The latest soul drying experience was enough to convince us to drop our plans of attempting to travel home, in favour of staying with Erza and Lyra.
To think that fucking nightmare creatures weren’t bad enough as it is...Would we be able to make it back home now? Is there EVEN a home to go back to? I don’t think so.
What had more than likely been a nuclear detonation was a terrifying sign that things weren’t going well for the country and ergo, possibly the world.
Especially if there are more of those huge fucking things out there.
The thought of even attempting it terrified me, especially when taking into account our delicate, beloved crotch goblin.
Maybe if we were on our own, but there's no way in hell we could make it with a newborn..Poor little guy..I can't let anything happen to him..I can't risk it.
It was 250 seconds before I had stopped counting, which meant that ground zero would have been around 250/10*2 = ~50 miles away; a neat trick I recalled from online videos about storms.That was pretty much smack bang central London from where we were which, again, was not a good sign.
So London decided to erase itself..I can acknowledge that..but, what the hell made that Leviathan grade roar?..Something tells me that I should NEVER wish to find out...
During our discussions regarding all this.. shit, Erza raised an abstract and rather observant point, which was if it was possible the source of the explosion could be a monster or person if they got powerful enough? And, at first I was taken aback by this, mainly because when I took in all our newly bestowed laws of nature, I couldn’t confidently argue against it.
Who knows what our biological and physical limits were now?
There were too many unknowns to say for certain.
Admittedly I truly hadn’t spared a thought about the possibility of monsters getting stronger, but now that I couldn't unthink the idea..It was awfully sour and gave me cold waves of clammy anxiety.
Take all of what we know and the mix that with a population density like London...Fucking hell. It would be like an all you can eat buffet.
Fuck.
Erza had insisted we stay for dinner and at the very least for the night, which we agreed to gratefully. A relief that's for sure. And subsequently we had a genuinely amazing buffet of tinned foods such as sweetcorn and corned beef with tinned pineapple for dessert.
It sounded plain, but it tasted so damn good after living on protein bars for almost a week.
Sleepy yawns started chain reacting so Lyra, Erza, Marri and Lone, decided that they would all be more than happy to sleep in the same room on the top floor master bedroom, with en suite of course, to which I gave my full gratitude filled approval. It would be easier to protect them if they were all in the same room as I could focus on keeping watch and, if necessary, fight.
Although wow Erza, haven’t you done well! A three floored house, how luxurious!..
It was quite peculiar how this real life nightmare was nothing like most of the do not trust anyone!' movies, in fact, Erza was very vocal that the last thing they wanted to do was be alone again as it just felt safer in numbers and I couldn’t agree more. So while admittedly I did feel a bit left out, I was mainly happy to be in a comfy house where my family could be comfortable and relatively safe, with an added bonus that it didn’t have any resident ghoulish fuckers creeping about.
Well, none that we've seen so far...shit, I’ll need to heavily barricade the house if I’m going to get any sleep.
Marri warned that Lone might wake them up during the night, but Lyra and Erza had no problems with that. And to be fair, Lone had been an amazing baby, gving us plenty of cues, only crying slightly to wake us up at night for feeding, which was all incredible considering the horrors he'd been through..
Full credit to his incredible mamma there.
Marri always kept him right next to her at all times and that made him very content, evident by his comfy little sleepy face, and as we all finalised our arrangements, I offered to be on guard on the next floor down, smiling as I cracked jokes about how their oh so subtle relief really wasn't noticeable..even though I could see the conflicted worry on Marri's thin smile..
After performing a final check of the house with them, I set up camp in the hallway, giving them privacy to clean themselves up and…
"Teeheeheheh"
Hmm.
Piss around apparently.
There were girly giggling noises making it through the ceiling with Erza half heartedly trying to shush Lyra and Marri cackling about god knows what. But this was Marri to the core. She could light up a room made of shit and piss, simply with her smiles and laughs.
I grinned.
What a lovely sound to hear after such a brutal few days. Normal, happy life sounds.
