Chapter 31 - A Catastrophic Mistake

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Haaaaah......So, I'm neck-deep in this crap, and guess what? I freakin' hate Cillian. Dude's just a pretty face with zero substance. I gotta stop obsessing over his worthless ass and focus on the real shit going down. And, oh yeah, I'm in Omeen now! Maybe I should hit up my mom, but damn, that's a whole emotional minefield waiting to explode. HAHHHH.....

The familiar melody drifted through the night air, weaving its way through the open window.

🎶🎵"Sasayaki ga hibiku kage no naka,"🎵🎶

“Speak of the Devil…” I muttered, a smirk tugging at the corner of my lips. The words fell from my mouth out of habit, their irony rolling off my tongue. I swung my legs off the bed, my feet touching the cool, smooth wood beneath me, grounding me in the moment.

🎶🎵"nigaku namida ni somatta sora no shimo,"🎵🎶

I stretched, every muscle pulling taut before loosening into an easy languidness, limbs like liquid. I made my way to the garden door, trailing my fingertips along the door’s frame, savoring the familiar texture. I slid it open, the night air washing over me, and I stepped out into the silver wash of moonlight, feeling it bathe my skin as if it knew my secrets.

🎶🎵"katsute wa kagayaite ita tamashī ga ima wa haiiro ni ōwa re,

-kō no yume wa kiesatta." 🎵🎶

Breathing in deeply, I filled my lungs with the night, as if drawing strength from its cool depths. Without a second thought, I broke into a sprint, darting across the garden, the soft grass cushioning my bare feet as I ran. My path took me to the wall, a familiar obstacle that I scaled with ease. My muscles knew the rhythm by heart, my body moving in perfect synchrony as I vaulted over the edge, landing with a soft thud on the other side.

🎶🎵"Chinmoku no naka de ikari ga tsunoru,

daremoshiranai itami kara." 🎵🎶

With every step, I felt my body come alive. The wind tugged at my hair, and a grin spread across my face, wild and untamed. My mind wandered for a brief moment, wondering if, just this once, my mother might have something worth my time. Or was this just another one of her games, luring me out for her amusement? Perhaps tonight I would allow myself to let the churning, complex feelings inside me simmer down, just enough to embrace this moment.

As I neared the familiar street that led to the forest, my pace slowed, the usual eerie quietness replaced by something unexpected. The street was alive with lights and music, the scent of sweet treats filling the air. Children giggled as they chased each other between stalls; young couples swayed to the rhythm of upbeat music. Merchants hollered, hawking wares, their voices blending into the lively hum of the crowd.

A night festival? The realization hit me with a mixture of surprise and curiosity. I hesitated on the edge of the crowd, taking in the vibrant scene before me. Why would Hana choose to stay hidden in her home on a night like this? I wondered as I let myself be drawn into the crowd, the festive air a stark contrast to the solitude of the garden I had just left.

My breath fogged in the cool night air, and for a brief moment, I wondered if I should just turn back. But something compelled me forward. Running was no longer an option, not with the throng of people pressing in from all sides. Instead, I weaved through the crowd, skillfully slipping between strangers, their eyes widening as they noticed my attire—no doubt an odd sight amidst the festival-goers. I could feel their curious stares, some even whispered, but I ignored them, focusing on reaching the forest edge, away from the prying eyes.

Just when I thought I was in the clear, I collided with someone, the impact jolting me out of my thoughts.

"Ouch. I’m sorry, I didn’t see—" I froze mid-sentence, my gaze locking onto a familiar face, one I never expected to see here. My breath hitched.

My heart nearly stopped as recognition dawned. MY NANNY stood right in front of me...

The air grew thick, the noise of the crowd dimming as my heart pounded, each beat filling the silence between us. Her lips twisted into a smirk, her eyes gleaming with a bitter amusement I knew all too well.

"OH MY! Isn’t this MY PRINCESS?" Her words dripped with sarcasm, sharp as a blade.

"N-nanny?" The word slipped from my mouth, trembling with the fear and confusion surging through me. I took an instinctive step back, memories of her cruelty flashing before my eyes.

Her smirk deepened, eyes alight with malice. “Ah? Is this fear I see?” she sneered, her voice laced with mockery. “Tell me, how does it feel to kill an innocent soul? Did you enjoy it, you insolent little—"

She raised a hand, and I flinched, my body tensing in anticipation of the blow. But before her hand could make contact, a warmth enveloped my face. A gentle yet firm hand covered my eyes, blocking out everything but thin slivers of light. I caught a glimpse of my nanny’s face—her expression had shifted from rage to shock, her body frozen, fear plain in her wide eyes.

