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Endless Rubbish
Commissioner Bob and Deputy Alice

Commissioner Bob and Deputy Alice

The city of Endless was an impressive sight. It sprawled across the horizon like a giant, multicoloured fungus that had taken root in the earth. Its buildings were tall and shiny, with sharp edges and reflective surfaces that seemed to mock the sky. The streets were clean and well-lit, and the air was thick with the scent of commerce and progress.

But there was a problem. A big, stinky problem that no one wanted to deal with. Rubbish. Mountains of it, piled up in every corner and alleyway of the city. And who was left to deal with it? The sanitation workers.

Bob, the foreman of the sanitation team, had seen it all. He had worked in the city for over twenty years, and he knew every nook and cranny of the place. He knew which streets were always overflowing with trash, which buildings had the worst tenants, and which dumpsters were the most likely to catch fire.

Rubbish was his passion, well not one which he dared mention on a first date, but the kind where he had a modell of the recycling centre in his cellar. With Trucks, little workers, figures painted and everything a model modeller enthusiast could be proud of. He even used real rubbish to play. Another reason he chose to not mention this hobby to most people, he still could not forget the look his dear sweet daughter gave him when she saw him filling compost in the miniature sorting machine. Like he himself was the rubbish and needed some sorting of his own.

Bob shuddered. Woman were scary and mysterious creatures. Rubbish, on the other hand, was simple. It let itself be collected, sorted and processed all without complaint. Every time he went to collect his daughter from school, she would throw a tantrum just because he picked her up in his company car. He for one, had always been proud when his dad picked him up with the old coach. Back in his day the people were looking up at you if you even had horses, didn't matter if they were yours or you were just working with them. After the war to end all wars, you were lucky to find honest work. And as his dad always said: one men's rubbish is another's treasure. Especially if you just "picked up" some things that you fancy and nobody would miss, or at least did notice the absent of to late.

Sadly, a few not so understanding commissioner's later, Bob had to be very careful about what to nick. The newest thing the police came up with to hound them, was that they now had to store anything of value they found for 1 year and wait for any potential owners to claim them, before they could take them. His latest haul, which had even managed to impress his daughter, was a nice newly made park bench, out of rare wood from the south. It now stood proud in his garden, with a new, unsuspecting, paint job and a wonderful view on the construction site down the hill. Endless always had more people moving in, and they kept building new houses. The thing that amazed him most was that many of the new houses were never used.

Oh yes they were sold, they also paid for rubbish tax and everything. But he and his boys mostly skipped them, they came to an agreement with the home owner association a few years back. If there were any rubbish, the owners would get rid of it themself and in exchange certain things would stop disappearing from their front lawns.

A peace that mostly lasted, sadly the sanitary worker's just showed up in front of the police station with all their vehicles just as a robbery was reported. And after the fact some new shiny rubbish would appear in unsuspecting bins arccos the city and soon discreetly stored in Bobs warehouse.

Truly another's treasure.

He was sitting in his tiny office, surrounded by stacks of paperwork and empty coffee cups, when his assistant burst in.

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

Oh well it was more like the door burst, as his deputy made the door choose to obey and move or become organic waste material. As she looked around for a suitable chair, he waited, leaned back and poured himself a cup of tea. No sense in hurrying her, he knew from experience that she would only talk to him "eye to eye". Which she took very literal. A satisfied grunt escaped her beard as she found the object of desire, moved it over and climbed, with some difficulty, atop the wooden chair. A modell without wheels, mind you. These accursed furniture items had long been recycled in his absence by a very angry and, from a head wound, bleeding dwarf.

Finally she coughed a few times to get his attention and began with her report.

"This month we managed to block the peelers from moving out 4 times!" The twinkle in her eyes unsettled him just a bit, he was almost used to it.

"The total haul should amount to a few dozen Endless. Our friends in the guild were very generous this time" Bob rubbed his temples. "And what about the homeowner association?"

This seemed to throw a few pebbles in her engine. She wiped away the drool in her beard and scrunched her nose.

"Did we not sign a non aggression pact with them?" This seemed to kick her mind in the right gear.

"Ah yes, the great treaty of Lavender street. Well we did only sign to make sure no object from in front of their houses went missing." Bob sighed.

"So you have told me repeatedly, but do you not think they will get onto us after nearly one house a week gets cleaned out?"

"Well cleaning is our duty after all!" She almost saluted at that, but stopped midway and wobbled a bit to regain her balance. Bob had tried many things to get through her thick skull, yet the problem was that he himself just loved the salary bonus that came with their schemes a bit to much.

"The new chief peeler has just invited me to another chat the other day." Alice leaned forward and sprayed a bit of spittle in his face as she shouted: "Well then we take this opportunity to get back at them! How dare they treat us with suspicion like some petty thief's!"

Indeed how dare they? Well is was their job after all. Bob was sure if they had not been a government department, they would have long since discoverd, if the rumours about the dragon mines working conditions were true or not. Many a slave had reportedly begged the dragons to take them back as slaves after being red their new work contracts. At least a slave had no rent to pay, tools were free and owners were understandably more careful with their own property then with some workers which they could easily replace. Really a funny thing, in the war to end all wars and before the trading of slaves was outlawed by most kingdoms. Well nobody asked what was on the dragons ships, which was a given even if your capital had a very well founded fire watch. Yet in the new days of the great and just empire of the north, were all slaves had been freed. There was suddenly a mass increase in agency's who shipped poor workers and prisoners to the old slave camps. The argument for forced labour was quite the accomplishment by the imperial philosophers. They say that confinement in a cell is a crime against humanity and that you should not allow any creature to rot when they could still do good work.

The prisoners, which got sent to farms and mines in the old colonies in the south, were in fact free. That was under the assumption they had the money for the ship that took them there, which they, in fact, did not.

Bob shook his head and said: "Please Alice, I know you had your, well, difficulties with the peelers. But can you not stand down for at least a month?" That, apparently, was the wrong thing to say.

She took a deep breath and shifted a gear up. "Every time I go on any public loo they run out screaming, despite me showing them me tits and telling them I'm a woman! And these dam peelers are always around the next corner!" By now she was practically heaving.

"If i got an endless every time I had a doctor look at me fanny and swear on me behave that I am in fact a woman, I'd be richer than Adalinda!" Bob perked up, after having turned off his ears.

"Don't let her know that, or you never hear the end it. She gets a bit touchy when somebody just mentions the possibility of anyone being richer then her. Well anyway you know the drill, deputy?" Noticing that her boss was being serious, she again tried and failed to salute. Finally climbed down and finished her report before taking over his office as he headed out to prepare for their first run of the day.

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