On a gloomy Sunday sometime during the slowly darkening evening, there stood a man in front of a gravestone. Tears streamed down the man’s face as he stared at the drab slab of stone. The grass beneath his polished black shoes was glistening with rain, though the man was dry. All around him were similar stone slabs, all except mine old and dilapidated. The green leaves of the dark forest surrounding the remote graveyard looked pitch black in the moody light.

As he stared at my grave he spoke, his voice grew quiet. The wind picked up, howling loudly, the leaves shaking in the wind. As if resonating through reality itself, though, his voice reached my ears from where I stood, watching the man from afar.

The man’s voice was rough, and in spite of his best attempts to keep it steady, I could hear the raw emotion filling his breath, “You said that if you ever died, you would become a ghost and haunt me. I expect you to keep that promise.”

It was the first thing he’d said in two years. The first time he spoke since I’d died.

“I plan to,” I vowed.

I had been keeping my promise even though I couldn’t quite recall who he was to me, anymore, or who I had been. In fact, while I recalled all of the informational facts from my life, I couldn’t picture what I looked like, or recall my name. The only emotion left regarding my life was the endless determination to stay by this man’s side as a ghost. To remain by his side no matter what. The only memory I had left was of the man in a dark room, his wide eyes focused on me as he leaned against a doorway, one hand raised to keep him standing.

The knowledge that he had been five minutes too late, in calling an ambulance.

As I thought of that memory, more and more details came to light. I could taste iron, I must have bitten my tongue when I fell. I could practically feel the pain in my tongue. The taste of iron as cold swarmed my skin.

Bliss and happiness filled me as I closed my eyes to better envision the last memory I had of being alive.

I was very floaty at that time, feeling like I was in a soft, cold cloud. Exhaustion weighed at me, and a very curious feeling filled my heart.

“I love you,” I murmured, opening my eyes to stare sadly at the man, who was sitting on a bench in the pouring rain on the anniversary of my death, his head in his hands. A deep sense of pain and mourning filled me as I realized that I’d loved. As I realized that I’d been loved.

Did I know that before I died?

I couldn’t have, could I? Determination filled me at the thought. I would never have left him had I known. I wasn’t that sort of person. I couldn’t remember who I was, but I could damned well remember what sort of person I was, because I was still that way.

Sighing, I sat next to the man, leaning against him. My arms wrapped around him, and I tilted my head just so, so I could pretend that I was pressed against him. So I could pretend that I could feel his warmth.

I imagined my chest aching, my eyes filling with tears, but the memory of my death was the closest thing I’d come to feeling anything physical since I’d died.

“Why…?” That single word was broken and so rough, so full of heartbreak.

My emotions remained steady, only the vague sense of pity filling me. The wind swirled around us as I stood up, rage burning within me as my hand snapped out, passing through his head.

“What do you mean why?!” I yelled at him, “It’s been years, get over it! I died! So what? Stop…” My anger faded and I fell to my knees before the man, begging, “Stop making me feel guilty for forgetting you. Go find someone else, go be happy. Let me go and live happy, please. I want to move on. I want to go explore the lights in the sky that you always look up to and say I wanted to explore. I want… I want to stop feeling sad because I can’t remember,” My voice grew quiet, my pleas mournful, “Don’t be like this over someone who doesn’t even know your name, you bastard! Be happy. Let me know why I loved you. Show me who you were before and live life being the man I loved.”

“… If you were here, you would be scolding me for being like this,” The man murmured quietly to himself. To me.

My head snapped back, and I felt even guiltier. Yelling at someone for grieving? What sort of horrible and selfish person had I been?

One that decided to die when others still cared.

My head bowed, and I reached forward. I passed through the man, though, and ended up on the ground, curled up beneath the mourning man.

“Why don’t I remember?” I asked quietly, “What sort of fucked up world is this, that I can’t even give him the comfort of remembering him?”

“One you decided to leave,” A voice said plainly. I glanced up at the familiar face. Brown hair down to his shoulders, a bored expression on his face, the only other ghost around and my only other friend aside from the man who couldn’t see me.

I sat up with a sigh, “What are you doing here? I thought you were haunting some other asshole, Rev.”

The ghost’s lips twisted up, “Ah, yeah, my ex. I gave up on him. No progress on any poltergeist stuff, so I got bored and wandered around. How about you, Yurei?”

I sighed even harder, shaking my head as I stared at the mysterious man I loved. I pointedly ignored the nickname the other ghost gave me, calling himself Revenant, as if not recalling our names meant we needed new ones.

“Well, I have good news, if you want to hear it.” Revenant said. My head snapped back to him, and he grinned, “A medium.”

“A… medium?”

“A medium! She can see and talk to us.”

I frowned, “Then bring her here so she can beat some sense into this guy.”

Revenant shrugged, “Nah. I can show you to her, but I’m not going to do your work for you.”

I hesitated even as I stood up. Then, with full confidence, I hovered my hands over his shoulders.

“Stay. Here,” I demanded with all of my effort, as if it would make a difference. Then I turned and ran, Revenant rolling his eyes as he easily caught up and took my hand, taking the lead.

Five minutes later we were in a dark, dreary place. I hesitated, then my nose scrunched up. A crack den?

In the corner, a lady with glassy blue eyes and matted hair the color of dirt glanced over.

“Hey, hey, come on,” I urged her, “You can see me, right? I need you to punch someone in the face for me. Don’t worry, it’s because they’re grieving and it’s been like five years.”

The lady stared at me a long time, then stood up.

“Nice to meet you, too, Yurei. The r—“

“I go by Revenant,” Revenant cut her off impatiently, “Are we going to do introductions now? I don’t think there’s much time.”

I gave Revenant a confused look. He was never eager to help out, before, but now he was suddenly looking impatient. The lady sighed and unsteadily trudged after us.

I grew more and more uneasy as time went by, feeling the memory of what he looked like vanishing. The memory of my death fading.

Determination filled me, but I still ended up sprinting as fast as I could the moment I saw him. He had just stood up from the bench. I stared at him with wide eyes, but…

He didn’t look familiar at all.

Pain filled the entirety of my being, and I felt my eyes burning as I thought back.

“Hey, hey, wait!” The woman called out, half-jogging, panting heavily, “I can’t keep up if you run that fast.”

The man looked at the woman even as she wandered up. I stared at him.

“I… forgot him. Is this him?”

“Who else would sit out in this rain except someone mourning?” The woman snapped, “Now what do you want to tell him, before I catch something?”

“Do I know you?” The man said coolly.

The woman laughed once, shaking her head, “Not at all. Some yurei is following you around. That’s a ghost, by the way.”

“I am familiar with the term,” The man replied, looking even colder, “Did they bring you here?”

“Yes,” The woman replied with a sigh, her voice aged from ten packs of cigarettes a day making her seem even more cranky, “Why else would I be in this downpour? Anyway, here’s a gift from the yurei.”

I watched as the medium gave the man a haymaker, his long, lithe form collapsing to the ground.

“Stop mourning her. She can’t even remember you anymore, if you keep doing this she’ll become lost.”

“… Lost?”

“Yeah, endlessly wandering the depths of purgatory as she loses more and more of herself. I’m surprised she stayed this long, from what I can tell she’s long past the point others get to before they become lost.”

“She technically is lost,” Revenant said, his focused stare not changing at my confused look.

“Huh?” I asked.

Revenant’s lips thinned, and he looked away. I gave him a hard stare, but went back to staring at the man.

“I…” I stared at the man, but before I could complete the sentence I hadn’t yet constructed, he spoke.

“She’s here?”

“Yes.”

“What does she look like?”

“Honestly? She looks like shit. Doesn’t even look human, anymore, just has the basic shape.”

I glanced down at myself subconsciously, knowing I looked a lot different from Revenant, who managed to keep his form over the years I’d known him.

“If you can’t tell me what she looked like, how do I know you tell the truth?”

“I was still alive when he found me,” I said half-heartedly, feeling lame as I spoke of images I couldn’t even remember anymore, only knowing them because I recalled saying it aloud over and over, “I don’t know who, but someone said that had he called five minutes earlier, I would have lived. The last memory I had of my life was of loving him as he stood in the doorway, though… I don’t remember it at all, anymore.”

The woman relayed this, and the man listlessly collapsed onto the grass in front of the park bench, not caring that his expensive-looking clothes were being ruined, nor that his hair was getting muddy.

“I did not want to know that,” The man said sharply.

I shrugged, “Well… whatever. I made the promise to continue haunting him, but…” My lips twisted. Who was he? Why did I want to stay so long? Why did I? “I…”

Revenant made so many offers for he and I to explore together, why didn’t I take them? Why did I watch a man mourn for a decade?

… I loved him! What the hell was I saying?! Who the hell cared that I didn’t recognize him, that I couldn’t remember his name nor why I cared? I wasn’t going to leave someone I loved!

Determination filled me, and I scowled at my own wavering confidence. No. I would stay, for however long I needed to.

“She won’t move on unless you tell her to,” The medium said softly, crouching to be next to the man, “If you keep insisting she stay, she’ll never achieve peace.”

The man was quiet a long time before he spoke, “No. I don’t care if she remembers me or not, she promised. She has to stay.”

