“Be quiet or they'll hear,” someone whispered in her ear.
A familiar scent of leather and metal reached her nostrils. She tried to compose herself enough to nod, but the look he gave her was so similar to that from her dreams that she froze in place, staring at him with wide eyes. He noticed her tense state and gave her a curious gaze but said nothing. He did do her the courtesy of removing his hand, which relieved her.
When the noises retreated, he sighed.
“I don't think they're here for you.”
He turned his eyes on her.
“What are you doing, outside? I went to your cot to wake you and Laelith up but you were missing.”
She swallowed and tried to keep her voice calm.
“I-I just needed some fresh air.”
“We're leaving,” he announced.
“Laelith's taking care of travel arrangements, but we can't keep you here, there's too much danger.”
“Why didn't you tell me?” she asked, her voice rising.
“Our plans weren't settled,” he told her but she shook her head, violently.
“No! You were keeping me in the dark, you always keep me in the dark!”
She moved away from him, struggling to get a hold of her internal turmoil.
“What's gotten into you? You don't wish to stay here, do you?”
“That's not the point!” she yelled and was rewarded by having his hand closed over her mouth, again.
“I get that you're upset,” he muttered, urgently, “but the whole point of our plan is secrecy, I need you to remain calm.”
He was pressed against her as he peeked around to the entrance of the barrack. The feeling of his body against hers sent her heart into overdrive and she was fighting the urge to struggle free and bolt from the spot.
Dhíanvhúr, please! Please talk to me!
When he was sure they had not been noticed he stepped away and grabbed her by the shoulders as he locked his eyes unto hers.
“Listen to me. We're leaving this place, so you have two choices: either tell me what's going on with you or stay quiet until we're in the tunnels.”
“He's gone,” she whispered.
Tears started spilling from her eyes, yet it did not occur to her to stem their tide.
“Who's gone,” Ezeas asked.
“I can't hear Dhíanvhúr,” she blurted out. “I can't hear him, he doesn't answer me, anymore. He's gone!”
If Ezeas had not kept his grip on her, she would have crumpled to the ground. As it were, his hands tightened, his fingers digging into her arms. She could not bring herself to meet his gaze or even glance at his face. At length, he spoke.
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“We'll deal with that, later. For now, we need to go.”
He guided her to where Laelith waited with three phu'rias; her mind was blank and she only barely figured out to get herself into the saddle and hold on as they started riding. They may have been inside the compound or outside it, she did not remember. Maybe the cousins were speaking to each other, maybe they were talking to her. If they were, she could not recall answering.
How would she survive without the dragon's help? What would they do with her? The sight of Ezeas in her dreams flickered through her mind and she drew a shuddering breath. She knew he would kill her if he believed it was best. She knew Laelith's power to protect her was limited and familial obligations might have a stronger pull than the safety of one measly human.
Their journey home passed in a blur and Saelina could barely be called on to answer questions. If her companions were concerned about her bleakness she missed it. Her dreams were becoming more vivid and more alarming and she woke up, ready to flee and abandon her co-travelers. Only the recklessness of the idea kept her in check as she spent hours trying to shake the nightmares off. What little sleep she got was barely enough to keep her conscious throughout the day.
Entering Gaerwhynn with its noise and bustling only roused her enough to try and keep her phu'ria from trampling someone. When they stopped at the manor, she went inside, making some indistinct noise of acknowledgment to the owners before retreating to her room.
Once there, she paced back and forth, trying once again to rouse the dragon's voice but to no avail. Her mind started racing and a pit settled in her stomach; she had tried to use magic, when alone, but her power was gone, she could not even locate the magic within herself anymore. She had no doubt Ezeas would report her sudden deficiency to the council and when they realized she was useless to their plans, what would they do?
She would be lucky if all they did was throw her out. Considering the amount of time she had spent in Gaerwhynn, they might take more drastic measures to keep her from ever spilling what she knew to their enemies. She had to escape but Ezeas would track her down without difficulty. Without anything to distract her, her thoughts took a progressively darker turn.
What if this whole incident was their plan? Had they done something at the compound to sever her connection with Dhíanvhúr? Those strange rooms, were they capable of causing such a change?Was Laelith in on it? She thought it would be impossible for her so-called 'friend' to be ignorant of such a scheme.
She had done her best to dismiss her nightmares, but in the solitude of her mind, she found herself wondering whether it was her own recollection which might not be accurate. Maybe the abuse she had suffered before had rendered her unable to properly discern whether a situation was dangerous or not. Maybe Ezeas had intended to kill her, that night in the snow, she would never truly know.
The more she speculated, the stronger her sense of betrayal became. She felt lonely and scared for the first time since her arrival at the manor, and she wished fervently that Dhíanvhúr would speak to her, help her feel sane again.
To do something, anything other than spiraling through her despair, she grabbed the pitcher of water and poured herself a cup. Tasting the content she grimaced and almost spat it out. Why was it always so bitter?
* * *
Saelina refused to leave her room in the week, following their return. Laelith ended up having to leave for her journey without seeing her friend, who opened the door for no one. Both Haylen and Tiyala were deeply concerned with her reclusive behavior and Ezeas had returned from the manor without sound or sight of the woman, several times. By his mother's earnest plea, he had delayed in telling his grandmother about the human's apparent lack of connection with the dragon, but he was at his wits' end on how to proceed.
He had, at one point, been so fed up with her refusal to come out, he had entered her room without permission, only to find her curled up on her bed, trembling as she glared at him. The sight of her in such a state had caused more alarm than he thought possible. He had no inkling as to the cause of her sudden fear and every attempt at retrieving an answer from her had led nowhere. Finally, he had retreated and left her in peace.
Through the servants, he learned she handled her hygienic business in the dead of night, and they would occasionally hear her talking to herself or crying, through the door. The food was left on a tray, outside it. At first, she would eat most of it, but as the days passed, more and more was left untouched on the plate.
Ezeas knew Niranne would soon suspect something and he was unwilling to deceive her. The sudden change in Saelina's behavior was more than odd but nothing he could think of could account for it. He had never known her mind to be so fragile and seeing her reduced to such self-destructive conduct gave him a strong feeling of unease.
He spent most of the nights thinking over what to do to help his charge and his sleep was often disturbed. Little more than a week after she shut herself away, he woke to the sound of someone in his room.
Ezeas opened his eyes to see the freckled face staring down at him, her hand clenching the handle of a knife. The light from the crystals outside, glinted off the blade as she swung at him.