‘There she is, my beautiful wife, my best friend, my significant other. How would I be able to live in this world without her? Her curly long brown hair, it always smells like daffodils. That smile of hers that could pull me out of a storm and into peace, but her eyes are what I can’t get enough of. They are so dreamy, the light blues are like gazing into a peaceful summer sky. I don’t want to stop looking into them. Madeline my love, it is so great to see you again. Oh how I have missed you so, wishing to see you once more.’ The words seemed to have been thoughts of someone else, they suddenly came to a halt as the vision faded into the image of a woman sitting across from him at a table. She is beautiful just as described, her face feels full of fervor with unwavering eyes that are incredibly inviting. Dressed in a suave silky blue dress, hair done up in a beehive and gold earrings in both ears, she is ready to steal hearts.
“You are just as handsome as the day I met you.” She says, staring at him while she twirls the straw to her drink.
“I would say the same to you, but you seem to just get prettier by the day. I don’t know whatever I did to deserve you.” He says back to her, getting lost in the labyrinth of her being. Her eyes are forced closed from a smile which is followed by a giggle.
“Oh nonsense, I couldn’t even imagine myself being with anyone else besides you.” She tells him while reaching over to grab his hand that’s on the table, she then proceeds to rub the back of his with her thumb. “I never quite felt comfortable around people like I did with you my love, you always just seemed right to me, sorry, it is hard to explain.” He enjoys the compliment and sensation of her hand in his, distracting him from his thoughts. Then, hesitantly he clears his throat.
“Should we tell your parents that we uh… got married?” he asks, looking up slightly into her eyes in anticipation. She giggles again while still stroking his hand.
“Oh you worry too much, we will cross that bridge when we get there my dear. For tonight, it’s only about us.” She leans closer to him over the table with a flash of playfulness in her eyes. “Now how about we get out of here?”
With a blink of his eyes, the scene shifts over from her leading him by the hand to him driving a car on the freeway with his hands on the wheel. A voice is then heard from the passenger seat.
“Look, all that they are saying is that we should have started a savings account years ago. I know my parents, they are terrible with words John. Don’t take it too personally.” Madeline says to him, she puts a hand on his leg attempting to comfort him. He rests his free hand on hers and embraces it while keeping his eyes on the road.
“I’m sure behind all of that passive aggression, they really do hate me, and I’ll be hard pressed to think otherwise. I get heartburn every time we visit them, and you know how tight it has been with money since like, I don’t know, forever.” John replies back while trying to keep his blood pressure down.
“Yeah, it has never been easy for us... Maybe getting pregnant was a bad idea.” She then pulls her hand away from his and turns to face the window. He looks at her feeling guilty, like he just got stabbed in his chest.
“Hey, come on hun, I didn’t mean it that way… I’m sorry, it’s just that your parents get me so worked up.” He then puts his hand on her leg. “I could never think negatively about little Chloe, I am so excited to meet her I can hardly wait.” She turns her head back towards him and gives him a warming smile.
“Well, we’ve made it this far in life… I’m sure we’ll be alright.” She then reaches back and embraces his hand once more. “It is cliche, but maybe you can guess what I would like to feel from her when she first comes out?” She asks while pushing his index finger out with her other hand. He studies it for a few seconds, getting lost in her intentions. Quickly then adjusting the wheel so he doesn’t veer off the side of the road he lets out a gasp. She doesn’t notice because she is tightly affixed in daydreams.
“Oh Christ!” he juts out. She is still holding his hand, while the other is tightly wrapped around his pushed out finger. He darts his sight down quickly but knows right away from feeling what she means. “Ha ha, that is extremely cliche. But I would be lying if I said I didn't want the same thing. Besides? Isn't that more of the fatherly kind of wish?” She turns her head away in a bit of embarrassment.
“I can wish for that thing too you know?” They both laugh at themselves like a couple of idiots.
With another blink the scene changes yet again. They are both in a kitchen and she seems to wince, dropping her cup.
“Johnathan, I think my water just broke.” she said to him as she hunched over and supported herself on the kitchen counter.
“Oh shit! Are you for real!?” Johnathan asked her back, stopping the pour of his smoothie from a blender.
“Yes, yes oh god I’m freaking out!” Yelling back in response while she grips her side and squishes her face.
“Okay, okay, just take deep breaths, deeeep breaths Maddie. Come on, let's get you to the car.” He says while holding out his hands, trying to coax her towards their garage.
They are now driving quickly out to the nearest hospital while holding hands. He is going roughly 15 over, diving and switching lanes. She lets out a hard groan and squeezes his hand tightly like a wrench, causing him to groan along with her as they both yell for the moment. She lets go of his hand and then rests it on the dash while the other is holding on the handle above.
“Sorry” she says, then follows her words with quick deep inhales and exhales.
