Proud Immortal Demon Way was a feminist nightmare. The YY novel of the year, with its OP protagonist and his impossible number of wives, managed to find every way of demeaning and sexualizing women possible and then went out of its way to create more. Airplane Shooting Across the Sky managed to create a blackened protagonist with every possible golden finger that could be found under the sun and in the depths of hell. One that seemed to trip over wife-plot after wife-plot and solved more problems with his Heavenly Pillar than he did with his cursed sword.
Numerous copycats started and fizzled out in its wake as PIDW grew more and more popular. Fanfictions about Luo Binghe finding his One True Love out of the countless women he had deflowered sprang up from nowhere and faded into obscurity just as quickly. There was a merchandise line with everything from mousepads to body pillows, official cosplay competitions, and entire panels at conventions. An entire wiki with annotated references became an almost holy text necessary to make sense of PIDW’s numerous aborted plot arcs and throwaway characters.
PIDW was the equivalent of literary fast food.
It hadn’t been originally. When Airplane first started, the web novel had an excellent starting concept and an almost cohesive plot focusing on revenge in an interesting way. By the time it ended? PIDW was a winding disaster that catered to every fan pairing and none of them at the same time, a mess of violence and sex that needed an editor to chop through the sheer amount of nonsense Airplane clearly used to pay his bills.
Not that decent and morally upstanding netizens such as Miaomiao996 would know any of this. Miaomiao’er would never be caught dead in even the comment section of such a garbage corner of the internet. Absolutely not, if you saw her responses, then no you didn’t. The only kinds of novels that cute little cat was likely to read were classical Chinese texts and work manuals.
Li Hanyi worked from nine in the morning to nine at night, six days a week, at a job that respected her about as much as a stray cat. She did not have the time or energy to guess what in the world the nonsense euphemisms of the week meant. The poor, overworked, and underpaid little meow meow no longer read PIDW. She did, however, read the much more sensible comments. Peerless Cucumber, in particular, was exceptionally excellent at summarizing and bridging the gaps between plot sections. Miaomiao996 was always unusually quick at upvoting Peerless Cucumber comments, thanking laoshi for his kindness.
But what Miaomiao’er was truly known for was the nigh-draconic ability to skim through a chapter for the most expensive items and report back on where they even came from in the first place. And it was Miaomiao’er arguing in the comments on which wife had the most expensive bridal gifts. Miaomiao’er with the carefully updated spreadsheet that tracked just how ridiculously wealthy Luo Binghe became with every new wife plot.
The last chapter was an affront to all good literary sense. It was an ending, that much everyone who read it could agree on, but one that Li Hanyi was forced to wait to read.
She all but ran to the last train headed home, tapped her feet impatiently on the elevator, kicked off her heels at the door, and flung herself bodily onto her bed. Li Hanyi didn’t even proceed immediately to Cucumber-laoshi’s ever-vitriolic comments, for once preferring to read the chapter for herself. She made it halfway through Airplane’s usual desperate nonsense before she had to scream into her pillow. Hundreds of women were in his house and Luo Binghe was still obsessed with his scum villain former master.
Was this supposed to be the lead-up to a genre change? Because if it was, and Airplane was truly that strapped for cash to sell his works to a legion of rotten women, then those aforementioned rotten women were about to have a time trying to keep up with this narrative. What men were even left for Luo Binghe to overpower with his heavenly pillar after already paving his way to an empire of bones and blood?
It was infuriating.
Li Hanyi thought fondly of her spreadsheet and the wealth Luo Binghe had accumulated. Her heart twinged painfully and she rubbed idly at her chest, lungs hitching oddly on a nigh-hysterical laugh she shouldn’t have made at two in the morning. All that wealth was just thrown away. She rolled fitfully around on her bed, phone clutched to her chest as spots grew in her vision.
Why had the ending gone so terribly? Why had she wasted so much time reading a sell-out of a novel if it was just going to move on to the next biggest moneymaker without so much as a fond farewell to the author’s creative integrity? Did Airplane have no concept of a healthy or normal relationship to base his romances on?
Thinking about it made her blood boil.
