The warmth quickly faded to a chilling cold, the water splashing up onto and colliding with Eliza’s face, trickling down. She washed her face up, looking upwards into the mirror as she twisted away from the sink. This felt quite familiar… though the circumstances are very different. The bright distant reflections of the upper city blared through the windows, shining at her as she glanced towards the mirror. She looked awful, her crimson eyes barely alight.
“Hey, Liz!” Claire shouted, voice echoing around the corner. “You feeling alright?”
“Yeah,” Eliza lied. It was quite obvious that it was a lie, and Claire quickly caught on.
She wore her suit over her shoulders, rubbing her arms and hands to feel some warmth. She was a mess… Yet she still had to prove herself, she must!
There were water splashes and tear trails on her blouse, drooping down her chest and onto her skirt. She brushed them aside, frowning. It was her attempt to look professional, to show them all that she was different…
Of course, to some, that doesn’t matter. She pulled her thigh-highs back up to the hem of her skirt, re-phasing the garters and clipping them back on, all the while feeling somewhat sorry for herself. It covered the plaster over her earlier injury, though she was annoyed that she’d have to order new tights…
Then, the coldness came back. Eliza shivered. “Claire… I…” Eliza started but found herself unable to continue. “Never mind that.”
But instead of pushing further, Claire gave her some space, “Alright, come out whenever you’re done.” Eliza sighed.
After everything she did, she was still worthless in her father’s eyes.
She felt relieved that Kaz hadn’t seen her in this state. After all, she looked absolutely horrendous, her eyes were redder than ever, and her face of determined optimism was peeled back, revealing the husk of a human she was before. It was quite far from presentable, she looked dead on the inside - but maybe her dad was right. Maybe it was time to move on…
She’s been chasing the dead for too long, perhaps it’s time to let them rest, all those memories of Victoria… She felt hollow at the thought. Victoria was the only family she felt she had back then, after her mother died; her brother was too young to understand anything. Her father always seemed detached from Eliza and Ulysses. But Victoria? She was the perfect child that he wanted, she was the only one worthy to carry the brooch - even Eliza knew back then.
And all she was is a mockery of what she was to become. Eliza gripped the side of the sink, cursing herself silently.
Victoria, what would she have done in her shoes? Eliza pondered, before understanding that it didn’t matter. No answer will satisfy her in this regard. Only one thing was left: to bring her memory to rest… Yet, it seems like a distant dream.
Synthia’s vocaliser lit up as Eliza straightened her back, even at her lowest she wanted to look presentable. ‘Miss Eliza, is everything alright?’
“No…” Eliza trailed off, wiping the water dry from her face with her coat sleeve. Her brooch felt heavy, the mental toll gaining weight as her mind muddied with doubt. “Why me? Why do I have to carry the bloody star-god?”
She felt the weight of responsibility, and the phantom pain of a star, crush down against her. Synthia projected herself beside the faucet. ‘Eliza, I must apologise - on behalf of your father. He's tough, insensitive, I know… but I do not believe he intended what he blabbered’
“You heard him. I’m a failure. I’m probably more of a bother for him than anything else… just the leftovers of a dead person. He’s been telling me for the past decade, how could he have not meant it?!”
Her face was motionless, devoid of her usual spark. She felt a level of envy towards Kazuki, never caring about how others saw him, but her?
That was everything, her success was everything. She pressed her cheeks up, trying to form a smile… She felt ashamed to have cried there - even though Kazuki stood up for her.
For all her success, she still falls short of her father’s praises. Still! After so long! After so much work. Straight grades for ten years and counting, connecting with people, joining the Kallender Group - what more can he want from her?!
‘No father would ever wish to see their children fail.’ said Synthia, trying to find some method to her father’s madness. ‘If you allow me to assume, I believe that he believes that Kazuki is an undue influence on you, perhaps leading to your… demise, Miss Eliza.’
Eliza let off a hollow chuckle, it was devoid of any emotion. “He was late… I was nearly killed and he was late! But Kaz? He dropped everything and rushed to the scene. But my dad? He couldn’t even show up on time for the after-mission conference. Kazuki cares about me… more than he does.”