“No, no-no it’s fine. Yeah, there you go, keep breathing, we are almost there.” He says while shaking some life back into his hand.
“Honey, if anything happens, I just want to say I love you.” She says looking deep into his eyes.
“Ha ha, no need to be dramatic, it’s going to be fine.” He says trying his best to not get into a car accident. She slaps him on the knee in a little fit. “Ow, oh sorry I love you too. Now come, in and out, in and out.”
Vision closes and then opens up to a crying baby in his arms. He has tears of joy in his eyes making things blurry. Her little hands are scouring, reaching out for embrace. He looks unto her tiny face as she is in turmoil. Bringing his own hand forward from instincts, he extends out his right index finger. It takes her some coaxing, but she soon discovers it. Fully embracing it she latches on and he can’t help but feel connected. Nothing else matters in this world but this one moment. Before anything can be said, the heart rate monitor on Madeline starts to go erratic, being ripped away from his daughter he looks up and sees his wife starting to seize in the bed.
“What’s going on!? What’s happening to her!? What’s happening to her!?” He says loudly while handing off the baby to one of the nurses. Another ushers him out of the room as they begin to tend to her. “Please, what’s going on!? Is she going to be okay!?”
“Sir, I’m sorry but we need you out of the room.” One of the nurses stoutly tells him.
He is now waiting out in a hallway, looking through a window into the room where his newborn daughter is resting peacefully. A very happy man for the new person introduced into his life, but deeply worried for the one he cannot see at the moment. He stares forward, entranced and unable to fathom that she is his daughter, he rests his palm on the glass. Footsteps approach him from behind.
“Mr. Hayes?” He turns around and sees a woman in a white coat and dress attire underneath before him.
“Yes, that’s me.” He says to her, in hopes to hear good news.
“Hi, I’m Doctor Bree, unfortunately Mr. Hayes I have some news you might not want to hear, I suggest you sit down for this.” He denies her request as he begins to feel dreadfully nervous.
“Why? What- what happened?” stammering on his words as his heart rate rises. She clears her throat while pressing a closed fist against her mouth, then proceeds to talk.
“I am sorry Mr. Hayes, we did everything we could in attempts to resuscitate your wife, but there just wasn’t enough time for us to react appropriately.” She then waits for this to settle in, looking into his eyes for his reaction.
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“What, do you mean? You- you couldn’t resuscitate her?” his face is ingrained with shock.
“I’m sorry” She reaches down and grabs his hand. “I’m sorry but your wife has passed away Mr. Hayes.” Receiving these words makes his heart sink to the bottom of his feet. Tears begin to swell out of his eyes while his face grimaces harshly. He squeezes her hand but it doesn’t feel right because it is not Madeline’s. It is not the one that he loves.
“But, this is a hospital. You guys should be able to save her.” He says, letting go of her hand, he falls to his knees and begins to break down.
His eyes once again blur with tears, he is looking at the shiny white floor of the hospital. He closes them. Opening back up, the sight he sees is a park outside. Greens everywhere, the playground is just ahead about twenty feet. He can see a little girl approaching him who has brown curly hair that goes down to her shoulders, she seems to be about four years old.
“Dad?” the little girl asks as she stops before him, looking up into his eyes while she embraces his hand.
“Yes, my little co-co?” He says back endearingly to her.
“When am I gonna get a mommy like all the other kids?” Her question makes him feel sad in his heart, but he stays strong and thinks of trying to make her happy first.
“Oh Chloe, just because she isn’t here doesn’t mean she isn’t your mommy. We can go see her again if you want to, I know I do.” He says looking down at her with a smile as they begin walking to their car.
“But dad, that’s just a rock. Is my mommy that rock?” She says in response while picking her nose.
“Ha ha, well in a way I suppose. You’ll understand better when you get older dear.”
“Can we get some candy too?” she asks him for she knows where they are headed to before their visit.
“Only if you stop picking your nose, little girls who pick their nose don’t get any candy.” He watches her with a smile as she quickly pulls her hand away from her nose and then looks at him with a frown on her face.
“I wasn’t picking my nose!” Her little angry face makes him laugh cause it always looks like she is trying to see her forehead.
“Ha ha ha, okay okay, but only one. We need the rest of the money for flowers, okay?” She smiles hearing this, which pushes her eyes to a close.
“Okay dad.”
He lifts her up into the booster seat in the back and buckles her in. Closing his eyes again, switching to the inside of someone's house, they are standing in the foyer. He is holding the girl closely who now seems to be ten. She is crying with a face stricken full of sadness.
“It’s okay, don’t listen to your horrible grandparents. This is going to be the last time we come here.” He says while embracing her. She gives a slight nod in acknowledgment.
“Yeah that's right, you take that little bitch with you and never come back.” He hears the older man say to them.