“Ah, fuck your mother, Airplane. Piece of shit sell-out couldn’t even make the ending satisfying.” She pressed her fingers to her temples and rubbed in a vain attempt to stave off a migraine that threatened to appear on top of her rage-induced tinnitus. “Stupid author. Stupid novel.”
Li Hanyi weakly punched her pillow. “Could have avoided all of it if you didn’t have your protagonist tripping dick-first into every vagina within a city block. Maybe talk about his problems with his top wives. Be normal about his world conquest. But no, can’t have that.” She sighed, took a deep breath for calm and courage, and picked her phone back up. Her blood boiled as she resumed.
By the time she finished, Li Hanyi’s tinnitus had gone from a quiet ringing to a deafening roar.
She rolled out of bed, reached for a glass of water on her nightstand, and slumped to the floor instead. Oh, how her heart ached and burned with her ire. Her vision swam, darkened around the edges, as he body seized with pain. Li Hanyi clutched at her heart and hissed. “Piece of shit novel.”
***
The world was dark and cold as the wind whistled through the gaps in the walls. Something clicked, and the familiar mechanical voice of some automated system rang out.
[Activation code: “Be normal, piece of shit novel.” System automatically triggered.]
What in the Skynet resurgence was this? Nobody asked for Siri’s evil twin to turn up in her perfectly comfortable afterlife. Go away and bother someone else. None of that nonsense today, thanks but no thanks.
[Welcome to the System. This System operates in line with the design concept “YOU CAN YOU UP, NO CAN NO BB”; we hope to provide you with the best possible experience. It is our sincere wish that during your time, you can fulfill your desires and, in accordance with your wish, transform a tactless work into a magnificent first-class classic to withstand the ages. We hope you enjoy.]
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.
Fuck your mother, who the hell asked for that? Was she supposed to be slave labor to whittle down 6,666 chapters of pure nonsense for no reward other than personal satisfaction and Airplane’s acclaim? Absolutely not!
The world blurred at the edges.
A blue window appeared before her eyes. Text scrolled by rapidly and the familiar “ACCEPT or DECLINE” options hovered in front of her, and Li Hanyi saw red. She bit back a strangled curse and took a moment to put her thoughts in order before opening her mouth again.
“Begging the System’s pardon, but I would like to take the time to review this one-sided employment contract before agreeing to anything illegal or immoral.” What in the world was going on? Li Hanyi had no idea, and her hands passed harmlessly through the textbox until she finally hit just the right spot to scroll. And scroll she did, all the way to the beginning, read the terms and conditions straight through in one long shot.
“Unacceptable,” she snapped. “There is no way to stop Luo Binghe’s nonsense from Ning Yingying’s character. Not a single one of his wives has any kind of emotional sway over that man.”
[Ning Yingying is valued as the protagonist ’s first crush and first wife—]
Li Hanyi clicked her tongue against her teeth. “And look at her value: first in hundreds. Truly, an emotional narrative to withstand the ages. It’s trash.”
[One of the other wives? Liu Mingyan?] The System tried again.
“Ah yes, the beauty so perfect that her husband went on to sow his seed willfully to hundreds of women after her. Are you just as stupid as Airplane? Don’t you know that the only women who matter to a character like that are those who raised them or their spouses?” She rolled her eyes as she scolded the System. “This contract is a no-win scenario. The wife roles are the problem, yes, but not the root issue.”
[Understood. Then Qi Qingqi—]
“Is a flower playing among a bed of flowers. That’s sexual harassment to assume that if I refuse to be a crazy, blackened demon lord’s harem member then I must be a lesbian. I should sue. Where is your manager, I want to file a complaint.” Li Hanyi slapped gently, yet insistently, at the box.
Text was changed, deleted, and rewritten several times under Li Hanyi’s cruel oversight.
[System initializing …]
[Side character wife creation successful.]
[Entering world successful.]
“Wait, what? Nobody asked for that!” The boxes for ACCEPT and DECLINE loomed before her, and flickered once, before becoming ACCEPT and ACCEPT. Only, now there was a distinctly unfriendly timer beneath both options, counting down without her permission. “Who asked for a new account as one of Luo Binghe’s wives? Unprofessional! Disgraceful!”
