddess. Her mind whirled. She reasoned this couldn’t have been happening. Could it? And if it was, how cruel of this Goddess to give her a taste of the thing she’s dreamed of for so long only to tear it away. Her heart beat so hard it was liable to burst from her chest, her eyes still brimmed with tears that she had to wipe away. She looked over to her reflection, returned to the reflection she was used to.
She looked back at Eris. “I… I need a bit to…”
“Of course,” Eris said, a surprising amount of understanding to her voice. With a wave of her hand she seemed to cut a hole in the air. Astrid stared as the space in front of her split open like torn fabric which fell to either side to reveal what looked like her living room. As if Eris had just ripped open space to make a portal there. Astrid gawked in disbelief and stepped forward, carefully. She lifted one foot up as if stepping up a curb and felt her foot hit the soft carpet of her home. She fully stepped through that strange portal afterward, and as easily as taking a step through a door she found herself home.
Behind her, Eris stepped through the portal as well, and with another swipe of her hand the rip in space fixed itself, looking as if it was never torn in the first place.
“Sleep on it, dear. It’s a big decision.”
> Initial observation complete. Compiling data…………….
> ………….
> ………….
> Compiled.
> SUBJECT_DATA…………….
> NAME: ASTRID_WILCOX
> AGE: 26
> HEIGHT: 183 cm
> OBSERVATIONS: On all previous cycles, subject has completely failed to garner This Unit’s attention. However, unknown events seem to have led to FAERIE: ERIS becoming interested in the subject. Owing to FAERIE: ERIS’ existence as a goddess of CONSTRUCT: CHAOS, This Unit has decided to study the subject further to ascertain her usefulness in completing mission objectives. This Unit strongly believes utilizing CONSTRUCT: CHAOS can be used to our advantage. Saving coordinates for further study.
> Searching for other suitable subjects……….
> ………..