“Don’t you call her that! I have half the mind to sock your sorry drunk ass!” He yells back, looking at him. Chloe’s grandpa is standing in the hallway with a beer bottle in his hand, he is swaying from side to side. Her grandmother is standing behind him with anger and hatred in her eyes, her arms are crossed and resting in front of her.
“I’ll call her what she is, if it wasn’t for you and that little demon, we’d still have our daughter!” the old man yells at them with a tremble in his voice. He hurls the bottle at them, missing as it breaks on the wall behind them. Chloe yelps in response and John glares at him, ready to tear him to shreds. The old man's face crumples, shortly afterwards he does as well, coming to the ground on his knees.
“I told her to stay away from you, you son of a bitch. You took her from me, you took my sweet Madeline away.” He begins weeping, resignation signed fully over to his emotions as he kneels on the floor. The old woman behind him kneels down and lightly puts her hands on his back.
“Haven’t you two caused enough damage? Just leave already!” She hisses at them, soon turning her attention to her good for nothing husband.
“Come on Chloe, these people were never your grandparents.” He looks down at her face, seeing her sobbing away in a shattered and destroyed state. They take their leave out the front door.
The view of the neighborhood and their car in the night shutters to black, opening back up to a similar sight, but in the daytime. The girl is now maybe a foot shorter than him. He is leading her outside while she covers her eyes. In the parking lot before them is a car with a bow on it.
“Alright you can look now.” He says to her. She lowers her hands and opens her eyes, seeing the semi-old white sedan there with a regular sized red bow on it, she puts two and two together. Raising her hands again and cups them over her mouth in disbelief as her eyes widen.
“Oh my god, Dad. You didn’t? How were you even able to afford this?” She says, still processing the situation as it settles in. He watches her reaction with a big poo eating grin on his face that soon fades, considering her question.
“I uh, took out a- hey, wait a sec. It’s rude to ask the price of gifts you know.” He says waving a finger like a sausage, trying to justify his actions. She rolls her eyes, and then begins to walk around the vehicle, inspecting the car while also feeling it with her hands. A smile is glued to her face as her eyes have just a sparkle of moisture in them.
“I can’t believe you, oh my god it has an aux port too!” Exclaiming as she presses her forehead on the passenger window with her hands blocking out the sun.
“That is the icing on the cake. I figured since I’ve been getting held up quite a bit at work, some wheels for you would make our lives easier.” John then begins to reach into his pocket to fish the keys out. Chloe, who is still riled up and giddy pitter patters over to him. Before he can pull his hand out of his pocket she latches onto him and embraces him with a big hug.
“Thank you so much! Have I ever told you that I love you?” She says while squeezing him.
“Ha ha, why yes all the time.” He responds while hugging her back with his free arm. She then turns her head up at him with a frown, her eyes look like she's trying to see her own forehead. “Ah, sorry, I love you too.” Hearing this brings her smile back which closes her eyes. She lets go of him and takes a few steps back, one hand behind her and then holds out the other, silently asking for the keys with a bright smile. He finishes taking them out of his pocket and drops them into her open hand, along with a necklace that's got sharktooth at the end of it.
“Oh my god what is this?”
“Picked that up at the gift shop, thought it might have been perfect for your tastes.” He says while studying her eyes.
“You know me too well, it's like you’re my dad or something.” She puts on the necklace and he walks by nudgings her shoulder.
“Alright, how about a little test drive? Burgers sound pretty good right?” he says as he walks over to the passenger side, pulling off the bow that was attached to the hood.
“Hmm, I was thinking tacos.”
“Hey, most Mexican restaurants in town have both. Looks like our destination is set?” He says back with palms raised at his sides and a tilted head.
“Dos Hermanos it is. But I for one, find having a burger at a Mexican place to be a sin.” She gestures back with raised hands as well. He then gets into the car throwing the bow into the back seat.
His view blinks over from watching Chloe putting the key into the ignition slot over to a living room with eyes set on a TV. He is watching some family sitcom with his feet resting on the coffee table when suddenly his attention is stirred by a knock at the door. It is loud and firm, the person outside had knocked three times in the first interval.
He turns his head towards the dimly lit main entrance to his house, confused as he isn’t expecting visitors, he turns his head back round towards the wall that holds the TV. His eyes land upon the clock that is high above closer to the ceiling, it reads off 10:37 pm in its radioactive green lit numbers.
“Now who the hell would be knocking around at this time!” He asks himself as he pushes up from the couch from his left hand since the other is completely embalmed in a hard blue cast. Walking towards the door the person inquiring knocks again with the same three bumps to his door.
“Alright I’m coming!” He responds audibly enough so the one waiting can hear. Upon opening the door he sets eyes on two police officers standing there, one is resting his hand on the back of his neck and looking down while the other is clearly shocked in his face, staring him deep in the eyes and seems to be lacking confidence. “Yes? Something I can help you guys with?” He asks while still holding the door, wondering why they are disturbing him so late in the night.
