Butt on fire = game over. This is the fourth unofficial law of Enchantia.

To some extent, I'm desperately trying not to break it now. Not by getting my butt on fire, but by trying not to lose my shit openly.

Grandma... definitely an inappropriate word. Accompanied by a guard, a tall woman in her 30s came out to us, dressed in a luxurious purple dress, with many expensive bracelets and a necklace of precious stones. She has dark, bobbed hair, green eyes, and, let's just say, a very attractive body. She smiled brightly at the three of us, and I think she even winked at me. On a popular website, she would definitely fall into the "juicy MILF" category.

As soon as she appeared, my intuition screamed about extreme danger—not for nothing did I level up perception. Something about her stood out, signaling a non-human nature. I literally experienced the uncanny valley effect, but I couldn't pinpoint this anomalous detail.

Zara must feel the same way.

"Grandma" approached Julia and hugged her tightly.

"Hello, my beloved granddaughter!" she said in an overly sweet voice. "How I've waited and missed you."

Julia barely managed to pull herself away from her and gave "grandma" a shocked look.

"Uh... G-grandma Selena???" she faltered. "W-what happened to you?!"

"Oh, I'm so glad you noticed! You won't believe it, but after many years, your grandfather Winford has finally found the Elixir of Youth. All my worries about his fate were not in vain."

"REALLY?!" Julia got excited. "Grandpa came back and I can see him? But how will your husband react—"

"Unfortunately, it's not all sunshine and rainbows," the woman interrupted, abruptly changing her intonation to a very sad one. It sounded so forced that I almost burst out laughing. "It's terrible to admit, but your grandfather will never return, as he has likely passed away."

She also sobbed unnaturally, Julia was confused.

"But, how to understand this then—"

"Five hours ago, a dark green lemur burst onto the estate grounds. This is a special kind with intelligence that only lives in the Old Forest. A package was attached to its tail, wrapped in magical thread. Inside, I found a vial of red liquid and a note signed by Winford. It said that with incredible difficulty, he managed to find a small source from which the elixir flowed. He managed to fill a small vial, but many terrible creatures were chasing him and he was wounded. With his last strength, he tied the vial to the lemur, which had long been his battle pet, and sent it to me. At the end, he wrote that he would hardly be alive by the time I read this, and the lemur would take a very long time to get here due to the peculiarities of the forest. I wiped away tears and drank the elixir. As legends say, I permanently became younger by exactly half. His self-sacrifice... I will never forget it."

"Selena" hugged Julia again and sobbed loudly. The guard put his hand on her back and began to comfort her. Julia was also sinking.

By this second, it was incredibly difficult to hold back laughter. The dark green lemur is one of the most common sarcastic pastas in the community for mocking newbies. It's written that it's an easily obtainable legendary level pet worth a million gold. Noobs try to find it, but it doesn't exist at all.

Putting this noodle in a quest is both stupid and ingenious. The designer has a sense of humor.

"I'm very sorry about grandpa... but at least he achieved his dream," Julia squeezed out dejectedly. "But does this mean you'll live forever, while mom and I will die?"

"Don't talk nonsense. With the help of the lemur, we'll find the source and we'll all live forever."

Judging by the look on her face, Julia believed it. Then "Selena" asked about the trip to the village and who we were. "Grandma's" focus shifted to us.

"Greetings, noble heroes!" she speaks exclusively in an exaggerated manner. "I'm immensely grateful to you for the invaluable help provided to my granddaughter. You must be generously rewarded, for you have also supported me—saved me from mental anguish over the possible loss of my granddaughter. I invite you to the table: you must be tired from the journey. The reward will be after the meal."

And there, when we're supposed to relax, it will attack. Need to think faster.

"Oh, what are you saying! We just escorted your granddaughter, hardly worthy of such praise," I replied in the same style. "It's awkward when you offer to enter such a luxurious place, but it would be disrespectful to refuse, considering your status. We gladly accept the invitation."

"Wonderful!" she clapped her hands. "The estate has first-class cooks. I assure you, you've never eaten so deliciously. Let's not stand here any longer, let's go!"

"Grandma, can I eat at least one pie that mom wrapped for you now? I rushed off in the morning and didn't even have time to have breakfast," Julia asked plaintively.

"Of course, Little Red, eat two at once."

The author's content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

Did Julia by any chance take lessons from the rabbit girl from SWORD AND MAGIC? And grandma, who's not grandma, is also no fool.

However, something else caught my attention:

[Quest] "Delivery of Pies" updated!

Escort Little Red to her grandmother.

Little Red MUST survive.

- Something strange is coming from grandma. Watch her and make sure Little Red is safe.

Something strange—that's an understatement. She's casually leaning against me right now with a sly grin.

"And for you, handsome, I have a special prize," she whispered erotically in my ear. Due to the uncanny valley effect, this is not seductive at all.

"I've already guessed, tigress," I played along. "But let's not rush things."

She winks merrily and rushes out the gate, Julia catches up with her. Zara takes a step forward, but I masterfully and inconspicuously pull her back.

"We'll start the fight right from the table."

"So fast?!"

"She just hinted at intimacy to me... in short, the creature wants to pull the wool over our eyes as much as possible. It won't get another convenient chance, and neither will we."

