“Gareth never held me when I was sad, he didn’t let me grow up in a town with others, so I still don’t know how to interact with people normally, and he never congratulated me when I finished one of his insanely complicated Titanian designs. Including this one I’m working on right now! He never taught me how to be a girl! All the kids in Marius, they didn’t look away from me because I’m a southerner. They looked away from me because I acted like a boy! Only Leon and--”
“Anwen, you’re… hurting me.” Ilias grimaced as his sister’s hands compressed down on him.
“…Huh?” Anwen’s brow rose. She glanced at each of her hands, each tightly gripping onto one of her brother’s thin, immature shoulders. Was she holding him that hard during her whole rant? She pulled her hands away. “S-Sorry.”
A frown appeared on the half-southern boy’s lips.
“Was everything you just said true?” he asked with inquisition.
She was hardly aware of what she had spoken. Why did she even mention Leon’s name? Ilias had no idea who he was. Her emotions had taken a complete hold of her, driven by the weight put on her and the uncertainty that mounted with each day.
“Yes.” she glumly nodded. A sense of remorse was starting to replace her anger. “I… I said he didn’t want to be a dad, right? Truth is, he didn’t want to think of himself as one. But I think, in some way, he really did act as one for me."
“I-I see. But did you still love him?” Ilias inquired.
Anwen straightened her back. What was it that she felt for Gareth, as the man who raised her? Gratitude? There was certainly that. But what of love, as a daughter should show to her father?
“I… think so.” she answered in a normal tone.
“Do you think if he stayed in Chitran, he would’ve loved me too?”
“He didn’t even know you existed, Ilias,” Anwen spoke truthfully. “But he would’ve. He definitely would’ve loved you. You’re his flesh and blood. I’m not. He didn’t have to love me.”
“I don’t think he would’ve.” Ilias defiantly countered.
“Huh?” Anwen raised a brow.
“He wouldn’t have left Ma, then,” Ilias reasoned. “Ma’s always said he never left her heart. But he left her.”
“Ilias, don’t you know who your dad was? He left her for a reason!”
“I do know. But it’s so dumb, ain’t it? Such a dumb reason to not know who he was. I needed him but he was never there,” Ilias pouted. “You’re proof that he could’ve cared for me and Ma.”
“We can’t change anything about that,” Anwen tried to comfort the boy, who was bogged down by her own prompts. “But I’ll tell you everything I know about him. It’ll need some time, but I promise.”
“It’ll take time, I know,” Ilias turned his back on her, a deep frown set on his face, fighting back the urge to tear up. “It just sucks.”
“Ilias, come on!” Anwen wished to soothe her aggrieved brother, but to no avail. He had already gone up the ladder leading to an upper deck. The girl buried her face in her hands. She knew dealing with a sudden new sibling entering her life would be difficult to navigate by itself, but having to deal with one who did not get to experience the paternal relationship he deserved, while she got something that resembled one by pure chance was another challenge.
I’m a terrible sister, she thought to herself.
--
“Two hundred and forty-eight, two hundred and forty-nine… two hundred and fifty!” a crowd of sailors cried from the top deck of Serenity’s Song as they watched two men hanging from the railing at the very back of the vessel.
“Two hundred and fifty consecutive muscle-ups from Stefan!” a sailor confirmed as the boy climbed onto the deck. “Now, which one of you fellas wants to beat his record!”
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
“I do!” five hands simultaneously went up. Stefan scanned their faces and smirked.
“Maybe if all of you guys take turns doing it, you could have a chance at beating me.” Stefan chuckled.
“He wants the challenge!” a sailor cried. “Let’s have it!”
“I accept it!” the moderator of the contest proclaimed. “I humbly believe that it’ll take more than one of ya to even compare to him. So, one of ya, step right up!”
“Make sure ya don't slack off! It’ll take all of us to clear 'im!” four of the five young southern men yelled to the others as he positioned himself on the railings, using his strong forearms to hang from the back railings. A lifetime of labour on the sea had granted the sailors much strength, but it was nothing compared to the boost Reserve offered. In fact, this contest had only been called because they had seen how Stefan did the work of five men with relative ease and wanted to see if he could reach the grand number of quarter-thousand. But the challenge he had been put up to hadn’t even caused him to break a sweat.
