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Evolution of a Healer
34. Repentance

34. Repentance

While Cyn had been fiddling around in her menu, both Sam and Dana appeared to have woken up. The Warrior was sitting cross-legged, hunched over and with his hands covering his face. She actually felt kind of bad for the guy, since traveling through the dungeon with him so far had made her think he was actually kind of a softie. Cyn had no doubt if he remembered the trial it would be eating him up inside to know that he had tried to hurt them.

Dana on the other hand, was in a borderline hostile stare down with Hex. The tension hanging in the air between them was palpable, unsurprising since their fight had been far more vicious than the one between Hex and Sam. No one appeared to have opened their reward chests, either, which Cyn took as a very bad sign. The Archer, catching sight of Cyn’s smile before it fully faded, shifted her attention. “Well, at least someone came out of this happy.”

Cyn felt herself bristle at Dana’s words and sarcastic tone. Seriously? No ‘thanks for not letting me die’? She had to take a calming breath before responding, “Yah, I am happy. Happy everyone survived, and happy with the rewards I received for winning the trial.”

The Archer scoffed. “As far as I remember, you didn’t do much more than stand there while he, ” Dana waved her hand out, gesturing at Hex, “tried to kill me.”

Before Cyn could respond, Hex spoke, tone scathing, “I’m not going to apologize for defending myself. Sam nearly turned my skull to dust. I had no idea what you would do next after shooting a goddamn explosive at us, Dana… unprovoked . If not for Cyn, I would have killed you. I almost fucking killed her for trying to stop me.”

Closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose, Cyn listened to the two of them spew excuses and argue about what the other could have done, on top of throwing some uncontested blame at the Warrior, before finding she was sick of listening to it. The situation was all too familiar, and not in a good way. It was like after a night of raiding gone wrong, with no one wanting to admit they were part of the problem. Both of them were angry and unapologetic, when really, they should just be moving forward. I know being a healer is a thankless job, but cut me a damn break here.

“ENOUGH!” They might have ignored her in the trial, but that was not the case now. The two of them fell silent instantly, startled by Cyn’s sudden exclamation. She did not give them time to recover before continuing as calmly as she could manage, “Not killing each other was the win condition. Or I guess whoever survived would probably have won on their own. Not fighting at all would have been the best possible outcome, but that’s a bit moot at this point.”

Cyn held up a hand, speaking louder in order to drown out both of them trying to respond. “I am not sure exactly what happened there at the end with you, Hex, but for the rest of it I was the only one able to fight off the attempted mental influence. I am the only one who has the right to be pissed off here, because I spent the entire trial risking my life to keep everyone who didn’t resist - everyone who failed - alive, while also trying to stop you from attacking each other. We speculated beforehand I would be the best at this trial, even without knowing exactly what a Trial of Will would entail, and we were right. I knew what was happening immediately, and it was pretty clear none of you were acting normal, so I’m not pissed off.”

She threw her hands up in the air, letting the frustration leak through her voice. “At least I wasn’t. Now I am pissed because you two are slinging blame and excuses like fucking children, instead of accepting your failure and discussing what went wrong like adults.” She was mostly frustrated with Dana, who seemed to just be lashing out, but felt Hex could also apologize about using excessive force, since it was apparent he felt justified in his actions while under the mental influence.

”I was also struggling with the influence for most of the trial, and it was practically chanting in my head that I needed to kill you before you killed me. The difference is, I did not listen and was ultimately able to break free of it.” She stared pointedly at Hex for her next words. ”Even though that chant felt like the absolute truth at some points.”

Cyn took a deep breath before trying to drive home the point. “Regardless, all of you lost this trial. Be happy to be alive, and if you want to be angry, be angry at yourself. Think about what you could have done better. And. Get. Over. It.” She paused, staring at them both a moment. Dana still looked angry, but Hex was regarding her with furrowed eyebrows, his head cocked to one side.

