April 2018

Sofie got the results of her application, she got in her first choice, her mother’s alma matter, and would start her freshman year in a few months. Marianne congratulated her but left right away. Not that Sofie expected a party of the sort. She drove off to meet her father at the cemetery, parked the car, walked all the way to his grave, and stayed there for over an hour.

Telling him how she got in and that she didn’t know what to expect. This is her first time interacting with fellow students and meeting new people. How different would they be from her? She showed him her red shoes and asked if her black hair suited her.

A shadow lurks in a corner. Hiding from her. It’s not the first time that Sofie notices it. A movement that follows her around now and then.

M, stop hiding. Sofie turns around quickly and sees the shadow leaving. The person’s face is hidden with a hoodie. Not one of her father’s.

When she gets home, surprisingly, Marianne is there, waiting for her.

“Let’s go. Grab a coat, Sofie, it’s chilly,” she says in Norwegian and hands her the coat.

“Where are we going?” Sofie replies in English and Marianne doesn’t answer.

They drive all the way to the center, pass by the campus that Sofie will start studying soon and then Marianne parks on the road. A merely fifteen-minute walk.

“Before buying the house, me and your father lived on this street. We chose it because we could walk to the university. Moving out of our parents’ house for college in Oslo, back when we were 18, was the best thing for us both. The independence. Deciding how and when we did our things. That’s an invaluable experience.” Marianne says in Norwegian.

“Meaning, Marianne?” Sofie scoffs and replies in English.

“Meaning, Sofie…” Marianne sighs and replies in English, switching after to Norwegian, “we are here to see an apartment for you.”

Sofie looks down and a shy smile appears on her lips. Marianne notices it and looks away, takes a few steps in the direction of the building.

***

Sofie moves into her apartment a few weeks before the classes start. She’s getting used to being on her own. Marianne transfers her the money each month and Sofie has to manage it. On her first day in the new apartment, she orders online a package of dark brown contact lenses. They arrive on the next day. Sofie puts them on and sees the blue in her eyes disappear completely.

I’m Sophie Myers. You? She practices a smile.

She couldn't have imagined how chaotic the first day of classes would be. People are everywhere. She’s using her earphones trying to avoid all the noise. People chatter and scream and it’s easy to spot the new students in comparison with the older ones that are just getting to their classrooms.

Some older students race to meet her and hand her a flyer about a party they are having later today. They all smile and hope to see her there.

“Sophie, I’ll remember you and I’ll know if you aren’t there tonight!” One says with a huge smile.

Such an interaction doesn’t evoke any feeling in her. She doesn’t understand why he’d remember her if they just met and how he’d know if she didn’t show up. Would he check every face at the party?

After her first day, in which a lot of her classmates tried to make small talk with her and she just plain ignored them, she goes to Marianne’s office.

“I’m sorry, Sofie. I was just leaving. Did you have a good first day?” Marianne asks in Norwegian while grabbing her laptop and closing the door.

Sofie knows that despite her question, there’s no room for her to talk about it, that Marianne asked out of obligation and not interest.

“I did.” She says it in English and fakes a smile.

“I have so much to do today. Maybe we can have lunch together on Sunday!” Marianne smiles.

It’s Monday… Sofie keeps the smile until Marianne turns around. She leaves the campus and the same older boys from before wave at her.

“Sophie! I’ll see you later, yes?” the same one, blonde, fit, handsome boy shouts.

She ignores him and keeps walking, resulting in the rest of them making fun of him. Sofie finishes her dinner and looks at the flyer of the party. It’s a welcoming party for the new students. She figured it wouldn’t hurt to show up for a bit. She drives there, and the boy is outside.

“Sophie!” he has a drink in his hand and waves with the other, “you’re here.”

“I am,” she says finally.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“18-year-olds can’t drink.” She replies dryly.

“How presumptuous of you to think that I was offering alcohol. There’s a strict policy here because of alcohol. Some idiots last year sent several freshmen to the hospital. We have soda, kombucha… water. Did you have a good first day?”