“Jesus Christ what is up with you two?!” Revenant yelled, kicking his foot through the man, “No, here, how about this? If you die in the next twenty-four hours, I’ll make sure you both go to the same place! Otherwise I’m dragging her there.”

“What?” I asked.

“The grim reaper in charge of sending her spirit off grows restless,” The medium said, sitting down with a tired sigh, ignoring my panicked cry of ‘reaper?!’ as she continued, “And my high is fading, so how about we do this? You die, you’ll be reunited, and the reaper takes you both away. You aren’t living a life anyway, if all she can say is that you’ve been mourning since she died.”

“I’ll see her again?”

“Yes,” The woman said. Then she flinched back as the man pulled out a gun, arms covering her face and eyes squeezing shut as the man shot himself practically before she could finish saying yes.

Before I knew what was happening, arms wrapped around me. Memories flooded into me of the man I held, and soon enough I hugged him back.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” My best friend said, hugging me tighter.

“Finally! She’ll remember her past life as I take you guys to your next life as long as you don’t let go,” Rev said, sounding relieved, “Come on, let’s go.”

Dazed, I found myself falling with the man holding me, our arms wrapped around each other as memories flitted past.

I laughed uproariously, grinning at the guy that just tripped in front of me. He had been on a call, but that call was dead alongside his phone, and even as I pulled him up and grabbed his glasses, I looked at the crushed remains.

“Damn, man, I’ve never seen someone fail so hard,” My grin widened as I turned to look up at the Asian businessman, noting him to be a walking cliche except for the fact that he towered over me, “Except myself, anyway.”

The guy was in a now-scuffed business suit, and his glasses were cracked. His stare was terrifying, his eyes a fierce shade of gray that was so light-catching that they might as well have been called silver. My hand reached up, and I brushed the gravel out of his hair and off his face.

“You look like you’re having a horrible day,” I said empathetically, “Which is nice to see, because I am, too. Wanna go grab a coffee? I’ll pay.”

“I’m busy.”

“Ooh, busy businessman, huh? Stop being stupid, life is only so long, man, let’s go,” I knelt and picked up the shattered remnant of the man’s phone, pocketing it with a sly grin, “Unless you don’t want your phone back?”

Furious eyes focused on me, and I felt my heart race even as I reached out and grabbed his hand, putting my all into dragging him a block down, shoving him into the café and wrestling him into a seat.

My grin faded slightly, turning into a smile as I ordered what I usually do at places like this, “That’s it for me. What do you want?”

“To get my phone back so I’m not late for my meeting,” The man deadpanned.

My smile widened, “Sounds like you appreciate black coffee without any sugar, huh? We’ll get that, too. And some coffee cake, this guy needs to lighten up.”

“I missed you,” The man said, his arms tightening as we continued falling into the black void. My arms tightened too, my focus elsewhere.

“Hey, what’s your name, anyway?” I asked after the server left, “I don’t really like mine, but I’ve been experimenting with Sam recently.”

“I am James Davis. You can call me Davis.”

“Ooh, no first name privileges?” I teased, grinning at the cold man across from me, “Might as well call me Solace, then, huh, Davis?”

“I won’t be speaking to you after this, so I have no need to call you by name.”

My grin turned into a grimace as I flinched melodramatically, a hand flying to my chest and the other reaching out as if to stay his words, “Oh, ouch! Here I am, having the worst day of my life, and my best friend is acting all frosty to me.”

“We aren’t friends.”

“Hey, man, you’re the first person I’ve spoken to face-to-face in a long time, and your phone is totally busted. If you really wanted to leave, you would have already left, right?”

The man looked at me stoically for a moment, then stood up, “You’re right. I can replace my phone.”

“Hey hey hey!” I said, reaching out and grabbing his sleeve, which he easily snatched away, though he met my eyes and stopped, “Have pity, will you? It really is the worst day of my life. Don’t make it worse by not even trying the free stuff I got you.”

The man stayed standing, staring at me for a long moment. I could feel my expression crumbling as I recalled just how bad today had been, and I looked away.

“Or don’t. Just waste a girl’s money,” I said with a sigh, looking out the window and trying not to cry.

Not because the man left, but because of everything else that happened that I’d been trying to escape. After a long silence where I note he hasn’t left yet, I bring out the phone.

“Here,” I said, the happiness gone from my tone, expression apologetic, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have taken it from you in the first place. I just…”

My lips twisted up into a smile, and I shrugged. What else could I even say, here?

Davis took his phone back, and sat back down. I gave him a confused look.

“You okay?” I asked him, concerned. Was he feeling lightheaded or something? Did he hit his head?

“I am already late, a few extra minutes couldn’t hurt.”

I laughed in surprise, but tears fell from my eyes at the tumultuous emotions flowing through me. Embarrassed, I reached up to wipe them and hide my face, “Oh, sorry, I’m typically not like this.” I grinned at the man after awkwardly scrubbing at my eyes and laughing, “So what do you do for work?”

In spite of his frosty words and apathetic attitude, we ended up speaking for a few hours. In the end I gave him my number, and he was kind enough not to throw it away in front of me.

“Do you remember when we first met?” I asked curiously. Davis, huh? That was the name of the man I’d been following for the past decade… How did we get from that to “I will follow you into the afterlife”?

“I do. You cried, but you didn’t stop smiling. I should have known you were good at hiding your feelings.”

My lips twisted, and I huffed, “Stop pitying yourself. Ten years I’ve done nothing but hear you say random shit like that. Oh! What did you mean when you said you should have told me? Told me what?”

The arms around me tightened, my question ignored, “Why did you do it?”

I hesitated, thinking. All I could remember was the first meeting. I don’t even know why that day was the worst of my life, only remembering him.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly, “I’m still sorting through the memories I regained. It might not even have the reason.”

“I want to live my next life with you.”

I hesitated. Where did something like that come from? The whole first meeting he was nothing but cordially distant, if not downright frigid. How did that change?

The stars weren’t visible, in a city. How… fitting. I stood on the top of the building, wind slamming into me.

“What are you doing here?” A familiar voice called out.

I turned, seeing midnight hair glimmering beautifully in the ambient light, fierce gaze hidden by elliptical glasses. I couldn’t make out the man’s face, but the fact that he was familiar made me grin and walk toward him. I only met one person in the city, after all.

“Why hello, stranger. Fancy seeing you here. Why were you visiting the top of a skyscraper?”

The man looked down at me stoically, then sighed, “You.”

The tone made me laugh at the unexpected pain it caused, and I grinned up at the man, “Me.”

After a moment of silence wherein the pain tore through me, I glanced behind me, at the ledge I was planning to step on, a lie escaping my lips as easily as my own breath, “Who knew that my attempt at stargazing would lead to us meeting again?”

When my gaze turned back to his, my heart sped up, and my grin widened even as he spoke. Fear.

“You shouldn’t be up here.”

“Nor should you.”

“I don’t see why not, seeing as this is my building,” Davis replied not a beat after I finished.

I laughed. Wow, what a flex.

“Well, damn, I guess you’re right. Guess I should get going, then,” I shifted, moving toward the door.

He followed. It made me wonder if the reason he came up here was because he saw me going up?

No.

No, no need to be self-centered. Maybe he was just planning on walking me to the exit, and had come up here to smoke or something.

Silence followed us as we got into the elevator and all the way to the exit, the lobby lit up in a golden hue, the color of nostalgia. The whole time I thought of our previous interaction. I hesitated at the entrance, turning in the open door, “Hey.”

Davis turned, and I couldn’t bring myself to grin, so I smiled, the action feeling not quite right.

“Thanks for not throwing my number away in front of me.”

My smile wasn’t lasting, but I genuinely appreciated what he’d done, so I forced a grin before turning and leaving before he could respond. My face felt red from embarrassment, but I didn’t regret saying it.

Not many people are that kind, and I needed to tell him I appreciated it.

“Who was I?” I asked instead of answering. I couldn’t even remember what he said earlier, just that it was something I should have replied to. These memories were disorienting.

“The most amazing thing in the world,” Davis claimed, which while sappy and amazing to hear, didn’t actually help in regards to my memory.

It made me smile, though, and my arms tightened around him. Hearing that made me feel really nice.

The sky was a bright blue, not a cloud in sight. In spite of that, the wind blew fiercely, a cold touch to the air. I sat on a park bench, lazing around with my phone playing music quietly. I rested my head on my arm, which was on the arm of the bench. A notification pinged on my phone after a long time of me simply staring blankly upward. I looked at it, expecting something along the lines of “your bank account is negative” or some other spam that I couldn’t do anything about, but instead it was a text.

“I didn’t throw away your number.”

I stared at the text for a long time. What did it mean? How should I respond?

“Seriously, though. I can’t remember,” I said, a smile in my voice.

“I am serious,” Davis murmured, his voice both warm and heartbroken, “You never cared what others thought of you, you were always smiling and laughing, you… you seemed like you really enjoyed life.”

I swallowed as I stared at the text. It had been five minutes already. I set it on my chest, sighing as I stared up at the sky.

“How am I supposed to answer that?”

“Answer what?”

I jerked, falling off of the bench. Glancing up, I grinned at the sight of Davis, my heart hammering as I laughed off the nervous energy.

“Christ, you scared me, man. Give a girl some warning, would you?”

