I rubbed my face with both hands, stealing gasps of bittersweet air through my fingers. Why was everything out of Cailu’s mouth a goddamned shot at me?
“‘I need for you to stay alive,’” I mimicked quietly. I’m sure to Melly I sounded like a kitten throwing a tantrum and, as the next flask I picked up shattered in my grip, I’m sure I looked like one, too.
“Matt! Are you okay?” Melly danced around my back, then delicately searched my hand for cuts.
“Sorry. I’ll pay for that,” I grumbled, pulling a small shard free from a shallow cut near my thumb. Good job, Kelmer. First your knuckles, now this. At this rate, Erina will have a one-armed student in no time.
“No, don’t worry about it! Really, there are plenty,” Melly assured me, skipping to a cabinet against the wall and scouring through wicker baskets for a bandage. “Let’s get you patched up.”
“It’s not that bad.” I sucked at the cut, hardly feeling the sting of pain reverberating into my wrist. Squatting low to the floor, I carefully picked up the larger pieces of glass and tossed them into a nearby trash bin.
Melly returned to my side, pulling my hand from my mouth before dabbing it with a damp cloth. “You don’t want an infection, remember?”
“Yeah.”
For the second time that week, I watched as another person cleaned and wrapped a self-sustained injury. Maybe it was Melly’s questions about my parents, but faded memories of my dad breaking plates and punching holes in the wall resurfaced. I never wanted to be like that. Ever. I have to get this under control. “Melly, seriously, I’m sorry.”
Melly shook her head as she secured the bandage, the pink tips of her green hair tickling her cheeks. “It’s just a flask. What’s important is that you’re okay.” She bent down to help me sweep away the tiny glass shards that were barely visible on the tile floor. “Does he always talk to you like that?”
“Always,” I sighed. “‘Matt, why have you not mastered [Alchemy] yet?’ ‘Matt, it has been three days, now. You should be Third Class.’ It’s nonstop.”
“But then he buys all of that armor.” She wrinkled her brow. “If Ikrele made those sets, they’re each worth a fortune.”
“Right? I want to believe he’s trying to help. I really do. One second he’s shelling out thousands of Bells to help me and my girls stay safe. The next, he’s telling me how fucking stupid I am for wanting to keep the same people in my Party. It’s his way or the highway.”
Melly’s ears perked. “I’m sorry, his way or the what?”
Oh. Right. “Like I have to follow in his shadow exactly or he’ll make an example of me.” I waved a hand across the air, picturing a lit marquee above a theater. “Come see the weakest asshole in all of Nyarlea! Matt Kelmer!”
“I don’t think anyone believes that, Matt. Not even Cailu,” Melly countered. She stood and brushed her hands against her apron, the gold bracelets around her wrists jingling as they fell together. “I was only a kitten when Naeemah left, but I remember the other girls talking about him. A person who didn’t care for others wouldn’t bring Naeemah home and duel the one obstacle standing in her way. He wouldn’t buy five sets of armor for someone else’s Party.”
So, what, this is tough love? “If he cared, he wouldn’t look at you like a piece of ass.” She flinched. I chewed my tongue. Real smooth, Kelmer. “Too harsh. My bad.” I stood and touched Melly’s clean dressing.
Melly gave a half-hearted laugh, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “You know, Granny Nauka used to say that all men were only here to chase our tails. I never really understood what she meant. Why would anyone want to chase our tails?” She took her pink-tipped tail in her hands, smoothing the ends between her fingers. “What you said makes a lot more sense.”
The sadness in Melly’s voice and the listless way she touched her tail tore at my heart. I turned and pulled her into a tight hug. She squeaked in surprise but quickly relaxed and wrapped her arms around my back.
“Fuck what Cailu and Nauka think. You’ve been the best friend and teacher a guy could ask for,” I said, cradling her head against my chest. “If there’s anything I can do to repay you, just tell me.”
“This is nice. And warm.” She giggled. “I’ve enjoyed my time with you. But there is one thing I’d like you to do.”
“Name it.”
She drew away and blinked at me with wide green eyes. “Don’t let your girls go without telling them how much they matter to you.”