“It was okay.” Sofie’s attention is on the people nearby. Some making out, others loudly talking, dancing.

Throughout her adolescence, when watching movies that portrayed high school or university parties, Sofie wondered how much she was missing out because of her house arrest. Now that she’s there, the harsh realization hits her. Everything she’s witnessing isn’t meant for her.

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

How simple the boy is. She takes a proper look at his face. He most likely didn’t have his father murdered. Didn’t have a sister that killed hundreds of people in a split second. Didn’t have a mother who only cared for him when he was bedridden. No. The boy could smile, genuinely, as he did when looking at her.

The surrounding people could dance, as she once danced. Memories that time will eventually fade.

Everything she’s seeing on them. On the boy. Is genuine. It’s not a mask that they put up, as it is for her. How tiring to pretend not to have a hole where happiness used to be.

“You should head in and meet other freshmen. They are easy to spot-” the boy looks down at his shoes.

“Let’s get out of here. Have sex.”

He chokes on his drink and coughs, avoids looking at her, and blushes. He just nods and they go to his room in the dormitory, a few streets down. It isn’t a world-changing experience, but one that Sofie thinks she should cross off her list. The boy is gentle, keeps asking her if she’s okay, and after it tries to cuddle her but she gets dressed and tells him it’s time to go back to the party.

For a few weeks after, he keeps trying to run into her, make small talk, and she realizes that what she’s getting out of that isn’t worth all the hovering. She breaks it off completely and starts using dating applications instead whenever she thinks that a distraction could be helpful.

The first season of exams comes in. She’s studying late in the afternoon at the library when some students ask her if she has meds. She doesn’t understand the question and realizes they only wanted a reason to talk to her. When she asks for clarification, they explain there’s a new drug around for concentration. It’s much stronger than the legal ones for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, but it’s only sold by dealers.

Sofie dismisses it until her final year of undergrad. Not so much because of the exams, but because her visual thoughts of dying and suicide keep coming back and it has taken a toll on her. She finally decides to see a psychiatrist who asks her if she wants to die. If when she sees herself jumping off buildings, jumping in front of trains, crashing her car, cutting her wrists, if it’s something she wants to do, feels relief off it. She shakes her head and shouts, of course not. She doesn’t choose to see those things.

He diagnoses her with obsessive compulsive disorder and prescribes her some medication for it. Sofie doesn’t disclose that she’s using the illegal drug to him.

Throughout the years, every Sunday when they meet, Sofie brings up the topic of joining the place where Marianne took Megan. Marianne promptly dismisses it. First, it was because she was still a freshman and had to focus on her classes. When Sofie ended the year as one of the best students, Marianne warned her that with her master’s it would be a marathon not a sprint. Working for them would take her mind off her education.

All this motivated Sofie to work even harder, always with the assist of her newfound drugs. She’d sleep less than four hours each night, work on her thesis, work on her teaching assistant position that she was offered, to no one’s surprise, in her second year. All Sofie did was work, train at the kung fu studio nearby, visit her father’s grave and visit her psychiatrist whenever she felt she needed.

The shadow that she once thought was there became more and more present, and Sofie knew it wasn’t her imagination. That was Megan. She started to know exactly where she was hiding and pretending she didn’t. On Sundays, she’d make sure to leave her house through the back, so Megan wouldn’t see her leaving for Marianne’s house.

***

It’s 2024. Sofie just graduated from her master’s and Marianne finally accepts that she can join them. Under one condition, that she couldn’t tell anyone they are related. She should prove herself there. The ones who knew who she was, were one thing. Her colleagues could never know.

“I’m moving to downtown,” Marianne tells her while serving the tacos.

“Meaning, Marianne?” Sofie grabs the taco.

“Meaning, Sofie…” she smiles. “That I won’t sell the house. It’s just easier to live there in the hotel. I don’t have to take care of anything. It’s easier to go to the lab and to the meetings.”

“How should I treat you there, in the lab?”

“In front of me, Dr. Olsen.” Marianne sits in front of her. “Behind my back…” she laughs, “Ice Queen. Everyone calls it.”