Davis stared at me even as I brushed myself off, not trying too hard to clean myself up. What would it matter?

“I apologize.”

“Nah, not your fault,” I dismissed, standing up and grabbing my phone. After a moment, inspiration struck, and I sent three emojis as a reply before putting my phone away, “So, what’s up?”

“I’m on lunch break.”

“Oh, nice! Planning on getting some food?”

“I already ate,” Davis sat down on the bench, and I sat next to him, turning to regard him, “Ah, I realize I have not asked, but what do you do for work?”

“Hm? Me?” I asked, blinking in surprise, “Oh, um, not much, I just moved to the city a few weeks ago, so I haven’t found anything yet…”

So far all the topics we spoke of had been about him, and I knew people typically liked speaking of themselves and their problems. It was surprising that he asked me something. Or, no, was he judging the fact that I clearly wasn’t on break? Yeah, no, that. That was probably what was going on.

Davis’s shoulders relaxed at my words, confirming my thoughts. Yeah, he was just being judgmental.

“I see. I could get you work, if you’d like?”

I blinked, hands raising in surrender as I gave a small, nervous laugh, my grin wry, “Oh, no, sorry, I don’t have any qualifications, and I wouldn’t want to use you like that anyway.”

I’d just disappoint you and waste the opportunity, please don’t put any sort of trust or faith in me and my ability to keep a job.

My grin faded to an equally wry smile, before turning into a teasing grin, “Unless you’re just using that as an excuse to see me more often?”

Davis, who had clearly been about to push the issue, hummed, “No, I am not.” I relaxed, but maybe that was what he was looking for, “I wouldn’t find it a burden, however, and I wouldn’t consider it you using me.”

My grin faded, and my hands rose again, “Nnn—”

“If it is because we have only just met, I can assure you it is safe. You have seen one of the various buildings I own in this city, so if it is the pay you are worried about…?”

“That isn’t it.”

“Then what is it?”

My lips twisted up, but I was certain it didn’t look like I was happy. I took a deep breath and sighed it out, changing my expression to be neutral if apologetic, “Again, I don’t have any qualifications. I didn’t even graduate high school.”

“Did you get your GEDs?”

“Well, yeah…”

“Then I do not see the issue. You can be trained for any position I would give you, but even if you wish for a position that doesn’t require any qualifications, I can get you those as well.”

I couldn’t help the uncomfortable feeling building in me, and I looked away from Davis to hide my expression, my eyebrows pulled together and my lips twisted to the side, “Again, I don’t want to use you like that. I’d rather be friends than use and lose you.”

It’s quiet for a while, “I see. As I’ve said before, however, I would not see it as you using me. Think of it as an offer to a friend, if you wish.”

I hummed curiously, looking up at the sky, “Tell me, do you honestly think you could be my friend if I worked for you?” My gaze turned to Davis, and I gave him a look, leaning back against the bench, one arm thrown over it toward him even as I crossed my legs.

It’s quiet a moment too long, Davis staring at me a bit too hard, and I look away, arm raising so I could rest my head on it.

“I don’t know, I’ve heard that one person holding power over another isn’t really good for any sort of relationship, especially something as close to the heart as friendship. I wouldn’t want our friendship to be full of me feeling like I owe you, or worried I’d lose my job if I somehow managed to piss you off to that point.”

“I do not believe you would manage to anger me to the point I’d do something as… petty, as take your job away.”

I grinned, “I am excellent at pissing people off, so I wouldn’t be so sure. But that’s another thing. What if I get fired? What if I’m a horrible employee, or do something so dumb and irredeemable you’d have to fire me even if you didn’t want to? That would put extra strain on our relationship, because while I wouldn’t fault you for it, I really wouldn’t be able to get over the guilt.”

“Do you believe you’d be a poor employee?”

I shrugged at the dangerous question, grinning as I lied, “Nah, but I’m really dumb when it comes to some things, and I’m not exactly the most proper of people. I just don’t think it’d be a good idea. While it would help me, I feel like taking the offer would make keeping you as my best friend really hard, and I don’t want that.”

My argument was half-bull, but now that I thought back on it, if I really wanted to keep this guy as a friend, everything I said was true. That wasn’t why I was refusing, though.

I couldn’t exactly say why I was refusing without losing him entirely, though, or causing him unnecessary strife.

“I see… My break is over.”

“Oh, aw, okay!” I grinned, waving, “Have a good day, then! I hope you enjoy it.”

What did he say? That it seemed like I enjoyed life? I laughed, “Good to know I would have made an excellent actress, then. My memories aren’t really clear, yet, but I think I have an answer to your earlier question.”

Davis tightened his arms around me. After a long silence, I made a mirthful noise at his lack of response before continuing.

“My earliest memories say that the reason I went to that city in the first place was to die.”

“You lived there for years.”

“Then you must have been a very good friend,” I mused, surprised. Years? Damn, the memories I’ve parsed through so far show nothing indicating that I planned to keep going.

“Did you ever think to stay?”

“You texted me while I was in front of you.”

My phone pinged out as the moon shone in the empty sky above. My spot on the park bench was still there, though I’d have to leave soon if I didn’t want to get kicked off of it during the day, too. I’d leave at ten, I decided, looking at the time.

I grinned at the message.

“Apologies, I didn’t happen to have a pink flower and a heart on hand. If ever I find them, I’ll be sure to give them to you. <3”

I went through and found a yellow heart to put at the end of my sentence just to ensure it wouldn’t be misunderstood. Yellow roses indicated friendship, and yellow hearts did, too.

After a long moment wherein he didn’t respond, I texted him again, sitting up.

“I hope you enjoyed your day, it was great to see you. Have a good night.”

Time to wander the streets in a tired haze until the sun was high in the sky. Davis’ offer ran through my mind again and again.

A job…

Would that be so bad?

Even if I couldn’t keep it, it would be better than feeling guilty every time I met Davis.

Wait, when did I start believing I’d see him again? He didn’t seem happy that I refused him earlier, there’s no way he’d want to continue seeing me.

…

Just in case, though, right?

I mean, does it really matter anyway? I could just get a quick job at a fast food joint.

Instead of wandering around hoping to get killed like I planned, I ended up going from lit up building to lit up building, asking each place if they had any available jobs.

By the end of the night I had a job that started within the week.

“I don’t know. I’m remembering things slowly,” I mused, feeling slightly uncomfortable now that I know the man hugging me, feeling like I was hugging a stranger, “You… weren’t really all that nice in the memories I have so far. You said I wasn’t a burden, but you acted like I was one. When did you start considering me a friend?”

“Don’t let go,” Davis begged, his arms tightening further around me.

“What?” I asked, only to realize I’d slowly been letting him go. As we were still falling in the void, I quickly corrected my mistake, “Oh, sorry.”

I didn’t want to fall alone.

After a long silence he answered.

“I considered you a friend after you invited me to your apartment.”

My lips twisted into a grin. I probably did that the moment I got a place.

“Damn it,” I laughed, one hand over my face, “That’s… Not even a record. What the hell. Do I have a curse? Thou Shalt Not Work Longer Than Three Months. Fuck me.”

“I presume your newest job did not work out?” The silken tones of my best friend reached my ears, and I shifted my arm to frown up at Davis, having jerked at the jumpscare.

“Aren’t you glad I refused your offer?” I said sarcastically, sitting up and shifting aside, patting my bench, “What’s up? How’ve you been?”

“How did you get fired?”

“Well that doesn’t answer any of the three questions I asked you,” I stated plainly, not planning on responding.

“I cannot answer the first if you don’t answer mine,” Davis said, hopping over the bench to sit down next to me. I smiled, entertained at how smooth and cool that was.

One day I wished to be that dexterous.

One day… Ha. As if.

“It was rhetorical anyway,” I muttered, sighing as I stared at Davis, a small grin forming as I spoke, “You seem energetic today, I’m glad you’re in a good mood.”

“I am,” Davis agreed, “A meeting went well, and a contract I’d been waiting on finally finished. As of next week, I’ll be the owner of LittleMark unless they wish to go bankrupt, which will end in me owning it in a little over a month.”

“Oh, damn!” Surprise filled me at the sudden name-drop of the giant conglomerate, “Congratulations! That’s great news! So you own tech businesses?”

“I haven’t, but I’ve been working to get them for the better part of this decade.”

“Ooh, damn. You don’t look that old, how young did you start this?”

Davis looked positively enthused, a small smile on his face, “I was given my first business when I came of age, I’m in my thirties now.”

“Ooooh, nice!” I nodded, grinning at the man. After a moment, I stood up, grabbing his hand and dragging him up, “This is worthy of some celebration. Come on.”

Davis’ smile closed off, and he spoke coldly, “I still have work.”

My grin widened even as hurt slammed into me, “Yeahyeah it’ll take like half an hour, come on!”

Soon, I was dragging Davis again. First we visited a flower shop, where I bought him a pink flower, removing the thorns and setting it beside his ear, and then I dragged him to my favorite spot in the city so far.

It looked a little different during the day, but I sat on the railings overlooking the water on the edge of the city, which took a lot longer than half an hour to get to, and held out a small box.

“Here you go! Congrats on the big break, and happy forth-month anniversary!”

“Anniversary?” Davis said even as he opened the gift. It’d been between a tie clip, cufflinks, and a pin, so I got him cufflinks.