I flushed. I wanted to argue, but I was the one avoiding them for three days. Doing everything in my power to distance myself before the true split happened.
“Hey. It’s important that they know,” Melly added gently. “I can see it, but everyone needs a little encouragement once in a while.”
I nodded. “Yeah. You’re right.” I squeezed her shoulders and smiled. “Thanks, Melly.”
“You’re welcome. Now, go get packed. You should head back to the citadel.” She cupped her hands around mine. “They’ll be waiting for you.”
----------------------------------------
I figured the armor handouts would be as good a time as any to visit my girls. Honestly, we’d have a long ride back to the port in Kandota and a slow boat to Nyarlothep to talk about what happened from here. And, for the most part, I wasn’t worried about Keke, Ravyn, and Ceres during our time apart.
Melly was right. I didn’t want Cannoli and my final conversation to be about her need for a pilgrimage. We’d been carefully distancing ourselves from one another, and that had to end now.
Another idea hit me. One that required a little help from a certain [Hunter], and I’m not exactly proud to say what I traded for it. But I got what I was looking for out of the exchange.
I found Cannoli kneeling on a balcony on the second floor, hands clasped at her chest and head bowed. A silk rug patterned in blue and silver loops and swirls was spread beneath her, and a bowl with lit incense rested in the upper right corner. Buttons lay curled up and asleep to her left.
Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.
Maybe I shouldn’t interrupt her.
But if I didn’t do this now, then when? Just keep putting it off until it was too late?
“Cannoli?” I said gently. “Can I borrow you for a few?”
Her ears flickered forward, and she turned her head to face me, eyes slowly blinking as if awakening from a trance. Her gaze was steady and sure. Where was that bright light I’d come to associate with her? “Sorry, Matt. I’m busy.”
“I know. It won’t take long,” I assured her, clinging to the last fragments of my confidence. “We have to leave at first light, and I don’t know when we’ll get another chance alone.”
Cannoli frowned and studied me for a long time. Like she was trying to figure out if it would be worth it.
Don’t give her up without a fight, Matt.
“Alright,” she agreed at last.
I sighed in relief.
Cannoli scooped Buttons into both hands, moving him to her shoulder. He yawned and stretched, taking his favorite perch at the curve of her neck. She smoothed her skirt over her knees and stood, pacing barefoot from the rug, past me, then into the hallway. “What is it?”
I grinned. “Come with me.”
The tiniest spark of curiosity slid into her gaze. The Cannoli I knew and adored was still in there, and it gave me hope. She gestured with one hand. “After you.”
I led her downstairs and out to the Encroacher-filled courtyard. She paused at the door, sliding on a pair of slippers before stepping onto the pitch.
“Matt, what’s this about?” Annoyance crept into her tone.
“Almost there, promise.”
I fished the key Jeenie lent me from my [Cat Pack]. She’d promised to bring the cage forward and disappear for a few hours, and the lack of her manic giggling was good enough for me.
“Here, let me hold Buttons,” I said, holding out a hand.
Cannoli eyed it suspiciously. Buttons did the same. “Why?”
Come on, Buttons. I bought you, for Christ’s sake. “I’ll give him right back.”
With one more leering glare at my hand, Cannoli lifted Buttons from her shoulder and passed him to me.
I opened the front pocket of my green jacket and held Buttons close to it. “Just hang in here, little guy. Won’t be long.”
Buttons gave me another incredulous look.
Seriously, dude? “I put a few peanuts in there.”
That did the trick. Buttons hopped head-first into my pocket in search of his favorite treat. I chuckled and went to the cage’s door.
“Matt—” Cannoli began.
“I wouldn’t bring you here unless I knew you’d like it, right?” I asked, sliding the key into the lock.
She crossed her arms over her chest. “I guess.”
“Do you trust me?”
That answer took a lot longer. Her weight shifted from one foot to the other. She looked from me to the cage, then back to me.
Come on, Cannoli. Please.
Puffing her cheeks out, she whispered, “…Yes.”
Relief flooded my veins. I hadn’t realized how badly I’d needed to hear it. I had to blink away the flush of emotions assaulting my face as I unlocked the cage. I swung the door open and held a hand out to her. “Come with me, then.”
