I remember when I was little boy…

I don’t want to remember it…

This was definitively worst period of my life,

Most people would love to know what it would be like to grow up in a castle, how nice it would be to be related to a king and queen

Life would surely be fun right?

Right??

No. Not mine.

Life was hell, my earliest memories was of being neglected,

The king didn’t care for me as I was the child of his wife’s sister,

And her, my aunt–the queen hated me.

Who wouldn’t?

Where I lived, it was virtually impossible for anyone to ever during child labor,

If it did happen it was once every couple hundred years,

And to my aunt I was a cursed child, not only was I boy without a mother, but one with an absent, unknown father,

When that woman looked at me she never saw her nephew, her sister’s son, she saw the child of peasant man,

I used to cry a lot as a toddler, but no one ever came to my attention,

So I learned from that young that I should stop crying,

The maids and butlers took care of me mostly but even still they never really gave me much attention as my older cousin the prince also wasn’t fond of me, and they would rather have been in his graces,

Besides that the queen, my aunt she would order the maids to feed me less so that I wouldn’t grow as big.

It’s probably why I as an adult now, I’m able to survive without eating for days….

All that time as a scrawny child….

…..

The castle library was my favorite place to be, away from people and alone with my imagination,

I loved the fictions however, the ones about heroes, I was obsessed,

I wanted to be one so badly…

A hero,

But it wasn’t really because I wanted to save people,

No,

It was the façade I was infatuated with,

You know how heroes are able to create this positive and uplifting persona around people regardless of how their personal lives were or how they felt internally

I wanted that too,

I wanted to become someone who would outwardly spread as much positive and happiness to people,

Then maybe….

I don’t know what would’ve happened after to be honest

Maybe I would finally please my inner child?

Maybe I would be able to prevent others from having a childhood like I

There are so much,

And when I say so much I mean that

So many memories I have of just being tortured by my older cousin, Omari,

He hated me because his mother hated me, but also because he was a little devil,

And entitled piece of shit, that when he went missing I secretly hoped he died

…..

That reminds of the day he went missing…

The day Murdoc took over Soterra,

Only Himari I’ve told this, but I’m a little grateful for what Murdoc did,

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Otherwise I’d still be scrawny and weak without friends,

Friends….

My first real friend was Lyra but we never really spoke at first, we just existed next to each other…

Darius was my first friend, friend…

He was a loud strong cheerful and dramatic man, he always told you the harsh truth but in the goofiest of ways that it made you smile,

Darius was a big brother to me he set me on the path that I still walk to this day, and made me a man that would be able to always choose others over myself every time,

Karina used to say that is a terrible trait to have,

I think she was secretly envious that she hadn’t that kind of resolve…

Karina was my first girlfriend, but we never cared for each other intimately, I like her as a friend, but we both know that we were using each other back then,

She wanted a distraction from everything

And I wanted to be used.

She used me,

She used me a lot,

When she was finished with me, told me ‘You need to be selfish more you know, you can’t just let people take advantage of you Apollo’

She tossed me away right after,

I didn’t mind,

It was it was...

My new focus was being a leader to the ones without hope like Lyra,

But I guess it was to now effect because she constantly searched for ways to die,

All she wanted was to die in a way that redeemed her name, her bloodline

On that quest for death, Lyra unexpectedly brought us all a second chance at life,

Even if for a little,

She brought us Kage,

And because of Kage, I now of happy memories,

A little bit yes,

But enough for me to know it was all worth it,

I even made new friends,

Himari I would consider my dearest friend,

Even though we do have a child together now,

She and I,

I don’t know….

Himari at first to me was just a nuisance, all she did was watch me and judge,

Judging eyes, judgmental words, But under all that was genuine empathy and concern,

Masked by her own façade of being strict

She was just like me, but different,

Different enough to where I instantly became enamored by her, I wanted to know even more,

I learned more,

I guess we could have been more than close friends,

She a woman who was partially forgotten as the youngest in a large family, and the one person who did attend to her the most, her father, killed…

…….

Himari and I promised each other we would be the best parents, that our child would have us both,

I don’t really understand what’s happenings right now, if I am asleep or what?

But my promise remains even if hers cannot,

I will make sure with every fiber of my being,

Emma will have me she will know her parents, and live a better life than me.

…….

….....

…….

…….

…….

End of Elegy.