-Entry 1-

This was a nightmare,  said a young man in a hospital bed. Everything was fine yet at a single piece of paper  would turn his life into a living hell.

Let's call this young man for now as  Jef, before the events that leads to this point Jef was an optimistic young man, he sees everything in a colorful manner that  everyday was a joyous thing. He find it a  bliss to live such life, yet like every young man, Jef likes and wants to experience some spice in his life, for there are times that  life is too boring for him and he felt that he was stuck in some loop of plainness. So Jef did a lot of playing around and would do a lot of things that people would find as weird.

Jef obviously have notice the stares of suspicion on him. After all Jef was a pretty good  observer  so  he simply just ignore them and mind his own business. At first Jef would go around town jumping around and wandering, trying to see if there is anything happening around town. But as Jef started his wanderlust he have seen things that are quite interesting.

In one time, there was an old man who would  walk with a dog and would always go to the nearby hill and would sat for an hour letting his dog sleep inthe grass. Then the old man would bring some kind of  home made alcohol he brewed himself.After a few trips Jef have been chatting with the old man, the old man was an interesting fellow, he would speak of the old days quite fondly and would speak with nostalgia, so when Jef asked the old man on why does he always go to this particular hill everyday, he spoke in a slightly sad tone.

The old man is now alone, this particular hill was  something that his family used to visit. When his wife and children was alive, they would always go to this hill and would bring their food to eat here, it was something the old man would speak in delight. He relieve the days of how would his sons would play tag with his dog's parent and would laugh in joy. Yet now those days were something that will never happen, it has been years since the old man's wife has died from illness, and his sons who have fallen in duty to the country.

The old man spoke in dread, his only family now was the grandson of his wife's dog. They have been left alone in the world, the old man said in a depressing manner that having outlived both his wife and sons was something that he cried over. The old man was sad that he have never see his sons brings their kids or grow old with his till death they do part. The old man shed a tear and comforted Jef  at the same time, the old man must have think  that Jef must be feeling guilty for asking something like that.

The Old man then gave Jef some simple words ''Time is a cruel thing lad, so when you have time do what needs to be done  and enjoy it, because when time is over, you would face laments and regrets if you never did anything''. Those words have been left in Jef's heart. He have taken and burn it to his mind.

Yes, it was truly burn in his mind, because at this time Jef is now currently  on a hospital in the city. He is now left wondering in this room, lamenting and despairing about the pain. Jef was now suffering from an illness. He would always feel his bones shivering in pain and his skins feels like being pierce by  needles. It was hell for Jef. A nightmare that he wants to wake up from. Every minute, every hour of the day he find himself unable to sleep, the pain doesn't let him sleep unless the flush of  pain relievers in his IV would be injected into his body.

And as days pass in the hospital, Jef was now staring blankly at the ceiling, he can hear his mother calling for him but he doesn't feel like replying, Jef have gone numb on this state, it was a weird phenomenon that he never felt before. Everything was bland and tasteless and the things Jef sees is painted in gray. It was disgusting, he felt like stuck on some slow word of nothing but bland things. Even with the food serve for Jef was tasteless because of the medicines he intake. Even the show that Jef normally enjoys on the television was tasteless. He felt bored and in pain.

Jef was in distressed, he wants to give up, but he can't for some reason. It has been months since his admittance in the hospital, the throbbing pain was slightly gone but even so the doctor said grim words that Jef broke down upon hearing. Jef needs to learn to walk again, simply because of the long time he spend laying in the hospital bed that due to the lack of activity, his legs became brittle and weak. Jef was stricken with grief, obviously he would have known that this would happen but not this much. ''Learn to walk again'' something like that is a remark Jef would  have thought on hearing.

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Are you kidding me? Jef cursed in his mind. As he tries to sleep, but nonetheless it was rather pointless, he can't sleep. Jef decided to open his eyes but stop when he heard the conversation between his mother and the doctor. It was a shocking conversation, his mother is basically telling the doctor that Jef needs no rehabilitation because its expensive and that they would hold off on the psychology test too. Jef understood that his medicines are no laughing matter and they are really expensive if judging from the receipt that he saw lying near the bed table. But even so Jef was hurt, he sadly thought his mother might have really love him that much if she find it unnecessary, maybe all the money was not worth spending on such child. Jef grieved, he felt more pain in his heart than the amount of pain that his illness gave him.

Half a year has passed, Jef is still in the accursed room....HOW WONDERFUL RIGHT?Hah, Jef mocked himself sadly on the room, during the days of accursed pain. Jef has  unconsciously been talking to himself and doing  soliloquy was a normal routine for him now. In his mother's view he was acting crazy, but from the doctor's view he felt that the young man is trying  to cope up by creating his own personality to sooth himself.

A monotone voice rings in the room, this belongs to a deranged young man, its has been a year since this hell has welcome him. So many things he want do, but it was enviable, his willpower has sunken too low.  Jef has turn  apathetic to things, in his days he would act like a optimistic young man, but deep inside he has laments that he realize that he should keep for himself. As of now he has a created ''fej'' a delusion that he made, its simple a shadow that he uses to make a conversation to himself.

''Hey Fej,, do you thing were gonna be free from this shitty room?''

[How should i know? I ain't got any answer for that, after all i'm a fucking phantom]

''True, maybe  i have finally gone crazy making these stupid monologues on my head, i wonder how much shit do i have to endure before i get out.''

[Probably a lot, i mean it should be over soon right? You surely heard the conversation yesterday from your doctor and mother right?]

''Yeah, but it sounded like my mother is just glad she doesn't have to pay hospital bills anymore''

[Come on dude , your being too pessimistic]

''i don't know, besides you should be like me since like your me after all''

[Hey!, i might be a delusion but even delusions created by yourself have their own personality]

''What the hell brain''

[Stop your killing me, please stop with the  doubting of the brain]

''Fine, anyway im bored as always''

[I can see that.]

''So what am i suppose to do now? Still fucking stare at the ceiling and count the holes on it? again?''

[Well in any case , it seems your ears are picking up some  footprints, at any case this is my cue to go for now]

''Uh your right, goodbye for now''

As the delusions stop for a while,  a figure knocked on the room. It was obviously the doctor coming in with a document. And because the doctor is quite a boring person, it basically just '' Hello, now your free to go home''.

And so the time finally comes. It's time to leave this room, as Jef sigh... First off he needs to rid of his weight and make himself lighter so that it would be easier trying to walk again.

As the car goes and pick up Jef....he muttered quietly.

''Now what?''

The Days of trying to walk again felt far away.