“Claim your fucking loot already, or I will find out if the System stops me from taking your stuff.” A mostly empty threat, but the pair quickly moved to grab their reward chests. At least they still had motivation. Shaking her head, Cyn walked over to Sam. The Warrior hadn’t moved at all, not during the arguing or her exasperated monologue. Reaching out, she gently placed a hand on his shoulder. “Sam? Are you alright?”

The Warrior flinched from her touch, before slowly raising his head from its resting place in his palms. Oh fuck. Sam had been crying, the wet tracks down his dirty cheeks clearly visible until they met his beard. Unfortunately, Cyn did not do well with people crying. Mostly because it just made her cry too, and she hated that. “Oh…”

Her soft exclamation made the Warrior quickly wipe at his face, before whispering, “I just wanted to see my family again. The woman said she would help, but… I don’t…” Sam’s voice cracked, forcing him to take a shaky breath. “I don’t know why I did that. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. But when she said I had to…” The Warrior trailed off without finishing his thought, wiping at his face again.

“When she said you had to, it just made sense. Right?” Hex was the one who spoke, the Rogue wandering close while removing the purple mask that covered the bottom half of his face most of the time. He now also had a swath of thin, loose fabric around his neck. It resembled some kind of scarf, but Cyn did not see either end of the bright, golden cloth. Once he was close enough, she could see it appeared to have a hood on it too, laying over his back, which Hex was not wearing.

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The Warrior nodded to the Rogue’s question, before abruptly jumping to his feet and wrapping his muscular arms around Hex, squeezing the thinner man hard. “I’m so sorry!” Cyn saw Hex stiffen as Sam reached for him, but he did not pull away and allowed the Warrior a hug.

The Rogue did not return the embrace, but very awkwardly patted Sam on the back. “It’s…fine man. It sounds like the trial used our weakness to make us feel like we had to fight each other.”

Cyn wasn’t sure that was totally correct, but it did seem to make the Warrior feel better. Or at least having Hex not be angry did. Sam pulled away after a moment, freeing the poor Rogue from the uncomfortable moment, and visually started to calm down.

Dana, looking more unhappy than wrathful now, sighed as she slung a new-looking bow over one shoulder. “I’m sorry for shooting an explosive at you, Sam. I was under the impression only one of us would be able to leave the trial alive. Doesn’t make much sense, now that I can think clearly about it.” The Archer’s voice was begrudging, rather than remorseful, and Cyn took note that she did not make any attempt to apologize to Hex. The way the Rogue was blatantly glaring at Dana, his mouth set in a thin line, made it clear Hex did not miss his exclusion.

Sam on the other hand just gave Dana a weak smile, before sitting down to open his reward and revealing a sledgehammer. Oof. The Warrior took it in stride, though, remarking that it could be used for his profession before storing it. Everyone seemed ready to move on again, but Cyn just had one more thing she needed to know.

“Hex?” She stepped close to the Rogue, interrupting his silent observation of the Archer. Dana, for her part, was ignoring him. Hex shifted his attention to Cyn, and raised an eyebrow. “Why did you stop?”

He gave her a few slow blinks before speaking, voice inquisitive, “Stop?”

“Twice. I tried to grab onto you twice, and you never outright attacked me. The first time I sort of understand, since I was not the greater threat, but at the end…” Cyn paused, taking a deep breath, “I had a hand on you, and you have seen what my magic can do. Why didn’t you kill me?”

Cyn watched as his jaw clenched, seeming to struggle with a response. He’s easier to read without the mask. A spark of the indignation he had previously been aiming at Dana reappeared in Hex’s tone when he finally did speak, “In what world does my daggers in your chest and throat not count as trying to kill you?”

She heard Sam suck in a sharp breath, but ignored it and just rolled her eyes at the Rogue. “This world, apparently. You could have killed me, and got real fucking close, but you stopped. I need to understand why.”

