Part 1 –
His Eye of Despair only worsened with each floor he descended.
The duration of the gear overloads slightly increased alongside their soul-crushing pain. This allowed him to harness additional strength before he would inevitably be destroyed by the gruelling process.
Whether this was considered a good thing was nothing more than speculation to Exrite. But in the end, he needed that strength if he wanted to complete this trial.
And return to his beloved friends.
The <44th Floor> saw a sudden change in its layout. The caverns he was once familiar with transformed into dilapidated hallways. Ancient cracked brick lined the ceilings and the walls, as gemstones lit the hallways unequally – with some being plunged into total darkness.
Monsters avoided those dark hallways like the plague. A beast of an unparalleled strength bathed in this darkness. It was known to drag its unfortunate victims deep within to feast on their flesh.
Exrite ventured through without a second thought. Nor did she need to. A monster of its calibre was nothing more than a little insect compared to her.
Also, the path leading towards the door seemed to reside somewhere within the dark hallways.
Her strides were wide and without care. But her invincibility against the creature wasn’t the only thing that contributed to her waltz in the dark.
In fact, Exrite didn’t even realise that she was stranded in the dark to begin with.
Her world was clouded by thought, memories and fears. The Gaze of the Abyss: the second phase of the Eye of Despair, where one was thrust into an inescapable window of their heart.
She was forced to watch her fears, her traumas and weaknesses.
The Eye of Despair showed her the place she once called home. The hell that failed to break her, and the hell that began it all.
But she didn’t remember the pain, or her suffering like the previous manifestations. Rather, she simply saw an empty room. Nothing but the sound of her heart could be heard in that place.
Exrite hated it. Despised it. She Loathed that cold place.
She grimaced as a heat formed in the wells of her palms. Balls of intense magic suddenly swelled at the memory as an overwhelming desire to destroy that place consumed her.
However –
Reality returned to her after a sudden pain throbbed at the side of her head. She awoke to the pitch-black world ahead and instantly summoned a [Flare].
The hallways were grandly illuminated, revealing countless of carcasses and bones left behind by hundreds of fallen monsters. They were likely to be the victims of the unknown creature.
“Eh? I’m… did I wander into its territory?” She muttered and glanced at the floating [Gear] beside.
What struck her across the side of the head was that same [Gear]. After her first manifestation at the <43rd Floor>, she commanded it to strike her if she failed to talk at least once every 10 minutes.
I haven’t been attacked yet?
Exrite thought this was odd. But at the same time, she imagined that the creature was warry of her. Or perhaps planning some sort of attack. It was odd for someone to nonchalantly gaze into the darkness. She imagined that she must have seemed like she possessed [Night Vision] magic of some sort, otherwise she wouldn’t have tread through so casually.
But little did it know was that Exrite was simply daydreaming.
She sighed.
It lost its opportunity now. The door shouldn’t be far off anymore. It’ll probably attack me right at the magic circle, the one place I’ll have to drop my guard. But I’m not an idiot to even let that possibility exist.
A blue magic circle suddenly formed behind her. It hovered like a wing, arching to one side as the embedded gear-like symbols and letters of the Ecloma alphabet spiralled.
It was a near replica of Uru’s [Seeker] magic circle.
Suddenly, 5 [Blue Beams] ripped through the darkness ahead, like how a knife tears through fabric. The hidden beast – which Exrite only saw for a split second – was eviscerated by the homing beams unspectacularly.
It fell from the ceiling in a bloodied pulp, riddled with holes like a sponge. Another [Flare] illuminated the path ahead as she approached the creature and promptly inspected its corpse.
The monster had the body of a centipede and boasted tentacles for hands. The still pulsating mass spat out half-digested bones and other vile contents beneath her feet. A loud hiss erupted as it corroded the bricked ground like an acid.
Exrite grounded her teeth. This disgusting thing was her soon-to-be meal.
Not that it bothered her. She’s had much worse than this.
“Corrosive blood… really…? What can’t the Geared become?”
The transformations, or as White called it, adaptations, only grew increasingly hideous with each floor they conquered. It was at a point where Exrite could no longer identify what creature they originally were.
Her heavy gaze remained fixated on the corpse.
“… is this supposed to be a living metaphor of despair?” She said in a low tone.
Exrite couldn’t help but to imagine this was so.
Despair often brought out the worst of people, particularly those that seek to escape that terrifying abyss. Like a light at the end of a dark tunnel, they could only see that light and chase after it.
But their vision was obscured. In pursuit of the light – the hope amid despair – they could not see the consequences of their actions. Only the goal mattered in the end.
Whatever happened within the dark was invisible until they reached the end. No one would even begin to recognise if they themselves were turning into a monster along the way.
She sighed agian, rose to her feet and dragged the corpse by a tentacle appendage along with her.
With narrowed eyes, she glanced at the broken walls around her. There was nothing special about them, yet she felt drawn to them. Then, she looked back into the now illumined hallway and frowned.
“Experience…” A silent mutter left her.
Exrite was reminded of her journey to Colight. Her one goal was to reach the end and be freed from the curse that striped her of her life. It bestowed nothing but suffering.
She wanted nothing more than for it to all end.
That was her hope – her light – in that time of despair. And because of it; mounds of innocent corpses piled, and rivers of blood were spilt along the way.
The children that ran to call for guards.
The parents that tried to avenge their beloved.
The guards that tried to govern peace.
And the many others that wanted nothing more than to ‘help’ him return to his… home. All of them were killed indiscriminately. But that was nothing but an optimistic thought.
In retrospect, it was easy to make that judgement, even though he knew that an overwhelming majority of those who approached him sought to reap the rewards of his bounty.
However, that was all before the Guilds of the Katho Region wanted him dead or alive. Due to his countless murders, and the adventurers and mercenaries that never returned to tell the tale – ‘Frost’ quickly became a name akin to death.
“Monster… you monster! W-wh-why won’t you die!? WHY WON’T YOU DIE!? How are you still standing w-w-without half of your body –!?”
How many times had she heard that?
The word ‘monster’ would always sicken her. What was wrong with trying to reach Colight? To reach the Gods and relieve her of the pain? Who had the right to take her back to that hellish place?
No one did.
However –
… I really was a monster back then, wasn’t I?
When she finally reached Colight, and felt the warmth of the world she so dearly missed, Exrite turned back and saw nothing but a plain of corpses.
The mercenaries and adventurers she slain peacefully rested in death beneath the black sun of this world. But the thousands of innocents she killed were disfigured mounds of flesh, all screaming “Monster!” at her.
Only when she reached her destination, and that light she so desperately chased – she saw what laid within the darkness around her.
For the sake of her own goal, she buried thousands more. The shock of that realisation never left her. She vividly remembered that sensation which almost threw her straight into the pits of madness.
From that day forth, she became ‘Exrite’. A person who never spited the innocent, and a person who always cherished others.
In fact, that was always a part of him. But it would never have returned if it weren’t for Khaos and Frosty.
It was all because of their goal to reach something impossible. She saw their foolish strive as a joke, but little by little, she came to realise that it was real hope. And to see them struggle alongside her in pursuit of it was inspiring.
They would surely suffer more than ever had, yet they thought nothing of it. The saying of “Our goal is so big that this is nothing in comparison” was actually Khaos’ saying.
Those words sparked a warmth that even a monster like Exrite could adore, embrace and follow. To call them her saviour was a severe understatement.