“Yeah! We met exactly four months ago today!” I grinned, “Probably around this time, too.”

“Hearts?”

“Yellow—or, well, gold—hearts. Symbolizes friendship, you know? You’re a high-class guy, so I had to get gold instead of yellow, but it works.”

“Didn’t you work at a food place? How did you afford this?”

“The power of friendship,” I joked, gesturing behind me, “Showing you this place is also a gift. It’s a wonderful view at night, especially during a full moon. You should check it out, sometime.”

Davis looked at the water, the sound of the waves hidden by the sound of traffic, “I see. Thank you. I should get back to work, now.”

I tried not flinching at the cold response, and continued speaking instead. If this was going to be my last day, I was going to make it wonderful with my only friend.

“When you’re done with work do you want to hang out? We could come back here, I’m sure it looks just as nice during sunset.”

“It will be dark by the time I’m done,” Davis dismissed coolly. He turned, walking off.

Was he put off by the hearts? Maybe I should have just given him a tie clip, though I’ve never seen him wear any…

My poor yellow heart.

“That’s fine, too,” I said even as I chased after him, dancing and skipping to be by his side.

It was silent as we walked back, and I felt worse with every step.

Maybe my gifts weren’t well-received. Did I take too much of his time? I had to drag him part of the way, did he just give up? Did he not want to go at all?

At the point where he turned away from the park bench I stayed at, I spoke.

“Sorry for wasting your time,” I said, infusing joy into my tone as I grinned at him when he turned at my words, waving even as I walked away, “I hope you have a good day at work. If you do end up wanting to hang out, I’ll be at the bench.”

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

“When was that?” I asked, “I don’t remember. How long had we known each other before I invited you over?”

“Four months.”

“Hmm,” I hummed. There was no way I got a place in that amount of time, “Did you accept the invite?”

“No.”

I laughed, “I’m glad.”

His arms tightened, “Why?”

“Had you accepted I would have had to somehow either take back what I said or explain that I didn’t have a place.”

“You were homeless? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why would I have?” I mused, humming, “I didn’t consider you a friend at that point.”

“You called me one.”

“Yeah, sarcastically since the very second we met,” I deadpanned, “I’ll tell you when I started thinking of you as a friend, if I remember.”

His arms tightened at my words, his head ducking further into my shoulder.

Davis walked up a few minutes before my timer went off. I quickly deleted the alarm, standing up and grinning.

“Oh, hey! You came!” I reached out, not caring about his reaction as I dragged him, “Hurry, the moon is full tonight! This’ll be beautiful.”

I didn’t expect to run so fast, and I didn’t expect Davis to keep up so well, only me out of breath when we arrived. I was beaming, though, the moonlight’s reflection in the black water well-worth the exercise I couldn’t afford to get.

“Look! Isn’t it beautiful? The way the moon’s light reflects off the waves, the glow of the moon, the golden lights…” I trailed off as I looked at Davis, who stoically regarded the scene I showed him.

My grin faded into a sad smile as I turned to the scene I adored ever since I saw it. Others didn’t see things the way I did, I guess. They wouldn’t look at the lighting and the reflections and the different colors mixing into a pleasant scene that bred wonderful nights and aided beautiful memories.

This probably looked ugly to him, something he’s used to seeing every day.

I stared at the moon above, and at its reflections in the gentle waves below, and I felt as the scene turned from wonderful to lonely. The melodies of the world changed their tune, a solemn song echoing in the sound of distant sirens and the cold sound of the waves splashing against the shore.

My smile grew.

It was odd. No matter how lonely I felt, next to Davis I didn’t feel fully alone. Not like how I felt when I had been with my other friends, back in the middle of nowhere. I was still leery of looking back at him, lest I end up crying again like I had when we first met. I shifted, climbing the railing and sitting down, my feet swinging as I looked at the scene, seeing Davis in my peripherals.

“Are you cold?” Davis asked.

I glanced over, grinning and admiring the view of the man, “Nah. I like this temperature, it’s nice.”

His silver eyes were visible, the light of the city making it seem like they were glowing, a few spots of light reflecting in his glasses. He was still in his work suit but his tie was loosened and his blazer was taken off and hung over the railing, his sleeves rolled up to his forearms, which were resting against the railing I was sitting on.

He was as beautiful as the view. My smile increased even as I looked out at the water.

No wonder he seemed so frustrated at me all the time. He was so far out of my league he might as well be as far away as the moon was. Hopefully he understood that I wasn’t aiming for that, otherwise I feared I’d never be able to befriend him.

“If ever I become a ghost, I’m definitely exploring the stars,” I mused, staring up at the moon.

“An odd thing to say.”

I laughed, looking at him, “Well how else could I, except as a ghost? There’s no feasible way to explore the stars in our lifetimes, so since everyone dies anyway, doing it as a ghost which can float everywhere would be really cool.”

Davis hummed shortly, looking up at the moon, “I doubt it would be interesting.”

“That’s not the point, though,” I drawled out, “The point is how beautiful and wonderful it would be. Sure, a lot of it would be dull, but I mean being a ghost would be pretty boring anyway, so exploring as a ghost would only be improving the experience.”

The beautiful man ducked his head to hide his quiet scoff, shifting to stand straight.

“I need to get back home, I have work tomorrow.”

“Aw, okay,” I agreed, waving him off before making an off-handed joke under my breath, not planning on walking with him, “You could totally stay at mine if you want, it’s a lot closer,” I grinned wryly, “Probably a bit too low-class for you, though.”

A bench is definitely too low-class for a man who owns several buildings. Amused by my own joke, my hand fell to rest on the cold metal of the railing. Soon the cold would grow unbearable, and I’d have to walk to warm up.

“As much as I appreciate your offer, I’ll have to refuse. I’m tired, and my condo is only a few blocks from here.”

I laughed loudly. Oops, hadn’t spoken quietly enough. I grinned wide enough for my entire face to ache, “Alright. Have a good night, Davis. Thanks for hanging out with me, I had a good time.”

Davis nodded before turning and walking away, pulling his blazer back on as he left. I watched him for a few moments more before flipping back over and looking down.

If I fell from here…

“Oh, that was a joke.”

“… Pardon?”

“Me inviting you to my place. It was a joke, I didn’t mean for you to hear it. I was using the bench as a place to hang out during the day, since it’s the safest because of all the police around.”

“I see,” His arms tightened around me, “Was there ever a time you considered me a friend?”

I hummed, “Clearly. I loved you. I wouldn’t have stayed and kept my promise to haunt you if I didn’t consider you a friend. I figure the reason I didn’t at that point was because I was more focused on life than on whether I liked you enough to consider you a friend or not. If it makes you feel better, I treated you like you were already my friend, whether I thought you were or not.”

Davis doesn’t respond.

“… Where do you think we’re falling to?”

“We aren’t falling.”

“Oh. It feels like we are.”

“It will,” Rev piped in, his plain voice disorienting in the void that was me and Davis, “As you’re regaining the health you lost by following that guy around, you’ll be feeling all sorts of dizziness.”

“… Oh, okay.”

The sun was merciless, glowering down at the Earth yet refusing to give even a hint of warmth. I curled up on the bench, soaked from the snow, wondering if this is how I die.

I wouldn’t mind. I’ve tried this method before. Sadly the police stopped me, as I was a bit too young to be out and about of my own free will.

I’ve thought of asking Davis for help twenty times in the past two minutes, but I refused to use him like that. I refused to admit to my friend that I was in this situation at all.

My friend…

I looked at the snow.

For the first time in my life ever since I gained the presence of thought, I didn’t want to die. No, that wasn’t right.

I still did, but I didn’t want to right now.

I wanted to see another spring.

I wanted to watch flowers bloom again.

I wanted to find a wild flower and give it to Davis, just because I knew he’d let me put it next to his ear.

I wanted to hang out more with him.

My arms wrapped around my legs, my head ducking into my knees and my eyes closing. The one time I can’t help but die happens to be the one time I don’t want to.

How ironic.

“Winter is when I started considering you my friend,” I mused. What happened after that? How did I survive? Is that how I died? “How did I die?”

“You killed yourself.”

“Oh.” I sighed. Well, that was an obvious end. So I didn’t die there? How did I even survive that, then?

My mind faded slowly, a fluttering haze coming over me as I faded in and out of sleep. It would be less painful on my heart if I fell asleep before I froze to death.

“Hey,” A man called out.

I glanced up then around, seeing a police officer walking up.

“Oh, hey.”

He had brown eyes, his black beanie not letting a single strand of hair escape, his breath fogging out as he spoke.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Waiting.”

“Do you want to wait in my car? It’s a lot warmer.”

I shook my head, dazed. Did Davis appear yet? Was it afternoon? “My friend doesn’t get out of work until it’s dark.”

“It’s barely ten in the morning.”

I didn’t respond, putting my face back between my knees, trying to preserve warmth. Well that answered my question. In that case I was waiting for a few hours. Not that I’d survive. I might, though. I might.

Then I’d get to see him again.

Why did I want to see him so badly?

“… Do you have anywhere to go?” The man said, his voice softer.

My dazed thoughts were broken, and I would be hard-pressed to remember them. Did I have anywhere to go?