“Uh sorry, are you um, Jonathan Hayes?” The one closest to him asks with uncertainty in his voice.
“Uh, yeah, that's me. What’s up?” he asks back, eyes going back and forth, observing the both of them.
“Uh-a-uh” the man stutters before him and then proceeds to clear his throat, breaking eye contact, and then wimps out to look at the ground.
“Come on son, spit it out. I haven’t got all night.” Jonathan says, trying to hurry their words.
“Well, you see Mr. Hayes, we got some bad news for you.” He says looking back up into his eyes, his facial expression is right down in the dirt.
“Ah goddammit, she got caught stealing again wasn’t it? This kid and her outbursts I swear.” He says while pinching his forehead in annoyance. The cop before him raises his hand and rests it against his forehead, letting out an audible groan and turns away.
“I, I can’t.” He says out loud and walks away. The one that was behind him watches as his partner returns to their car, he then looks forwards towards the one that is still in the dark about the situation.
“Sir.” That is all that he begins with. Jonathan then opens his eyes and looks ahead towards him, still with his hand on his face. “I don’t know how to tell you this other than ripping the band-aid off… We discovered your daughter's car in a head-on collision-” Before the man can finish his sentence he halts, reacting to Jonathan’s encumbered distraught face.
“What did you say?” He asks the remaining cop before him with stretched eyes and a hung up expression. “Did you say my daughter?” Time feels frozen, or rather it is going by in seconds slowed down to minutes. He is thinking back to their faces before, how they were tormented and unwilling to be in front of him. He thought back to how the first man before him had turned away. The cop closest to him then hands him a shark tooth necklace with splatters of dried blood.
‘Why?’ Why was all he could think for the moment. ‘Why is this happening? Why did this happen? No. No, I can’t jump right to conclusions, let's hear what else he has to say.’ He thinks to himself, trying to stay optimistic.
“Yes, I am sorry sir…” It felt like ages had passed between his words, he could feel the air weeping with sorrow as it pierced his heart through the vibrations from his voice. “She had no pulse when we arrived at the scene.” Those were the last words that he wanted to hear. He knew that he fell to the ground, but he didn’t feel it. He knew that he was crying at the top of his lungs but he couldn’t hear it. He had felt tears pooling down his face, but soon he couldn’t feel them because his face went numb.
‘This is your fault, this is your fault, this is your fault’ Was all that he could hear in his head. ‘You got her that car, this is your fault, this is your fault.’ His vision was fading to black as his hyperventilation was driving him to unconsciousness, all that he could see was the lawn and walkway up to his house which was vertical for he was on the ground. The two cops were also present, one was also in a state of misery while the other was trying to comfort him.
He closed his wet blurry eyes, trying to forget everything that he had just heard. But all that he saw in the darkness was his wife, all that he saw was his daughter. He thought deeply to himself, ‘What did I ever do to deserve this?’ He opens his eyes back up and he is sitting in-front of a slot machine.
The reels roll about, spinning, one by one as they land on different numbers, granting nothing but disappointment. He feels like he has been doing this for hours, he also feels his head spinning just like the reels and is surprised that he is still conscious at this point.
“Another drink sir?” One of the attendants in the casino says next to him, she is pushing a cart with several mixed drinks atop of it. He says nothing and reaches out with both hands, grabbing two at once and gives her a nod with a smile. He slams them both, one after another. Gives off light coughs for at this point he is mostly used to the burn.
“Might as well if they are gonna suck me dry.” He says to himself, he pulls out his wallet and feeds his last fifty into the machine as his vision fades to black.
Next he awakes to his head hitting a large metal dumpster outside in an alleyway. Head swirling and vision barely able to make anything out, he sees two figures standing before him as the cold air bites his skin.
“Goddamn drunk piece of shit, I told the boss we should have acted on you sooner. Sure didn’t learn from us breaking your hand, did yah?” He is trying to focus on the person talking, mostly relying on memory for he has heard that voice before. Suddenly he feels someone pull his head up from behind.
“Oh Johnny boy, you shouldn’t have lied to us. Was even dumber for you to stick around town.” The man who grabbed his head says. Trying to focus with his still slipping consciousness he can hardly do anything but squirm hopelessly. Suddenly waking him more back to reality is a sharp stinging sensation cutting across his neck. It is deep, and as the open wound becomes exposed to the air, a harsh penetrating cold edges its way inwards painfully. He tries to scream but is muffled from his own liquid, all that is uttered out into the air is gurgles, drowned out by his own life essence. Flailing about in pain as his vision fades once again to black, all he can feel is pain. Pain from his neck, which is then followed by plunges deep into his chest.
‘Maybe now I can be with you both my loves, Madeline, Chloe. I am so sorry.’ He closes his eyes one last time and parts away into the fray.