Alighieri on 12/8/2033
THE AGE OF VR IS HERE!
On December 8th, 2033, a brand new VR MMORPG game — the game of our dreams — was unleashed upon this world. Everybody’s Tower — developed by Toosoft, and published by Nandai Nanco. A revolutionary experience!!!
Furthermore, they say that a mysterious reward awaits the first player to beat the 999th floor in the game… I hope it’s a lotta money!
Sorry to reveal so late folks but… I was actually one of the first few beta testers!!! I had to sign an NDA and all that but… I hope you’ll forgive me!!! Lol.
Anyway, I know it just came out, but I think this is already a lock-in for the GOTY 2034. They better release a Galaxy-tier game to even compete.
See you at the tower!
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“What the fuck…?”
It was bad. It was really, really bad. The worst possible outcome. Absolute darkness began to devour Dantes’s mind, as anger mixed with grief and sorrow stirred to create the devil’s worst sulfuric potion. The yellow walls began to melt from his vision, and he held his barf back as he stared at his virtual display…
“99… American… Dollars?”
What the fuck indeed. 99 dollars? Had they lost their mind? Dantes tried to rub his eyes, but he couldn’t and instead rubbed the ass of the VR headset instead. Damn inflations. This must be the president’s fault. Damn you, Obama — or Trump or something.
AMERICAN DOLLARS was the important part. Canadian dollars? Sure. Chinese dollars? Probably. But Freedom Bucks? How could they betray their nation like this? Damn communists.
The entire set-up already cost two grands and now they wanted a hundo-bucks for a DIGITAL copy? Outrageous. Mad. Insane. Psychopathic.
Anyhow, what was he to do? Maybe this was worth it after all. This was the next generation of gaming like how paintings evolved into anime, then into anime films. How JRR Tolkien wrote Harry Potter, which evolved into a movie. How monkeys became humans and all that. In short, this would be the beginning of a new era of art, like the Realist movement, the Dadaism movement, and the suffragist movement. I think they dressed up as gorillas or something.
ANYHOW, after the payment was completed, he returned to his lying position atop his bed. His room was like that of an anime protagonist with black anime hair. It literally had nothing in it except his computer and bed. Maybe a picture of his dead parents if he was lucky. Where was his closet? I suppose the animators didn’t think anybody would notice, but I did. The doors also didn't have frames. What the hell?
A.N.Y.H.O.W. Dantes couldn’t believe that he was getting sidetracked so much, but it was understandable — it was an exciting day after all.
Without any further ado, he entered the world of Everybody’s Tower!
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Dantes Zero Alighieri.
Of course, that was not his real name, but it was his gamer tag since grade six.
“This username is taken”
What the hell? I suppose this is the consequence of being a niche micro-celebrity on the internet. Woe is me.
Dantes Zero Alighieri Requiem Prime Zero Excelsis.
Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.
“This username is too long”
Dantes Z3ro Alighieri.
“This username is taken”
Hm. Maybe he was a bit more popular than he thought. Then why did no one donate to him? 0 dollars this month. Selfish pricks.
Dantejsfhjdfhdskjfhsdfh
“This username is taken”
…
DumbassBitch
…
…Dantes couldn’t believe THAT username wasn't taken. Slightly amused, he tried to return to the username selection screen but was blocked with a message.
“Sorry, but like, billions of concurrent players are on right now, so if I tell someone ‘DumbassBitch’ is taken, and the next second it’s not… That’ll be really confusing you know? …I don’t want to code this :(”
What the fuck? Why even add this message? Why even have the back button as an option? The developers must’ve gone insane due to the inhumane working environments and crunch culture. Poor souls. But fuck them, lazy ass devs. This was stupid.
Oh well, he could always make a new account later. That was what he was going to do after getting to the midgame anyway to min-max his account. But then again, maybe if the first-day rewards are good enough, he might just buy a name-change item or something.
Continue.
Oo-la-la, the character creation screen. Dantes was sure this wouldn't matter later on.
He always liked to play female characters due to their... small hitboxes. Yeah. Also, they had better customization options. However, this was a VR game, meaning that there was the element of true immersion in players. He wasn't simply puppetting the character -- he WAS the character.
After minutes of deep contemplation, Dantes finally chose to go with a female avatar. Why the hell not, he could probably change it later anyways. Besides, this character model... Man... Looks like it has a small hitbox, yeah.
Dantes couldn't help but feel a bit fruity after spending so long carefully customizing his model. However, he did not consider this fashion, but rather art. Fashion was about wearing cool, pretty and beautiful clothes, but what he was doing was ART. It had greater meanings, a commentary on the socio-economic state of the states (bottle-necked waist), what it means to be a mother (big milkers), and the objectification of women (REALLY BIG milkers). Damn, he was feeling a bit thirsty. Thankfully, he had a bottle laying around next to his bed...
However, Dantes remembered that one of them was the piss bottle, while the other contained water. Hm... He tried swishing them around but both seemed identical. He attempted to test their smell, but the VR gear actually covered his nose in order to stimulate all 5 senses. Now that he thought about it, it was a bit claustrophobic. It seemed that the devs weren't the only ones going insane.
Well, here goes nothing. If God loved him, Dantes would drink water.
...
FUCK
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After returning to his cave, he made sure to properly dispose of all the piss bottles in his room. It was about time anyway. Dantes began to think about whether he would need diapers in order to play the VR game and truly immerse himself in the environment. For example, if he wanted to piss in the woods, to truly immerse himself into the fantasy world, he should be able to do so, right? It was only natural after all. Perhaps he would look into this later.
Before he could return to the headset, however, his sister barged into the room.
"What's up, retard?"
"You know, it's not funny or socially acceptable for you to say that."
"Y-yeah, sorry." said Vitas, "Anyways, nice gear bro! A friend actually gave it to me today!"
"Actually?!"
"Yeah, she said something about aneurysms and the game being cursed and whatnot... Anyways, wanna play together?"
"Maybe later," said Dantes, "I kinda just wanna try the release version myself before testing the MMO part."
"A-alright then, see you later."
...Dantes felt sorry for his sister -- he truly did from the bottom of his heart. It was truly difficult being a woman and stupid in 2033. Dantes heard this term once -- double oppression or something. He watched on in pity as she haphazardly fell down the stairs, followed by the meek 'I-I'm okay...'. This was worth around only half a tear. Tragic, but not that much.
Anyhow, Dantes finally returned to the virtual void, where he had thankfully saved his progress on his customization. He took a few minutes to simply admire the character. Two tears. Only if women in real life looked this good.
He continued next, where he learned that class was actually randomly assigned in Everybody's Tower, citing that it was actually more realistic this way, as most people would begin in one career before maybe changing. This game was truly a dumpster fire. Just why?
Nope, nope, nope. He was not going to let this bother him. 99 dollars. He couldn't forget that. This game was going to be good.
Besides, this was a truly novel concept! -- or not. That would depend on if his class was good or not. The UI was presented like a wheel of fortune with various classes on it, one of them being 'Choose your class!' (what's the point then?). With slight hesitation, he pulled on the virtual wheel in hopes of landing on 'paladin', 'assassin', 'berserker', 'archer' or 'caster'. His odds were... 5/7. So far so good.
"Healer!"
God damn it.
Maybe it was the time to create a new account after all.
99 dollars, god damn it.