“Does it matter?” I asked tiredly, “I either do and still chose to be here, or I don’t and have nowhere to go except here. Just leave me alone, I’m fine.”

“You’ll die if you stay out here any longer.”

“And? That’s none of your business.”

The man hesitated, then sighed.

“You can’t be here.”

“What?”

I looked up, and flinched back as the man tried grabbing me. He got closer, his hand reaching out again. He was too close. I shoved him back, only to be roughly grabbed.

“You’re under arrest for assaulting an officer.”

“Wait, what the hell?! You, what the fuck are you doing? Stop it!”

I blinked. Wow. What a well-meaning asshole. He specifically came forward and asked for my sentence to be reduced to four months, having me released in April.

“Did I just vanish for four months in the winter?”

“… If you are referring to the time you were arrested, I bailed you out the moment I found you,” Davis mused.

“Oh.” I laughed. Don’t ask Davis for help, I’d told myself. Then I ended up bailed out by him, “How long did that take?”

“You weren’t there when I went out for lunch, and you weren’t answering your texts. I found your phone and figured out your name after a small amount of time, and bailed you out after three days.”

I’m quiet a moment, mentally translating what he said. I wasn’t there, so he immediately started spamming me, found my phone probably through the notification sounds and tried finding me. Presumably to return my phone, right?

“What happened after that?”

“I can’t recall the exact details, but after I bailed you out and fed you, you left.”

I thought hard. Several long moments passed.

“Huh. I can’t remember what happened after the trial, honestly. I probably went somewhere to get the money to pay you back.”

“As you didn’t meet me until you had enough to pay me back, I presume that was the case. Were you still homeless, at that time?”

“Yeah. The cop arrested me so I had a place to sleep during the winter.”

“You were arrested for assault.”

“…” Well yeah, I guess I did shove the cop away. He just took advantage of that to help me out, “He bothered me first.”

“I did not judge you then and I will not now. With how we first met, I was not very surprised.”

I remained silent, sullen. I didn’t come across as a violent person, did I?

… Was I a violent person?

I stood hollowly in the empty apartment. My phone was in one hand and the keys to my apartment in the other. I stared around at the plain wooden floors and the blank white walls before walking up to the heater.

Slumping to the ground, I curled up.

I hardly noticed my phone ring as I passed out, missing work and over two hundred calls and texts from Davis.

My alarm went off, and I slowly pushed myself up, grabbing my phone and keys, walking to the door. Then I hesitated.

I… had a shower now, right?

At that time, my phone rang. I answered it.

“Hey.”

“Where have you been?” Davis demanded.

“Sorry, I’ve… I uh, passed out like…” I looked at my phone, “Oh, shit, it’s been two days. Sorry, I just moved to a new place, and I fell asleep the moment I got here. Uh, here, I’ll text you the address in case you ever wanna come over and hang out. I’ll, um, I’m going to go shower, I gotta get to work. Have a good one.”

“Call in sick.”

“Whhuh?” I said as I focused on texting him my address.

“You shouldn’t go to work like that.”

“I can’t call in, I already missed a day because I slept through it, if I call in sick today I’ll get fired.”

“I’ll give you a job, then.”

“You know what I’ll say to that,” I mused, hanging up as I turned on the shower. Soon it was steaming, and I got in. I didn’t have a shower curtain or anything, but that didn’t matter.

I stood there blankly in the warm water as it got everywhere. After what felt like a few seconds, Davis walked up, hesitating in my doorway.

“Oh, hey, what’s up?”

“You’re still in your clothes.”

I looked down.

“Oh.”

“You’re sick.”

“I’m fine,” I refused, yawning.

Reaching out, I turned off the water. If enough time had passed that Davis was able to get here, I was probably late. I grabbed my phone, thanking its case as I put it in my pocket, dripping water everywhere.

Wandering around, I found the keys, only to find them no longer in my hands.

“H-hey,” I said, reaching out.

My phone was in his hands, somehow, and I watched as he spoke. It took me a moment too long to realize that he was talking to my manager.

“If she doesn’t come in today, she’s not going to have a job,” I heard.

“Yyyeah, see? Give me my phone now, jerk.”

Davis put his hand out to prevent me from getting him wet, and I lost my balance. I fell on the floor, exhaustion weighing me down.

I never thought I’d have my own place, again. It hurt that I was going to lose it so soon.

I was sick. That feels so foreign to me. In my memories, I never had the choice. Sickness wasn’t allowed to exist in my dictionary. To have had it pointed out so starkly even though I’d been like that for the better part of two weeks…

Huh.

“If you were truly homeless during the winter… That means the apartment you’d just moved to back then was your first.”

“Since I’d met you, yeah,” I agreed, “I got the keys and immediately collapsed near the heater. I don’t remember what happened after you pushed me, though.”

“You passed out. You were sick.”

His tone was slightly off, and I hummed, “Did I always say I wasn’t, or something?”

“… We argued over it for a few months afterward.”

I hummed, “Well, while I’m confident I would have been fine, I’d been sick for about two weeks at that point.”

The arms around me relaxed, though they continued holding me tightly. Was the reason everything around me was a void because my face was shoved into his jacket? I tried pulling away to check, but his hand appeared on my head, tangling in my hair and preventing me from doing so.

After a moments’ struggle, I relaxed with a sigh.

“I love you,” I admitted easily as I stared up at my best friend.

Sleek black hair expertly slicked back was mussed, his elliptical glasses reflecting the light of his phone, hiding his beautiful silver eyes. He was in his work outfit, still, dragged from the front door of his building all the way here. His blazer was still on but it was rumpled from my manhandling, his loosened tie weakly resting against his crisp white button-up.

Lithe and spindly caramel fingers stopped typing on his phone.

“… Ah?” Davis said, sounding caught off-guard.

“Yeah,” I agreed gently, grinning, “You’re the greatest. I’m glad you’re my friend.”

“… Ah, I see. I appreciate our friendship as well.”

“What, don’t you love me back?” I teased, laughing as I sat up from where I’d been resting my head on his lap, stretching, “Aah, what a great day today’s been.”

“Didn’t you get fired again?”

“That’s nothing new,” I mused, shifting to sit properly on the couch, grabbing my phone and slumping against the back, “I have enough for a month and a half’s rent, and any new job I get can easily make up for it, as long as I get one in a few weeks.”

“You seem very carefree about something a lot of others would see as the end of their world.” His voice was silken and smooth, nice and deep. Comforting and stoic.

I really liked it.

I laughed at what he said, grinning as I looked over at him, “Damn, I’ve lost my world over fifty times, then. Nah, losing you would be the end of my world, losing a job I only just got doesn’t affect me at all.”

He stared at me a moment, then nodded and went back to what he was doing on his phone.

I huffed mirthfully, pondering aloud, “What was that reaction?”

“To what?”

“I just remembered what I think is the first time I’d said I loved you. Your reaction was flat as hell.”

“I… It wasn’t something I had expected, at that time. I’d only just started considering you a friend a few months prior, and I had not realized you’d not been speaking romantically.”

“Mm, you should have known it wasn’t. You’re out of my league,” I muttered, closing my eyes and hugging my friend.

A scoff interrupted whatever Davis had been about to say, the plain and abrupt tones of Rev piping up from somewhere to the right, “Out of your league? You’re both perfect for each other, with how crazy you are. I’ve never seen a lost yurei stay with their haunted lover, and no sane asshole kills himself on the word of an obviously drugged out chick, let alone so quickly.”

“Shut the hell up, Rev,” I huffed out, frowning, “Why didn’t you tell me you were a reaper?”

“With how violent yurei typically are, I wasn’t chancing getting attacked,” Rev answered dryly.

I hesitated. Would I have attacked him? … Maybe. Probably. If he tried taking me away, definitely. I certainly wouldn’t have trusted him, ever. I guess he made the right decision, in that.

“I have no time for your petty celebrations. Release me.”

“Do you even care about me?” I whined, tugging on his unmoving form, “Come on! I made this just for you! You can’t just not come, it’s mean!”

Davis was unrelenting, his other hand wrapped around a lamppost to prevent from being dragged further, “You say that every time.”

“Tch,” I pouted, pulling harder, “If you knew how I treated others, you’d really appreciate all I do for you. This is the most effort I’ve put into a friendship in my life. Besides, it’s our one-year-anniversary! You can’t just not want to come! Life is too short to be stupid and busy!”

“Are you calling me stupid?”

I stopped pulling at him, and he immediately capitalized on the opportunity, snatching his hand back and turning stiffly on his heel, stalking away.

“No, of course not! I meant stupidly busy, you know you’re not dumb,” I cried as I chased, but he dodged my every attempted grasp. Soon he was sprinting, and I couldn’t keep up.

I continued chasing until I collapsed, gasping for air, gagging on the taste of blood in my throat. I scrambled into an alleyway, thankfully reaching a garbage bin as my stomach emptied itself.

Tears streamed down my face, and I coughed, wiping at my mouth. Clearing my throat, I glanced to the side. A homeless man was sitting there, staring at me.

His hair and eyes were dark, and his facial hair was ridiculously unruly and scraggly.

“Well, looks like my expensive reservations have a spot open. Wanna come?” I held out a hand, “There’s free food, a nice walk at the seaside with yellow roses and a nice gold necklace in it for you.”

The man scoffed, standing up, “Do you often sprint after your dates?”