“You're right, I have seen what your magic can do, and I want an answer first. Why didn’t you defend yourself?” The Rogue became more animated as he spoke, his voice rising. “I almost fucking killed you, and you just laid there! There are probably a million things you could have done to stop me from getting that close, but you didn’t. Why?!” Hex was yelling and gesticulating wildly by the time he stopped speaking long enough to give Cyn a chance to answer him, seemingly more upset and confused over her not trying to kill him than he was at Dana or Sam for trying to kill him.

To Cyn, the answer was simple. “Because I’m the healer.” The Rogue’s face, unsurprisingly, shifted to a picture of sheer bafflement, so she gently explained further. “When I couldn’t stop you from fighting, I did the next best thing I could and tried to stop you from killing anyone else. By shifting your attention onto me. If I hadn’t, you would have finished off Dana, and probably Sam. I was practically out of mana, and there was no real plan. But once we were in that position, I realized that the only way I could possibly escape was if you either came back to your senses, or if I killed you in a single strike.”

“I was low enough health, you should have taken advantage of my hesitation. Especially if you were concerned about them. If I had killed you, I would have killed them too.” He wasn’t yelling anymore, at least. The Rogue just sounded exasperated and confused.

She shrugged. “You’re right. Objectively, maybe I should have taken the easy way out. I doubt anyone else would have blamed me. But I would have blamed me , Hex. I’d rather die trying to save all of you than live with having done that.” The Rogue just shook his head. She didn’t expect him to understand, when Cyn herself barely understood the conviction she felt. But it felt as true now as it felt in the moment she first made the decision not to kill him, consequences be damned. “I answered your question. Now answer mine.”

The Rogue averted his eyes, shifting uncomfortably. He clearly did not want to answer, but she was not about to just let him out of it. “Hex?”

“It didn’t fit the narrative I was acting on. Killing you. The… trial… tried to twist my thoughts to make me kill you at the end, but it still didn’t make sense. You’ve shown yourself to be too fucking useful. That, and you doing the single most insane thing I can imagine by healing me while we were in that position, was enough for me to realize I had fallen for the trick.”

Useful isn’t the best compliment, but I’ll take it. He had been careful not to reveal exactly what the narrative was, but Cyn decided not to push. It was enough of an answer. “Well, it sounds like my tactic worked, then.” Hex scowled at that as she turned to look at the other two members of their party before speaking again. Obviously, they had been listening, but at least Sam had the decency to try and look like he wasn’t. “Once everyone is ready, we should keep moving.”

“Find Scott, and get the hell out of here.” Dana had managed to take control of her expressions, giving no hint of how she felt about what she had heard.

Hex scoffed at the Archer’s words, but Cyn spoke before he could escalate again. If this continues, I might just stab both of them. The irony of her unwillingness to defend herself, and willingness to stab them for being annoying, was not lost on her. But sometimes, that's just how it was. “I definitely hope we find Scott along the way, and a door for anyone who wants to leave.” Her words were deliberate. Cyn had no intentions of leaving until she had to, or she found the center. She would leave with the last person to go, and since that was probably going to be Hex she was not worried about leaving early. As for finding Scott? She wanted him to be alright, and she did want to find him if he was still here. But without any signs he was even alive, or if he had left the labyrinth, she wasn’t sure it was worth actively seeking out the Guardian.

Meeting Dana’s intense stare for a heartbeat, Cyn had a sudden idea. What if… Turning her head, she looked at Spam who was still perched on her shoulder. The Tabard of Small familiars might be self-repairing, but it was not fast. “Spam?” The bubblegum-pink creature turned its head to her in response, chewing on one of its front feet. “You know the way to the center?”

Spam blinked each eye in turn, and she got the distinct feeling the familiar thought her stupid as it turned and flicked its tongue down the path away from the trial they had just done. Taking a deep breath, she asked the question she should have asked when the familiar seemed to make them wait for Dana before the Trial of Will. “Do you know the way to Scott?”