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Essentia Animus
39: Uncompromising Will

39: Uncompromising Will

Training began in earnest through the morning, like a classroom lecture that continued without end.  Even as the girls settled a bit to relax with a bit of lunch, such lessons did not wait.

“... like a distinct representation of the colours of life and death.  Don’t forget that this is still within the appreciation of daytime colors, and how it could all be reinterpreted under a blanket of night, all life appearing as death when obscured by night.  That’s the sort of feeling that is important to grasp onto firmly, that you can allow yourself to appear as death in passing, shifting as the needs arise.”  “Good, so.. does that mean we can take a lunch break at least?  I know, this is all really important, but all this color mixed with night and day.. all through the morning.. I think it’s become a little overwhelming.”  Riyxia had really been speaking like this the whole morning, a lecture Sryine had found difficult to keep up with.  Sure, some of the lecture had included night and day interpretations of the mind, where the girls were given an opportunity to go over their own nightmares obscured in the night, an experience Riyxia had found especially interesting and informative.  Even with that small break, Sryine’s head was left spinning in an information overload.

It wasn’t helped how Sryine’s mind was already busy being occupied by Riyxia’s motivational speech earlier that morning, itself something leaving her with plenty to think about.  That was the first time they had seen her talking so angry, the feral rage seething around her as she snarled and growled.  It wasn’t even just the feral influence that was surprising, even her choice of words seemed decidedly less composed, a side of her that they had never seen before.  It was exemplary of how she herself commanded her own anger into her own resolve, the level of determination such an act required, as intimidating as that idea was.

Vwyx herself had been overwhelmed a long time ago, and was finding it difficult even trying to pay attention at all by this point.  Her concerns were similar, but there was one idea that remained nagging on her.  Pain without being hurt, agony without any form of injury, what exactly was that even like?  This was a phase of the process expected of her individually, and even that requirement didn’t make sense at all.  The others had it a bit easier, being angry or afraid when there was nothing to worry about seemed a little more obvious in that context.  Vwyx served herself a serving of lunch, food that had been prepared a while ago without need of an open flame, leaving it now much colder.  Being the same goop as usual, it somehow managed to taste even worse when it was nothing more than a cold slop.  Still, she ate it anyway, not wanting to get hungry.  They were both expected to remain fine, until the time of their own choosing, taking control of their own circumstances.

Riyxia put down her portion, keenly aware of a growing hostility.  As Sryine and Vwyx paused in their curiosity, they eventually noticed that a few small beasts had wandered out, prowling around them as they were distracted by their own food.  Riyxia had a measure of concern by their own circumstances, their clothes remained the light material they had used to sleep in, not even meaningful in combat.  The hesitation to return to even get changed left them with a measure of risk, but Riyxia didn’t want the feeling of being combat-ready to set the girls at unease, no one even had actual weapons at hand.  Sryine called forth an illusionary blade, as Vwyx reached for a nearby stone, but Riyxia stopped them both.  They needed to remain relaxed, at ease, unharmed.. she needed to be the one to take care of this, somehow.  She stood up against the small beasts, defiantly.  It was fortunate that such beasts seemed much less capable than most, something she might be able to then deal with in her current handicap.

Riyxia was suddenly startled with an even larger yet familiar beast lept between her new foes and herself, glaring intimidatingly at the pack while keeping it’s back to her.  The beasts themselves seemed genuinely startled as well, not having expected another beast to come between them like that.  Riyxia recalled where she had seen this beast before, now for the third time, the same leader she had faced and spared in this same location during her own path of discovery.  The disposition it held, it was becoming obvious what the beast’s intent was, it was passing on a warning to the others that this was not a foe to be underestimated, she wasn’t something they had any hope in dealing.  The other beasts seemed decidedly unconvinced, seeing nothing but a few defenseless helpless girls, such easy prey.  The larger beast roared at them, charging into the pack to force them back, battering a handful back through the air, itself being no pushover for them, but visibly afraid of the girl.  Uneasiness rose in the pack, concern settling as down, as the pack gave up on their prey and turned to flee.  The leader turned back to her, somehow in a feral form of respect and apology, as she stared proudly back in return.  With that, the leader too found an opportunity to withdraw, disappearing back into the mountains.