Her expression softened. She hesitated, then reached her arm forward, resting her delicate hand in mine. That single touch could have crossed an ocean.
I led her inside the cage and closed the door. My surprise was huddled in a sleeping throng in the shade of the cage, shaped like an enormous dark lump. I snapped my fingers, and six tiny, fluffy heads jolted awake. Two yawned. The other four stretched and skittered forward.
Cannoli gasped, cupping her mouth with both hands. Her ruby eyes burst to life, glittering with adorable adoration. It was like watching every tarnished layer poured over her in our travels melt away.
“Well, hello there!” She giggled, kneeling down between three of the fluffpuffs. One placed its paws in her lap, and she leaned forward. It sniffed at the tip of her nose, then licked it. “You are so cute!”
I grinned and took a seat against the bars. I didn’t want to ruin this. I wasn’t stupid; I knew this couldn’t last forever. But if for even five minutes Cannoli could be herself again, could pretend like I never broke her heart, that would be enough.
She stroked the back of one and gently touched the pompom on another’s tail. They made light chittering noises as they circled and sniffed her. Like a bunch of ground squirrels. A miniature one—probably a newborn—made a game of chasing the tip of Cannoli’s wagging tail.
Jeenie had expanded on fluffpuff physiology when she’d handed over the key. When threatened, fluffpuffs emitted some kind of pheromone that calmed both people and other species of roaches within a five-foot radius. A little like having a glass of wine. It was a great defense mechanism, she said, since it gave them time to escape. But it wasn’t harmful, and there were no lasting side effects.
Cannoli looked at me with a wide smile, her cheeks pink and her eyes sparkling. I memorized her expression, swearing to keep it close even if we were far apart. “Matt! They’re so cute!”
“They are,” I said, returning her smile. “Careful, you’ll end up bringing the whole family with us.”
“I wish,” she said, breathless. “It’s like petting a cloud!”
Gone were the distanced gaze and cautionary stare. Just pure, unbridled joy.
I stood and moved closer to her. One of the fluffpuffs scampered up to me, then hopped in my lap. It circled my legs like a cat before curling to rest. Whether it was the green ferret or Cannoli’s smile, the weight in my chest began to lift.
“I brought you out here to tell you something,” I began. I wished I could have let the words die in my throat, but then we’d be back to where we started.
Touches of the cold mask she’d worn lately framed her expression. “What’s that?”
“I’m sorry for my part in all of this. I know we won’t always agree on everything. And I understand why you’re choosing to find Saoirse,” I continued, scratching the fluffpuff between the ears.
Cannoli’s voice echoed in my head. Scritch it, Matt!
“You deserve to know how much you mean to me. Beyond Levels and combat and Quests. Just hearing you laugh, seeing your smile, being blessed by your ridiculous [Cooking] Skill. You have made my hardest days bearable and the impossible possible.”
Cannoli in her pajamas, bouncing around her room, excited for us to cuddle together. I just really want to be close to you right now.
Cannoli’s face in the firelight; the taste of her lips in the chill desert evening.
I pressed the bandage against my eyes. God damn it, this was hard. “I just want to tell you that no matter what happens, there will always be a place for you in my life and in my Party. Whatever it is you need from me, just say the word.”
She swallowed, blinking against watery eyes. Stroking one of the fluffpuffs, she nodded. Her voice lowered, just audible over the chittering around her. “Thank you, Matt. I… I really needed to hear that.”
“I mean every word.”
“I know.” She smiled through her tears. “I trust you.”
I leaned my head against the bars and stared up at the fraction of sky I could see behind the cage’s ceiling. I was willing myself not to cry again. We’d done the tearful farewell. I wanted this to be a good memory for us both.
The chittering escalated as Cannoli shifted closer to me, then gently pushed the fluffpuff off of my legs. She positioned herself in my lap, knees tucked beneath my crossed legs and her head against my chest. I curled my arms around her and held her close.
The fluffpuffs surrounded us in a warm, fluffy circle. We stayed like that for a long time—long enough for some of the critters to fall back asleep, and their whistling snores joined the quiet chittering.
Even if it was just a couple of hours, it was enough.
[https://i.imgur.com/ah3ALu7.png]