More than anyone else, Sofie knows how coldhearted Marianne is.

***

November 2028

“Turn it on!” Marianne goes nearer to the assistant.

“Dr. Olsen, it is on.”

Sofie takes down notes from another failed experience. She sees herself putting her hand on the electric surge next to her and electrocute to death. She taps two times her two fingers.

“Again? Every time it gets to the next level…”

“Dr. Olsen, we’ll try again.” Aymee tells her.

“No. That’s enough. Take them back. Aymee, have the rest of the day off. I’ll inform the Council.”

Aymee sighs and leaves the room, rolling her eyes and smiling when passing by Sofie.

“Ms. Myers,” Marianne faces Sofie, “please come to my office.”

Sofie gets up and follows her. Marianne closes the door and deactivates the room's camera and microphone.

“Megan is coming. Here.” Marianne pours a glass of water and hands it to her.

Why? Sofie grabs the glass and takes a sip. Focusing her eyes on her mother.

“Because of those two specimens we were testing on. She and probably Rachel Moore are coming to get them.”

She’s coming for them. What makes them so special? You never came to me, M.

“The Council is ambushing them. It’s better if you are not around when she shows up.” Marianne takes a deep breath in and exhales slowly.

“I’m not afraid of her, Marianne,” Sofie puts the glass down on the table and rolls her eyes.

“She wouldn’t hurt you. But seeing you can…” Marianne goes nearer Sofie and puts her hand on her cheek, “send her off. She’s reckless when she’s emotionally triggered.” She removes her hand slowly.

“She wouldn’t hurt me?” Sofie scoffs. “No… the monster that killed dad. The monster that slaughtered an entire community…” Sofie laughs shyly. “Wouldn’t hurt me. Am I special, Marianne?” Sofie shakes her head and tears form in her eyes.

“Megan didn’t kill him on purpose…” Marianne bites her lower lip and looks away.

“Doesn’t matter if it was on purpose or not.” Her tone sharpens. “What matters is that her actions led to his death. She’s responsible for it.” She looks up and takes a deep breath. “Are you staying?”

“Yes.”

“Marianne, you say she wouldn’t hurt me. Wouldn’t she hurt you?” Sofie asks in Norwegian.

“Yes.” Marianne takes a few steps back. “You’ll go home, Sofie. Now.”

“I have important work to do.”

“Sofie, you listen to me now. You’re going home. Stay there. When she shows up here, I’ll text you. If things go wrong here…”

Sofie scoffs.

“You have to be home in case she shows up there. If she does, tell Edward. You know the protocol.”

Sofie shakes her head and laughs. “What? Shows up at the apartment? Why would she do that?”

“Because, Sofie, I don’t know what’s going to happen when they come. But I do know this…” Marianne focuses on Sofie’s eyes, trying to see the blue in them. “If things go terribly wrong, she’ll search for her safe space. That’s you.” Mariane’s voice cracks and she grabs the glass of water. Drinks the rest of it slowly.

“After 15 years, she has safer spaces. With the terrorists.”

“Maybe. Still, it’s a possibility. One we shouldn’t dismiss. I printed this for you.” Marianne goes around the desk and takes a photo of Erik, Megan and Sofie from her drawer. She hands it to Sofie.

Sofie grabs it, looks at it and rolls her eyes. “What should I do with it?”

“Put in on your bedside table. She’ll think that you are on her side.”

“Marianne…” Sofie switches to Norwegian and Marianne’s eyebrows raise.

“Sofie…”

“Will they hurt her? Tomorrow.” Her tone drops.

“Yes.” Marianne’s voice remains unchanged.

“If she shows up at the apartment and I give her in. Will they hurt her?” Sofie raises her eyes to meet her mother’s.

“Yes.” Marianne smacks her tongue.

Sofie laughs and faces her. “Good.” She puts the photograph inside her sweater and leaves Marianne alone in the room.

What matters is that her actions led to his death. She’s responsible for it. Sofie’s voice echoes in her mind. Yes, yes I am.