They reignited the warmth she once had before she became a monster.
The corners of her lips curled into a gentle smile as she remembered their faces, and the ridiculous passion that started it all.
Really… where the hell would I be without you both?
* * *
Exrite prepared the monster’s remains. She cleanly picked the meat apart from the bones and minced them so finely that that spilt through her open palms like the grains of sand.
Compared to her human body, she did this in mere minutes. The efficiency and precision of a Maiden was astounding no matter how many times she witnessed – no, experienced it for that matter.
The staggering difference in strength caused her to slump down in front of the mound of flesh. With a long sigh, she stared down at a pair of clenched fists. Slowly, they relaxed, and her gaze soon mellowed pleasantly.
“This… is all nothing compared to our goal, isn’t it…? Yeah… yeah. This won’t be the last time I’ll have to go through something like this. All this proves is how weak I really am in Gaia’s grand scheme.”
She softly whispered.
Exrite thought it was pathetic. She was only strong in the past because of her immortality, and now, because she possessed the body of a Maiden. She amounted to nothing as a human, save for the title she beared as the Exrenity.
Granted, Exrite possessed a body that few humans could dream to achieve, but in a world of magic; physical strength alone was useless unless it was in Khaos’ case, where his indomitable strength broke the scale of balance.
Exrite even died on this floor due to a simple kick that pulverised his ribs. It was against a strange hopping creature that threw punches like a boxer yet possessed powerful legs that cracked the ground with each hop.
He was lucky to survive it, even if he died soon after. It gave him the opportunity to douse it in [Liquid Fire] before he finally passed out.
His body was strengthened by the gears… but not by a considerable amount. The gears would tear his body apart before he had a chance to absorb a sizeable amount of the geared, but thankfully…
Thankfully?
Exrite mentally sighed.
Thankfully, the duration of the gear overloads seemed to increase. It was subtle, but she noticed it immediately. Ironically, trying to combat her suffering – through the means of attaining strength – was the very source of her suffering.
Well, in this place at least.
But the pain somehow became secondary. There was a new form of torment – the Eye of Despair. The visions over the last few days grew more and more vivid, to the point where she’d wake up screaming hours after being consumed by the manifestations.
She looked down at the pool of blood. In her reflection, she saw the near-perfect gear that formed on her crimson eye like a miniature magic circle.
The manifestations drew her closer to madness than the pain did. After all, the Gaze of the Abyss showed one’s most relevant past and underlaying fears.
And in Exrite’s case – it was separation… it was loneliness.
That empty room came to mind. Silently, she stared at the mound for a short while. It wasn’t a trance, nor was there something on her mind. An air of unease washed over her as the cold floor sept into her bones.
She shivered in this lonely place with nonchalance. But deep beneath that blank demeanour was a festering fear of being alone.
Because without them, everything would become cold again.
With a heavy heart, Exrite mentally prepared to transform into her human form. A surge of light engulfed her, and her surroundings quickly dissolved to black, she muttered the names of her the ones she lost so long ago…
The ones she loved more than anything in this world.
“Lizzo. Kizzo. Are you… still waiting for me to come back?”
* * *
Part 2 –
A memory. A strange, familiar memory filled the darkness behind her eyelids.
Suddenly, the black turned into a magnificent streak of gold and white.
Patterns filled the glistening halls of this place. Walls so large that an army of a hundred could march through with ease surrounded him. Intricate magical chandeliers dangled in rows high above, painting the golden and white hallways with their dazzling light.
Not a single shadow was cast as the young boy strolled through the silent palace with excitement. A heavy book far too complex to be read by a child was cradled in his arms as he navigated through the various twists and turns. Soon, a myriad of faintly clinking glassware and voices could be heard.
Ahead was a ballroom where hundreds upon hundreds of the region’s most defining individuals danced, drank and mingled. Though ‘mingling’ was too generous of a word for them.
Negotiating was a better way to describe it.
The ballroom was as extravagant as Exrite last remembered. It was defined by its enormous scale, the beautiful decorative gold that filled every inch of ballroom and the five statues of the Six Point’s Maidens which resided at the furthest wall.
He passed the various guards with brief greetings and weaved through the crowded space. As a 14-year-old, he was awfully short for his age.
Within moments he was lost amongst them, and the few that saw him immediately graced him with their most sincere respect.
Exrite was the son of Enthile’s King after all. He was a prince.
“Hm? Ah~! His majesty’s son! My apologies for not noticing earlier.”
A man dressed in a black tuxedo pulled away from his conversation, placed his glass of wine away and greeted him with a sudden bow. Even when he bent over, he still towered over the short Exrite.
“You seem to be in a hurry? After your sister I presume?”
Exrite nodded with a bright smile. He knew this man by name, unlike the many other unfamiliar faces here.
This person was a butler of the royal family. Or more specifically – for the prince and princesses of Enthile. It was his role to carry out the mundane and needless chores for them, as well as to ensure their safety and wellbeing.
His name was Abadel. The old man was in his late 60’s, yet his eyes held more passion than any of the younger men present.
“Kizzo. I believe she’s at the balcony again. It’s a shame that she refuses to participate in a ball as lively as this.” He offered a hand to Exrite. “That book. It looks too heavy for you to carry around. I shall take it back to your room.”
“Thank you, but there’s no need. I’m going to head back there anyway. I’m only here to see Kizzo.”
Exrite politely refused.
“If you insist, then I shall leave you to it. Your sister rarely gets an opportunity like this, so I won’t further impede you.”
The old bearded man swiped his drink and bowed once again.
“Please take care.”
Abadel was unlike the other people in the palace. He was a genuine man with a certain familiarity. To Exrite, he was more of a father figure than the King.
They were normally familiar and less formal with each other.
However, in this specific time the man couldn’t afford to call Exrite by his name so casually. Not in front of so many esteemed guests.
Status was a difficult thing to manage. The seeds of Exrite hatred for status began long before his decade of suffering. He was by no means anyone special, apart from his status as the prince of Enthile.
The mana capacity he lacked, and his short, weak physique made him quite the target for ridicule, especially when he was compared to the rest of his family. They were all powerful, all boasting magic capacities that would put Cardinal and even legendary mages to shame.
The only thing that propped him up on a pedestal was his status.
But Exrite was still naïve, and vastly underestimated just how powerful his status was.
Because as soon as he lost it on that faithful night; the world turned against him.
“You too, Abadel.” A smile accompanied his words of thanks.
Exrite left after a prompt bow of his own and disappeared into the crowd.
Through twists and turns in between the waists of hundreds, he finally arrived at the balcony. If it were any other person they would’ve been lost, but as the prince the guests subtly made room for him to walk by and gave small greetings of their own.
A cool breeze swept by, pushing him back slightly as his eyes widened in awe. There, a dazzling figure stood at the edge of the balcony, her hair seemingly dancing in the air.
An impenetrable aura surrounded her like a thick wall, impeding all those that dared to approach or even dared to brush their gaze against her. But Exrite was unaffected by this mysterious magic.
This was his elder sister, after all. How could he ever mistake that ever-so familiar back, and the long, black hair which reached her knees. Even the pale dress she wore carried a splendour unlike any other.
He approached her with a soft smile. A wash of warmth filled his heart with each step he took into the silent night. The grand balcony suddenly seemed so small, and before he knew it, he was already a handful of steps away.
As if by magic, the sound of the ball disappeared as only the graceful breeze and the taps of his rubber shoes filled the air.