“Y-Your Majesty,” she stammered, voice trembling.

Your Majesty? The words spun in my head, my mind unable to catch up. Could it be…?

The voice that answered was regal, each word laced with unmistakable authority. “It is an imperative of the utmost gravity that you withdraw yourself from my sight forthwith, lest I be obliged to exact recompense for the grievous affront you have so unceremoniously inflicted upon me on this otherwise felicitous day. I entreat you, with the strongest admonition that I may muster, to abscond with all possible haste, whilst the bounds of my patience remain intact and the full dignity of my restraint yet prevails untainted.”

The meaning was clear: Leave, before I make you pay for the insult.

“U-understood, Your Majesty,” my nanny stammered, backing away like a frightened animal. In the blink of an eye, she was gone, swallowed by the crowd.

Slowly, cautiously, I reached up and gently pulled the hand from my face, my fingers trembling as I turned to see the figure standing behind me. And there she was.

My mother, resplendent under the glow of the festival lights. She wore a Victorian-style dress, mainly deep red with striking black accents and intricate lace detailing. It had a high neckline with lace trim, puffed sleeves tapering into fitted cuffs, and a fitted bodice cinched with a black belt. The voluminous skirt was adorned with multiple layers of ruffles and lace, creating a dramatic silhouette. There was a large bow on the side and various lace and ribbon embellishments giving it a gothic and vintage aesthetic. Her presence was regal and magnetic. I stared at her, words failing me as a flood of emotions surged within me—relief, confusion, longing, and a cautious wariness.

"I humbly beseech your gracious pardon, Your Eminence," I commenced, my words measured and deliberate, yet not entirely devoid of a modicum of hesitation. "While I am indeed most grateful for your intercession, it is with utmost deference that I submit that such actions were, in truth, quite superfluous. For I remain steadfast in my conviction that I possess the requisite wherewithal to navigate the present circumstances unaided."

With a sudden and unexpected gesture, my mother leaned in close, her face mere centimeters from mine. I recoiled, unsure of how to respond, but before I could muster a reaction, she pulled away, her delicate fingers partially concealing a wry smile as she broke into a melodious laugh, her eyes gently shut. It was as if I were witnessing a divine being expressing mirth.

"Why are you-" I stuttered, but my mother interjected with a tender phrase that caused my cheeks to flush with warmth.

"Because you're simply adorable, Lily," she cooed, eliciting a swell of emotion that I had long harbored in the depths of my heart.

Overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment, I pleaded with her, "Please refrain from making such remarks," my voice trembling and uncertain.

With another soft giggle, my mother took hold of my hand, and together we raced toward the dense woodland that cradled the Go-tei.

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As we continued to traverse the forest, tears once again welled up in my eyes, streaming down my cheeks. "Mother," I choked out, my voice trembling with emotion.

Her tone unyielding, she queried, "Is this about that rogue?"

Attempting to regain my composure, I wiped the tears away with my free hand, for my right hand was securely held within her left, as she guided me forward, shielding me from potential harm. "I had assumed you were fond of him, considering his connection to your friend," I ventured, my voice regaining some of its strength.

"Merely because Cillian is the son of a person you once held dear does not necessarily imply that you must hold him in high regard as well. Additionally, it would be best to avoid any close association with him. And let me be unequivocally clear, do not entertain any notions of romantic entanglement with him. He is, unequivocally, not a suitable match for you. That being said, perhaps immersing yourself in the experience of love could provide some valuable perspective on my past emotions and struggles, allowing you to reconsider your harsh judgment of my choices." My mother's resolute tone left no room for argument.

With a forceful tug, I freed my hand from her grasp and locked eyes with her. "If that's the case," I demanded, my voice steely with resolve, "then tell me right here and now. Be utterly truthful. What is it that you truly desired then, and still desire now?"

My mother spun around, her hair falling in wild strands around her face, her eyes narrowing as she settled on me with a look that felt like ice sinking into my bones. She stepped forward, grabbing my face roughly, her fingers digging into my cheeks as she spat, “I desired nothing more than to watch your father suffer, to watch him fall apart. But you—” her grip tightened, “you’re the real curse I’m stuck with. If I could’ve gotten rid of you, too, I would have done it in a heartbeat. You've ruined everything."