I laughed weakly, wiping at my eyes with a different sleeve, rewiping my mouth as I walked toward the man, “No, he’s not a date. He’s my friend.”

“What a shitty friend.”

“He’s rich, he doesn’t know I spent my entire net worth for tonight,” I dismissed.

“Tch, if he’s so rich why’s he hanging out with you? You’re hardly able to keep a place.”

I scowled, glowering at the man. What the hell did he know? How? A few minutes later I recognized him, and I sighed, “Oh, it’s you. Whatever, let’s go.”

The alcoholic homeless man that helped me out during the winter months I’d avoided Davis scoffed again, shaking his head. He helps out anyone who finds themselves homeless, but he’s optionally homeless.

I’m not saying he could afford a place, more that he chose not to attempt to get a job. He was fine where he was, leaving a can out for cash he’d just spend on alcohol.

“Hey bitch, you didn’t answer my question.” He asked.

“S—“

“I don’t know why he hangs out with me. He clearly doesn’t want to,” I sighed out, aggravated, “He’s just some rich guy who doesn’t appreciate the shit I do, no matter how much effort I put into it. I spent everything I had, man. Everything! He ran away like I was a fucking monster after calling it petty.”

“You should just come back to us,” The homeless man replied with a harrumph, “Everyone except for rich assholes would appreciate the fact that everything you do is for them. Does he even care that the only reason you have that place is so that you can be with him?”

“He doesn’t know, why would I tell him? Besides, he’s amazing, why the fuck would I treat anyone else like I treat him? He deserves the hard work,” I muttered, sighing, shaking my head and reaching up, running a hand through my hair, “Anyway, we’re gonna be late if we don’t go, and I refuse to have all my hard work be squandered because he’s in a bad mood.”

Maybe James was right, though, I mused, looking at the homeless man. It wasn’t like I had no self-respect, though a lot of that was because of James pointing out when I was allowing myself to be walked over.

Was that the case here? I’d hate to end up like my sister, pining after an asshole who couldn’t care less.

“… No, maybe you’re right.”

James scoffed as he walked next to me, “Of course I’m right, bitch. Where the hell are we going? What sort of romantic bullshit am I in for?”

I scowled at the memory.

“How many years did we even know each other?” I wondered, voice slightly harsh. A year and he still acted that way?

“… You don’t sound happy.”

“I’m not,” I agreed flatly, “How long did we know each other?”

The arms around me tightened, “Three years, almost four.”

I scoffed, trying to release the man and take a step back. Mourning someone for ten years after only knowing them for three? Not to mention still treating them like shit for an entire third of that?

Rev whistled even as Davis struggled to keep hold of me, “Must be one hell of a memory for you to want to leave.”

“Dude mourned for ten years over a chick he only knew for three,” I replied flatly, “I should have haunted the homeless guy, at least he would have done something with his time if he were fucked up by someone dying.”

“Please don’t let go,” Davis begged.

“If I kept my memories do you think I would even have stayed a decade?” I wondered, shoving at him, “Let go.”

“No. Never again.”

“Did you ever stop treating me like shit? Is that why you feel so guilty? Is that why you mourned so long?” I demanded, finally managing to shove him away, stumbling back. I caught myself on Rev, everything spinning as I glowered at Davis.

Davis looked hurt.

“Where did this come from?” Rev wondered, “I’ve seen souls react to their memories, but never that strongly.”

“Maybe in the ten years I’ve watched him mourn me I thought the memories I’d regain would be him actually treating me like a friend,” I said, “A decade, Rev, and in the first third of our friendship the only person to put in any effort at all was me. I bet the pattern continues, why would I want to remember and watch myself fall for a guy that never returned any sort of value?”

“You’re the one who stayed with him,” Rev reminded me, brown eyes narrowed, “Are you saying all of that was because you were a loyal pushover?”

“Jesus Christ I hope not,” I complained, “I should have haunted the homeless guy.”

“Sam,” Davis begged, walking forward and clinging to me, tucking his head in my shoulder again, though I didn’t hug him back, “I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry.”

Before I could wrap my arm around James, I was roughly grabbed and pulled away. I stumbled. Annoyance filled me at the sight of the man who had just sprinted away from me.

What the hell was his issue? He’s the one who ran, why’d he come back?

Dark eyes glowered at the man who had his back to me.

“You’re not going anywhere with her.”

James snarled, his eyes glittering with rage and his teeth bared, “And why the hell not? You’re just some asshole who doesn’t deserve her.”

“Who are you to say that?”

I watched as James put a hand in his pocket, and reached out, pulling Davis back, “James,” I said gently, staring at him. Obsidian eyes focused on me as he glowered.

“What!” He snapped.

“If you stab my friend I’m going to fucking kill you, is what,” I snapped back, “Calm the fuck down.”

“What, do I not count as your friend? Am I not rich enough?”

I laughed, grinning at the dumbest question, all anger gone, “Shut the hell up, dude.”

James’ glower changed, and before he could pout he scoffed, turning away, “Whatever. Enjoy your date.”

“Hey, I promised you food and a necklace to pawn and I’m giving it to you. He’s the one that ran,” I called out, reaching out.

“A necklace?”

“You didn’t want it,” I replied without looking at Davis, “You didn’t want to be here at all, remember? Why don’t you go away, dude.”

“I’m here now.”

“Great, cool. Good to know,” I said, glancing at him. He didn’t even look like he cared. I shook my head as I turned to Davis, gesturing at James, “Maybe he was right. You clearly see no value in anything I do for you. If you didn’t want to be my friend or hang out, why didn’t you just say? There would have been less heartbreak if you didn’t lead me on, dude.”

Davis stared at me with his eyes wider than usual, mouth parted but no words escaping them.

“Are we going?” James asked, his arm offered.

I huffed, grinning at him as I wrapped my arm around his, “Yeah, let’s go. I got a private table reserved and a $2000 tab to blow.”

The arms around me tightened, “I’ve only seen you this mad once.”

“Yeah? How did you get me to forgive you, by lying?” I wondered.

“… You avoided me for weeks.”

I scoffed, “Yeah? It can hardly be called avoiding you if I just don’t appear and force you to hang out.”

“You locked your door and refused to answer my texts or calls, too,” Davis replied quietly, his arms as tight as they could be around me without it hurting, his head shoved into the crook in my neck.

“Great.”

The sky above was cloudy and downcast, and it looked like it was going to rain. I felt heavy, and I just wanted to sleep.

I couldn’t, though. The new spring was fresh, and police were buzzing around like flies, harsher than usual when it came to people like me.

Maybe if it rained I could catch a quick nap, though. I closed my eyes, thinking of the homeless friends I’d made.

The ones like me.

The ones who weren’t fit for a world like this.

A rumble filled the skies, and my lips twisted up as my stomach echoed them.

“Singing along, huh?” I pondered, poking at my stomach. It gave a pitiful whine, but I had nothing for it. I huffed out again, closing my eyes.

Would I even wake up, if I were to fall asleep now?

I should try it.

Before I could get too comfortable, the little light there was against my eyelids was blocked. I opened my eyes, then immediately scoffed.

“What the hell are you doing here? Go away,” I said, sitting up, then standing. I stared at the man I knew nothing about.

No matter how much I wanted to hate him, all that came up when I looked at his stoic expression was hurt and love. It made me hate myself more, a bitter taste to my tongue.

I wasn’t like this. I wasn’t my sister, so easily swayed by the red lenses she wore. I wasn’t my oldest sister, still pining over a guy she divorced over a decade ago. I wasn’t some weak asshole who would let myself care to that extent, that was just stupid.

My eyes caught on something, and a bitter, twisting anger filled me, “What the hell is that? Is that the necklace I—you don’t deserve that,” I reached out, intent on ripping it off his neck and throwing it in the mud.

His hand snapped up, though, catching my wrist with an ease that frustrated me. I struggled against his hold.

“I bought it from your friend.”

“That doesn’t give you the right to wear it,” I snapped, struggling.

“I think it does. I paid a lot to get it.”

I hesitated. That fucking coward, no wonder he apologized in a fitted designer suit. Just how much did Davis pay?

“It wasn’t worth that much,” I mused after thinking of the cheapest options for designer suits. Then I sighed, “Whatever. Let go, I’m leaving.”

“No.”

I laughed in disbelief, “What the fuck did you just say to me?” I struggled against his hold. Then my foot lifted and I tried kicking him.

Before my foot hit, though, he simply turned, stalking away. I stumbled.

“Hey, what the hell!” I yelled, struggling against his hold, my other hand reaching out to pry his hand off of me, “Let go!”

Davis dragged, shoved, and carried me all the way to his building, shutting me in a room and locking the door behind him, fighting me off all the while.

I didn’t have as much energy as he did, though, my limbs shaking and the world spinning. I staggered, falling to the ground as the world went dark after I over-exerted myself. I blinked, waiting for my vision to restore myself, leaning back on my hands as I sat on my ass.

We were in a meeting room that didn’t have windows, the only exit the door that Davis was leaning against, fixing his hair and adjusting his clothes as I stared at him.

I felt a weird sort of satisfaction at seeing his chest heaving and his breath unsteady.

“It was fall, and you dragged me off in spring. That’s a lot longer than a few weeks.”