The timer ticked down to zero, and the world spun back into focus. Day was as good as night, and night was as good as day. The wind blew through the gaps in the walls as everything swayed gently outside a thin rice paper-covered window. Said walls were not the same pristine ones she had first woken up surrounded by before she fought the System for a consolation prize, but cheap and covered in worn patches.
Her hands were tiny, nail beds filthy, but not altogether in the worst condition. What mattered more to her was the ominous new textbox hovering before her.
[The System was successfully activated! Bound role: ???? ???? of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect ’s ???? of Qian Cao Peak, “???? ????.” Error creating role. Error assigning account. Logging into Guest Account Guest01. In compensation, a starting balance of 200 B-Points has been assigned.]
“What,” she said flatly. “What kind of nonsense—.” Her voice squeaked and she clapped her hands over her mouth to dampen the sound. This was ridiculous! Was she going to have to go through puberty a second time? And what was that about Qian Cao Peak? There was only one named character from that peak, and a quick check beneath her coarse robes was enough to disprove her candidacy for whoever Mu Qingfan used to be before he became Mu Qingfan.
So, her character was set. Poor, female, alone, and supposed to do something with the protagonist’s cultivation sect. Not the specific peak for the flowers of Cang Qiong either, but the medical peak. How was Li Hanyi, a regular person who only knew home remedies from her grandmother and the basics of the cold medicine aisle at the pharmacy, supposed to contribute to the greatest medical peak in the cultivating world?
It. Made. No. Sense.
Somehow, Li Hanyi needed to make it from this shack to the most prestigious cultivation sect of all time. It was enough to make her begin bawling her eyes out. And that, at last, brought an adult into the room and the end of her time talking to empty air.
***
Chen Mingming was the third daughter and fifth child of cabbage farmers. What meager wealth and land the Chen family possessed had already been parceled out to the two older sons, marriages of convenience and strategic investment optimization already decided for her elder two sisters. There was nothing left for the Chen family to offer their youngest.
But there was plenty that an extra daughter could offer her family in a period where daughters were worth a pretty pile of tael.
No. Thank. You.
Honestly, it was far too easy to flee the Chen household. It was almost like no one expected a ten year old little girl to break out of the house just three days after learning that her parents were considering how much of a bride price she was worth. Then again, Chen Mingming had probably been a delightful child that did nothing wrong. Stealing her brother’s clothes and rolling around in the dirt? She would never.
Better to face the blearing of the System alerts for OOC behavior and take the point deduction.
“OOC, your mother. Did you learn nothing of Hua Mulan? It is a staple of good Chinese literature to have a young lady dress as a boy in order to improve the narrative,” she groused, crouched beneath a cart to hide from prying eyes and ears. “Besides, what OOC behavior? That would require this character to even be a character.”
Li Hanyi folded her arms in her stolen sleeves and pouted at the textbox before her. “It’s a fixed rate, yes? Then deduct points for being unfilial and not allowing myself to be sold like cattle. Go ahead, and then bring me your manager so we can discuss your crimes against human rights.”
The box emptied at an alarming rate, and her 200 B-Points remained hers. Unsurprising, truly, as this was what generally tended to happen when arbitrary contrariness met Li Hanyi’s particular brand of professional pettiness. What was surprising was just how close to Cang Qiong the Chen family farms were and how very helpful this particular old uncle was when it came time to asking for a free ride.
Li Hanyi wasn’t born yesterday.
No, she was not about to hop onto some strange old man’s cart to go see a cultivation sect. She was physically ten, not mentally, and this new life was not about to start off as an unfortunate statistic. There were no milk cartons for her picture to be put on, only evil cultivators who would eat her alive in order to preserve their youthful skin.
But she had directions and a time limit that she had verified with a random selection of unaffiliated strangers. And that? That was almost better than Google. Her own personal Google in her head certainly wasn’t going to help her with GPS directions. Well, it had offered.
[Would you like to enable Easy Mode for 150 B-Points?]
“No, thank you.” 150 points? When she only had 200? Who would fall for that? Not Li Hanyi, not today. There were road signs that pointed the way to Cang Qiong, and those were free. Her goal was to make it to a magical mountain with twelve peaks, just in time to take whatever the selection test was.
Challenge accepted.