Then, he spoke with a warm voice.
“Kizzo… what are you doing out here again? Aren’t you cold?”
Exrite joined her by the balcony. He only reached up to the girl’s elbow, let alone the tall marble railing. Side to side, they were like complete opposites.
The girl smiled upon hearing his voice, and with shut eyes, she hummed:
“Hardly. I felt like I needed to capture the view while I had the chance.”
Her tone was delicate, yet a strange authority accompanied it.
Kizzo was as dignified if not more than the King himself. She wielded eyes sharper than steel and donned an impenetrable demeanour which garnered her the nickname of the ‘Ice Queen’, or more commonly, the ‘Ice Princess’.
To see even the corner of her lips curl upwards was considered a miracle in of itself.
But that all changed whenever she was with Exrite or Lizzo.
Exrite tilted his head slightly, then turned to the ball and back to her as he whispered:
“… Kizzo. You didn’t forget that there was a ball scheduled for tonight, did you?”
“That too. I couldn’t leave the balcony anymore before I knew it. Sorry. Is Lizzo still waiting?”
“She’s still in her room, but at this rate, she’s probably on her way right now.”
“How nice~ You get a cute little sister chasing you around. Well, at least I have a cute little brother of my own.”
She ungloved a hand and stroked his head lovingly. But among those strokes, Exrite saw Kizzo’s light-purple eyes mellow through his strands of hair.
Curious by her gaze, he asked:
“Are you looking at the stars? I read that the best time to go star-seeing is on cold nights like these. See, there’s not even a cloud in the sky. It’s beautiful tonight.”
Indeed. The world above was presented in its entire glory. Every star, every bit of the strange cosmic dust and the full moon made it a sight to behold.
But Kizzo’s gaze was never raised to the sky. Instead, they were focused down on the world below.
The city beneath glowed fantastically, rivalling the stars overhead. Dozens of impenetrable walls surrounded the city as far as the eye could see, protecting the benevolent Kingdom of Enthile.
Only the most beautiful buildings persisted in this Kingdom. From houses, to inns and markets – all were equally as astonishing as the one beside. It was a paradise for humans… and whoever they deemed worthy of co-existing with.
“No. I’m looking down at our home. Why do we need to look up to the stars when we have a home that rivals their beauty?”
“But it’s still beautiful regardless, isn’t it?”
“Not beautiful enough. It’s dull compared to our reality. Listen – there’s no need to look up when there’s beauty everywhere below.”
“… sometimes people don’t want to look at reality.” Exrite wanted to say.
A gentle breeze swept through. The stench of death arrived, though only Exrite could sense it. He knew how the Demi-humans were treated in Enthile, and he put himself in their shoes as he stared up at the stars.
“Well, I can’t exactly look down. I can only look up from here.” He muttered shortly, causing Kizzo suddenly burst into laughter.
“Aha~ Is that why you’re fixated on the stars all the time? Because you still haven’t grown?”
“Not at all. I just think they’re beautiful to watch. They’re warm as well, and it’s even better when you’re looking up with someone you love.”
“How romantic. But really? I think it looks crowded up there. It’d be better off with a dozen stars or two than a million. Unlike the moon, they serve no purpose other than to fill out night sky. Or – they serve no purpose other than to distract people from the real world.”
Kizzo hummed, although, it sounded like she was trying to stir an answer from him.
He understood what she meant, but that didn’t sit well with him. For a moment, he remained silent and repeated Kizzo’s last words before suddenly replying with:
“But maybe if things weren’t so tough, then a distraction wouldn’t be needed in the first place… right?”
Kizzo shut her eyes and smiled.
Then, amid the silence, she whispered:
“Exrite.”
“Huh?”
“Correct. I meant correct. Sorry, I get a bit carried away with my Frostbitten sometimes.”
She sighed as she drew her hand away from him.
“That’s right. The stars would no longer need to exist if reality was… perfect. But that’s why magic exists. It’s the power to alter reality. Without magic, then your reality is all in the hands of the world. That’s why you don’t have to worry about anything, Frost. I’ll always protect you – both you and Lizzo, no matter what. Your mana capacity might be low, but you have a big heart. Bigger than anyone I know, at least~”
Kizzo glanced down at the book in his arms, slightly frowning. By the symbols on its half-burnt front cover, she could already tell that it was a magical book. Not only that, but it likely contained advanced magical spells, such as those of the [Fourth Tier] and [Fifth Tier].
It wasn’t something that could be easily obtained or found from even the royal library. Someone must’ve given it to him, knowing well of his abysmal mana capacity.
Even uttering a word from any of its spells meant a mana overload for Exrite.
Kizzo was visibly angered, but as the wind blew, her hair hid her ugly face from Exrite’s eyes. Then when the wind stopped, her original smile returned almost instantly.
“But changing the world isn’t so easy.”
She forced a sigh as she slumped over the rail, her elbows hovering over the young man.
“Because you can’t make everyone happy. If we make it easier for the Demi-humans to live, then our people will be dissatisfied, and we’ll only create more conflict. No one wins. Altering reality only alters your reality, not the world. Think of our mana capacity as a bubble. The bigger it is, the bigger your influence. That’s why the Gods, the Overlords and the Maidens of Six Point have such a powerful influence on our world.”
She patted Exrite as her gaze rose to the stars. Her eyes dazzled as they drowned in those lights. Although, only a handful were able to reflect in those all-consuming eyes.
“There wouldn’t be a need for the stars if everyone was happy.”
“If everyone was under the power of someone’s wish… then can you even call that happiness genuine?”
Exrite wanted to say, but he kept his mouth shut. However, he knew what Kizzo meant. If a world like that could truly exist, then no one would have to suffer. Everyone could live happy for the rest of their lives.
They talked for some time. Kizzo was equally an older sister as she was a teacher to Exrite. A large portion of his knowledge was derived directly from her, whether it was in the form of ramblings like this or studies.
But unlike her, Exrite took a… different approach. It felt like he was trying too hard for who he was. Kizzo would rather he be complacent and let her do everything, but he was unnaturally stubborn.
And it seemed to rub onto their little sister, Lizzo, as well.
She silently laughed, pulled him close underneath her arm and asked him a question beneath the moonlight.
“Let me ask you something. Think of this as a tiny lesson~ Tell me: if reality can’t be altered effectively; and if our existence is in perpetual conflict; and if people are forced to suffer in order to survive – then what do you think this world is missing, Frost? You only have once chance to answer~”
Exrite had no immediate answer, or any in fact. But after a minute of thought, he arrived at the most reasonable answer.
“Kindness?”
Kizzo gently pinched his cheek and laughed.
“Not a bad answer. But kindness alone can’t do anything. More than that, it’ll only enrage them because no one wants to be pitied.”
Her eyes sharpened unnaturally for a split second.
“They seek retribution. Frost, what this world is missing is judgement –”
“Kizzooooo! Frooooost! What’s taking you so looooong!?”
A high-pitched voice startled Exrite, and before he could turn to see who it was, a pair of small arms wrapped themselves around his waist. He looked down and found an adorable, cheerful face.
“Lizzo –!? You scared me!” Exrite laughed. “I told you to wait in the room, didn’t I?”
“But you took too long! Kizzo! Stop hogging Frost all for yourself!”
Kizzo broke into a soft laugh and patted the head of the girl.