We had done many checks of the house and made some preparations to make it more secure earlier, but my paranoia insisted I was going to do a bit more. So I got to work barricading the ground floor further, just light temporary things like moving tables on its sides up against any large windows and then pushing sofas and chairs against that. There was already a chest of drawers blocking the front door so I added some more chairs stacked against this and the backdoor..All simple things that would make a fair amount of noise, rather than outright stop any nightmarish intruders. Finally, the rest of the house was then triple checked one last time to make sure all windows were shut firmly and locked, and all curtains and blinds were pulled.
As I was finishing up, my mind drifted to topics about how surprisingly potent the human instinct to avoid isolation was, especially in such times of crisis. For me it was enough to know they were upstairs and I took great comfort in that bonds had been made so quickly, but I’d seen a lot of movies where the world had gone to shit and everyone just started murdering and killing each other in their frantic scramble for survival, which made for thrilling entertainment, but in reality I had always felt that would be only as a last resort for desperate or sick people.
Why kill your neighbours when you could work together and grow food or protect each other? It would make much more logical survival sense to band up as a group or team.
Hmm, I guess that only applies to sane people so I’ll have to keep that optimistic view in check if things are as bad as they seem...Yeah..I’m sure we’ll come across some vile bastards at some point. The kind that would do unspeakable things to others…but surely the good outnumber the bad..right?
I let out a long sigh as the realisation just kept settling in further and further.
We’re actually living in true, cataclysmic times.
We’re actually having to start thinking about dark age bullshit and long term basic survival..
Some of the earlier dinner conversation we'd had briefly discussed longer term plans yet we hadn’t really come up with anything we felt comfortable with. The reality of our ‘temp group’’ becoming more of a ‘permanent group’ was becoming increasingly certain, with Erza being terribly unsubtle about the prospect of us sticking around for as long as we like, ergo, indefinitely. And Marri not really seeming to have an issue with that at all, happy for not only female company, but good company too. They’d really hit it off.
I didn’t care where we plonked ourselves to be honest. As long as it was safe and I could protect my family and keep them all safe from harm. Truly, part of me already felt like that included Erza and Lyra…they certainly grow on you fast..lots to protect.
...
Heh. Don’t get ahead of yourself now, hErO. You've barely survived as it is. Violence and death are swift, inconsiderate and brutal.
I chuckled to myself thinking I could be this great protector.
Well, I’ll do my best at least, since I know if something happens to me, they’ll look after each other. What else can I do right?
I smiled bitterly. I’d always had a bizarre twisted pessimistic view that gave me the ultimate gift and provided the ultimate comfort.
How to 'Let go, dive headfirst and not give a single flying shit about the outcome.' I should write a book. It would be one page with those instructions.
Of course realistically, I cared about things, I cared about them immensely and the pain was very real, but, in the grand scheme of things, we were just specks of virtual space dust in a 13.9 billion year old cosmic explosion, who simply had a modicum of self awareness and a titbit of intelligence.
All in all, success and failure were two different sides of the same coin and as long as you were flipping the coin, you were experiencing something. Doesn’t matter what it was, even if it's torture, you just keep on existing and experiencing..Because what else can you do? Disappear? Cease to exist?...Sounds boring.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
Life is too short to stop existing.
ANYTHING is better than the finality of non-existence, especially since you have an infinite amount of time to experience nothingness. Although on that note, you could argue that if space-time is truly infinite and we’re just a complex pattern of atoms and quantum mechanics, structured in a very specific way?..Well that would suggest that eventually, after an enormous infinite amount of time, that same complex pattern would randomly reappear and your self aware consciousness would re-emerge.
But that begs the question…could two identical structures appear in the same time frame??...there must be something truly unique that can never be replicated that makes part of our consciousness-Goddammit I’m doing it again! Go to bed man!
