I look into the mirror. It's a very simple one, just a mirror, no frame. It is large though at 7’x3’. I, of course, can see myself in the mirror. Your average guy, 5’11”, and wishing I had that extra inch so I could just go 6’, and not worry about the 11. Brown hair, brown eyes. Built like an american football player. Although I’ve never played. It was in my genes. My mom’s side of the family has always had strong genes. Practically everyone looks similar to each other. My little brother was mistaken for my twin when we were little, and my older brothers look like me too. All though with varying shades of brown. My sister, who is 40, was my mom’s first child. She looked just like my mom when she was little. Now she has her own daughter who looks just like her, albeit younger. I myself am 21. And the 4th of 5 children. Although by the time I was aware all my siblings had already gone off on their own, so instead of the little brother, I was more of a big brother.

Another thing I’ve probably inherited from my mother is my fertility. Not that I know for sure, but it stands to reason. My 3rd brother has 4 children of his own, and another on the way. Of course, it doesn’t help that he is religious and doesn’t believe in the use of condoms. My mother herself had 10-11 siblings, not sure how many exactly, I never was too interested. There is so many on my mom’s side of the family, I wouldn’t be surprised if we could make our own small town. Although that comes with it’s own problems. You see, my mom’s side of the family has a predisposition to getting addicted to stuff, as well as practically everyone suffering from depression to some degree.

That’s why I am where I am now. One day, I just broke. Snapped. Fell to pieces. Before it happened, I had suffered from my depression without knowing, because I had always been on the winning side, even if imperfectly. But for the first time... I lost. And it changed everything.

Suddenly, I had trouble getting out of bed. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. Was I sick? I felt so tired. So so tired. The next day, I couldn’t get out of bed at all. My dad tried everything he knew to try to get me awake. At first he thought I was just tired from staying up late. But when even water wouldn’t wake me for long, he started to get worried. I visited doctors, sleep specialists, even neurologists. No one could figure out what was wrong. It is not often, after all, that depression takes such a physical form. We tried medicines that increase energy, vitamins, hormone pills. Some would work for a week or so, but after I would fall back. I was 18 during this.

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Finally after a year I started to get better, not much but it helped. And after 2 years, I could finally function. However, I was changed. If my previous self was an energetic youth, the current me would be an old man, with far too many regrets. My mind, hazy. It didn’t want to work like it used to. My emotions in turmoil. Some days they would be all high strung, and others, they would be so subdued, I had a hard time feeling anything at all. If anything those days were the worst.

I took to reading. I had always liked reading, but now it was an addiction. I had to read something! I had to feel something that wasn’t me! I had to escape! I had to learn. How does someone cope with this? How does someone live through this? How do I find myself once more? I’ve never found an answer.

But maybe, now I will. Humans are amazing creatures. We have finally created the Full Dive system. A system that allows you to actually BE the character. The moment I heard of this system and the sole game coming out for it. I decided to learn more. I looked through the company website, and learned something. They were looking for volunteers. Volunteers to test the effects of long term immersion. I signed up for all of them, hoping that at least one would get accepted. Luckily one was. The 5 year program. I’ll even be paid 30 grand per year. It might not sound like much, but considering I’ll have no expenses, and I don’t need any training. The best part is that it is tax free. With that amount I’ll be able to start my life again. Assuming I find myself once more.

And now here I am looking at myself in the mirror. About to head into my pod.

A buzzer rings, signaling that it is time to enter the pod. A technician comes in and places me into the pod, connecting everything that needs to be connected.

And then, sweet sweet darkness covers my vision.

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