“Sorry, sorry~! I think I held Frost back longer than I thought. Sorry for making you wait, Lizzo~”
“I’ll forgive you if you come with us. Right now!” Lizzo smirked cheekily and marched away without looking back. “Let’s go before the fireplace goes cold! Kizzoooo! Frooost!”
“We’re coming!” Exrite cried, swiftly sighing afterwards.
“She’s spoiled, isn’t she? Frost, what have you done to her?”
“Don’t blame me. Mom can only be around for so long until I’m in the picture, so it can’t be helped that she’s like that. Not that it’s a bad thing anyway.”
“… that’s right.” Kizzo whispered through her teeth.
“Froooost!”
“Like I said, I’m coming!” Exrite called, then turned to Kizzo with an innocent smile. “Let’s go. I don’t think Lizzo will be too happy if you keep me back any longer. C’mon, let’s not keep her waiting.”
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
He followed Lizzo’s suit and soon caught up to her. But Kizzo didn’t move an inch as she stared at their backs with nothing but love and compassion. Exrite felt her gaze and wondered where Kizzo’s footsteps were.
He was about to call for her, as was Lizzo. But before a single word could leave their lips – Kizzo spoke.
“Frost, what do you think happiness means?”
“– Eh?”
He muttered dumbfoundedly as he swiftly turned and saw his sister’s gaze reach the stars. Her figure beneath that moonlight was like an art piece. He was momentarily stunned by the sight, but as he recovered, so did his ability to speak.
“W-what’s with that from out of the blue?”
Kizzo didn’t respond. She only wanted an answer.
He turned to the stars like Kizzo and became inspired by their warm cluster. As his eyes sparkled with the many millions of dazzling lights, he slowly answered with:
“… isn’t that obvious? Happiness means being together with the ones you love, and others without any attachment. That warmth is real happiness – Ah!?”
He was suddenly embraced by Lizzo once again. Despite being marginally smaller than him, she was somehow also stronger. Even with his lacklustre mana capacity, Exrite barely had any physical growth or strength.
He felt somewhat pitiful to lose to a child half his height.
“Yeah! Being together with everyone is what happiness means!”
Lizzo chimed in with the unrivalled enthusiasm of a child. Her excitement spread to the two, causing them to chuckle and smile before Exrite asked:
“That’s right. What about you, Kizzo? What do you think happiness means?”
As swiftly as those words reached her ears, she extended her arms like and approached them. With a motherly embrace, she fell to her knees and brought them close to her chest.
“Mhm. I have mine right here. Just like you both, happiness means being with the ones you love. Being with Frost and Lizzo is my happiness.”
“Then let’s stay together forever!” Lizzo cried.
“… yeah… forever.” Exrite warmly whispered.
“That’s why – you don’t need to push yourself. The both of you. Because I’ll always be there to save you if anything happens. Believe in me. That’s all I ask, so please – don’t risk chasing the stars when you don’t have wings yourself, Frost.”
Kizzo whispered and slowly slid the book away from him. Her voice was tantalisingly sweet, and it drowned Exrite with assurance. But being told that he couldn’t achieve anything because of his state was… painful.
But that was the truth. Because he was weak, he had to rely on Kizzo if things went wrong…
Something warm dripped from his cheek. He didn’t know why, but he was crying. It wasn’t because of the warm assurance of his eldest sister, or because he cherished this moment.
Exrite held onto her, his fingers digging deep into her fine cloth like claws. Then, he muttered:
“… Kizzo. Then… where were you when I was taken to that place?”
His memories returned, and he sobbed. His uncontrollable whimpers reached no one as the warmth of his sisters disappeared. Soon, the world faded around him to a dark room.
But he could see everything behind that darkness. The blood, the body parts, the chains, the bars, and the incomprehensible scratches across the walls and desk he knelt on.
Exrite hated it. He hated being weak. He trusted his sister and was left there to rot. But he could never blame her. Not Kizzo. She did nothing wrong.
But the chain of events was so similar to his present situation that he couldn’t help but to feel almost helpless here.
The promise of being together.
The separation.
The descent into loneliness and suffering.
And then… the cold world that followed.
“I don’t want to leave everyone behind again. I don’t want to be alone.”
Exrite didn’t want that to occur again. He blamed his weakness and himself, because if he were stronger, then he could’ve escaped… but in the end – Exrite didn’t have wings to leave that pit alone.
“Kizzo. Why… why did you say that? Why did you call me helpless?”
In his heart, he already knew that answer. He was weak. Nothing more, nothing less. There was nothing he could do alone… and if he could, then this never would have happened in the first place.
But what was wrong with trying? What was so wrong about wanting to strive for something; to break through what you thought was impossible for yourself?
Exrite lamented the past and despised the ‘what if’ thought that naturally flooded his mind. There was no turning back anymore. The past was the past. But even so…
“Why does it still hurt so much…?”
He murmured.
But that was also something he already knew.
It hurt because he simply didn’t want it to ever happen again. The trial Gaia gave him was no different from his hell. Because he was alone and weak, he’d never be able to reunite with his friends.
Just like how he lost Lizzo and Kizzo.
He needed strength if he wanted to avoid this from reoccurring.
But attaining that strength was also the cause of his pain and suffering in this very place.
This loop of despair was undoubtably a fate worse than death.
If he didn’t change, then all he could do was wait until someone came to save him…
Exrite bit down on his sobs and felt the table around him. In this dark room, there was an unfamiliar corpse beside him. It was too old, too… ‘unbroken’ to be his own.
He wiped the tears away, albeit unsuccessfully and studied every part of this person’s body.
His fingers sunk into a gaping wound on that person’s chest. It was an explosive wound, and the acidic scent of explosive power only proved it. But he knew this regardless of the scent.
After all, he was the one who killed this man.
The monster that he was couldn’t recognise that the man meant no harm, and killed him with the explosive powder, which in turn also destroyed a vast part of his own body.
Not that it mattered to an immortal.
The guilt-ridden Exrite mourned this person’s death. If it weren’t for them, then he would’ve never left that place.
“I’m sorry… so sorry.”
His meek apology reached no one. The lifeless corpse was his only company here as he cried and lamented his weakness. Only the sound of sniffles and groans filled this place until suddenly –
A voice spoke from somewhere within the darkness.
“And the bereaved man struck the hand that reached for him in the well.”
Exrite shuddered to the unknown voice and looked around the empty room. Nothing. Nothing was there at all.
“He used that arm to climb from the pit and left the hand without thanks – then he wandered in search for a light he could never reach.”
Where had he heard that voice before?
“But little did he know was that he never left the well; only eagerly staring up at the passage of light he called a ‘tunnel’.”
The feminine voice came from all around him. His efforts were futile in trying to find the source and in the end, he stared into the abyss with wary eyes.
All of his senses were sharpened to the extreme. Without weapons here, there was no telling what would happen to him. This was the first time he entered a lucid state. By now, he should’ve returned to reality.
But something was stopping him from exiting. That voice was likely the cause.
“Who’s there –!?”
“Has our human Exrenity forgotten so easily?”
The voice swiftly interjected.
A pair of crimson eyes suddenly illuminated from the dark. An unknown pressure forced his breath to become lodged in his throat. His parted mouth uttered a voiceless whisper when he witnessed an accompanying silhouette surround those eyes.
The black of that figure was so dark that it was as if the surrounding room was painted in a bright light in comparison.
“Shall I remind you which benevolent God plucked their eye and gifted it to a mere human like you?”