Halting any more existential conundrums, I 'pluffed' out the candles we’d lit in a few rooms, spot checking behind some of the closed blinds and curtains. I was very ready for bed and satisfied with the fortifications, so I carefully moved upstairs with a single candle and once I reached the top I blew it out and waited for my eyes to adjust.
Through the blinds, moonlight couldn’t penetrate the thick clouds too well, so, feeling a bit vulnerable and paranoid of the dark shadows, I opened the blinds a tiny bit more. The lack of electricity meant all the street lamps were dead meaning it was gloomy as shit, compounding on my paranoia.
So mUcH beTtEr..
But my eyes had adjusted enough for me to make out the landing, and a single mattress with a duvet in front of the set of stairs that led to the tip floor.
I peeked further out the blinds and in the distance I suddenly noticed quite a few other houses showed faint flickers of light moving inside. There was no sign of anything stalking around the dark roads-
But candles! Wow! So there are other people around. Something to check out tomorrow that's for sure. Not going to start knocking on doors at night like some psychopath.
Seeing signs of other humans fired off some positive neurons, but I made sure to remind myself that not everyone would be friendly.
But at least nothing is getting into this house without making enough noise to wake me up…hmm on that note, I should hit the sack.
I flopped onto the bed.
Oh sweet bliss.
It felt like the the comfiest and 'most softest' bed I could remember.
Sweet embrace of unconsciousness, please swiftly take me. I am ready.
I just laid there for 5 minutes, in absolute blissful heaven.
...
And then the whispers started.
What if someone is watching the house or looking to steal the car…They could be outside right now..Was I sure I didn’t see anyone on the roads?..
I grumpily shot back up to satisfy a paranoid feeling that something was watching the house.
I peeked out the blinds…
Nothing was out there...
I stared, unblinking for a good 5 minutes until the feeling started to dissolve away, and eventually, I felt confident enough to go back to my bed.
This time I didn't last 5 seconds, and I conked out completely.
......
Becoming aware in the weird Dreamland, I conceded that although I loved my sleep, I was beginning to really like this place. Even if it was pretty confusing and abstract, it was starting to radiate a nice soothing and relaxing atmosphere.
Like a zen garden, except you were the growing plant..so to speak.
The Garden of Growth.
The name felt a bit edgy but not my worst.
Cool. Yeah that's a neat name for it, I’ll stick with that. Trademarked.
I spotted a new addition next to the maelstrom.
Okay I'll deal with you first.
It was a monolithic, tall looking rectangular object, the same height as me.
I walked up to it and some small text materialised.
NaV + 25
NaV + 50(25 x2)
NaV + 10
NaV +26
Sum: +106
NaV! - [Null].?
Data is missing or unaccessible.
Nice. Looks broken..Well. I mean..it is possible that I'm not high enough level or I need to unlock something further.. Because typically with these things, the character doesn’t have a high enough intelligence or something right?...Wow, that would be rude.. Suddenly I feel incredibly offended at this gamification of my life.
The unanswerable questions about all this never ceased to roil around in my mind. One such question was if we took a moment to really think about integers in reality, the abstractions we created that defines and enforces intricate things such as 1 gram of sugar having ~16 kilojoules or that water freezes at that specific temperature..you realise that it has always been consistent. Never changing. Before we even existed and will continue long after we're gone.
Reality never needed us to know this, it just simply is..But the information must be stored somewhere right? How does nature reference, enforce and store these values?
Humanity has come up with arbitrary systems to quantify things, but does nature have a native system that shows a value or number?..
No, I don't think it does.
I realised that the only thing I could think of was how the number of protons, neutrons and electrons define an atom and the number of atoms define a molecule.
But even that wasn't quite what I was thinking about, but it was close.
Anything that is defined by a value in nature, is dictated by countless micro interactions. Such as a heart beat is not something physically based on seconds, but is based on a cycle of chemical changes. Chemical changes that will always repeat in the same way based on factors that all add up to provide the parameters of a reaction. And that's only the surface of that particular hidden equation.