"They have a deep quest elaboration..." she blushed. "You want to attack as soon as we're alone with it?"

"About that, maybe we'll eat a little. Be ready, I'll strike first."

"Understood. What about Julia?"

"She's unlikely to separate from us. I'll try to somehow catch her and talk."

Zara nods and we run through the gate, which the guard immediately closes. We had to quickly catch up with "grandma" and Julia and join the conversation. The yard of the estate is large: you can see four lanterns, many laid paths, some decorative trees. If the fight moves here, there's room to maneuver.

From the yard, we enter the mansion, its entrance is guarded by two equally heavy guards. We're greeted by a spacious hall with marble columns, many doors on the sides, and a staircase leading to the second floor. Everything in the style of the upper class.

Without stopping, we turn left to a wide double door. This could be the dining room, which would cut off the chance to warn Julia. For some reason, I have an iron-clad certainty that if this isn't done, the quest will fail. It's my turn to show some cunning.

"Madam Selena, do you mind if I try a pie from the basket too? The food is still waiting, and hunger is already tormenting," I complain.

"Of course, try, magnificent hero. It's the least I can offer you."

Perfect.

I pretended to slip and went down to the floor.

"Oh, what a polished floor you have!" I laughed. "Julia, help me get up carefully at the same time."

She rushes to me, "Selena" and Zara look back sympathetically and continue walking. The double door opens and there is indeed a long dining table in the room.

They go in, and Julia comes up to me and holds out her hand. I take it and lean close to the girl's ear.

"This is not your grandma, but something impersonating her."

"Huh?! Why do you think so?" previously in euphoria, she froze.

"I did warn you about her possible strangeness. And it's off the charts, isn't it?"

"Well, she just drank the Elixir—"

"Julia, wake up, this is complete nonsense. Besides: she said that cooks will prepare the food, but you talked about her paranoia, and she called you Little Red, but all relatives call you by name."

She thought for a few seconds and started to pale.

"B-but, she knows about grandpa Winford, the Elixir of Youth and its effect, and it's all true—"

"That doesn't prove anything. Taking on the appearance of a young grandma, she could have searched her room. Surely, she has personal diaries where all this information and assumptions are recorded. This creature is well prepared and seriously intends to replace Selena."

After this phrase, Julia openly became scared.

"B-but... If that's so, where's my real grandma? Could she have been killed?!"

"Due to the number of guards in the mansion, it's unlikely that the creature could have hidden her body unnoticed. I think this monster is somehow holding her inside itself, by defeating it we'll free grandma," I said firmly. But confidence in this... is completely lacking, as fairy tale endings are often different.

"So, I fell for manipulation?! A nightmare! And h-how do we defeat this creature?" she fully regained her common sense.

"Zara and I will attack the creature during the meal, otherwise it will attack us first due to favorable conditions. Help if possible, but carefully, because you're the most fragile," what a relief that she doesn't know about levels.

"Okay. Let's quickly get grandma back, I'm really worried about her now."

I straighten up and we follow into the dining room. Zara and "Selena" have already taken seats in the middle of the table opposite each other, someone like a waiter was waiting to the side.

It'll be easy for her to hit with the staff, flashes through my mind.

Choosing a position for attack is also very important... which I didn't think about.

"Sit next to Zara," I tell Julia quietly. She goes to that side.

But I can't sit too far away, because with my stats I won't be able to jump over half the table. I can only hope that this creature doesn't have magic.

Sighing, I go to the other side and sit right next to "Selena".

"Your daughter has a great talent for baking pies. I have no doubt that this is your merit," I plausibly continue the conversation so that the creature doesn't suspect anything. How nerve-wracking this is!

We place our orders and begin to wait. I demonstratively ordered a lot to set an example for Zara, to gain more time to work out tactics. In the end, I decided that we should attack almost immediately after it starts eating, at the moment when "Selena" is actively eating. That way the creature won't be able to react.

Why not now? Well... I still want to try the food.

The wait was about half an hour. Several times I almost broke down and attacked prematurely. Fortunately, it didn't take much effort to carry on an empty conversation.

Four waiters put about fifteen plates in front of us. Interesting, what's the point of bringing everything out at once? Cultural custom?

In front of me is a juicy salad with fried chicken, tomato soup, several steaks with baked potatoes, and chocolate cake for dessert. I'm most tempted by the salad and the steaks, so I forget my manners and try the first food in Enchantia.

HOLY SHIT! I blushed from the divine taste.

The internet didn't lie, virtual food is an order of magnitude superior to real food. It's a shame that you can get full here, too.

I MUST devour all of this, after defeating the boss.

"Grandma, why do you have such big eyes?" Julia asks thoughtfully.

I look closely at "Selena", and indeed. The eyes, they're too round and unnaturally bulging. I don't think I've seen her blink even once. This is the detail I couldn't name.

"Ugh, Julia, how can you be so shameless!" she exclaims with a loud sigh. "Making such remarks about my breast in front of guests, I didn't teach you that."

This is clearly a signal that we can't wait any longer.

I'm lucky and after the answer, "Selena" immediately shoves a spoon into her mouth. I activate the ability.

"HEEEADSHOOOOTTTTT!!!" I pronounce epically, delivering a series of strikes to her head.