His body trembled, and every muscle froze instantly. Darkness, blackness or abyss could not describe that degree of ‘darkness’. That thing was Despair.
The room went cold as her hands gracefully entered his vision. Though it was dark, he could perfectly see every bit of detail the child-like God presented.
Her footsteps made no noise. In fact, she floated towards him like a haunting spirit.
Whether this was all in his head or not – Despair’s presence was not underplayed.
He was definitely under the omnipotent eyes of a God, which anchored him in place with invisible chains.
This was not by [Statement], but by a powerful mixture of fear and awe. Still, his heart throbbed unnaturally. Whether it was because of his ongoing bereavement, or from the fact that the person who granted him the Eye of Despair appeared before him; he did not know.
Nor did he care. Exrite simply wanted salvation; a solution; a way to reach his friends and escape from this place.
What he needed was strength.
As she came to an abrupt stop and stared down at the battered Exrite, he mustered the strength to answer the God with a heavy gulp.
“Despair… Despair! I remember. How could I forget… the God who gave me their eye?”
The corners of her lips rose. She seemed amused that he could even answer her.
After all –
“Excellent. Amazing. So appetising. To think that a mere human was the first of any kind to make it this far past the Gaze of the Abyss. To become so ripe with despair that your Eye brims with light, and your heart beats like the drums of war.”
His red eye flashed with light every time Despair spoke. The room was painted in the additional red, briefly revealing their horrific surroundings. Even so; the light never reached Despair’s body.
She absorbed it like she was a hole torn in space.
“But don’t think for a second that you made it to the end. The well never ends. The Gaze of the Abyss was merely the second phase of the Eye of Despair. You’ve seen it all; the past that haunts you, and the weakness which cruelly took everything away from you.”
She clasped his head and slowly twisted it down. It felt like his head was gripped by an unmovable vice. Resistance was futile. But Exrite never planned to move anyway.
He obeyed her hands and saw what rested beneath him.
Instantly – his blood ran like ice, and his pupils shrivelled in disbelief. A soundless “… why…?” left his lips.
The corpse wasn’t some mere guard’s or infiltrator like he first thought. No. He couldn’t be more wrong… as much as he wished he was.
“Abadel…?”
The tremble in his voice caused Despair to push his face closer.
“Why the shocked face? You killed him, remember? Only after despair do you realise what hides behind the veils of darkness, and what the writings on the walls mean. You were stifled with hatred of your suffering and destroyed all those that dared to touch you –”
“– Stop it…”
Exrite painfully muttered, unable to look away. Abadel was more than a friend. He was almost like a family. Where his mother failed to tend to him, he was always there alongside his sisters.
This was a reality Exrite didn’t want to accept, but had to.
“Because you were so blind that you couldn’t differentiate whose hands were who. Your body could never forget the sensation of being tortured, nor could it forget the coldness of this lonely place. The innocent hands that reached out to you were weeded –”
“– Stop it!”
Exrite clamped his ears shut in a futile attempt to block out the agonising words. Uncaring for the suffering this brought, Despair continued to drill in his vital flaws and the consequences of his blind endeavour, which costed the lives of thousands of innocent lives across the Enthoric and Katho Region.
“– All for the sake of your selfish goal. You sought to die at our hands. There was nothing you wanted more than respite in the form of death to end your suffering. Because in the end – you could never end it alone –”
“SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!”
He broke. Exrite flailed, twisted and thrashed but to no avail. His nails snapped as she tried to pry off her hands but, in the end, he was nothing more than a weak human.
Soon, as his bones fractured and snapped in various places, he finally succumbed to Despair’s strength and stared down at the lifeless eyes of his friend.
Exrite wept in silence. Nothing but tears fled.
Everything hurt.
Everything was unfair.
It wasn’t his fault that he was given the Heart of Time.
It wasn’t his fault that he was born with a laughable mana capacity and a pitiful body.
It wasn’t his fault that he was turned into a monster.
Why did it feel like the world was against him?
“I know… I know that already! You don’t have to tell me again, and again and again! I already know how flawed I am… how imperfect I really am. I never asked for this – for any of this! I don’t want this pain anymore. I just… wanted to live together with my sisters. I just wanted warmth.”
Exrite meekly spoke in between sobs.
“The people I’ve killed, the loved ones I’ve abandoned, and the countless more who continue to suffer because of me – I’ve never once though that it wasn’t my fault! So why… are you telling me this? To change me? To consume despair…?”
He clasped his blooded hands and turned them into a fist. The rage that sudden boiled within him was enough to turn him against the God before him.
But instead, he brought them to Despair’s hands. They begged her to be more lenient with her grip. Understanding this, she gently allowed him to look up at her with nothing but sincerity in his eyes.
“Why does this world hate the weak…?”
Despair didn’t flinch or react. But something within her clicked, and she hummed.
This person wasn’t normal. Anyone else would’ve given up the blame on their blindness or blamed the world for their wronging him. At worst, they’d blame themselves like Exrite.
But unlike them, Exrite saw through it to the end.
“End…?” Despair murmured.
No. Exrite’s eyes had no end. They were as boundless as the oceans beyond Six Point, and as deep as the wells of despair. They were equally as vast as skies above as it was the void.
Despite everything he had gone through, Exrite still struggled.
Though he never reached the hope at the end of despair, to others, he would undoubtably stand as a light for them to chase. A star amongst the stars.
And those eyes were so clear that not even the slightest shred of darkness remained. Exrite accepted the past in its entirety and only saw reality.
Despair smirked. He was beyond her expectations. She had already made various preparations in case Exrite failed, but at this rate; it would be needed after all.
“Exrite. My little…” Despair slowly shook her hair. “My Exrenity, what do you believe Despair is? The amalgamation of all negative emotions? Grief in its final form? The overwhelming sense of hopelessness?”
She drew him close and whispered into his ear.
“It is the truth. Despair opens one’s eyes to their reality, however cruel it might be. You can turn, hide and run away – but you can never escape from that well without climbing. Despair is the forge of truth; when one finds their path to follow no matter the cost. Those pure, imperishable emotions lead them to the light – the light of the hope at the end of despair.”
She reeled herself back, drilled her eyes into the silent Exrite who devoured every word she spoke and uttered:
“Do you know what that process is called?”
“… the Attributed Whole?”
Her encroaching smile spelled “No.”
“The Final Dive. For you Exrite – you will fall into the depths of that well and reach the void. No one will help you. No one will reach you. You will be alone in that spaceless forge. But there, you will find what your heart desires and chase it no matter what.”
This was the ultimate despair. A place where no light reached. To hear that such a place darker than this caused him to shudder and doubt Despair’s intentions.
For all he knew, she could’ve been scheming something again.
However, as if sensing his suspicion, she drew his face closer and said:
“But like the Attributed Whole, it will make you strong – stronger than any mortal can possibly imagine! You will grow the wings you so dearly deserve. But it is ultimately up to you whether you fly and reach for the light or continue falling and reach insanity. Which ways is up? – I couldn’t tell you.”
She pulled herself away and hummed:
“If you can’t save yourself; then how can you possibly expect your friends to come save you and end this suffering once and for all?”
Exrite contemplated this proposition. He was certain that Despair wasn’t telling him everything, and if he asked, she likely wouldn’t answer. Either way, it didn’t seem like he could refuse it even if he wanted to.
Right now – Exrite was desperate.
He needed strength in order to reunite with his friends.
