Many don’t understand the difficulties of being an indie video game developer. 

“Oh, this game is absolutely garbage!”

“There is absolutely no balance in the game system!”

“WHERE IS THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?”

Yes, I know all of that. I’m the creator after all. I should know the issues with my game more than anyone should.

But I was a poor, drop-out high schooler who had no one but himself in this world. Can you really blame me? 

I wasn’t always like this. When I was in middle school, I was pretty popular. There were a lot of students who tried to become friends with me. I hung around with the popular kids, wandering around the city, going to arcades and karaokes, and had a great time. Although I did not exactly have the best grades, the teachers still enjoyed my brash yet exciting personality in class. And most of all, I had my loving family, with my mom, dad and my older sister, living in a small but cozy apartment complex. I wasn’t the richest kid in town, nor was I the sportiest or the smartest. But I had the most important thing in this world: happiness. It was probably the most joyful part of my life.

Then that day came.

It wasn’t a special day by any means. My parents and I were in the car together; I was going to school, and they were going to drop me off before going to work. It was a fine day. I was listening to my favorite song, my earphones plugged in, while my parents were talking about the next upcoming election. It was all okay… until

CRASH

With a sudden whiplash from the back, I jammed forward and hit my head. I blacked out immediately. When I woke up, I was in a hospital surrounded by nurses. I looked around. Why was I here? And where was my family? Suddenly, I heard a loud stumble behind the curtains. Then appeared my father, his arms trembling as he jumped forward to hug me.

“Sir, the patient is not ready to be in any physical conta-”

“You’re alright, you’re alright…” he cried as he hugged me tightly.

“Dad…” I replied tearfully, emotions welling up. “What happened to your eyes?”

My dad was always known for having a lively black iris in his eyes. But now, he had a massive cut on his face. 

That’s right, because of the crash, he became blind. 

But what I heard next was almost the end for me.

“Unfortunately Satou-kun, your mother has passed away in the car accident.”

The pillar of my life, the person who birthed me, the woman who had raised me since birth, the one who had watched my every step up until that point of my life, was gone forever.

The atmosphere at our house was never the same after that. To pay for the apartment complex that we were living in, dad had to take in another job to feed our family. My sister, who was a year older than me at the time, dropped out of high school to work part time around the city. As for me, I regressed, in terms of both my grades and my personality. I started to shy away from others and began to isolate myself from the class. 

Then the second tragedy happened.

“Due to the rushed construction of the Tokyo Metropolitan Department Store, the building collapsed, killing the majority of the shoppers and workers who were inside.”

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

My heart dropped stone cold after I heard that on the news. My sister, my dear sister, was working part time in that department store. 

I quickly checked the time. It was 8pm right now. My sister was going to be back at 10. 

So I waited. Every minute I took a quick peek at my phone to see if my sister had texted, even if it was a small message to confirm that she was okay and that she would be back soon. Each minute felt like an hour as the clock ticked one by one, one by one, and one by one.

It was a week later when I was kneeling down in front of my sister’s portrait, in a funeral parlor.

“No, no, not you too! Please God, WHY!?” my dad screamed in anguish as he banged his head on the floor, kneeling down in front of his daughter’s ashes.

And it wasn’t until a month later when the final tragedy struck.

I was coming back from school, which felt like a blur during then. I never wanted to go to school in the first place, but my father forced me to, saying that even at times like this, education was important. 

The door wasn’t locked, which was the first sign I knew that something was off. The second was the lights, which were on even though I remembered turning them off. Finally, the door to my room was creaked slightly open, even though I had completely shut it when I went out.

I put my hand on the door to open before slightly hesitating. I had a gut feeling that if I opened this door, I would regret it for the rest of my life. But swallowing that feeling, I opened the door wide open.

On the floor was a table, with a piece of paper that had a hastily written message on it. My instinct told me to close my eyes, run out of the room and never come back. But slowly, I lifted my head. Then I stumbled back.

Because what was on the ceiling was a man with his neck tied to the ceiling. 

And that man’s face was very familiar. That was because he was my dad.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Hinata,

I just wanted to say this from the bottom of my heart that you were the best son I could ever have. I was always happy when I was with you. But these past months… were just too much. I just wanted it to be over. I’m sorry. I’m probably the worst, most irresponsible dad imaginable. Maybe in your next life you could meet a better father than me. Please don’t blame yourself. And even if I’m gone, promise me that you can continue on without me.

With sorrow and love,

Dad

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I decided not to go to high school in the following year. After all the travesty that occurred to me, I just did not feel like going. I declined every physiatrist treatment offered to me, and I recluded myself into my home. I essentially became a hikikomori. If I kept to myself, then I wouldn’t become close to anyone. Then I wouldn’t see anyone I love disappear anymore. 

But even though I had become frozen in time, the world still moved on. Which meant that taxes did as well. Even though I was receiving financial help from the government, that was still not enough for me to survive.

I was introduced to the world of video games by pure coincidence. I had been surfing the web when I came across an article that stated that an indie video game creator had made millions by creating a ‘RPG’ game. I did not know what that was, but if it could help me financially, I was in.

Coding was hard, especially for a computer newbie like me, which meant that creating a game from scratch was nigh impossible. Countless hours were spent into the intricacies of game designs, appeal factor, character modeling and game mechanics, which wasn’t even counting the entire coding process itself. But in the end, after months of work, I had finally published my very first video game. I pressed the ‘Upload’ button and waited for the reviews.

Long story short, the reviews were not positive at all. There were a lot of criticisms towards every part of my game, design-wise and mechanics-wise, with many calling it a boring game with clunky codes. But I was undeterred. I knew that no one was perfect from the start. What I found out about myself after all these tragedies occurred to me was the fact that I had determination, the will to live, the power to continue. 

So I started working on the next game. Taking all my experiences from the previous game that I had created as well as listening to the reviews that the players have commented, I created a new storyline, characters, setting and gameplay mechanics. I used my real life story with a twist to make people empathize with the characters. The old game had me use a traditional rpg setting; I needed to make the game more relatable to the players. Thoughts poured through my head as I worked on my game alone in solitary.

It was days, then weeks, then months. A year passed then the next. And then it was finally ready. I was 18 when it all came to an end. People around my age were preparing for university, working part-time or hanging around with their friends. But even in my solitary,  I was happy. I had finally done it. Something that I had worked on for two years, something that I could be proud of. With a heavy sigh of relief, I pressed the ‘Upload’ button.

I stumbled towards my bed. How long has it been since I had a proper sleep? A week? Or a month? Either way, I had just taken a huge load off my chest. My mouth started to curve upward as I drifted off to sleep…

Which is why I was freaked out when I found myself on a bus when I woke up. 

“Next stop, Tokyo Hero Academy. Be ready for the next stop.”