Imagine a chemical triggers an electrical signal that causes the heart muscles to contract, thus, pump blood once, then, a lack or abundance of a chemical causes another chemical reaction which starts the whole process again, all based on the number of certain molecules or particles present..Values and numbers again.
And is brain activity just an extremely large amount of micro chemical reactions, reacting from the environment? If there were a computer that could simulate a sentient entity perfectly via micro chemical reactions, would we consider the physical system hardware to be conscious..or the simulation itself?
And if we think of reality in the same way, is the universe just a physical construct, hosting chemical reactions to simulate existence-
Woa woa woa! What the fuck.
My thoughts had touched upon something that felt perverse. Like I was being forced to watch footage of the universe being conceived and it turns out to be a hidden cam recording of some higher cosmic being losing their virginity.
Ha. Well that's one possibility..They do say science is stranger than fiction..
Ethereally shrugging, I swept all that existential porn aside and moved on to the familiar maelstrom, eager to put those alien thoughts behind me.
There were 3 tiles this time.
The one on the far left had a green outline and contained inside the tile was an animated outline of a geometric humanoid, performing a shoulder tackle on another. The first was adorned with a shimmering outline that covered the person until the point of impact where it folded and wrapped around the target.
The next tile was the familiar potatoe processor Regeneration tile showing a I->II in the top right corner.
And the last depicted a tile with a fist, representing the Physical Combat slab that showed the same I->II in the top right corner.
Not knowing what-the-fuck I was doing, I decided to touch the green outlined one.
Maybe it was some kind of rare or uncommon skill? Yeah makes sense..not.
But nothing happened when I touched it. It just wobbled slightly then returned to its original position.
…Ok.
I slapped the potatoe. Nothing happened.
So I slapped the fists.
Again, nothing happened.
“ARE YOU BROKEN OR SOMETHING?” I complained out loud.
I nearly shat myself, metaphorically speaking, when the tiles blinked out of existence and a line of text appeared in its place.
WARNING: ERROR. AUTOMATIC DISTRIBUTION OF (?) POINTS..(?) [NuLL]..+? [!eRROr!]..COMMENCING IN ?..ERROR.
Oh Shit. Definitely broken.
I felt a searing headache which quickly escalated to ‘Please end me right now’ pain levels that abruptly did a rapid switcheroo, becoming a ‘wow I feel A.M.A.Z.I.N.G’ feeling, but in a horrible, sickly, vomit inducing degree.
Then, I was forced, not compelled, into this loop of standing still, then snapping into a shoulder attack over and over until I was acutely aware of the minor adjustments needed in order to do it better and faster.
..
..
A few moments later I started feeling exhausted and overall it truly was NOT a good feeling.
Somehow, it felt like it was taking too long and that something was failing.
Ughhh shit. I feel sick.
I was starting to feel really bad, but I couldn’t stop repeating the same series of movements.
..
..
Okay please, it is time to stop. This is starting to hurt really bad.
But I kept getting waves of sickly fatty joy. Compulsions to keep moving, keep practising-
THIS ISN’T RIGHT. STOP.
A tsunami of pain was surging back, tenfold, and my mind couldn't cope.
I WANT TO STOP. HOW DO I STOP!..HELP! SOMEONE!
I CAN'T STOP!!I
I HAVE NO CONTROL!!!
I started to panic and scream.
“ARRRRGHHGGGGGGHHHHARRRGGGHH!”
Dropping to the floor I started convulsing but still I couldn’t stop the movements repeating over and over; my body made attempts to stand up, but failed like a newborn calf, which, whilst lying down, made for a terrible learning experience and I could feel my bones and muscles constricting beyond their normal capacity.
I heard an insanely high pitched screeching, like metal grinding on metal as I started to lose sense of everything.
My body disintegrated and I tried to scream but I had no voice or physical presence to do so, but the pain stopped. Finally, it stopped.
Oh sweet..um..sweet?..Pain?
Then I started to forget.
What..Even..Is..Pain?
Everything stopped.
...
..
.