He couldn’t afford to lose them again, like how he lost his sisters because of his –
Weakness…
Despair saw the flames brimming in his sore eyes and wore a grin that reached from ear to ear. His instincts screamed at him. With everything Hope and Despair omitted, he knew there was a catch.
But in the end, he was at the mercy of a God.
Failure was not an option, nor did he consider it.
With every fibre of his being; he mustered his courage and cried:
“I’ll do it! I’ll do it! Please show me how to embark on the Final Dive! I’ll do it if it means that I get to see them again!”
Despair cupped his face, wiped the remaining tears away as she floated before him like an angel. She admired the tenacity in his eyes, and his unrelenting strive despite everything the Eye of Despair had shown him.
Or was it his stubbornness to give in? Or his recklessness? Whatever it was – Despair was more than pleased that she finally had an Exrenity that made it this far after countless of eons of waiting.
Despair hovered at the end of the table and reached a tiny hand down to him. He froze at the sight of her hand and remembered the false hope Kizzo recklessly gave him.
The hand she promised to reach out for him never came, no matter how long he waited in this place.
He wanted to laugh. That Despair was the one who could only save him. But contrary to her name – she was his only ray of hope here.
Exrite didn’t want the past to repeat, which was why he feared this place to such an extent. Everything was the same as back then, and at this rate, he would disappear from the people he loved the most again.
In order to end the pain.
In order to end his suffering.
In order to end his weakness.
In order to end his inability to save himself.
And most of all – in order to stay by the side of those he loved:
He needed power. He needed strength to descend, and to facilitate a… brighter future. Because if there’s anything he knew more in this world – it was that those who held power:
… dictates their reality.
Exrite took her hand without a second thought, and the world around him soon crumbled. Reality returned with a blinding light. The corpse that he sat over were the remains of the Geared he butchered.
Satisfied with his clasp, Despair uttered:
“Pray that your freefall into the void is short and painless. Hear the ticking of your heart and feel the fire in your eye. As you fall, they will constantly mash and meld into one. My eye will finally become yours at the end.”
The walls of the <44th Floor> returned, and so did the stench of death and struggle. But he was no stranger to both. With eyes locked onto Despair’s, she smiled, took to his side and pointed at the interior of the room ahead.
“Your descent has already begun. Forward, Exrite. I wouldn’t dare laze around if I were you.”
“… yeah. Thank you – wait. You’re coming with me?” Exrite said with surprise when he realised that the floating Despair followed him like a shadow.
“I believe that isn’t an issue, now is it? You’re still under the manifestation of the third phase – the Voice of Despair. Your fall into the Final Dive has merely begun. Think of my presence as a reward for making it this far. Cherish it, for you will be alone soon enough. Not even I can infiltrate that void.”
“Not even a God…?”
He deeply swallowed the fears that came with her final words. Before he knew it, he was already approaching the dark staircase ahead. There was no turning back now, nor did he even consider it.
Exrite couldn’t afford a single moment of respite.
The only way forward was to go down.
“Descend, fall, then ascend from that darkness. I’ll guide you and nurture the merge of your heart and Eye. In return – I will indulge in your irresistible despair.”
Aside from the sound of his heavy breaths and footsteps in the darkness of the staircase, the sound of lapping could be heard beside him.
* * *
Part 3 –
The Final Dive. After the Voice of Despair came this fourth phase, where one was thrust into the depths of despair with nothing but themselves. A voyage into the dark with no way out, and no way to tell which way was where.
A ceaseless world was how Despair described it. At first, Exrite thought that the void was a metaphorical existence that represented his ultimate despair, but soon realised that it was indeed a place.
Not even Despair knew of its mechanics, other than that it was where Exrite would inevitable fall, and that it was a forge that finalised the melding of one’s heart and eye. This would unravel a path within the darkness and lead them towards the hope at the end of despair, where they would finally leave that void.
And that well that had consumed him for the longest time.
Despite this, Exrite still vaguely understood this phase. More than anything, it felt closer to the Attributed Whole. He believed that his initial descent into the <42nd Floor> marked his fall into the ultimate despair, but only now did he realise that he was merely at the rims.
Now, he was finally descending it. Rather rapidly, as Despair claimed.
Naturally, the Final Dive was exclusive to the bearer of the Eye of Despair. The Attributed Whole seemed like a physical manifestation of the concept as far as he could tell.
For instance, both he and the Geared descended down through this trial of despair. This place was their physical well, and maybe at some point, perhaps at the very end; their void.
By reaching that void, they could finally find what their heart truly desires, and they would chase it at all costs. No one wanted to wander in the dark forever.
Reaching that light at the end of despair was the Attributed Whole. Although, for the others it merely meant that they were strong enough to stand as individuals within the Exrenity.
But Exrite didn’t have the luxury to endlessly ponder on these things.
* * *
Exrite struggled through the <45th Floor>. Between his lacking strength and the resilience the creatures exhibited against his attacks; he couldn’t afford to take an overwhelming majority of them head on.
At the times he did, he would find himself severely wounded and under fire by the taunting remarks of a certain God. Against certain enemies, such as those with thick, hardened armour; he could only injure them with bullets.
Within days Exrite’s sense of judgement was slowly replaced by pure instinct, and a sole drive to reach wherever Despair pointed. His thoughts swam in a sea of nonchalance and stasis. The fascination he once had of the dangerous yet oddly stunning worlds each floor harboured was lost.
Despair guided him though the <45th Floor>’s grand labyrinth. He wandered this place for what felt like days on end in search for the obelisks as he fought to teeth and bone against the highly resilient creatures of this floor.
There was never a lone minute when Despair didn’t belittle him for his weakness. He felt like he was in an infinite loop. It was maddening. But Despair was his guide in this labyrinth. Without her directions, Exrite estimated that he could’ve spent into a month on this floor alone.
Exrite steadfastly followed a straight path. The doorway was supposedly far ahead according to Despair. At every split in the path he hugged the walls and peeked for any roaming creatures.
The scent of death was at every corner, and the cries of battle echoed all around him. Yet it was still oddly silent here. Like the previous floors, the path leading to the hallway was strangely vacant of the floor’s normal creatures.
With keen eyes, he asked:
“Despair. Is there a reason why the Geared don’t wander around the door?”
He asked in a near silent whisper, which was no louder than the clapping of his makeshift boots.
“The weak don’t dare to trespass into the stronghold of the strong. Think of it like entering a dangerous part of the woods. A monster lurks there, and the rest of the forest’s inhabitants understand that. Beware of the unknown hunter.”
“Just like that weird centipede thing on the last floor. Either way, I’m going to have to kill whatever it is. I won’t be satirised with eating anything weaker.”
“That’s a very human-like decision. You aim to avoid as much pain and attain as much strength as possible.” Despair teased.
“But considering your circumstance, I think it’s unfair to make that judgement. What you call a ‘gear overload’ is a pain no different to that of a mana overload. Even Gods fear it.”
“Is that so? I thought Gods couldn’t undergo a mana overload… interesting. I guess everything does has a limit.”
It was strangely reassuring to know that.
Despair didn’t answer. She seemed to be lost in thought. Or simply didn’t care. Exrite accepted the silence and traversed deeper into the path. After a long journey of peeking around his corners, he finally found what he was looking for.
