I opened my eyes slowly, as if waking from a peaceful slumber. An easy wind stroked my hair, the sun above warmed my skin with its amber glow, and the tune of a single flute swam through the air, accompanied by a chorus of birdsong.
How confusing, I thought. I actually hadn’t the faintest idea of how I’d gotten here, or why I was lying down in the grass.
What had I just been doing?
I lay there for a while, taking it all in. A nagging sense of déjà vu sat in the back of my mind. I could’ve sworn I’d seen this sight and felt this feeling before, but it was like trying to remember something I’d just forgotten. It lay on the edge of my tongue like a word I wanted to say, but which I couldn’t pronounce.
A strong feeling of confusion overwhelmed me. I was suddenly terrified, my heart pounding so hard I thought it might explode. I wanted to cry for a moment, but then it passed.
I tried to move, but it took a second to get my arms and legs to work. My body felt heavy, as though someone was sitting on top of me, pinning me to the ground.
With a groan, I lifted an arm into the air. It felt almost disconnected from me, tingling as if all the blood had been drained from it and was only just now making its way back to the tips of my fingers. I repeated this with my other arm and then my legs, until I managed to pull myself upright.
Just sitting up had exhausted all my energy and I didn’t try moving again for a while after that.
As I looked at my surroundings, I saw green grass-covered hills stretching far into the horizon, rolling like waves in the sea. Trees stood by their lonesome on a few of the hills and the sky above was a calming azure expanse. For some reason it was a comforting sight, as if I knew it from somewhere. But I couldn’t remember at all.
Panic washed over me again.
How did I get here?
This place didn’t look like any place I recognised. It was tranquil and pleasant, but certainly not familiar to me. Also, there wasn’t a single hint as to how I came to be lying on the grass. Had I come alone or with someone?
Where is my family? My friends? The people I care about?? Where is…
I realised in horror that I couldn’t remember my family at all. They were like faceless dolls in the void that my memory had become. I could remember scattered moments with them, but only from my childhood. Things like my dad picking me up in his arms, or my mother watching over me while cooking dinner.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I was completely alone here in this strange place.
I breathed in slowly and exhaled. I repeated this a few times until I’d calmed down.
I won’t be able to do anything if I give in to anxiety and fear, I told myself.
I inspected my surroundings again. Some metres away, a dirt road stretched past me and across the landscape, leading to a modest-sized, grey town in the distance. From where I sat, I could see that lanterns were already lit in some of the windows of the nearest houses, and quite a number of people thronged its streets. It was like an old medieval village, which I found peculiar and out-of-place.
I tried getting to my feet, but my head suddenly reeled, and I collapsed onto my knees, the soft earth and tender grass cushioning my fall.
While everything felt very real, and my knees were now throbbing a bit from the impact, there was a strong sense of wrongness that I couldn’t avoid noticing. It almost felt like a dream, though way more lucid than that.
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And then I remembered that voice. The grass wasn’t real. The birdsong and amber rays of light were likewise manufactured. Even the breath in my lungs was an imitation of the real thing. And my body, it looked sort of like what I could remember, but these limbs that I could feel, they weren’t my real limbs. Because…
This world isn’t real!
I searched my mind trying to remember why I was here, but it was like tracing a path plotted with holes, as if the memories themselves had been erased. After a few minutes of concentrating, I could recall my tiny windowless apartment, but that was as far as my memory of the real world went. And I had no clue if this was even a recent memory or not.
The memory of that voice remained however: its luring, honeysweet words, telling me that I’d been resurrected. It seemed like something out of a game or a delusional fantasy. And as I looked around, I knew that I was no longer on Earth.
With surprising difficulty, I pulled a tuft of grass loose and held it in my hand. It felt so lifelike that I was almost fooled. Almost. Some innate part of me knew this world wasn’t real. It had a kind of dreamlike quality to it, with its vibrant-and-fresh greens covering the ground, and mind-addling azures above.
Am I in the dream of some absurd deity? That seemed to be the case, if my memory of its voice was true. Although perhaps ‘dream’ was too vague a term to describe this world, after all, it was far too lucid an experience to truly be a dream.
What troubled me more was the fact that I hadn’t the first idea of how I’d even ended up here. Not to mention, that voice mentioned plagues and many worlds I could travel between. It had also said that I would face its ‘trials’. There was a sinister image of this place gradually forming in my imagination. If my memories were forfeit upon death, clearly this wasn’t the realm of a benevolent God, but rather one of a sadistic entity. Or at least that’s what I decided to believe.
When my dizziness had passed, I managed to get to my feet, though I stumbled awkwardly for a few moments before regaining my balance. I tested myself for a bit, walking back and forth as if trying on new shoes.
Why can I remember something as mundane as that?
Well, at least I haven’t forgotten how to walk…
I spotted a tree on a nearby hill and decided to go scout the surrounding area from there.
As I made my way up to the top, my breathing laboured and quick, a memory hit me. I was playing a game on my computer, idling away my day. The room was dark and only the blue light of my LED screen lit up my desk and bed. The click-and-clack of the mechanical keyboard and mouse sounded in my inner ear, like an auditory hallucination.
What a pitiful existence, I mused self-loathingly.
It felt awful that I could remember something as meaningless as that, but not recall the faces of my family and friends…
I reached the tree cresting the hill and rested against its bark. The surface texture was coarse and tough, though ever-so-slightly squishy when I pressed on it, just like it would’ve been in the real world. As I ran my hand across its surface absentmindedly, while scouting across this hilly land, I noticed a part of the wood where the bark had been stripped away. The memory of carving my name into the exposed flesh of the tree hit me, and then, with unexpected force, another, more powerful, memory washed over me.
The distant echoes of an argument sounded in my head. The slam of a door. A make-up kiss and an apology. The comforting voice of someone whose face I’d now forgotten.
“My name is Aiko,” I said to myself. At least the sound of my voice was as I remembered it, though rough from disuse. It was a disturbing feeling to know that I’d once written my name on this tree, but was unable to remember when. And despite once carving my name here, all that now remained was flawless wood with not a single scratch.
Is this some kind of torturous limbo? I wondered darkly.
A sudden shift in the wind, the scrape of metal-on-metal, and the sound of someone breathing hard, made me turn around. A knight clad in beautifully-wrought gleaming silver armour of plate over ring-mail stood at the opposite end of the hill, clutching his knees, breathing in-and-out rapidly, as though he’d run here in a hurry.
With some difficulty, the knight pulled off his helm, exposing a face red from exhaustion, but chiselled and handsome like that of a northern-European model. Why could I remember what European looked like, but not the people I’d known in the real world?[1] His shoulder-length brown hair was a tousled mess, but his eyes were a piercing sky-blue hue. In a deep voice he addressed me:
“I’ve finally found you, Aiko.”
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[1] Clearly, my priorities of what memories were kept and which were tossed into the shredder of Oblivion were completely out of whack.