‘Let us be reasonable here, Miss Eliza.’ Synthia placed her hands out, trying to calm Eliza down. Synthia’s eyes wore worry as her armour, her face pensive yet knowing. Maybe she was… wrong. But she had to trust Kazuki, he’s the only vector of investigation left.
“There’s nothing to be reasoned with,” stated Eliza, cutting Synthia off as she waved her projection away, the form sliding back into its projector.
She still felt it hard to move around, the star-essence within the purple brooch gem sensing the pain. If it weren’t for her sister and mother’s memories, for what they once were: she’d have thrown it away… Disappear, maybe?
“I’m nothing more than that to him, a failure. There’s no arguing about that.”
Synthia paused, teleporting beside Eliza’s face, sitting down on her shoulder. She patted Eliza on the cheek, stroking it as if talking to a child. ‘Perhaps to him, but to Claire, you’re like a sister; to Chloé, a study partner; to Kazuki, a friend; and to your brother: the only family he has left. You are more than whatever any one man says you are, Eliza.’
Eliza stopped for a moment. Maybe Synthia was right… Who cares what her dad has to say? The cold past merged with the present, she wants to graduate… She wants to restart her mother’s company. Yet she also wants to see her father smile at her, grinning and applauding with pride in his eyes.
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It seemed far-fetched, her mind faded into sleep; and the memories collided. She wanted it, more than anything. She just wanted to hear the words, ‘Good job’ from him. All words since but his were shallow, lies…
“Yeah… I have to keep trying.” Eliza pushed her face up, igniting the everlasting flame in her eyes. She remembered what her mother told her, it was about the only thing she could remember: that she must. She must continue, no matter what. To persist.
‘That’s the spirit,’ said Synthia, disappearing as Eliza straightened up. The weight had been lifted from her shoulders as the shining lights of the police HQ bore down upon her. And as she felt the weight evaporate, she left - lightly tapping the tap mechanism to leave.
Eliza walked back out into the halls. It was empty. Glancing down the hall, she saw Claire leaning back against the wall. “Ah… Claire.”
“Hey, you finally doing well?” she asked, kicking off the wall and standing in front of her, arms crossed. “Took you a while.”
Eliza nodded. “Yeah, just… leave me be, for now, I need to get some fresh air.”
Claire nodded. “I’ll report back to Kazuki, but… you might not want to get some fresh air, heavy downpour.” She shrugged, before turning and walking off. “You take care, alright?”
“Thanks!” Eliza shouted back to her, as Claire waved back towards her… Leaving her alone once again.
She turned towards the door leading out to the balcony. However, the doors opened. Lilly stepped in, drenched in rain. Eliza paused, peering aimlessly around, trying not to attract Lilly’s ire.
“Hey,” Lilly said, waving to Eliza. “You... doing good?”
Eliza calmly nodded, but a small shudder would have betrayed that notion. “Fine, doing well, Lilly.”
Lilly grumbled. “Your dad’s a cunt,” she said. “Sorry about that, but he is. Something Old Man Hosea told me back in the military was that you can’t focus if you keep listening to every song each bird sings on the road... Or something... I don’t know.”
“I know,” Eliza said. “But he’s my dad... Lilly.”
Lilly crossed her arms as a drone hovered by, drying her off with hairdryers... “Still, he’s just a guy, same as anyone else. Know who to listen to and know who’s worth your time.”
“Well...”
“Oi! I’m not just some fuck off ex-Drill Sergeant, alright?” Lilly said, raising an eyebrow. “I’m your Captain... Well... You’re technically my superior but I’ll ignore that. Knowing who to kick out, works well in the Marines as it does in life.”
With that, Lilly stepped past Eliza, all the while followed by drones that kept drying her. Eliza stood still for a moment, before raising her head to the door.
She could see a heavy downpour outside, harrowing downwards. She approached it, opening up the automatic doors. Eliza took out her umbrella, the one Kaz gave her, and stepped out, rain belting against its shields.
She held her hand out against it, taking in the air as she coughed from the cold.
“Eliza?” Quinn asked as Eliza looked down towards him. He was sitting beside the door, on the outside, an umbrella activated. “You… need this?”