He found the door, and the wide back of a Minotaur which protected it. He hid behind a wall at about 30 meters away and observed his soon-to-be meal. Unlike a predator, he didn’t salivate at all. Merely thinking about it churned his stomach. Only his calculating eyes were that of a hunter.
A few shots were all he needed to take it down from this distance. He slowly pulled his cobalt handgun from its holster and lined up the shot. But the longer he stared, the more suspicious he grew.
That Minotaur didn’t seem normal. In addition, there shouldn’t be a reason why it was in front of the door.
“Why do you hesitate? Is your tool broken?”
“Something’s wrong.”
“Hm?”
“It’s unsteady. Like it’s drunk or under some spell. The other Minotaur’s we came across didn’t look so crippled.”
Pleased with Exrite’s observation and rightful wariness, Despair shut her mouth and left him to his own devices.
He had a choice. Either he could fight this strange Minotaur head on as is, or, he could change to his Maidenly form.
In the end, it was his value of his own life that made him chose the former. In addition, he was confident he could take it down seeing that he was in an advantageous position.
However –
“– Ack!? D-Despair!?”
Exrite, on instinct, blamed a sudden sharp pain that stabbed his neck on the only one he knew who was beside him. He took a step away from the wall and turned faster than he realised as he clutched that painful place with his free hand.
His heart suddenly dropped.
“W-what the fuck is that!?”
A vine-like monster swayed where he once stood like a cobra. His eyes trailed the long vine and saw a scrambled heap of hair-like vines which were line with razor-sharp barbs. It beared a striking resemblance to that of a tumbleweed and contained a bulging eye which bored straight into his soul.
Exrite didn’t usually fear the appearances of monsters. But this one struck him with terror as he instinctually backed off and began uttering a chant until –
M-my voice won’t come out!?
His legs suddenly froze. With a shaky hand, he brought his hand in front of his face. There was a green, bubbling liquid which had been injected into his neck.
Poison!? Paralysis! Then that Minotaur was also poisoned by that!?”
Exrite didn’t know how he failed to notice its presence. That was until it rolled around the corner in pure silence. It then pounced on the Minotaur. It was wrapped with layers of barbed vines which chewed into its flesh.
The handgun in his other hand nearly slipped from his weakening grasp. But Exrite could still move against all odds. His natural resistance to poison was second to none, even surprising Despair who watched from above.
He could tell she was savouring his despair. In fact, she probably expected to consume more from this predicament. A grimace formed on his face and without warning, his [Gears] hovered before him and tilted upwards before a spectacular arc of [Liquid Fire] doused the path before him.
The immense heat cooked his body. But this time around, Exrite possessed an unnatural resilience that he believed was the work of the Final Dive. In fact, he now possessed an unnatural regenerative ability which allowed him to survive fatal injuries.
Such as taking a bullet to the head.
How he knew was because he initially attempted to revert to his Maidenly form at the beginning of this floor, but upon discovering this newfound strength, he refused to let it go to waste.
Though calling this ‘strength’ was a stretch. If anything, it only allowed him to take twice or three times as much of a beating. The reason how he even made it this far into the labyrinth as a human was solely because of this.
Through the flames that turned the walls and ceiling red, he saw the tumbleweed-like creature twist and pull its vines around like that of a saw. The Minotaur was mutilated in mere seconds from flesh to bone.
In the next instance, it rolled across the wall to avoid the flames but not even it could withstand the power of [Liquid Fire]. It was a plant through and through. However, that didn’t mean that it gave up.
It lunged at him with many of its vines charred and limp.
The [Gear] ceased its attack. If he drew it any closer, then he’d die before the creature.
It rolled under his feet and wrapped him like the Minotaur with each barb digging deep into his armour and flesh. The eye bounced in and out of his vision rapidly as it swirled around him.
His arms were bound and panic soon began to ensue as he suddenly found himself precariously cradled in the arms of death. Though he could still move, it was only marginally and limited to his hands.
Exrite looked up at his [Gear] and squinted, then darted his eyes around for the creature’s eye. When he felt its slimy residue pool on his back, he immediately angled his gun against his body.
And then – 20 deafening explosions rang throughout the floor. He fired rapidly into his body at a slightly different angle with each shot. It was enough to riddle his entire back with holes.
“… da… dammit...” He coughed as he crashed into the floor backwards. The bounds of the monster loosened as expected. One of the bullets managed to successfully destroy its eye.
“Is that how you use your body?”
“No… it’s… how I compensate… for my weakness…” Exrite gurgled, unmoving as much as he tried. “… this… was how I… used to fight… believe it or not – Ach! Well… at least it’s not as… painful as I expected.”
Indeed. Back when he still possessed his immortality, Exrite fought in an absurdly unconventional way. His reckless style involved sacrificing himself for the sake of gaining the upper hand, or as the saying went, ‘give an inch to take a mile’.
Only Exrite could afford to adopt such a reckless way of fighting. Of course, this always worried Frosty and Khaos. But this went onto an entirely new level after his curse was lifted.
From his first sneeze to how he trained; they never let him push himself, for they knew just how far Exrite was willing to go at his own cost. But changing was not so easy.
Remembering this sparked a nostalgic warmth in chest.
“… you see… I… never had any… natural sense of self… preservation b-because of my curse. What’s the point… of being afraid of death… if you can’t be put down?” His words oddly became clearer, though it was only a matter of time before he bled out.
The [Gears] split before they scooped the mashed remains of the creature’s eye beneath him and dropped it into his mouth. It slid cleanly down his throat with little effort.
He looked up at Despair’s pondering face as she joined his side.
“In order… to make it… to survive… I always had to suffer in one way or another… this is no different… now the gear overloads – those are a different story.”
Exrite cringed, preparing to undergo one at any moment now.
“Despair… How much longer until this is all over?”
“Soon. So very soon.”
“No… I mean everything.
“Everything?”
“Our goals. Yours. My friends. Everyone… and mine.”
Despair didn’t answer. It wasn’t out of spite, or because she had no need to. In those crimson eyes, he saw a glimpse of sincerity. True to her words, despair, was the truth; and as the embodiment of it –
She refused to give him false hope.
“… yeah. You’re right… it’s only just begun…”
He smiled sourly. The pain began to settle in, and he froze. Despair’s own smile returned as she whispered:
“Your despair has considerably lessened. I wonder what you’re imagining in that bizarre mind of yours. Humans are strange creatures indeed. But even they are predictable. But you – you are an enigma.”
She showed a look of disappointment and pressed a hand against his chest.
“Let me hear your anguish.”
* * *
Despair locked eyes with a naked Exrite for some time. Exrite didn’t know how much time had passed in this timeless place. She was ordered to keep still and silent for the God who devoured her being with her eyes.
She was not deceived by her small frame, for she knew exactly what kind of power Despair wielded. Even as a projection of her true body; the presence she exhibited was akin to the real thing.
After some unknown amount of time, Despair blinked, felt Exrite’s heart and uttered:
“Intriguing.”
Then she took five elegant steps back.
“Your face is just like the adolescent Maiden of Time.”
“… I think I’ve heard that before.”
“Hm? From whom?”
“Gaia’s Biomech; Auga the Original… I’m sure you’ve heard of her.”
Her eyes lit up.
“Ah. So you’ve met her first creation. In that body no less. You’re more of a monster than I imagined. I almost feel sorry for the Original.”
“… I don’t think I’m the monster here at all. I’m not the one who abandoned her in the first place.”
Exrite shuffled in place and slumped against the wall.