“You moved after those few weeks, it took me several months to find you. I suppose the reason it was so hard was due to you not having moved at all. If you were truly trying to kill yourself since you’d arrived in the city, I don’t see why you didn’t take that opportunity to do so.”

“What, so you’d selfishly think the reason I jumped was you? I probably decided to wait until a reasonable time after.”

Davis sighed.

“You are a very spiteful individual.”

Silence rang in my ears as I stared up at Davis with a thoughtful frown. He didn’t strike me as the type to abduct people in broad daylight. Bold.

“We’re staying here until we talk this through and you forgive me.”

“You’ll give up first,” I deadpanned without thought.

“I am not the type of person to give up. I will stay here in this room for months if you choose to be reticent.”

I huffed, shaking my head, “I’m willing to talk about this, but why would I forgive you? No, you’ll either give up or you’ll grow tired enough that you can’t stop me from leaving.”

“I have plans for that.”

“Great, and what does forgiveness look like to you?” I asked, staring at him with something akin to derogatory curiosity, “Because I can freely forgive you. I already have, really. I was stupid for thinking you and I could ever have been friends, I don’t fault you for my mistakes.”

Davis shook his head, “I will only accept your forgiveness in the form of us continuing our friendship.”

“My friendship isn’t worth anything—“

“And yet I cannot seem to regain it,” Davis snapped irritably, “If it truly isn’t worth anything it shouldn’t be so hard to get.”

“Moon rocks aren’t that valuable, but they’re practically impossible to get. Same with the sand on Mars and the trash in space. We live different lives, we’re too far apart for friendship to be an easy thing no matter how worthless my friendship is,” I pointed out coolly.

The dark-haired man glowered at me, his jaw clenching, “You seem to have a response to everything.”

My eyebrows rose, dropping as I sighed, reaching for my phone, “Yeah, guess so.”

Patting around, I realized I didn’t have it. My hands clenched into fists before relaxing. Right. Guess I was trapped, then, though I doubted he’d actually keep me longer than a few hours.

Shifting, I leaned against the opposite wall to the door, arms casually thrown over my knees as I stared at Davis.

“How am I spiteful?” I muttered, “What sort of person abducts a homeless person because they didn’t want to be friends with them?”

“I had not known you were homeless,” Davis replied, arms shifting and hand running up my back to rest between my shoulder-blades, “I would also not refer to it as abduction.”

“Ah, yes, forcefully taking a person to a place and not letting them leave is not abduction. Got it. I’ll keep that in mind for my next life. Should I call it non-consensual adventuring?”

Rev laughed.

I yawned as I woke up. When did I fall asleep? Across from me, Davis was sitting. In spite of there being many chairs, he was on the ground. His eyes were focused intently on me.

“I’m sorry.”

“Hm?” I wondered, yawning again.

“I apologize. I was wrong to avoid you on our first anniversary.”

“It’s fine, you probably just had a bad day at work and decided I was just a bit too annoying,” I dismissed, “Can I go now?”

“I don’t find you annoying.”

“Cool. I don’t think that really matters, anymore. Can I go?”

“No. You said you were open to talk about what happened.”

I sighed heavily, “I’m open to hearing what happened, why you did what you did, and why you acted like you did after you’d already run, but I’m not open to befriending you again.”

It’s silent a moment as Davis’s frown fades, “I hope you change your mind after you hear what I have to say. I would hate to be here longer than I already have been.”

“You don’t have to be,” I pointed out casually, “You could let us both move on with our lives.”

“I have never had a friend before, I value you quite a lot. I don’t believe I could continue without you. In fact, I know I couldn’t, my work has been notably worse, with several more errors per page, and I find that I cannot sleep as easily.”

I looked up at the ceiling in exasperation, shaking my head as I looked back down, “You have to make an effort to get over it, but you’ll manage.”

“I find that I do not wish to attempt to get over it, when I could simply do this and regain you as a friend.”

“Z’not how it works, but okay, go on.”

Davis shifted, his legs moving as he sat up, then stood, “I am not intent on letting you go. If you find you truly cannot forgive and befriend me once more, I will simply have you taken to an isolated apartment and be the only one you interact with until you’re forced to once more fall in love with me.”

My lips twisted up as I stared up at him. Once more fall in love?

“You’re not giving me any reasons to forgive you. You were pretty clear, that night. You didn’t have time for my petty celebrations, and wanted to be left alone. Congrats! You got what you wanted! Let me out.”

No, wait. Shouldn’t I focus more on “isolated apartment”? That sounded a lot like abduction to me.

Wait.

I was already abducted?

…

Huh.

That’s… really only something seen in movies and stuff, for people like me. Like genuine “I want you” abduction? No other motives? That wasn’t very realistic.

I guess befriending apparently psychotic people above the law wasn’t really a good idea for nobodies, huh?

“I don’t want you to leave me alone, anymore. You can drag me to any amount of celebrations you wish to, please,” Davis begged, walking over and kneeling to look at me, “I shouldn’t have trivialized something you’d put your all into. I’m sorry.”

I swallowed at the sudden emotions that overwhelmed me as I looked into his eyes, and I looked away, at the meeting room. At the blue carpeting and the large brown table and the various office chairs neatly placed around it.

At the far wall that had a projector screen.

Even still misery chased me, my heart aching and my eyes burning. I hated feeling like this.

A hand reached out, and I found myself forced to look at Davis.

I stared into his eyes, trying to curb the tears before they fell, hoping he didn’t see how watery my eyes were. Knowing he did and hating it.

I didn’t want to feel like this.

“I just…” He trailed off, his expression looking broken as he leaned forward.

I didn’t want to feel like this.

I reacted as my face twisted, shoving him away and standing up, “Fine. I’ll be your friend again, just let me out.”

“You will?”

“I’ll pretend nothing happened just this once. Fuck up again and I’m not standing for this bull,” I agreed, trying the door. When I found it was unlocked, I stormed out.

It was raining.

I didn’t bother preventing my tears anymore, already soaked. That was shitty. What the hell are emotions for? Whatever. I don’t want to feel like shit because he left, so I’ll pretend he never did, and I’ll just hurt him more than he ever could hurt me if he continues treating me like I’m nothing.

…

The bench was cold, but I felt a lot less heavy than I had before.

I sighed, reaching up and putting my hands between him and I but not pushing him away, “You’re a yandere.”

“I would not refer to myself as such.”

“Isolated apartment?”

Davis doesn’t respond, holding me steadfastly. A few long minutes passed before he spoke again.

“You weren’t very kind after that. It took another six months for you to treat me the same.”

“It was really hard to,” I mused, going through the memories, not finding anything of note aside from feeling awkward and hurt still, “Maybe you forgot how I treated you, I never treated you the same after.”

My arms were wrapped around Davis, my face shoved in his abdomen as exhaustion weighed me down. I didn’t plan to end up in this position, but it was very comfortable, and I found I didn’t mind too much when I dozed off.

When I woke up, I was just as comfortable as I had been before, and I spoke the words I hadn’t said in over a year, though they’d never changed, “I love you.”

I only realized there had been a hand running through my hair when it stopped, tightening.

“It is our second year anniversary, tomorrow. Do you have plans?”

I huffed out a few quiet laughs. Plans? After what happened last time?

“No, I forgot.”

“Do you want to go anywhere?”

“No,” Petty. Unimportant. Small. Worthless. My heart hurt. “Anniversaries are dumb anyway. I only started that sarcastically because I found it stupid and I didn’t think our friendship was going anywhere.”

“… I see.”

Hours of silence pass uneventfully, ending with me feeling less like I was falling.

The next day I went out alone, staring out at the sea and watching as the moon glittered.

“We must be lucky,” Davis said as he appeared next to me, “The moon is full like it was the first time we celebrated our friendship.”

I glanced at him. Noticing he was looking at me, I forced myself to grin, “You’re right. It’s just as beautiful now as it was then.”

A more beautiful sight alone, I mused as I looked out, keeping a smile on my face.

Did he think that about everything I did?

Did he think that I was petty and worthless, too? Just like the stupid anniversaries I’d grown too attached to celebrating?

I stared at the cratered and scarred moon, looking at the polluted waters as trash floated along, and stared at the weak light as it reflected more of the streetlights than it did the moonlight.

How did I ever think this sight was beautiful?

My lips twisted up into a genuine smile.

Why was I still here?

“Life is beautiful,” I sighed out, grinning sadly as I looked around. Where was the life? The grass was rotted and cut too short, the trees were trimmed and dying, and there was so much cracked cement it was surprising no weeds were sprouting.

It was fall, so everything was dying.

If only I could, too, but no.

No, I wouldn’t until I was certain that the man I loved, my best friend, didn’t love me back. Didn’t care.

“The first time, you spoke of ghosts and exploring the stars. What are your thoughts now?”

My smile became gentle as I turned to look at my best friend. Pain filled me at the sight, and I grinned up at the moon.

“If I died now, I’d haunt you. Break your glasses and mirrors, write weird shit on your walls. Make you cold.”

I’d just make sure I was right. Make sure that I hadn’t misinterpreted your actions and words.

“Is that a threat?” Davis asked coolly.

I laughed, looking back at the attractive man, “It’s a promise.”

Petty.

My grin widened even as I turned away.