He gestured towards the umbrella, slowly standing up as Eliza quickly hid under it. “Ah, thanks… what were you doing out here?”
“Oh?” Quinn paused, scratching his head as he returned inside, followed by Eliza. He deactivated his umbrella, looking back at her. “I needed to clear my head, I guess?”
He chuckled, laughing it off as Eliza pressed on… This must be about what just happened, and Riharia, she thought. “Hey… I’m sorry, I know I have apologised ages ago, but I still haven’t really given you a personal one.”
“Huh?” Quinn shook in surprise. “Please! We’re good, just water under the bridge, plus it was Lilly that was pissed! She always has her ass up angry whenever anything happens, especially with outsiders.”
“But you were friends with Riharia…” Eliza trailed.
Quinn nodded, before putting on a face. “Her death’s on me. I should have… you know what? Never mind it.” He walked around Eliza for a second, as she looked at him.
“Well, I guess you’ll be deployed to Narisa, then?” Eliza asked. Quinn’s face soured at that fact.
“Ah… that place,” Quinn said, frustration seeping into his voice.
“Something the matter?”
“No,” Quinn blurted out, Eliza’s face didn’t change from worry. Slowly, Quinn nodded. “Me, Riharia and Petra grew up on Narisa. Guess I’ll be the only one of the trio returning home?” He chuckled.
“I could ask Kazuki to let you go on a break, for a bit,” she said.
Quinn shook his head. “Already talked to him, he needs me…”
Eliza opened her mouth, as he stopped in his place. He raised a finger, showing… her keys?
Wait, her keys?! Her mind was placed into a headlock, distracting her from what she wanted to say, as the minor distractions stopped her brain in its tracks. Eliza snatched them back. "Hey?!"
Quinn burst out laughing. "Everyone has the same response, but you guys really need to keep your stuff in check!" he quipped to her, as he turned and started walking.
Eliza walked beside him. "I guess you really are quite the thief," she said.
"Of course! Learned skills to survive my childhood, always works!" He laughed the worry in the air off.
A person turned the corner in the hallway, Rivera! She waved at them. “Liz, you any better?” she asked, straight to the point. She looked like she came right from the armoury, with only the coat she wore differentiating her from just some old mechanic.
Eliza nodded. “It’s alright, I’m fine. We should… get going?” she asked.
Rivera nodded. “Yeah, the shuttles are leaving and I AM NOT going on the same shuttle as Quinn!”
“Hey…” Quinn furrowed his brow.
“Ugh… You Anagorans are so weird… Half of you guys steal from the other half and the other half are so far up their arses with prestige ‘n’ shit…” Rivera sighed. “I just wanna make cool shit and cool guns, is that so hard?”
“I think you can cover that to most of the Republic…” Eliza muttered. Rivera shrugged, both knowing how cutthroat the idea of ‘success’ is, where prestige and honour unachieved is grounds for failure and obscurity in any field.
“You know… if you just gave me a scoped—”
Rivera cut in, “—You’d just break it in under a fucking day… For the seventh time! I only got you a scope since Amyé apparently wanted to do a marksman competition against the fucking shotgun…”
Quinn rolled his eyes. He then shakily remarked, “Out of all people, I’d expect Eliza, not youuu, to mistake the range of a shogun.”
“Hmm?” Eliza mumbled, twisting an inquisitive look at Quinn. “What?”
Rivera sent a snide glare at Quinn. “She told me the competition was at 1 klick, yeah, your shotgun just might reach a third of that. Anyways… Eliza, I’m guessing you’re accompanying the task force?”
“I believe so,” answered Eliza. She didn’t really know, but she guessed so - after all Kaz does seem to just bring her along for logistic purposes… And for coordination, in some extent.
“Yeah, I’ll be deployed with Martinez’s guys, so I’ll be staying on Anagora, good luck to you, logi-team.” Rivera gave Eliza a small and casual salute.
Eliza smiled, feeling a sense of warmth within her chest. Even here, she was accepted. “Thanks!”
“So uh… can I have that scope?” Quinn asked, directing the ire of Rivera unto him with another snide glare. “Okay… Okay… I get it!”