“As she did with everything else. The Maiden of Time was an enigma, just like you. No one knew who or what she was, what she did or what her intentions were. Even we – the Children of Balance – were roped into making you our Exrenity. What goes through her mind is beyond decipherable.”
Despair spoke with increasing spite. The air around her suddenly thickened with dread. From her tone and stance, she could tell that Despair despised the Maiden of Time from the bottom of her heart.
She questioned their relationship once again. Then the thought of the Children of Balance creating her reminded Exrite of the discrepancy she found on the Reservoir.
“You have an awfully blank stare. Is there something you wish to say?”
Exrite gulped.
“I- I have a question.”
“You may ask.”
“What exactly is Gaia? I can’t… believe that she’s a normal Maiden. She didn’t die after I inherited her heart. She has [Gears] with [Realm] magic, and the [Gear] on the upper floors didn’t know what the Maidens or who her creators were. Despair… just who is she?”
Despair’s eyes glowed with a wicked sheen of red, which was accompanied with a cruel grin.
“An enigma. Like you. Enough with the Maiden of Time. I already suspect what you want to know. I would tell you myself, but that would kill another reason for you to descend.”
Figures… but at least she has a reason. I knew their relationship was strange. So everything is really down there.
A part of her was mildly pleased somehow. With a sigh, Exrite stretched before she brought herself onto her feet. The sudden gear overload destroyed her clothing once again, so she needed to create a new set from the monsters of this floor.
Exrite hunted the roaming Minotaur’s of this floor for their pelt. Dozens fell to her [Blue Bullets], which effortlessly pierced through their tough pelts. Each was skinned and the blood-soaked material was hauled back to the door.
With the vines of the tumbleweed-like monster, she sewed pieces of pelt together to create a new set of armour. However –
“… a failure. Dammit.”
The first set was deemed as such. Unlike the pelt of the bear from the <42nd Floor>, this was far tougher. When she dragged a finger across, she felt the rough texture of metal grates and heard soft chinking when she scratched it.
In addition to its metallic properties, it was far less flexible and required to be cut into multiple segments and sewn together. Through trial and error, and dozens more freshly skinned Minotaur pelts, she managed to create a single set of armour.
A mound of skinless Minotaurs and torn pelts were the result of her difficulty working with the material. Exrite was by no means an expert at craftsmanship, but she wasn’t bad at it either.
The armour was crude and rough, but she believed in function over form. If it worked then she had no qualms.
“It fits. Thank God.”
She confirmed with relief. Pleased with how it turned out, she soon stripped and neatly placed them aside. Afterwards, she placed all of her weaponry and tools out in front and inspected them for damages.
As she fiddled with the chips and cracks along her blade, Despair showed curiosity upon finding a certain green crystal.
“A Gatestone? What an interesting find. By making it through the Shallows, I assume you also must’ve set foot into the Depths. An item as extraordinary as that can only be found near the Maiden of Realm’s Domain or as a priceless heirloom for the powerful. Only a handful of them are known to exist. How did you manage to find one?”
“This. Melo- ah. I mean, the Maiden of Realms gave me this herself.”
Despair’s face was unreadable. No matter how hard she tried to decipher that unnerving grin she always saw nothing but an infinite reach of darkness. The Exrite who could read people’s intentions and emotions was no match for a God.
“A gift you say. I’m impressed that a human like you managed to collude with another Maiden. Maybe that’s your specialty. Your abnormal companions are proof.”
Despair’s smile suddenly widened.
“I believe you’re being pitied –”
“That’s not true at all… You couldn’t be more wrong.” Exrite suddenly cut through her voice. “If I really was being pitied, then they would’ve spared me from my ridiculous fate the moment you revealed it!”
A spontaneous anger welled deep within her. She knew that her companions weren’t like that. They didn’t pity her like Kizzo.
But despite her anger, Exrite managed to refrain from saying anymore. They locked eyes for some time, and Despair remained complacent throughout. In fact, it seemed like she enjoyed the tempered Exrite.
“… sorry.”
“Your anger is understandable. Justifiably so. Enough for me to render your audacity to over-speak me negligible. Keep in mind that I only exist here to guide you down into your Final Dive. The emotions you feel, the truths you believe in – my goal is to draw them out from the depths of your heart.”
She placed one hand to her heart, and the other on her eye.
“This is part of the process of the descent. Your heart and eye have already begun to meld together. You’re so very close to reaching the void.”
What did she mean by the heart and eye? Exrite had wondered ever since she first mentioned it.
Staring down at the reflection of her sword, she stared at her Eye of Despair, which was so vibrantly red that she mentally smelt blood in the air. She felt it; felt its strange yet assuring warmth then touched her chest and asked with uncertainty:
“… what do you mean by the melding of my heart and eye? Will they physically come together, like how Gaia’s Heart of Time fused with my body?”
Despair’s smile shrunk. At first, Exrite accepted that silence as it was and muttered:
“As always… dammit.”
She curled forward. She hated that the answers were so close yet were always out of reach. The complacency she always had was annoying to herself. If she were stronger, then she wouldn’t have to grovel and stare at the unreachable.
However, like a light in the dark, Despair suddenly answered.
“The truth. The Transparency. The self-awareness and lack thereof. What you see isn’t always what you believe in. Your eyes are merely the windows of the world, and your heart is your perspective. They can never be perfect, because the heart is alive and beats with emotions that change on a whim.”
She paced around the seated Exrite, who could only stare up at the child-like being who devoured every ounce of her attention.
“What I call insanity is when one blinds themselves and sees the world solely through their heart. A total lack of self-awareness, and a truth only deemed true to themselves. Naturally, people are drawn to the light. When they lose it – where do they go? They lose themselves in that darkness. You need the light to see.”
Two tiny feet stopped before Exrite.
“Your heart will be tested. Whatever it is that you so truly desire and yearn for in that moment will be realised, and you will stop at nothing to chase it. There is no incorrect strive, so long as it is a light that leads one out of the void and the well altogether. It is ultimate test of one’s true resolve – their hope at the depths of despair.”
It fascinated her. A strange light glimmered in her eyes. As cruel as the essence of despair was, it was also a person’s revival. So long as a person carried resolve and a will, they always had a chance to return from the darkness.
If Exrite never had even the slightest ray of hope in that place, she never would have escaped. After a decade of constantly holding on, it finally paid off. But she also admitted that clinging onto that hope was a recipe for inevitable self-destruction.
Because not everyone could make it all the way through. Sometimes, it is not the absence of light that sends people into despair, but rather its unreachable nature.
What was the point of trying if it was so far away?
Though he hated that mindset, Exrite understood it. her goal was no different. But she wasn’t the type of person to give up. Nor was she ever.
The lights that simply existed above was all she ever needed to believe in hope.
A strange smile formed on her face. It wasn’t one of happiness or determination, but rather of affirmation.
This was the path she and the others decided to follow.
“… I think understand now. Thank you, Despair. Thank you for telling me this.”
Exrite’s yearn to reunite with her friends increased by tenfold. As quickly as she spoke, she returned to inspect her equipment once again. Her blades were bruised with battle and chipped in various places.
There was nothing on this floor to make another blade, nor repair them. Their integrity was still intact, and it kept its razor-sharp edge. She could only hope that there was something she could use to fix them in the following floor.
Satisfied, Exrite looked to Despair with determination and announced:
“My body should have regenerated by now. Let’s go.”
“Hmph. Follow me.”