This left both Sryine and Vwyx collectively stunned.  Not only was there no fighting, all the beasts being spared, Riyxia not even needing to raise a hand in her own defense, she actually seemed to have some measure of influence over the beasts.  This then led to Riyxia telling the others about the details of that confrontation, the tale of the time she had fought with a beast that had decided not to fight to the death.  Now the beast almost seemed to admire her.. In some formidable way.  That wasn’t even the most impressive part, not for the other two girls.  They had themselves witnessed that the onset of their own destruction was one without room for survivors, every leader they had faced had been slain, and that sort of made sense.  To hear word of a scene of destruction where death was not a required outcome.. was that really a thing?  From destruction, life had remained, and a subtle peaceful harmony had formed.

Sryine took particular note that the beast didn’t only respect Sryine, it also feared her, but remained composed in its fear, making sensible decisions.  It did not try to become fearless, it had accepted that fear, seemed keenly aware it was in the presence of death itself, and made the decision to work with it instead of against it.  It was that fear that was being expressed as respect, a feeling she could kind of appreciate for herself.  Her own destructive impulse was scary, but she couldn’t help respecting it as well, making use of flames without hesitation as while dealing with foes she had otherwise only struggled with in vain, it hadn’t even seemed hard.

Vwyx meanwhile had taken into account that even her human eyes could still see the injuries the beast had sustained in its original encounter with Riyxia, its gray coat still matted in blood.  Such injuries had mostly healed over, but had in turn left some decided scars that might never fully heal.  Even in the time the beast had held it’s back towards Riyxia, it had remained tense, knowing that such exposure could have ended its life in the span of a moment.  If Riyxia had chosen, further injury would have been unavoidable, but it had come to terms of an understanding and conduct in Riyxia’s presence, and had held itself accordingly.  But given the circumstances, it could not help but to remain tense, ever apprehensive of further injury, injury it’s body was subconsciously predicting could occur at any time.

Vwyx flopped backwards, staring up at the sky in disbelief.  That was it, a way to feel pain without injury, the prediction of an injury that had not yet occurred, the tension and strain that awakened as the body prepared for some of the worst cases.  In that situation, actually being hurt didn’t even play a part in the whole process, the body simply chose to be prepared for the outcome instinctually.  The power of destruction did not need to actually destroy, it simply could if the need arose.  She recalled Riyxia’s claim that she could one day wield her trance, her tension, and use it to shape creation instead of simply destruction, much like her craft had always achieved before.  Did such power really have such freedom, to help as well as harm?  As long as she remained aware of the chance of harm as things came to pass, maybe anything was possible.

Vwyx closed her eyes, tuning out the world around her.  She took a deep breath, her fists clenched nervously, her body tense in apprehension.  Anything could happen, she just needed to be ready, to be prepared.  Pain could come at any time, she would accept it when it did, she would be ready for it, her muscles growing tense in her strain.  She took yet another deep breath and held it, not exhaling.  Things went wrong all the time, pain was often inevitable, but she would accept such pain when it came, and would make the most of it.  Such pain came with lessons, and even from pain could come understanding and maybe even happiness.  Vwyx continued to stay tense, holding her breath, until she felt she no longer felt the strain of such pressure, her body having fully adjusted, her breathless state of no consequence.  She was ready.

Vwyx picked herself up listlessly, her breath having resumed yet became so faint it was impossible to notice, being too shallow.  The tension had flooded her body, but she felt like she was only sleep walking, her body numb to everything.  She looked over her body in wonder, unsure what she was expecting from such a casual glance, still finding her body swaying listlessly in almost inhumane motions.  Everything felt distant, cold.. especially herself.  She noticed she felt a subtle hunger too, a thirst, but she was calm.. without any worries.  It was a familiar feeling, in its own gentle way.  She held up her hand, experimentally focusing on a rock a fair distance away, much farther than her normal.  That rock reshaped itself into a stone table, a design looking completely possible if it was made from wood, but much less feasible to complete from solid stone.  The table also looked like it was impossibly heavy too, as she walked towards it, and casually picked it up, bringing it back to set it before the others.

“Looks good, right?”  Vwyx’s voice sounded cold and emotionless, her expression as listless as her posture, almost like she was an animated corpse.  Riyxia paused at that reflection, understanding that such a comparison was especially cruel coming from her, being an Ersatz and everything.  “Very impressive, good work.”  Riyxia wasn’t even sure what she was complimenting, the design of the table, Vwyx’s ability to carry something so inhumanely heavy, .. the fact that she was entranced yet in control.  Probably all of it, actually.  Had all of her work that morning actually finally paid off, leaving them with no small measure of progress?  Could things really be turning around for them like that so unexpectedly?