He thought everything I’d done, everything I strived for, was petty. That entire first year of staying there for him. That entire god-damned year of suffering FOR HIM.

Why did it hurt so much?

Why couldn’t I let go of that comment?

He apologized.

No.

No, he just wanted me back. He didn’t take back his words. He didn’t say that he made a mistake when he called it petty.

Davis thought the celebrations were petty.

That all the work I’d done, all of the work and all of the blood, sweat, and tears I’d spilled was petty.

Now he was just playing nice, because he didn’t want to lose me.

Because he worked slightly less efficiently when I wasn’t around. Which was probably just because he was losing sleep in his dogged refusal to let me go.

Great.

My grin turned into a sad smile as I stared across the barren wasteland of water. I shifted, getting off of the railing and turning.

“I’m going home. Have a good night, Davis.”

“Good night, Sam.”

“Do you remember our second anniversary?” I mused flatly.

“Yes, it was when you promised to haunt me.”

I huffed, “Yeah, whatever. What were you thinking, then?”

“I was thinking of you, mostly, I believe. I’m not certain beyond that.”

This isn’t his building, right? I’ve never seen him in it. I was safe. Standing on the edge, I looked down a long moment, then I looked up. I scoffed.

The moon was full again, and the sky was clear. My eyebrows were pulled together, and I frowned up at the sight. It was empty, and it felt hollow.

There weren’t any stars.

Of course there wasn’t any. I was in the middle of the city that never sleeps, the light pollution made stars practically impossible to see.

“At least there’s the moon, on my final night,” I sighed out, taking a step forward.

Before I knew what was happening, though, I was slammed into the gravel of the rooftop. Above me was someone with more muscle mass than I had bodyweight.

He stared down at me for a long moment, and I stared up at him with a fuzzy sort of exhaustion filling me.

“Why?” I asked.

“There are people who care for you,” The man said sternly.

I laughed, speaking gently, quietly. Resigned, “No there aren’t. No family, no friends, no job, homeless. Or, wait, I did have a friend. He died of alcohol poisoning a month or two ago. May he have a wonderful time in his next life.”

The hands pinning me squeezed, tightening before relaxing, “I’m calling the cops.”

“They couldn’t get me down the stairs before I managed to kill myself,” I muttered factually.

The man scoffed, getting up and dragging me, “I can.”

“N-no, wait, agh!” I struggled, but it was useless, and I found myself being carried down the stairs and shoved into an elevator, dropped to the ground the moment the doors closed.

The man was built like a brick wall, and no matter what I tried, I couldn’t reach the elevator buttons. I was dragged to the entrance.

“Christ, do you typically manhandle woman like that? Only sluts like it rough, you know,” I commented, wincing as I rubbed the arm I was grabbed by.

The man barked out a laugh, “You’d think with how many scars you have you’d like it rough.”

I glanced at my arms, realizing my sleeves had been pushed up. I pulled them down, frowning, “Knives feel different from bruises.”

“So knifeplay is okay—“

I jumped, clinging to the man as the door was slammed open. I gave Davis a bewildered look.

“Uhh.”

“What are you doing here?” He demanded as he stared at me with an intense look.

“Why hello, James,” The buff blond man said coolly, his blue eyes cocky, “What, is this an employee of yours?”

“Do you not know what jobless means?” I criticized, giving the buff man a look. He was in a button-up and slacks, both of which hid his muscles. My hand ran along his bicep that I’d clung to at the jumpscare, feeling the muscle.

Damn, he looked fat in a suit, why would he wear them? This guy needed muscle-shirts.

“Former employee?” The man corrected, giving me an amused look. I dropped his arm, stepping back and looking away as my face burned. Davis was giving me a look, too, though it was not at all amused.

Ah, oops.

“She’s mine,” Davis said, reaching out and dragging me toward him. I struggled, but he didn’t seem keen on letting me go.

“N-no I’m n-ot,” I forced out, reaching toward his hand to pry it off as I struggled.

“We’ll be going now,” Davis said, ignoring my attempts to be released as he dragged me away.

“Possessive, huh?” The man commented just before the door closed.

A few blocks away, Davis shoved me against a wall. My back slammed into it, my heart hammering as I stared at the man before me.

“What were you doing there?”

“What?” I asked, incredulous, staring at Davis as he glared at me.

“Why were you there?” He demanded.

“Why does it matter?” I asked, bewildered.

Davis glowered at me, “Do you not know?”

“Know what?” I cried, even more incredulous. What did I do?

“That was Mark Pierce. A competitor to mine,” Davis said coolly, “You seemed friendly with him.”

“I wasn’t,” I deadpanned, “Dude found me in his building and instantly dragged me to the exit, saying he was gonna call the cops.”

Davis gave me a hard stare for several long moments, then he sighed, asking the same question a lot softer, “Why were you in his building?”

“Stargazing,” I replied, “I wasn’t having much luck.”

Davis shook his head, “If you wanted to stargaze, you could have used one of my buildings.”

I laughed, grinning, “Nah, s’always more fun to be on a roof when it’s not allowed.”

I hummed.

Davis held me tighter, though I hadn’t returned his hug, “I love you.”

“Do you? I’m two years in and just remembered you interrogating me thinking I was committing some sort of corporate theft,” I replied, “Are you sure you didn’t like me more after I died?”

It’s quiet a moment, and I think back to my first memories as a ghost. Watching him sprint with me in my arms, following as I watched him. I felt guilty.

Oh, nonono no… no, I’d thought, he did care. He cared a lot. I died. I died!

Was this the rest of my memories? Me, misunderstanding everything he said and did until the very end?

“I think you’re really stupid for mourning for ten years,” I mused.

“How could I not mourn the woman I loved? My best friend, the most important thing to me in the world, had left it.”

“You should have chosen a better friend.”

“You’re the best I could have had. You were the light of my world.”

My lips twisted up. I didn’t want to think rude thoughts, but even in death I’d found the world beautiful until I remembered our friendship. Though… I supposed I still did see it as beautiful, now. After I’d forgotten everything.

I supposed it wasn’t fair to say that, though. I’d been planning on dying, anyway.

“I guess you were like the moon, to me,” I mused, “I loved you, but you felt so far away I never really thought you’d ever love me back.”

“I do.”

“And I felt really guilty and sad over that about two minutes after I died, when I was following you as you ran, crying, to a hospital.”

“Did you not think I would cry?”

“I thought you would, at most, get a bit frustrated, then move on with your life,” I replied.

“Was I truly that bad of a friend?”

“Dunno,” I shrugged, “I was kind of seven months past my due date so I wouldn’t have noticed if you’d been a good one.”

“Seven months?”

“The corporate theft thing with that Mark dude wasn’t stargazing.”

“That wasn’t seven months before you died.”

“Ah. Then I made another one that I was sure would succeed seven months later. If that wasn’t how I died, then how did I? Suicide, how did I do it?”

“Does it matter?” Davis asked tersely.

“I mean I’m just curious. You also killed yourself, remember?”

“… You slit your wrists.”

“Oh. Well that’s… not really helpful. I did that all the time. If that’s how I died then every other day since we’d met except when I was homeless and starving could have been my attempt.”

“I did not wish to know that.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Fifty “this will be the day’s” later, I stared at my wrists without any faith. I cut over and over and over, my arms both looking massacred. Feeling better, I laid down with a sigh. I smiled as I thought of Davis.

I really loved him.

Maybe I’d get some help tomorrow, so I could spend more time with him. Who cares if he doesn’t love me back? Who cares if he thinks I’m petty and worthless? No one loves nature expecting it to love them back. He’s truly amazing, like the night sky after a blizzard, with the stars glittering and the air crisp. Beautiful and cold and painful to be in but so amazing you want to stay.

Movement shifted in the corner of my gaze, and I turned. It was a shadow. Soon, Davis appeared in the doorway.

I was too tired to smile, feeling awfully cold, but all I felt was love as I looked at him.

I love you.

I love you so much.

Tomorrow will be so much better, I promise.

I’ll get help, and then we can hang out forever.

I love you, Davis.

He stood there, staring at me, collapsing against the doorway. One hand held him up as he stared.

Exhaustion weighed at me, and, happy, I let myself fade, looking forward to tomorrow, for once.

My arms slowly came up, the spinning finally stopping, the feeling of falling gone. Misery filled me at the last memory.

No wonder I didn’t want to leave.

“Wow, I really failed at everything, huh?” I wondered quietly, feeling sad.

“What does that mean?” Davis asked.

“I think I can answer that,” Rev said, “That soul was ruled an accidental death. The last imprint on her soul was happiness, love, and hope for the next day. Her notes don’t say that her death was intentional at all, I was surprised to hear it when she told me. Typically suicidals don’t get reincarnated, with you being an obvious medium-assisted exception. In any case, now that her soul is whole again, I can start the reincarnation process! So what are you thinking? Twins—”

“Unrelated, but as close as we can be,” Davis interrupted.

“… Right, so I need to reincarnate you two into creatures who are born near each other or otherwise cross paths soon in the life-cycle. Great, as if getting you here wasn’t enough work, yurei.”

“You try accidentally dying right after deciding to turn over a new leaf when it came to living life,” I muttered, “Not only did I feel guilty, I was angry as hell, and sad as fuck. My own idiocy took my happy future away from me.”