Boredom was easy to come across on an isolating journey that was as long as it is. Stefan took every chance he took to amuse himself with the southern sailors. He had learned much, from playing board games like chaturanga and pachisi, to repairing weakened support beams and cleaning the decks with holystone. He learned that southerners were hardly different from people like him. The crew of Serenity’s Song had come to treat him as one of their own despite their initial reluctance to accept him. When he wasn’t trying to pass time, though, he took shifts with Ivan to power the Serenity using his Reserve, hauling it across the sea. Between Manisha’s sassy, encouraging remarks, and Rohan’s stern, apathetic gaze, he had gotten used to the routine. Perhaps, he had gotten too used to it. It had distracted him all from two things that mattered to him very much—his family. His only family remaining on Terra.
A small figure weaved its way past the group of awed sailors, stopping behind the one profile that towered high above the rest, and whose skin and eyes differed greatly, yet he was as cohesive with them as any other sailor.
Ilias pulled Stefan’s shirt, prompting the older boy to turn and look down at his young cousin.
“Can we talk, please?” Ilias asked, his sad frown fixed onto his face.
Stefan tilted his head.
“Right now? I’m… kind of doing something, though.”
“Please,” Ilias spoke, his voice cracking. “Not in front of everyone too.”
Stefan glanced behind him, where the five sailors began their attempt at matching Stefan’s record, then returned his gaze towards Ilias.
“Alright.” he nodded.
Taken to a hold below deck, Ilias and Stefan sat down on chests. Ilias tried to retell his encounter with Stefan as best as his 10-year-old mind could articulate it. Stefan tried to piece together the situation as the boy spoke and got a general understanding of it by the end of Ilias’ ramble.
“Oh, so you’re worked up by the way she reacted to your questions, is that right?” Stefan asked.
“Mhm.” Ilias gloomily nodded.
Stefan patted the boy’s head with a grin.
“Don’t take it to heart,” Stefan chuckled. “That’s just the way she talks. When I first met her I really thought she wanted to kill me. But now, I think she’s a little less willing to.”
“But it’s about Pa, Stefan!” Ilias cried.
“I know. She’s had a complicated relationship with him. I didn’t live with the two of them for very long, so I can’t speak on it too much.”
Ilias looked at the ground at his feet for a few moments, before glancing back up at Stefan.
“I just wanted to know what Pa was like. I didn’t expect her to answer the way she did.”
Stefan sighed. By then, he had realized that Ilias was the type of kid who wouldn’t stop asking questions until he got his answers, no matter who it was directed to. He reasoned that the same answer Ilias wanted from Anwen, he now wanted from Stefan too. But it wasn’t one he was ready to answer yet. His own opinion on Gareth was still very blurry.
“I want you to save all your questions for later. For way, way later.” Stefan requested.
“Why not now?” Ilias asked.
“Because only Anwen can answer them,” Stefan answered. “And she’s not ready yet. You saw how busy she was, right? She just wasn’t in the right headspace.”
She… really isn’t alright, he realized, only after speaking the words into existence. She’s taking this all on by herself. We haven’t had a proper talk since after we left port.
“How long will I need to wait?”
“Until we get back to Yeupis. That’s when she’ll be ready to answer your question. Like, a good answer.”
“Alright,” Ilias sighed. He was disappointed, but Stefan’s response was acceptable. “Could you do me a favour?”
“What’s up?” Stefan asked.
“Talk to her for me,” she said. “I have a feeling she’ll only listen to you. She’s barely even talked to Ma.”
Stefan’s grin deepened.
“I will. But remember, no matter what she says or does, don’t think of her as a bad person. After all, if she was a bad person, she never would’ve helped you back at the beach, right?”
Ilias produced a warm beam.
“Yeah. Thanks, Stefan. You’re the best!” Ilias rammed into the older boy’s stomach, wrapping his arms around his waist. Stefan reciprocated, leaning over slightly to squeeze him back.
“I appreciate you understanding.” Stefan said in turn.
“Oh, and one more thing!” Ilias demanded as he pulled out of Stefan’s grasp.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t tell Ma we talked. I don’t want her to worry with how busy she’s been.”
“Don’t worry.” Stefan smiled again, taking his leave.
As he went to rejoin the southern sailors at their contest, a thought formed in his head.
Reserve can help you do a lot, but it won’t fix every problem.
Stefan knew that he had a contest he’d inevitably win very soon, but a hard and possibly long conversation to have later that night.