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Sryine had herself caught that she was now holding things up, but she was also going over her own thoughts, finding her own progress.  A composure within fear.  Vwyx’s sudden change had been alarming for a moment, the others uncertain if she had lost control for a moment.  Was it irrational to hold such fears, to be prepared for things to go wrong.  Certainly not, being afraid of things going wrong involved being aware of the consequences.  Riyxia had made it clear earlier that she wasn’t going to expect things to just go right suddenly, that it was fine if things go wrong and they were to lose control again, such things could always happen.  But being afraid of things going wrong allowed for them to prepare for it, to be aware of it.  Maybe fear really was beautiful.. in how it could protect people, even save lives.

There was nothing to be scared of in this moment, with everything going well, but that certainly wasn’t enough reason for Sryine to not be prepared, possibilities demanded consideration, opportunities required awareness, anything could happen after all, and knowing what could happen gave her the ability to strive towards the better outcomes, to avoid the traps along the way.  Knowing this, Sryine opened herself up to her own worries and concerns, gave her mind the freedom to express the thoughts that burdened it.  She even took a moment to go over the little worries, such as how Vwyx might be feeling about having to eat a cold lunch due to Sryine’s circumstances.  There was even some food left, sitting to the side growing even colder.  She took a moment to remember how much better it all tasted warmer, making even her own tummy rumble in the thought.  She took a moment to giggle softly at that subtle irony, her thoughts turning to search for ways she could help.

She picked up the remaining food, placing it firmly in the middle of the table.  She then got a series of small rocks and placed them in a ring around the dish, tightly packed together in a form that looked like complete nonsense.  She understood how crazy such a design was, but she had an idea, and this certainly wasn’t the time for hesitation.  Once her arrangement was completed, she rushed a short distance from the table, turned her back on it crouching in a tight ball, her eyes closed tight as she swayed giggling again.  Before the others could move or react to this, the rocks Sryine had collected suddenly burst into flame, entirely illusion by design, a blazing blue flame that flickered brightly even despite Sryine’s dramatic distance from the flame.  Sryine shook in her fear, crying and laughing at the same time, as the blaze continued to burn for a few moments more.  Then, just as quickly as it had begun, the flame burst into a cloud of smoke and disappeared, Sryine still sitting there shaking.

“Please, please, don’t wait, don’t watch, don’t stare with such flames in your eyes.  No flame, was flame, a flame served with your serving, food restored with such blazing intensity.  Please, please, have a bite, don’t leave me waiting, don’t leave me watching, don’t leave such flames wasted.  It wasn’t even real, all pretend, all an illusion, but even the illusion of warmth will bring a feeling, a taste even, of the real thing.  Nothing more, no more, but please tell me that was enough, that it brought warmth where warmth was lacking, where warmth was sacrificed.”  Sryine turned to face them, giggling faintly even in her own concern.  It took the others a moment to even understand what she was trying to express in her very apparent insanity, but they quickly pieced everything together.  She had struggled even in her fears to use her illusion to warm up their food, leaving their dish to hopefully taste like it would have had they properly heated it.  It would not actually be any warmer than it had been, but the entire issue was only a matter of flavour at this point anyway, the food had already been previously cooked and was perfectly edible cold at this point.  Riyxia and Vwyx took a sample of the heated food, finding the taste improved to even exceed the flavour of the freshly prepared version, possibly as an added illusion.  Not even the illusion made it taste better than like anything else, but it was an obvious improvement.

The three of them finished off the remainder of their lunch together, Sryine and Vwyx adjusting to their augmented states for a time after.  They both also took the opportunity to practice turning it off and on, adjusting to their newly found control.  They needed to be certain that there would be no further issues before giving up, but both of them even felt confident that they had this at last.  Having earned a real break from their exercise, everyone dropped the augmentations and went back to their normal selves.

“So Sryine, do you really have to be that confusing when you talk augmented?”  “Hey, I was doing my best!  You won’t believe how hard it is to get some thoughts in order with everything in a spiral mess like that, it’s pretty crazy.”  “I bet, you seemed pretty insane.  Not that you aren’t usually pretty crazy, actually.”  “Ha ha ha, very funny.  I guess we should be thankful you could talk at all while entranced, considering you never once spoke before.  I guess you just didn’t care to speak before then, and I shouldn’t have been worried.  I mean, you’re usually pretty quiet, right?”  “Am I quiet, or are you just loud?”  Vwyx and Sryine suddenly broke out in a playful argument involving the particular quirks of their augmented state.  “Okay, no more fighting please, I’m tired of breaking up these conflicts you two keep bringing up.”  Riyxia sighed, laying down against some of the nearby rocks.  Vwyx and Sryine turned to her, not having missed her pointed reference to their uncontrolled mistakes, but let the subject drop after noticing how much she really did look tired.