Her grip tightened until my cheeks ached, her face twisted with disgust. "Every time I look at you, I'm reminded of the mistake I made. I’ve wasted my life because of you.”

I tried to pull away, but her grip only grew stronger.

"And what do I desire now?" she repeated, tilting her head as if savoring every hateful word. "I want you gone. I wish you'd never taken a single breath. Every second you’re here, you make my life worse. Do you know what you are to me?" Her voice was sharp and vicious. "A curse, a weight dragging me down every single day. If I had one chance to erase you from my life, I’d take it without a second thought. You’ve ruined everything good."

She laughed bitterly, her nails digging harder into my skin. "I lost everything because of you. My life, my dreams, my happiness—all of it, ripped away. If you hadn’t come along, I could have had a life. I could have been free. But no—I got stuck with you, a pathetic, useless burden who’s brought nothing but misery.”

She leaned closer, her voice dropping to a venomous whisper. “Do you even realize how much I hate you? I hate the way you look, the way you talk, the way you exist. Every breath you take is an insult to me, a reminder of the life I lost.”

"You don’t deserve a mother. You don’t deserve love. I wish I could scrub every memory of you from my mind. You’re a parasite, feeding off me, taking everything and giving nothing back. You are the biggest regret of my existence, and every day I’m reminded of the mistake I made.”

She stepped back, her glare growing more intense. “I dream of a life where I never had to know you. Where I never had to sacrifice anything for you. Wishing every day that you’d just disappear—that you’d just vanish and never come back. Because that’s what I feel when I look at you. I feel nothing but disgust. If I could erase you, I would do it in an instant.”

Her voice grew louder, her words sharper, each one hitting like a slap. "You’ve ruined everything. I’ve wasted years of my life on you, years I’ll never get back. And for what? So I can watch you stumble around, wasting space, failing at everything you touch? Do you think you’re worth this? You’re not. You never were. You are nothing. Less than nothing. You’re a stain, a burden I am forced to carry, and every day, I wonder why I even pretend you matter.”

She sneered, her eyes filled with raw contempt. “You are a disappointment. A leech. A curse that I am shackled to. I am trapped, chained to you forever, and if I could finally be free, I would leave you without a second thought.”

She paused, her gaze hard and unfeeling. "So let me make one thing clear—you mean nothing to me. Less than nothing. I don’t love you. I don’t even like you. I tolerate you because I have to, but if I ever get the chance to live a life without you, I’ll take it and never look back."

Her voice dropped to an icy whisper as she leaned in, her breath hot and bitter. "Don’t think, even for a second, that you’re worth anything to me. You are a curse I would do anything to get rid of, and I will never, ever regret saying that."

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"Let me make this perfectly clear," she hissed, her words razor-sharp and glacial, cutting through the air like shards of ice. "You are an abomination, a catastrophic mistake that has poisoned every breath I've ever taken. Looking at you is like staring into an abyss of my shattered dreams—each glimpse reminds me of the life you murdered the moment you entered mine. You're a parasitic void, a black hole of neediness and failure that has devoured every shred of joy, every possibility, every dream I ever had. My existence has been reduced to ashes because of the cosmic tragedy of your birth. The mere sound of your breathing makes my skin crawl with revulsion. You're a cancer that has metastasized through my entire life, corrupting everything you touch with your inherent worthlessness. Each sacrifice I made for you feels like self-mutilation now—pieces of myself I carved away for someone who amounts to nothing but a walking epitome of disappointment. The depth of my hatred for you is bottomless, an ocean of pure revulsion that grows deeper with every pathetic attempt you make to exist in my world. If I could go back in time, I would tear you from existence so violently that even the memory of your conception would be obliterated. You haven't just ruined my life—you've desecrated it, turned it into a monument of regret and revulsion. The fact that you carry my blood makes me want to drain every drop from my veins. You are less than nothing—you are anti-matter, destroying everything good and pure by your mere presence. The thought that I am forever tainted by the fact that you emerged from my body makes me wish I could burn away every cell that ever touched you. Your existence is my eternal punishment, and I curse every god and force of nature that allowed you to draw breath. If you disappeared this instant, turned to dust and scattered in the wind, it would be centuries too late to salvage what you've destroyed."

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To be Continued...