Vwyx took the opportunity to revisit the table, Sryine’s setup from earlier still in place as it was.  Playfully, she picked up one of the rocks, and pulled her hand away rapidly like the stone had burnt it, aware Sryine was watching.  Sryine rushed over to check things out, worried the illusion of heat was still present in the stone or something.  To counter such, she threw an illusion of the stones of a chilling breeze rapidly blowing over them, a fierce gale that knocked the dish from the table.  That was a little more than she had expected.. actually, it was about the same force of wind as she wanted, she just didn’t expect a physical object to respond to…  Sryine did a double-take on the dish, finding Vwyx repairing it from it’s fall.  The dish wasn’t alive, it was immune to illusions.  With that in consideration, what had she done just then?

Realizing that the table she had made was running out of uses, as they were cleaning things up, Vwyx tried to move it out of the way.  Without her augmented state, she was quickly finding the table was really impossibly heavy, there was no way she could move it in her current state.  She didn’t want to resort to going into a trance again simply to move the table, so she turned her gift on the table, remaking the table into much simpler parts.  Removing a leg, she had the whole unit tilt on the ground as she brought the leg back to where she took it from.  She set the piece back around where she found it, quickly noticing how the leg looked very little like everything else.  She picked up the leg again, grabbing a similar size rock to contrast the differences.  The leg she had was considerably lighter, and closer inspection made her wonder if they really were the same material.  She brought both back to the table, comparing them to another leg.  The leg actually looked a lot more like the extra stone than the leg she had removed.  She tried to repeat the same process, unmaking the table so that yet another leg was lost.  Now this leg looked a lot more similar to the other leg than the original stone.  Experimenting, she tried the same process on the spare stone, melding it to one of the legs and holding it up.  Despite being attached to more material, this combination was actually lighter than the stone had originally been by itself.  She detached both parts, finding herself with a really really light rock.

After a bit of experimentation, she managed to finally get the rocks back to being normal rocks, though it took quite a lot of work.  She picked up another piece of stone, shaping it into a flat slab, taking intent to doing nothing more.  Then, she picked up the slab, wanting it to be lighter.  The whole thing moved much easier than it should have.  She rotated the slab, checking how it looked, almost like a metal.  At the idea, the soft gray of the stone shifted to a shiny metallic sheen, following along with her.  It made no sense at all, though she couldn’t be certain, she wasn’t exactly an expert with stones and metal, if it was wood that would be…  Vwyx dropped the slab as panic overcame her, the wood bouncing off the stone.

The wood bounced towards Sryine, who was also experimenting, itself suddenly caught in a breeze that spiraled upwards and threw the piece in another direction.  It moved, it could move?  How did it move anyway?  Concern flooded through her, but she knew concern needed a chance to be realized, it kept her safe.  She found a stone and tried to freeze it in a solid block, suspending it off the ground.  The stone stayed on the ground, but it certainly seemed cold.  She dismissed any illusions and went to the stone to pick it up, jumping back at the sudden feeling of cold.  There was no illusion anymore, the rock was simply really cold, she had actually affected reality, not illusion.  Still, it seemed like there might be some limitations, nothing she did changed the physical presence of stuff, only certain properties, so far elemental in nature.  If that was the case, there was something she really needed to try, something she really needed to confirm, even though she really didn’t want to.

She went to the piece of wood that had been discarded earlier, picking it up and bringing it to a stone nearby, moving to a safe distance.  She then turned her gift on the wood, and a flame lit keenly on the wood, burning rapidly with an unnatural intensity.  Quickly after, the flame faded and died, the wood now nothing but ash.  She tried to dismiss any illusion, making sure to try and cool the ashes with her gift too before picking up two sets pinched between different fingers.  The wood had really truly turned to ash from the fire, it had really honestly burned.  She had always lived with her gift being nothing but useful illusions, but this was something else, like she was using someone else’s gift instead of her own.

The two girls might have originally tried to simply learn to control their augmented versions, but had in turn also awakened something else entirely.  They weren’t even in their augmented form, doing things naturally that they could never have accomplished before, things that they knew they shouldn’t even be capable of.